i am so thankful that i have a good enough friend that i can wholeheartedly share everything with. there's this unexplainable feeling of freedom that comes with having the assurance that you can speak freely about anything and that person won't rebuke or judge you. it's such a great feeling.

song of the moment that i've been repeatedly listening to: after the music fades by shaun groves

thank you nancy for letting me borrow your shoes tonight. it was a bit of a struggle at first though cuz i'm not used to wearing such girlie shoes. and i realize that i must normally walk like a namj cuz there was no way that i was able to maintain my balance while wearing those shoes. i constantly felt like i was going to tip over and fall on my face. ugh. that would have been an ugly sight. but thank you for your generosity. and for the delicious cheese and crackers. =D

...

earlier today, andy and nancy were chatting online about me while i was standing next to nancy reading their convo. that felt weird cuz i felt like that dead guy from ghost watching his wife. anyways, stupid balding, big-eared andy chon was complaining about how i don't publish my blogs a lot, thus forcing him to read up to "10 entries" at one time. i remember him typing "10 entries" exactly.

this is my response: "don't complain about my blog you poop. i'm not forcing you to read it so shaddup about the way i do my thang." =T haha. on a more serious note however, there are very personal reasons why i don't publish right away. i'll reveal one reason why. i'm often faced with difficult struggles throughout this wonderful journey we refer to as life and it has become a natural inclination of mine to blog as a means to vent and clear my thoughts when i do struggle. an emotional catharsis. the thing is, i don't like to make it publicly known at the time i'm undergoing something that i'm undergoing something. i don't like it when people pretend to be sympathetic and act like they care when they're just being nosy and intrusive. that's the last thing i need when i'm hurting. only when i feel the issue has been resolved do i feel compelled to publish. this blog isn't really meant for anyone else but me, so i honestly believe that i can do as i please. maybe i'm being idealistic, but i'd like to think that when i am going through a difficult time, people would be hearing from me personally and not be finding out how i'm doing through my blog. i would be insulted if anyone i considered a friend would do that to me.

i hope this explanation suffices andy chon. let me know what you think.

projected time of esbn media presentation completion:
.:Friday, February 28, 2003:.

Dear God,
Please please please let me finish this by then.
Thank you.
Amen.

exactly one month left. =/

-first i get this from judy:
JUDwhaEE: get ready
JUDwhaEE: sewon and i are talkin about your IM style
JUDwhaEE: and how we LOVE it
JUDwhaEE: hehehe
JUDwhaEE: (i'm being sarcastic)

-then i get this from sewon:
bCxaNgeL143: haha...if u talk to jahndee tho, there's no point
JUDwhaEE: cuz she spellz eveting like dis?
bCxaNgeL143: no
bCxaNgeL143: yea
bCxaNgeL143: eh...she makes so many typos
JUDwhaEE: oh yea
bCxaNgeL143: bCxaNgeL143: it's funny
JUDwhaEE: haha
bCxaNgeL143: she always says food or good
bCxaNgeL143: pay attention to that
bCxaNgeL143: true fat guy side
bCxaNgeL143: UDwhaEE: she does this a lot too...
JUDwhaEE: gagagagag
JUDwhaEE: jajajajjaja
bCxaNgeL143: yea!!
bCxaNgeL143: hahahaha
bCxaNgeL143: JUDwhaEE: and she gets overly excited on her 99
JUDwhaEE: 999999!
JUDwhaEE: hahaha

-and then this simultaneously from the both of them:
bCxaNgeL143: hahahaha
bCxaNgeL143: funny huh?

JUDwhaEE: we were talkin about how we both make a lot of mistakes
JUDwhaEE: and then we brought in the other fat guy
JUDwhaEE: u should feel special!
JUDwhaEE: haha
Kpxgrlx012: i feel special in that handicapped special way
JUDwhaEE: HAHAHHA
JUDwhaEE: hahahhaa
JUDwhaEE: 999!
JUDwhaEE: hehe

evil haters. =[

very happy moment of the day: i didn't see heidi for almost two months, and she wasn't here last week cuz her mom was sick. so i was worried that she'd forgotten me by now, and i was all paranoid cuz it took me so long to get her to recognize me. the last thing i wanted was for her to start bawling at the mere sight of me. when i went downstairs today, i was putting my stuff down and i heard grace's mom say, "eun-ju yah, unni wat dah. unni han teh gah." so i look up, and there's heidi standing like 5 feet away staring at me. and she kept staring at me til i started thinking that she didn't recognize me. but then she did cuz she totally started running/walking really fast right towards me. =D yay yay! heidi is so dang cute. and she's a heifer just like me and the fat guys. omg, it's like we're soulmates. i love it. =D

i just came back from watching bowling for columbine. i think michael moore is a genius. i found his film to be very gripping and powerful. i read a review right before watching the movie, and it said that the film would leave you this unsettling feeling and it was very true. i can't really express how i feel right now. nancy said helpless and i agree. i feel very sad and helpless that there is so much corruption in our nation, and that so many people, myself included, are oblivious to what really goes on around them. michael moore dispelled many of the ludicrous reasons that the media spoonfeeds us everyday. the interview with marilyn manson was pretty crazy. the live camera footage from the actual columbine shooting was unbelievable. so many things happen everyday, and we are either consciously or unconsciously ignorant of a large part of it.

talking always results in learning more.

here's what i took to heart: i am blessed in so many ways already and yet i am never content with what i have. instead, i constantly seek for more... always dissatisfied and envious of what other people have. i need to be thankful for what i have at this very moment because what God has given me is more than sufficent. and as my dependence increasingly grows on God, i find myself more and more unworthy and undeserving of His grace and love.

i need to stop being so quick in making rash assumptions and judging people. and i need to earnestly pray and think instead of acting on impulsive feelings and reactions.

yesterday wasn't good, but today was a lot better.

God always provides. i talked to my poli sci 150 gsi and he said that i could get into his section. i think he remembers me from last semester. but i hope he doesn't think i'm stalking him. although that may be what i'm doing. also, i think english 100 is going to work out too. it's originally scheduled to be tues and thurs, 5-6:30pm and a screening on thursday after lecture from 7-10pm. i was worried cuz my small group decided to meet on tuesdays at 6:30pm and although that's a good time, i need to pick up kathy, one of the freshmen, from her art college and there would be no time to do so. so i'm ecstatic that professor bader said that we are only going to meet once a week on thursdays from 5-9:30pm. wow. =]

i just need to know now if i can get into my two waitlisted legal studies classes...
*crossing fingers*

today wasn't good.

i got caught in the rain, with no umbrella and my rocket dogs. i was slipping and sliding every 5 feet. normally, i'd enjoy being in the rain, but my schedule is so freakin nasty i really can't enjoy anything.

my class schedule sucks so hence my work schedule sucks. at my work meeting today, we chose hours for the next few weeks. but since my schedule is so conflicting, i barely have any shifts and am now working less than ten hours. it worries me that i'm working so little.

good things that happened though were that nancy, karen, and i went to costco. but the trip wasn't as great as it usually is cuz we arrived so late all the yummy samples were gone. and i bought some socks from costco and while i was trying to lug all my stuff up the stairs in one trip, the socks fell and bounced all the way down into a nice muddy puddle of rainwater.

now, at home, i'm feeling nervous and stressed. nothing's ever certain. there are too many questions that are left unanswered... too many what if? and should i? questions.

now, at home, i'm thankful for the rain.

gosh. this is how nice my co-worker is.

at work, for some reason, it's freakin cold in here. i can't describe how freezing it is in here. i stepped outside to take a phone call and the outside night air was warmer than inside the deutsch main lounge. insane. anyways, my stupid sweater thingie is knitted so there's all these gaping holes in it and all the cold air was seeping in onto my bare skin. and then trung, my co-worker, sauntered in cuz he lives in deutsch hall and stopped by to say hi. he saw how cold i was so he went upstairs and brought me one of his sweaters to wear for the rest of my shift. so now i'm warm and content in his lovely white hoodie. non-church boys are the epitome of true gentlemen. =]

boys' clothes make me happy. when i get my 6'0" rippling muscle, broad shouldered namj, he better let me prance about in his clothes. what is it about boys' apparel that just makes you feel more safe and secure?

feels weird to be at work again.

first day of classes wasn't that great. i'm really worried about my schedule this year. a lot of stuff happened a few days right before school started so my schedule is looking pretty nasty. i hope everything works out soon though. until then, i'm currently attending 24 units of classes. *sigh*

sunday:
-sat in during perspectives. it was a different experience for me. the speaker was good, but he threw out so many bible verses for references, i got a bit lost and it was hard to concentrate on what he was saying. my language group is pai, which is located in nigeria. i really hope that i will be consistent in my prayer for these people.
-finally got to see karen today for the first time in too long. it was really really great seeing her again. she brought me back lots of foreign goodies and was very successful in her mission to acquire green apple mentos from different countries. thanks karen! =D
-"nae sarang pat jee" is a new korean drama with hottie kim rae won in it. i find him irresistible and scrumptious. *drool*

monday:
-had lunch at the super dc with a million freshies and nancy. there wasn't any real ice cream though. i was really sad.
-watched catch me if you can and ate at pasta pomodoro with andy and nancy. i always have fun with them. they make me happy.
-finished "nae sarang pat jee." kim rae won is incredibly hot.

got back from ficb winter retreat today. it was a lot of fun. what particularly struck me was the co-ed small groups we had. i'd have thought ficb would think co-ed small groups would be too racy of an idea, but i'm really glad that they decided to put us into co-ed groups. i'm always curious to know a boy's opinions and thoughts about God and it never ceases to amaze me when i discover that a boy can have the same struggles as a girl.

the ropes course was memorable. our group did the high rise stuff first and we did the zipline and the lion's leap. i dunno how i did the zipline but i'm glad that i did it. climbing up that 50 foot tree was no easy task, especially when midway up, the tree started shaking like crazy cuz someone had just jumped off. and when i got up to the platform, it took me forever to jump off. i asked my group leader to push me off instead. she gave me this really weird look. =/ i must have been really ugly on the way down too. my mouth hurt cuz it was stretched open so wide and i couldn't open my eyes. nevertheless, it was very exhilarating. the lion's leap was scarier though. i really related to what john im was saying in his testimony. our group leader told us that we should imagine the bar as a goal or some aspiration that we wanted to attain. and that by getting the bar, or even trying for it and missing, it would be symbolic of achieving that future goal. it was something like that. her speech was pretty dorky and cliche. but i listened anyways and it still motivated me. when i got up there i was all pumped up and thinking about my goal and how no matter what, i was going to get that bar. but up there, at the edge of the plank, i froze again. the end wasn't really supported by anything so it started shaking from my stupid legs. i think i was up there for several minutes, staring at the bar in amazement at how far the bar was away from me. the group leader kept saying, "what are you afraid of? don't worry... we have you. etc etc" in the beginning i only listened half-heartedly cuz i was busy stretching out my arms as much as possible and wiggling my fingers in desperate hope that i could will the bar to somehow make its way to me. but then i listened to what she was telling me. and i realized that i really didn't have anything to be afraid of. ugh. i got really disgusted at myself for being so foolish. i guess it was a leap of faith. *shrug* that sounds dumb and sappy but i don't think i know how else to describe it. nevertheless, i'm really glad for this whole experience. =]

other memories...
-the drive to the retreat site. the trees with their convoluted branches were really beautiful. there weren't any leaves on them, but their ugly twisted branches silhouetted against the blue sky took my breath away. it's crazy how just like snowflakes, no tree is ever exactly alike with another tree. there were also parts where the grass was really really green and there was meadows filled with yellow wildflowers. and black and white happy cows. it made me really happy.
-taking a shower simultaneously with nancy, sewon, and judy cuz they needed my costco sized shampoo.
-staying alive as a civilian throughout an entire game of mafia. that has never happened to me before.
-mejeld apologizing in advance for having to grope my butt.

back in berkeley.

the drive up was... eventful. i don't think i'll ever caravan again. i guess it started when my car arrived half an hour late to roy's house and it took us another 5-10 minutes to transfer the luggage in the backseat of my car to roach's car. and then i lost my keys, preventing roy's mom from being able to leave the driveway. and then roach and i got lost following roy within the first five minutes on the way to the gas station. and then i didn't know how to use the gas pump that only ghetto places like downey still use. and then roy almost ran me off the freeway cuz he didn't check before switching lanes. and then roy's car started smoking like crazy after he slammed on the brakes to prevent himself from rear-ending me [i braked really hard cuz the car in front of me braked hard suddenly too]. after letting roy lead again, my car watched little puffs of smoke spurt out occasionally from roy's car all the way to margaret's house. upon arriving, we all watched smoke creep out from under roy's hood and liquid drip from his car. on the way up to berkeley, i led and roy was sandwiched between roach and me. i never drove over 90 mph and i checked the rearview mirror every 20 seconds to make sure roy's car was ok. it took us 8 hours to reach berkeley.

i'm grateful we all got here safely except poor (_I_)crack. unfortunately, i don't like berkeley and i wish i could go back home.

quick recap...
went to maggiano's at the grove on sunday. it was my last meal with my church buddies. went to ucla afterwards and got some diddy riese $2.50 for a dozen day old cookies and relaxtation boba. went to century city to watch antwone fisher. i liked that movie a lot too. it was inspiring and witty. afterwards we ordered lamonica's ny pizza. it's huge and cheap and cheesy. the mushroom pizza is really yummy.

i had lunch with julie today at sweetie thai. it was pretty good. afterwards we watched about schmidt at the cerritos mall. i don't really know what i was supposed to get out of that movie. the theater's audience was largely old, white people and the humor of the movie was geared towards that audience. me and julie would look over at each other and nervously chuckle while the rest of the theater was cracking up. the movie had a happy ending though so that was good. i felt sorry for jack nicholson's character in the beginning of the movie. i wonder what my life will be like when i retire...

my mom, sister, and i went to downey to eat at this chinese buffet for our last meal together. big mistake. the food was horrible. i pity downey people for having such a nasty restaurant in their little town. but the time spent with my mom was great. i love how as i'm getting older, my relationship with her is steadily strengthening. my mom is pretty funny. she refuses to let me marry a pastor cuz "too much spiritual." ahaha. i always thought my mom would be ecstatic if i married a holy man. apparently, she's horrified at that thought. she prefers that i marry an accountant or a doctor or a lawyer. but she refuses to take care of my five children. =[ darn.

hannah drove from woodland hills to la to pick up jane and they came to my place in cerritos. then i drove us to riverside to linda's place. linda then gave us a quick tour of the campus and we ate at los jilbertos before going off to cabazon. riverside's campus is pretty dang small. i walked 2-3 min into campus and linda said that we are at the center already. and from where i stood i could see the entire campus. linda attends the church where greg laurie preaches at. he's the guy that speaks during harvest crusade for those of you who don't know him. she says that every sunday they have concerts from all sorts of famous christian singers such as crystal lewis, smalltown poets, and sonicflood. how freakin awesome is that. =]

los jilbertos is just like albertaco's except they have a salsa bar where you can get pico de gallo sala and all the carrots and jalepenos you want. and their carne asada fries are considerably larger than albertaco's. i've had carne asada for the past two days. i can't believe i'm saying this but i'm really sick of it now. =[ how sad. linda's bf su-wan came with james and eric and another boy. cabazon was fun cept there wasn't too much to buy and we had a time limit. we made a rule that each of us had to buy at least one thing before leaving. linda and jane each got club monaco jeans and sweats. i bought the same pair of club monaco sweats and a black leather purse from nine west and this cheesy romance novel for three dollars. hannah bought godiva chocolate which we devoured in the car. i really like my church friends a lot. i can't emphasize that enough. funniest moment was when i burped really deeply and three seconds later hannah starts choking and gasping for air at its rancid stench. ahahaha. =D

i went to the valley today and i had a lovely fat guy reunion with sewon, judy, and kristy. we ate at wood ranch. judy and i split the bbq chicken salad and a bbq beef brisket sandwich. then we hit up coffee bean. the mocha drink i got was hot and it wasn't as sweet as i wanted it to be. so i traded with judy who already drank like 2/3 of hers and gave her my nice, full cup. =D the coffe-aholic that she is, judy drank it after only a little bit of complaining. =D hahaha. we also watched adaptation. i really really like that movie a lot. it literally took my breath away. the two car accident scenes were too real for me and i found my mouth hanging open and my throat dry cuz i'd forget to take a breathe. wow. it was pretty crazy. i love talking about movies and analyzing them with friends. i love hearing people's opinions and views on things. it totally broadens my perspectives and it makes me understand the person better. and i hate voicing my own opinions cuz i'm never as insightful as other people are. so i can't really give this crazy analysis on the movie... but i liked how meryl streep and nicolas cage had the same personalities and were both heading down the same path until nicolas cage decided to adapt, or change. and i liked the part when meryl streep finally gets to see the orchid and when she finally does, all she can say about it is that it's a flower. i think we all place too much expectations on the unnecessary things in life, thus being extra disappointed and hurt when those expectations fall through. *shrug*

came back from a three day boarding trip with berkeley kcpc people today. i had LOTS of fun. so much fun that i forgot where i was and completely lived in the moment. it was great. berkeley buddies are really quite special and fun. i know everyone already blogged about the trip but now it's my turn. hehe. i'm gonna use judy's method to mention a lil something i observed/learned about each person that went on this trip. =D

steve: "sneve." steve noh couldn't board or ski cuz of his arm so he was stuck with me while everyone else went boarding. he is very funny and nice. he bought french fries while we were waiting and shared them with me and nancy. also, when it's late at night or when he's tired, his voice changes and it becomes really deep and sexy. i like that voice a lot.
jack: jack ku, judy, and i stayed up til 6am the first night talking. it was the first real conversation i ever had with jack ku. he dispelled a lot of my old thoughts about him. unfortunately, i don't think i changed any of his opinions about me. jack is very body and speech conscious and knows how to dress very well. he is also an avid reader, a fact that intrigued me very much.
billy: billy is a crazy mafia player. i get nervous everytime he starts talking even if i'm a civilian. it was crazy how he tricked judy into confessing that she was mafia. very impressive. billy also likes to fondle steve's boobies and is very defensive when we make fun of jack ku.
andy: andy has no cavities and has perfect vision. he's also very helpful in the kitchen and knows how to cook a lot of korean food. he can also solve riddles very quickly and easily. he is very smart. i understand why everyone believes he is such a great catch.
judy: judy is a funny girl. she was tired from the beginning of the trip but she didn't go to sleep til 6am the first night. and then she boarded the next day too. hahaha. judy also let me read her copy of the prayer of jabez. i honestly believe that judy is one of the smartest and most intelligent people that i know.
kristy: kristy has straight hair now. she looks good. =] kristy taught me how to board while we were waiting for everyone to come back with water bottles. it was fun. i feel like i'm a pro now. hahaha. she's also really good at billy's ebay game.
peggy: i admire peggy's excellent taste in food. =D she drove her van even though she got a lot of crap for it. without her, many people wouldn't have been able to come on the trip. peggy also scared the crap out of me during our last mafia game when she told me and anica that she was cop. her eyes got FREAKIN huge. i screamed really loudly.
nancy: i like nancy kim a lot. thank you to nancy for making everything work out great. =] nancy and i both have insanely large feet. we concluded that the reason why our feet are always so cold is cuz the circulation of blood can't reach our monstrous ogre feet.
anica: i'm glad i got to see anica cuz i haven't talked to her for a while. during the last game of mafia i joined alliances with her cuz she was angel. she and i started freakin out when peggy told us she was cop and then nancy told us she was cop too. *shudder* anica gave me lotion to put on my eye cuz it had a bump on it. and she lent me her cashmere gloves when steve noh and i were freezing our butts off outside. she is very nice. =D
margaret: margaret always has a smile on her face and i find that very encouraging. she also ate "sah ddoh bap" with milk for breakfast. that seriously amazed me. i wonder what it tasted like.
esther: i'm really glad that i got to know esther better on this trip. she is a crazy mafia player. she lies very well and is very convincing. i wish i could be like her. my conclusion: all young nak people must be excellent mafia players. oh. and she's dang good in korean. she used words no one knew. hahaha.

i've been to roscoes twice since the last time i blogged. i think that's one of my new favorite places to eat. black people are pretty dang cool. one of the times i went i had this really nice waiter who had this awesome awesome radio voice. so smooth and deep and bass-y i had chills when he asked us how we were doing. =] i also met up with vivian chong and over amerikahn we talked about our futures. she's also intended pre-law and thinking about going to the ucdc program. so many people that i've met up this break are interested in law. i'm glad that God has provided old friends headed towards the same path so that it gives me a way to connect and relate to them. also went to cafe clairs in garden grove with jennifer, tammie, kim, amy, and i. dang. i've missed gwa-il bing soo and coffee bing soo sooooooo much. on sunday we went to ktown plaza and ate there. omg. i haven't been there since high school. hahha it was lots of fun. and then we all went to cafe home at what was once known as players plaza and had more pat bing soo there. yay. i really like church buddies. =D then later i went to my weh halmoni's house and we ate dduk gook and watched champion, this true story about a korean boxer who made it all the way to the world champions before dying in the ring. this is the last time i'm going to see my halmoni for a while. probably not until the summer. i'm really sad.

today i went to downey to eat with alex, linda, and roy. roy has so much stinkin pride in his little city. he was driving around showing off what downey has to offer. it isn't much. haha. =] we ate lunch at this mexican food place that i forgot the name of and it was pretty good. i had a lot of fun. roy and linda never tried orange bang before in their lives. alex and i were flabbergasted. roy and i found a common link between us: the excessive amount of napkins we use while eating. ahahaha. i beat him at 25 though. *high five* for me =D we went to stonewood mall after cuz linda said that there was a place that had churros with different fillings in the middle. but when we went, the stand was gone and was replaced by a great kahn. linda was really sad. =[

i had to leave then and went to usc to pick up jennie lee so that we could hit up ucla and play there. we met up with gloria hu and ate at curry house. then me jennie and viv went to diddy riese for their yummy one dollar ice cream sandwiches. what was crazy was that while we were crossing the street to diddy riese, my legal studies 184 gsi was crossing the street at the same time and he passed right by me. jason is freakin cute [he looks like vin diesel] and freakin smart [he's a third year at boalt] and is freakin cool. unfortunately, he is miniscule. i think with my shoes on i'm taller or at most eye level with him. but height isn't essential when it comes to jason o. and he has an identical twin brother also. omg omg. who is also freakin smart cuz he's at ucla law school. which is why i'm assuming jason was there with his bro. anyways, i wanted to say hi so i turned around and started stalking him. i saw him go into starbucks so i casually sauntered in there thinking how cool i'd look if i "accidentally" bumped into him there. unfortunately he wasn't there and i was really really sad. my friends pitied me so we sat next to the window at starbucks where i kept people watching in hopes that i'd be able to see him again. but no luck. so freakin sad. anyways, after that we went to tammie, esther, and lorraine's place and chilled there with vivian. we watched my best friend's wedding and then the special edition of bring it on that included blaque's music video and sing-a-long words to the cheer in the beginning of the movie. that definitely perked me up a lot. i love bring it on. =D

spent new years at my aunties house in downey today. my dad's side of the family is not really big on old traditions so seh bae-ing and stuff is taken really lightly. this year, we seh baed before we ate so the whole process took like 15 minutes total. *bam bam bam* my girl cousins cept myself and my sister all seh bae boy-style on two knees. it's funny how no one corrects them, but if my weh halmoni saw my sister or i doing that, she'd freak out and make us do it the proper way over and over again. i love my weh halmoni incredibly. she is the sweetest and cutest person that i know. everytime i see her i am so thankful that God created such a wonderful woman. =D another example of how my dad's family isn't really traditional is the fact that there are interracial marriages within our family. my auntie tae is married to kamran, who is iranian. and my cousin julia is engaged to john, who is white. the current issue in the kum family matters is whether the family approves of john... who is a non Christian, divorced husband with a six year old daughter. since everything was done by 7ish or so, my cousins and i were thinking that we should take the lil ones to the movies. ahaahhaa. i've never seen such chaos. it took forever to choose a movie since the age range is from 6 years old to late thirtys. by the time we finally chose a movie that was suitable for both the kids and that fit within our time frame, the parents were against the idea since the kids would be out late and they didn't want to wait and drive back too late. kristen, the 6 year old, and brandon, her 10 (i think) year old brother, started wailing and pouting and crying. it got so bad that kristen screamed that it was the worst new years that she ever had. hahaha. the worst new years of the six she's experienced so far. that kid cracks me up. ahahaha

speaking of downey... i need to include this little spiel on roy chung and how i think he detests me. the other day i stopped by his house cuz i had to drop off something. roy refused a billion times. but i persisted, and i think he got annoyed cuz he finally let me come. but then, he gave me wrong directions so i ended up wandering around his neighborhood forever. [i think he did that purposely so that i'd get discouraged and just leave] unfortunately for him, i found his house. and afterwards, while i was leaving, roy suddenly started to pretend that he was my friend and offered me a slice of mocha roll cake. i was instantly suspicious of this unusually nice behavior so i refused it politely. but he kept pressuring me to take it so i finally did. and as i left, he again gave me wrong directions so again i ended up lost in his dumb neighborhood trying to get out. [again i think he did this intentionally cuz mean people always get kicks out of stuff like this] the next day, my mom and i decided to share the piece of cake roy gave me. we opened it and saw that there was mold on it. [i think he was trying to poison me] my mom was horrified and wondered what kind of cruel and evil person would offer moldy cake to her precious daughter. my mom should beat roy up.

happy happy new year.

i can't believe a year's gone by already. time's passing by so quickly that it stays within our grasp for a fleeting moment before slipping out of our control again and continuing on its way. i'm going to make a resolution this year. or i'm going to try to at least. the christmas service was about always being joyful in all circumstances. there's been innumerable times where if something isn't peachy keen, i freak out and panic and don't trust that God will work everything out. and yet reflecting back not only on this year, but throughout my entire life, there's never been a moment where in retrospect, i regret any of the outcomes that resulted from my actions. so even if my entire world is falling into shambles around me, i am going to try to find the joy in each circumstance and situation and try to focus on that as encouragement instead of allowing myself to be dragged down. everything happens for a reason. and everything is in accordance to God's will.