Finding out that I can do Legal Studies 195. Wasting two hours talking with Karen about Roy. Praying that I will never be as susceptible to the affections of a guy. Buying two sweaters for $25. Ugly thermal underwear.

Young Nak EM service on who we are. Roly-poly Byung-chan. Nancy and her sister not wanting to attend service. Carnitas. 1 bite rice, 1 bite meat. Sewon and I's uselessness. Hannah and Scott. Crepes at Farmer's Market. Dispelling ideals about New York. Scott's horrible asking to take a picture. Whipped cream. Forgettting Scott's sn: spped? scoot? Sweating when arriving to LA. Chilling at Crate and Barrel. Andre's Restaurant. Free drinks and free garlic bread. Spaghetti and veggie lasagna. Cafeteria style. Cranky irritable girls from traffic and the cold. "Can we get out of here? There's so many f*n weird people here!"-Jeniffer. 8 girls in Linda's Civic. Hannah's gum. Missing the 5 N and going back home. Driving back around and going to Burbank. Odd reactions. Guy thongs. Andy and Roy rolling around in bed. Calvin and Hobbes!!! Getting smacked in the face repeatedly by Roy. Halcyon.

Drive through Downey on Firestone Blvd. Unexpected conversation at Costco. Weird smiles. House-cleaning.

LA and old friends. ��� turned into Sool-dogg. Spending half an hour deciding what to eat, only to return to Curry Factory. Hamburger steak and chicken �. Little ����. Cafe Home and the ����. Paying $10 for ���� to sing 2 songs. New York and Chicago talk and of all the good food there. Plans to meet again tomorrow. Sticker and camera touristy pictures. R. Kelly on the way home.

Thankfulness for some great times.

Grand Lux Cafe. Jo's generous attempt. Karen's unwanted open-faced curry chicken salad sandwich. Cafe Home and ���� ���, Ŀ�� �Ϻ��, and �v���. Old memories. Connect Four. Chinese checkers with Kristy, the advanced player. Linda and my preoccupation with the food. Friendly chat with Mona. Finding the perfect card. Playing with the family.

A rainy Christmas. Remembering Christ's unconditional love for us.

ū����, �ƺ�, and me at �η��� with the ���� and the �����. A boy friend nicknamed ���� who I crushed on. "�׷��� ����� ��f �߻��� ���ھ�."

Grinning foolishly at happy scenes in a movie. I want to frolick at the beach again.

I can look at the ocean forever.

Decorated houses. Driving with the windows open and the heater on. The rain.

A 4.5 hour talk. "Hey, I like punching you." Pinching, tickling, scratching, punching, prodding, and best of all, biting. The 5th wheel and getting out. Being truly happy.

Homemade cards. A very Merry Christmas. =]

Evaluting different things. The true meaning of Christmas. Making dinner for the family. Ice cream. "100 years" by Five for Fighting.

One of the quickest Costco trips ever. Not wanting to pack. Being the only person to burn mandoo. The Last Samurai. A plethora of movie candy. EZ Stop Deli's tuna sandwich. Being more emotional than before. Awkward gift-giving under the clever pretense of a vacuum. Why must things always be so awkward with Kwansoo?

Two hours of sleep. Fremont with Andy and Kwansoo. The horrible and not subtle way. Bacchus. Tri-City. Not being articulate in my descriptions and pointing to ambiguous objects under the impression that people can read my mind. Choosing things based on their aesthetics rather than level of comfort. Andy and Kwansoo like being gay lovers dressed alike and romping around the store together. Outback Steakhouse being a bust. Hometown Buffet. Awkward prayers. =[ Discussion of Chomp and perfecting the art of over-eating. Coughing and choking on food. Needing to survey the food before consumption. A boy's method is to get only one plate at a time. Over-chattiness. Winged Migration. A nap in Kwansoo's car. Lord of the Rings 3. Jenny getting too scared easily. Obnoxious comments made by Frank and Kwansoo the entire movie. Cheesy lines that made me cringe and groan. Justin McRoberts' Untitled CD. An unexpected but much appreciated DVD player. No more caffeine for a long time.

At Costco:

Nice man: Do you only have that? [pointing at my chest]
Me: What?
Nice man: Do you want to go in front of me?
Me: Huh?
Nice man: Is that all you're going to buy?
Me: Yes.
Nice man: Well, you can go ahead of me then.
Me: Really?
Nice man to woman behind me: She only has one thing. That's incredible.
Nice man to cashier woman: Can you believe it? Look at her. She's only buying one thing.
Cashier woman: Haha.
Nice man: There should be an award for this. She should be "Customer of the Month." Who goes to Costco and comes out with one thing? How did she bypass everything else?
Cashier woman: Well, maybe next time.
Me: Yes, there's always next time. Haha. Thank you. Good-bye.
Nice man: Good-bye!


At Ikea:

Little boy who looks like the little boy from Love Actually: "Mommy, what about Pepsi?"
Mommy: "That's a soda. And those are yucky."
Mommy to Grandma: "Can you take him to get some water?"

2 minutes later:
The little boy, clutching an Aquafina water bottle to his chest, and beaming while literally skipping with glee.


... Simple pleasures. =]

preppykc: hahah sewon is so your biotch!!!
preppykc: you should marry her

bCxaNgeL143: breathe in deep
bCxaNgeL143: and count ur blessings
bCxaNgeL143: and not ur curses
bCxaNgeL143: :-)

A cute and encouraging e-card from Janet. LOCKY.

"Come fly with me, let's fly, let's fly away

Once I get you up there where the air is rarified
We'll just glide, starry-eyed
Once I get you up there I'll be holding you so near
You may hear angels cheer 'cause we're together

Weather-wise it's such a lovely day
You just say the words and we'll beat the birds
Down to Acapulco Bay
It's perfect for a flying honeymoon, they say
Come fly with me, let's fly, let's fly
Pack up, let's fly away!!"

How great is Frank Sinatra? =]

3-5am Fat Guy feast: Cream cheese walnut rolls, stale soybean crisps, Ƣ�� ����, Sapporo Ichiban ���, ¥¯��� ��ġ, ��ġ��, and H�agen-Dazs Mocha Almond Fudge.

Throwing your head all the way back and laughing until the muscles on the side of your body start to cramp up and hurt.

This is the life. =]

"And how's my favorite CA doing today?"
"Hi John. Not so great, actually. But wow. Thanks for asking."

Heifer International My namesake. =]

Comfort activity: Listening to Michael Bubl� and baking English toffee bit cookies.

Determination to do what's right.


... And suddenly, everything is a tiny bit clearer.

Bay Street with Nancy, Fred, Kenneth, and Sewon. No more Rubio's for a while. My secret santa. =] Rolling around and not studying. Justin McRoberts. The storm. =] Dae Jang Kum: rather wanting to get hit 100 times. Mandoo.

Sushi House with Nancy. =] Walking in the rain. Chardonnay with Roy. Nancy's Christmas party. 3 shots plus/minus one. Jajnet taking pictures forever. Talking with Roy and finding that Andy and Kwansoo left me. Promise of more future talks. To rainy days. 25 to 21. Kwansoo saying that I reek of alcohol. =[ A random Safeway trip. I don't understand Andy Chon. One cup of water and promising to return it before winter break. An emotional night. What have I done wrong now??

snobunnynk (4:15:06 AM): dont GO to capri
snobunnynk (4:15:11 AM): thye're like vampires

A stunning new discovery: Every car has what I've coined the "engine thermostat." It informs the driver of the temperature of the car's engine. For example, on a cold night such as this, the "engine thermostat" is under the C(old), indicating that the engine has yet to be heated. However, while the driver proceeds to drive, the "engine thermostat" reaches somewhere in between the C(old) and the H(ot) letters, thus indicating that the engine has heated up to that level.


Fascinating.

Songs #10 and #11. Frozen hands and nose. Puckered and wrinkled mouths. Relishing fun email exchanges. Being truly fat and overeating. The absurd and inconceivable idea of having ninnies as friends. Osmosis and potatoes. Fond memories of good times. "Concomitant."


"If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.

Happy moments, praise God.
Difficult moments, seek God.
Quiet moments, worship God.
Painful moments, trust God.
Every moment, thank God."

Thanks Jacob Oppa. =]

A productive day at work only to find that it wont work on my computer. Shopping for snowboarding shoes. Talk about Roy with Karen. Care packages and hugs. The rain. =] More shopping online. $9.50 on a movie.

�Think about the kids you used to know, who would be around your age now had they survived the car accident, shooting, or illness.... pretty big number, huh.�

More bloated a face after eating then sleeping or from crying? Dessert first. Fuddruckers. Painting at work. 9:30pm-9:30am. Kristy's help. Manly red and green.

Smiley Alice during Allelu. Drawing faces with Heidi. Taking a nap in nursery. SF with Julie and Sewon. A nice day. Caffeine. A tired but fulfilling day. Elephants and Carebears. Sitting in front of Christmas trees. Eye cream. Hand lotion for us. The perfect card. Christmas trees and wreaths. Having the runs. 1st fish taco. Elf again. Loud obnoxious laughter, and "Oh Lord." Crying the second time around. Being happy. Spending 15 min figuring out how to make a box.

Over-sleeping. Walking in the rain, getting drenched, and loving every moment. A hot shower. Steaks, instant potatoes, mandarin dressing. Goody bag care packages. 100% red zone. Cd keys. No burner. Chewing on a guy's jaj. Potential beef. Nicknames: Putty and Stuck on you.

The Last Samurai. Forgetting to breathe and wipe away tears. Beautiful landscape. Simple beauty. Pastor Ting as Katsumato. Adorable little boys. Honor. Compassion.

"Nothing worth doing is completed in our lifetime;
Therefore, we are saved by hope.
Nothing true or beautiful or good makes complete sense in any immediate context of history;
Therefore, we are saved by faith.
Nothing we do, however virtuous, can be accomplished alone;
Therefore, we are saved by love.
No virtuous act is quite as virtuous from the standpoint of our friend or foe as from our own;
Therefore, we are saved by the final form of love which is forgiveness."

-Reinhold Niebuhr.

Song #8. An overly generous evaluation. Failed attempt to celebrate due to funky stomach problems. Walking in the rain with Andy under the umbrella. Tricky door. $10 ASUC gift certificate. Cultured guys vs. cultured girls. A three hour long grammar project. A clenched jaw, burning throat, and repressed tears. A hurting sadness. Free samples. Fred's wasted free popcorn. Gothika. Useless upper righthand corner. Fred flinching and spazzing. Bitten left cheek. Snow gently falling on an upturned face. Movies, movies, movies. Starting my own compilation.

Becoming more tolerable? I think not.


Let it rain forever.

Missing another opportunity. Henry's. Connection with girls: Pachabel-Canon in D Major. Consensus with Alex: calamari and quesadillas. Fateful experience with Alex. Last rendezvous with John. Extra avocados and a special touch. NoDoz is a dear friend. Confusing questions. Welcome addition of song #7. A twenty-email correspondence. Bad security man. An incredibly foggy walk home.

bCxaNgeL143: oooh!
bCxaNgeL143: let's run marathon friday
jAhNdEe aT wOrK: what the hell
jAhNdEe aT wOrK: what marathon
bCxaNgeL143: video
bCxaNgeL143: u freak
jAhNdEe aT wOrK: OH
jAhNdEe aT wOrK: ahahaha
jAhNdEe aT wOrK: i was gonna say
jAhNdEe aT wOrK: im gg kill you
bCxaNgeL143: i can't believe u actually thought MARATHON
bCxaNgeL143: hahahahahaha
bCxaNgeL143: yea u need sleep
jAhNdEe aT wOrK: YEAH
jAhNdEe aT wOrK: i FREAKED
jAhNdEe aT wOrK: hahaha
jAhNdEe aT wOrK: i got so sad
bCxaNgeL143: hahahaha
jAhNdEe aT wOrK: cuz i figured it was for some cause
bCxaNgeL143: HAHAHAHA
jAhNdEe aT wOrK: =[
jAhNdEe aT wOrK: shut ip
bCxaNgeL143: at least u have a conscience
jAhNdEe aT wOrK: ahahaha
jAhNdEe aT wOrK: i was tthinking if it'd be possible for me to make up an excuse tho
jAhNdEe aT wOrK: luckily before i came to that decision
jAhNdEe aT wOrK: you said it was a video marathon
jAhNdEe aT wOrK: =]
jAhNdEe aT wOrK: so phew
bCxaNgeL143: first of all
bCxaNgeL143: i would never run a marathon
bCxaNgeL143: oh heck no
jAhNdEe aT wOrK: hahahaha
bCxaNgeL143: and the day YOU say yes to a marathon, i'll kiss u
jAhNdEe aT wOrK: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
jAhNdEe aT wOrK: it can happen!!!
bCxaNgeL143: k...my kiss can happen too!!

The beauty of fall leaves. Driving aimlessly, just gazing.

A tacky Christmas tree. Magic bowling shoes. The saying-words-backwards game.

The unrequited love interest of a particular person. Sudden pangs. Second chances. Having your reaction watched by the one giving you the flowers.


A walk in the rain. It's been a while. =]

Sunday worship at DFC. The lamp and the steps. Black grass. Cal State Long Beach. Mr. Handsome. The 99 cents store and imitation strawberry sundaes. Knockoffs. My moo oven mitt. $2.99 Big Mac value meal. Fruit N Freeze strawberries and cream. 44psi tires. Being John Malkovich. "And that was episode 1..." Masculinity defined by cars and driving. Future breast feeding circles. Merced. The rain. Funny, quirky, adorable fathers. What are our kids going to be like and where are we going to be next year?

Whatever goes, goes.

Karen's 21st birthday party. 45 minutes in a few hours. The Grove with Kwansoo, Andy and Karen. Gawking at Finding Nemo. The Christmas tree and the lights. The water show. Trying to get tickets validated. Sitting around looking at each other. Karen getting annoyed. Dduk bo sam. Eating more than Andy and Kwansoo. Making an idiot of myself about mushrooms. Jane and I asking for so much. Jane's accident. Bonaventure and the moving floor. Accepting Roy's money. Uncomfortable wedged between Andy and Roy. Getting pictures shot by the paparrazzi. Being the butt end of the joke again. Ugly pictures. A virgin Pink Flamingo. Grauman's Chinese Theater. Handprints with Sean Connery and Denzel Washington. Talking with Esther about the classic movies we haven't seen. Walking around at night. Danny's jacket. Roy's reckless driving.

Brea Promenade with Kwansoo, Roy, and Karen. To not be so stupid when liking someone. Roy slipping up on Sea World and Karen. Love Actually. The way Keira Knightley as the bride looked. Love is truly amazing. Bj's and being excited about pizookies. Legally Blond 2. Being introduced as Karen's best friend. The parents. Calling Jacob Shin and wishing him a happy birthday. The drive home. Yet another cheesecake.

Starting Dae Jang Kum. Absolutely no cranberries anywhere. 40 people. X-Men 2. Pumpkin cheesecake. Father of the Bride. Harry McCormick, Jr. v. Harry Connick, Jr.

Waking up at 2pm and frantically packing, only to leave 1.5 hours later. An interesting talk with Kwansoo. Josh Groban. Talk of testes, penises, and breasts. Two ice cream cones for $1.59. A long drive. A box of pears. Driving through OC and familiarizing myself with home again. Getting sick. Random thoughts.

"The turkey?" Running around frantically. The trees at Safeway. Frantic baking. Miscommunication with Sewon. Thanksgiving fellowship with Eugene and Sewon's small groups. Esther the CA roll Nazi. The funky sweet yam casserole. Yummy pumpkin cheesecake. Lime sherbet. Movie charades: great songs, Adaptation, Fargo, Andy's excitement over someone. Being an unbiased moderator. Korean taboo: Pinocchio, flaccid, hickey: "mohk eh suh jjook jjook bba lah muhk ee nun guh" "ee dong mool eun ha yan sek gwah heu geen sek ee yah." Ghetto Taboo: cornucopia, and Mary Sunshine. Freaking projectile and mechanism. Mafia: lasting two rounds in a game. The boringest game of Mafia ever.

Family at Thanksgiving. Having less members with us when we're older. Paul farting on Lori. Outdoor weddings like in Father of the Bride. Fresh falling snow and fall autumn leaves. Some movie with an overarching arch. Mentally wanting a girlfriend. Being cultured. The Brothers Karamazov. Boxers v. Briefs. No Fear, pogs, and other childhood memories.

Boston Market with Sewon and Eugene. Safeway's ribs. Papyrus. EAP. Jonga-Jib with Kwansoo, Karen, and Carroll. Never getting really mad. No ice cream. Ah My Goddess! Andy's testimony. Sushico and fried green tea ice cream. Ugly Korean writing. Praise songs. Making up songs for individuals. Basketball players' names. New beef and potatoes. Eugene getting annoyed and leaving. Future plans.

The Mighty Ducks. King Yen. Kill Bill. Black Toilets and low doors. Creepy, sinister music that made everything feel like a dream. Lowered movie screen. The freezing cold. Weird fortunes.

Running into Debbie at Costco. Agitated mood. Taco Bell Bean and Cheese Burrito. Falling asleep girls. Restless. Ofoto. Talk with Kwansoo.

La Burrita Northside with chunky salsa, eaten on plates, and unlimited chips. One red chip. Dramatic girls. Not talking about Andy behind his back. How to respond in a certain situation. No more Susanna. Rowdy rowdy kids. "What kind of Chinese are you?" Spaghetti sauce out of dirty water. Lila thinking I was clueless. Why learn to park when there's always valet? Talking of food on the way there. Chasing Papi. More pictures and movies. The beautiful moon: a low crescent in the sky with hazy fog surrounding it.

Emotional tears. Fruit salsa with chips. No motivation. Walking into a room filled with the smell of flowers. I can be nice and appreciative. Yummy watermelon. Missing my family dreadfully. Being spineless. Two new songs. A bum arm and cramps.

One of the best days of my life. Feeling truly truly happy and at peace. Bawling like a baby. Flowers. =] Sour Patch Kids from Kwansoo. ?? and sukiyaki with Kristy. Kahlua cake. Pictures from Carroll. Overwhelmed by everyone's kindness.

Small group pictures. =D

Rubio's. No fries. The Down-Low. A million hugs from Nancy. Repeating waiter. Screaming, screaming girls. Julie's terrifed look. Dan Choi and Paul walking us to our car. The guys playing pool.

Office hours. The rain. Horseback riding. A ridiculous number of cookies. Care packages. Andy ditching me twice. The ludicrous idea of being a co-emcee. An amazing testimony. Seeing Andy nervous. An inappropriate and unnecessary flyer. Sharing a thankful story with Melanie. Praise with 1000 people. Fearing too much the wrong things and not fearing the little things enough. Fruit Breeze cough drops. Stupid Andy Chon not thinking he has talent. Leftovers for Fred. It's now #3. Video talent.

"Lackadaisical." Eugene Shin uses this word in everyday conversation. Hahaha.

Flyering with Dennis Chon. Being made fun of the exact same way. Cheese N Stuff. Freaking Chon brothers. More birthday coincidences. The library during the day. It's been getting gloomier. A random stranger at the door. An unsettling feeling. Care packages. I miss eggplant. More pints. Talk with Karen: being psychotic, being funny mad and not, vexing Andy Chon and others.

Fred hitting me in the crotch with his umbrella.

A crazy long day. Almond M&M's. Trader Joe's. Quality time with myself. Passing the test and saying confessions of who Christ is in our life. SGL Sewon. A talk with Julie and Sewon about having faith despite the questions and doubts. A Mud Pie Cake for Janet. 16 juniors. An interesting talk with Kwansoo: disturbing punishments, being feminine only when the thought processes are involved, and him convoluting everything I say. Trying to find a Windows XP Professional CD Key and feeling cool and dangerous for breaking the law.

Happy Birthday Susan Kum. =]

"I must learn that the purpose of my life belongs to God, not me... When I stop telling God what I want, He can freely work His will in me without any hindrance. He can crush me, exalt me, or do anything else He chooses. He simply asks me to have absolute faith in Him and His goodness. Self-pity is of the devil, and if I wallow in it, I cannot be used by God for His purpose in the world." -excerpt from My Utmost for His Highest.

Thank you Sewon and Andy Chon. =]

Andy's normal voice. Pho. Alice and Fred's puzzle. No ice cream at Costco. Only minimal samples. A box of popsicles. Strawberry, lime, and wild berry, in that order. Fred driving. Andy and me sitting in the back. Picking up Dark Abe. Loitering because so early. Orange slushies and popcorn. Elf. Rainbow colors. A random fountain. Pictures from Costco.

It seems like time has just run out. When does it be what you want and when is it what God wants? Confused and seeking God. Prayer.

A long day of shopping. My one happy purchase. Butter and cornbread. Being true heifers at Fresh Choice. Taquitos and cream puffs. Prayer. Plans for Love Actually. An open talk with Sharon. Seeing things on a different side.

Being hobbits. Living dreams and not letting them diminish. Toddler gibberish. Manly features. A Symphony chocolate bar. A guy willingly carrying shopping bags. Pastor Eugene's raw and sudden emotional state. Being hobbits. Andy stealing my big chicken leg. Madison's "You are Holy" and Nicole's "My God is so Big." Nighttime and Good mornings. A good talk about relationships during work. A shopping frenzy.

No limits on bets.

The rain as it should be. =]

Andy's sexy voice. Coldness from the knees down. Caedmons' Call and Jars of Clay concert. Being obnoxious and acting like the high school kids Sewon and I were surrounded by. Nice ladies next to us, not being able to sing, but just singing.

Denny's with Andy, Kwansoo, Frank, and Kristy. Being bald. Andy completely conking out and not even knowing it. Scary pranks. Movie quotables and food we dislike and can't eat. Talking about Andy's top list of girls. Then talking about Kwansoo's top list of girls.

Costco and Safeway with Karen, Kwansoo and Andy. Prayer meeting with Alice and the same passage that spoke to us: James 2, 3. Freshman lock-in. Having 5 glorious minutes. Loving the freshies. They all liking my cookies. Spraying myself with water again. Q&A and tension between Jenny and Karen. Esther and her assist.org answer. Andy's little fanclub. Reminiscing and feeling nostalgic. Kwansoo and I feeling old. Hating Andy. A Krisy Kreme doughnut from Brian. Being the most horrible moderator. Playing spoons with quarters. Richard's black and white photos. Jennifer, Richard, and Brian all taking pictures. Sun taking black and white pictures of people with mafia faces. The Chon brothes as mafia. Joyce as cop 3x in a row. James and Joyce being cop and angel two times together. Yellow socks. Dennis rubbing his head. Solomon's forgetfulness of names and his fetish with shiny things. Kwansoo scaring the crap out of me. Getting lost to buy chips and then randomly finding a market.

Wishing I was up more at 6 am driving along the Bay Bridge and watching the sunrise. Wishing for more days like this.

The bad of today:
-Computer being broken again.
-Being hated by the English professor.
-Rewinding my camera film at 5 and missing out for the rest of the night.

The good of today:
-Andy putting in quarters into the wrong parking meter.
-Janet buying chocolate gummi bears, and Andy buying malt balls while both complaining non-stop about hunger.
-Andy and Carroll as our photographers.
-The cruise: watching the birds fly in a straight line and then into a V-formation, seeing the sea lions heads pop up out of the water, going under the Golden Gate Bridge, passing by Alcatraz, feeling like we were in a surreal scene in a movie, warning Carroll to be careful of the waves and then Esther, Julie, and me getting splashed instead, goosebumps on Judy's cheeks, Julie's red nose and tears, the Tetris-shaped lights, the trampoline, Captain Hans, Andy's random thinking, Judy's not so subtle insult, Esther always knowing when Carroll's taking pictures.
-Looking at Carroll's pictures, falling asleep and forgetting about where we were, Peasant Pie's chicken and potato and blueberry pear, Sriracha, A Szn Tung, one per person, hilarious fortune cookies, opening presents, kimchi and onions, Carroll filming me, Hannah's thorough enjoyment of her food.
-A car ride with obnoxious Kevin, snapping fingers at Kevin and my new handshake, "What is the purpose of an umbrella?" "What is the point of having an umbrella?" "Why?" Providing Karen with endless amusement, talking about GPAs, the LSAT, and what colleges we could have ended up at.
-Fentons: the berry go round, trying to push Kevin off the bench, pinching and hitting heads, Carroll's ugly video of me and the place where it ends, Karen's insisting on putting it on his blog so that Andy Chon could make fun, Julie and Jenny's fallen mound of ice cream.
-Carroll: Carroll focusing on ugly shots, his amazing pictures of panoramic sunsets, good times talking and reminiscing, discussing how we first met certain people.

An amazing and unforgettable night tonight. Rachel's Challenge. Start a chain reaction! To tell one another how much we love one another. To approach life with compassion and kindness. To look through a situation and not at it. Parallels with Anne Frank and Christ. Pictures. The simple and amazing conviction of one girl. Honestly feeling how real and alive God is.

Radio with Julie. 86 seats. "I like french fries. Ooh, I like black-eyed peas." Crying and shivering in cold. Good talk with Julie.

So excited about tomorrow. Wanting to truly appreciate God's creation.

The sunset and sunrise. Just the earth rotating and turning.

"You can start a chain reaction!"

A talk with Nancy about friendships and laughter.

A traveler's notebook. Avant Card. Sophia and other girl being Captain Hook. Last confirmation meeting. "Onerous." First real chat with Pastor Eugene. Amazing perception. Studying with the Piedmontians. Unable to concentrate. Making a list. Being faced with it, and now knowing how to deal with it. It's all about bringing it to the gospel message. Carolina is my pan de queso friend. My motto with Carolina: No more stress and drama.

Love and Basketball. Fresh baguettes and spread. A lovely class senior picture. Being humiliated again. Andy scaring the crap out of me. Red splotches all over my face. A hot face, and cold back. Lesson learned from Pastor Eugene. Despising boys. John Yun is one funny guy. Butt warmers. Laughing seriously so hard. Issey Miyake.

Learning to trust God. Heidi slapping my face and throwing herself at Royee. The rain. =] Berry Kiwi juice. Joo's heavy blanket and looking like an ���ܸ�. Andy's feminine throw. Crazy slipping and sliding. Staring up at the rain falling. In-N-Out. Whispering and giggling behind my back. Eugene's car spinning out. Non-existent force fields.

"God gets us grounded on strong reality and truth. He does this until our cares for ourselves individually have been brought into submission to His way for the purpose of His redemption. Why shouldn't we experience heartbreak? Through those doorways God is opening up ways of fellowship with His Son. If God can accomplish His purposes in this world through a broken heart, then why not thank Him for breaking yours?" -My Utmost for His Highest, Nov.1.


Wow. Thanks Stephen.

Finally fixing the futon. Carolina sleeping sitting straight up. Stupid Guesstures. Ice cream. =]

Blue raspberry Jolly Ranchers.

Cafe Do Brasil. All you can eat Brazilian BBQ. Hurray for the pao de quiejo club. =D

Talk with Sara.

Pho with Danny. Nothing in my sauce. Talking about the future and marriage. Talking about praise. The difference between a voice sounding good and not.

Hail and rain. The black brown sky.

Hallelujah Night. Cute cute kids and cute cute costumes. Driving back with fogged up windows.

Tired of seeing the same people. In need of some change.

Quesadillas. Red, white and light blue wristbands. Looking dang forward to 11/23/03 8pm.

"Guys don't really ever listen to you unless it involves them."

It rained for the first time tonight. =]

Enormous bites on my arm. Lovely gusty winds. Making a poster for work and having Karen do most of it.

Such a sore throat. A possible topic. Cornbread. A random surprise dinner. 49:18 into Zoolander. Winning my first game of Mario Cart. Running into 16 cars the first half-lap. Kwansoo and Andy ganging up on me. I think I hate wooden dowels. A reminder to be careful.

"Let's put on team attack."

15 seconds later...
"Wait, what was it we said we were going to do?"
"The ... level?"
"Dang, what was it?"
"Team attack."

Playing with Kwansoo. Long round sticks. Power Ranger man. Stingy, stupid, selfish dwarves. 303 vs. 220. One dollar. KFC and McDonald's. Chocolate chip cookies. Andy's obsession. Not number 1 at all.

"Aww, look at your boo-boo."

Go Shekki-faces. Being a dang good batgirl. The sunrise at 7pm over the Golden Gate Bridge. Baja Fresh. Green Tea Ice Cream. Go Tele-bears. Andy's Timbaland shirt. Royee's fall. An exciting game. Denny's. Having to be the silent one. Andy's homosexual and pedophilic tendencies. Sports. CM and AWANA kids.

Learning how patient our guys really are, and how much they put up with the female's idiosyncracies and quirks. Feeling so much more appreciative of their tactfulness and respect for the girl, despite how annoyed they might be, and seeing how they look for the good in the specific person.

EM Retreat 2003:

Friday:
Being shunned by Eugene and Andy for not being in a happy mood. Watching volleyball while I ran around picking up foliage to decorate Morgan and Hailey's sand-cakes. Watching Andy's little feminine kick whenever he hit the ball... watching Kwansoo jump onto Eugene's back to spike the ball... watching David Lim run into the net cuz it became too dark to see. Paul sweating while carrying my bag. Royee's rendition of the "If I Was a Butterfly" song. The Cluck-Yoo challenge. Fred and Dennis making fun of my eyes and my rubber mouth. =[ Mafia lightning round and Royee thinking he was angel. The men's restrooms and naked boys showering. Wishing nightmares, and not peaceful dreams.

Saturday:
A refreshing shower and a good morning. Lucky Charms, Frosted Flakes, Golden Grahams, Chocolate Mocha Cappucinos, and Crumb Cake. Singing my song. =D Morning sex talk. Debbie: "I hated my boobs!!" Alice's little card. Talking with Susan O and Amy Jun about what to say to those who've had sex and who are now struggling. Eric Chen's testimony. Saying that he was cute and Pastor Eugene overhearing me. The slide of playing water games and the girl drinking the water out of her cup. A group picture. Afternoon games. Planning with Julie about her boat trip. Q and A with Pastor Craven. Julie and her cherry tomatoes. Evening worship. Prayer requests. Bonfire. Singing praise. Freezing. Testimonies. Andy's upper lip looking like Elvis and his retarded dance. Talk with Andy about Craven. Royee scaring the crap out of me. Talk with Andy, Dennis, Peggy, Josei. Royee pimping on a billion yujahs. Reminiscing with Peggy and Kevin. Watching Nancy, Peggy, and Josei do pushups and exercise. A billion people playing Mafia. Daniel's letter to God about having a "grate" time. Watching some of the worst players ever, and continually checking Kwansoo as moderator. Watching Alex mess up the game and being impressed by Eileen's knack for knowing who Mafia is. Meeting a lot of new people. Losing my voice and sounding more manly than ever. Looking at the stars. Finding Cassiopeia for the second time by myself. Orion's belt and his rabbit, Perces, Pilades, the Milky Way, Cannis Major, and the Jahndee Bahndee star. Cassiopeia is Jahndee Bahndee's constellation. =] 23A and not 23B.

Sunday:
Nancy and me getting diarrhaea-ed on by stupid birds. Sunday worship. Offbeat clapping. Forcing Morgan to remember my name. Small group time. Andy and Kwansoo coming out of nowhere and helping me. Yummy yummy gourmet sandwiches for lunch. Peggy telling Daniel that he can't spell. Pictures galore. Mocking Kwansoo on his holiness. My new goal is to yell with a purpose. "Andy Chon! Andy Chon! Andy Chon!"

Andy waking up at 1:44. Malouf, not Malfoy. Chicken Tikki Masala at Naan N' Curry and 3 Naan's. Not hating for the rest of the month. Finding a husband with perfect teeth because cavities are genetics. Involuntary muscle clenching and tightening. Getting distracted and talking about Naan N' Curry and food. Mini M&Ms. Three different flavors of ice cream. You can use Q-tips to clean out your belly button lint. Where does the hole in your belly lead to? "My mind's somewhere north of here." In terms of everything.

Getting hit in the head twice. The most pitiful pelican, all torn and ripped. I am the biggest idiot. Never seeing so much blood squirt out of my body. A surprise bouquet of flowers. "Band-aids. Oh, for fun?" Being dwarves. Chocolate chip blueberry cheesecake cups... with a good consistency. Being nonexistent to Kwansoo. Intolerable Andy. Wanting to sock me in the chest. Being in the middle with Kwansoo and Andy whispering and mouthing to each other behind my back. Red bull is freaking nasty. I hate ugly spotted bananas. Andy is really good at being gay.

"When the world keeps spinning round
I'll run the other way
So time can stand still and watch
As I spend this moment with you forever."

-Meet With Me by Vineyard.

I cannot give testimonies. A long prayer. Amazingly, Kwansoo believes that I am difficult while he is not. Doughnut holes juicy with oil. Flipz and its saturated fat. Royee's picture.

This is going to be a very difficult week. =/

I forgot how much fun watching softball is. I've missed cheering loudly.

"Hello, Ms. Jayne." I love chill guys. =]

Getting the crap scared out of me, twice within a minute. And then a third time 3 minutes later. [Janet getting ?? three times on my bed].

A recap of the past couple of days: Ficb and Chris Son and Allen, a talk with Kwansoo, stupid meatballs, a flat tire, watching people play soccer and 4-square, Elise's fruit salad, Calling Out and talking with Roy about the message, The School of Rock.

Calling Out:
1000 vs 1.000. "And for those of who raised your hands, please talk to one of the good-looking or pretty people in the back." An awkward clapper. The lyrics to Captured by Aaron Benward. "I want to share this passage with you before we end tonight... That's it. The end. Goodnight!" The crop of the cream.

�츮�� ��: �����ϸ� �츮�� ��: ��Ȯ���Ͽ���
�����ϰų� �η� �� ���� ���
�츮�� ��; �̷�� '�� ��ȹ����
�ϳ��Կ� ���� ���� �׺��� �濡 �� ���̸�.

Andy's drawings depicting today perfectly.


Needing to talk and having no one to talk to.

"The world breaks everyone and afterward many are stronger at the broken places." -Ernest Hemingway.

Jerked out of the make-believe and left abandoned in reality.

Mr. Bush. Seven Jeans. Eggplant Crepes. Boys and girls. Hating the word "awkward." RA Steve is still so cute. Tuesdays with Julie! =]

"That's why I wish I was a grown up... cuz then I can buy all the candy and soda I want." -Amber.

"And when I have a mansion, I'm going to invite all the famous boy stars over... like Lil Bow Wow." -Mikkala.

Slowly, but surely.

Lunch with Caroline and Emily, my freshmen roomies. Exhausted and feeling a bit overwhelmed.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A11951-2003Oct11.html

"Despite the contradictory facts, it is sometimes necessary to be naive and believe that the world is filled with good people."

Thanks Tehmi.

...

Lord,
Please. Pretty pretty please.
Thank you.

An oasis mirage shimmering amidst the scorching desert. White lilies everywhere. The Sea of Galilee. Two red roses. Heart-shaped fans. Allison's pantaloons. Family gossip. Garden Buffet. A second cousin who attends Berkeley. Pure happiness and love. Taylor on her purple belt and striving for the black belt in order to get her ears pierced. Take-out boxes. Delicious messed-up food. Gina ���'s billionth candied ���.

Contemplative thoughts. "Commercial-free, positive, encouraging K-Love."

Reliving summer '02 with Julie: "Heartless Tin-Woman," World Cup nights, Korean drama nights, Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood, Ranch 99 Pho excursions, Long, long talks. Consensus that it was the best summer ever.

"College is the only time you have to find a boyfriend. It's now or never... Look at me, for example." -Auntie Tae.

Some things never change: "Ms. Poopsie Potty Tushie." An extended chat with Mona. Finding out how even more manly I was as a baby. High school had some damn good times. Reacquainting myself with The Boxcar Children.

It's nice to be in a bright and sunny room every once in a while.

Something I found written as a 7th grader in 1995 [ignore the grammatical errors]:

"Do not follow where the path leads. Rather go where there is no path and leave a trail.

For an example, on the topic of the battle of the devil, several people are sucked into the devil's temptations and evil doings. Yet there are many people who have turned around and have made their own choices.

Do not follow where the path leads. Basically, that means not to be lead by the devil and end up in hell. Rather go where there is no path and leave a trail. Turn around, declare that you have repented. Turn around and make your own trail, a trail that will be full of dangers and failures, but one that will wind its way up to a place, a place greater than anywhere else.

What is the devil's master trick? What is it that leads to all of those terrors in the world today? A lie. A simple lie is the devil's main trick. How can such a natural thing, be so dangerous to the world? Once you start, you can't stop. And one lie leads to another and another."

Amazing revelation: DennIS and JahndIS. =] Homemade chocolate chip and jelly cookies. A windy night. 4 pints with Piedmonters. Chicago. Purple toes.


"Kit-Kat?"
"Oh, no thanks."
"What? I thought you eat everything."
"=[ (sad face)"

A full moon. Welcome home store-bought dinner of ��= and ��κ�. White nectarines. An emptiness in the pit of my tummy.

Reception at home. =]

bCxaNgeL143: we'll blankly stare at each other
bCxaNgeL143: "what do u thin kjahndee?"
bCxaNgeL143: "i dunno"
bCxaNgeL143: "i dunno either"
bCxaNgeL143: "silence..."
Kpxgrlx012: shaddup
Kpxgrlx012: i know what to do
Kpxgrlx012: i am very self-efficient
bCxaNgeL143: jhandee: "ooooh oooh!! i have an idea! hurry before i lose it!"
bCxaNgeL143: sewon: "what what!!"
bCxaNgeL143: jhandee: "crap! i just lost it!"
bCxaNgeL143: sewon: "aish! crap! freakin gee jee beh!"
Kpxgrlx012: ahahahaahahahah
bCxaNgeL143: jahdee: "i'm not geejeebeh!"
bCxaNgeL143: the end
Kpxgrlx012: i hate you
bCxaNgeL143: u love meeeeeeeeeee
Kpxgrlx012: sorta
Kpxgrlx012: its a lukewarm kinda love
bCxaNgeL143: watever
bCxaNgeL143: it's burning passion
Kpxgrlx012: SICK

"You start the conversation."
"Ok. Hi."

Already forgetting and making everything so much worse.


"We ask God to forgive us for our evil thoughts and evil temper, but rarely, if ever, ask Him to forgive us for our sadness." -R. W. Dale.

Reconciliation. Heidi is a pretty princess. Damp shoulders. Unexpected In-n-Out excursion. "You guys look like aliens." Reliving three years of forgotten memories... good and bad.


It's already the 7th week.

Finally having Outlook Express... with 1051 emails to sort through.

Disgruntled Andrew Chon is an unattractive Andrew Chon. Blacked-out visible names. Indian accents. The BFG. Horrifying memories of Knott's Scary Farm. Open heart-to-hearts. Associations and Assumptions.


.:Things aren't always what they seem. Having faith:.

"Empty again
Sunken down so far
So scared to fall
Might not get up again

So I lay at Your feet
All my brokenness
I carry all of my burdens to You

All of these things
Held up in vain
No reason or rhyme
Just the scars that remain
Of all of these things
I'm so much afraid
Scared out of my mind
By the demons I've made
Sweet Jesus, you never ever let me go
Oh, sweet Jesus, you never ever let me go

So happy to love
Yet so far to go
You lead me on to where I've never been before"
-Much Afraid by Jars of Clay.

Andrew Chon almost got me killed today. Instead of apologizing, he was glad that I was closer to the oncoming truck so that I'd buffer the impact of the hit. What a swell guy.


Corned beef. Fruit and creme Starbursts. "J is for Jayne is my favorite CA." Fenton's cookie dough ice cream[Thanks Amanda!]. Jars of Clay. 4th floor Moffit is made public. God in The Great Gatsby.

Not knowing what to do. Feeling hopelessly lost.

"Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around." -Leo Buscaglia.

Finding Cassiopeia by myself. The Marina.

It's not about doing what you want to do, but doing what you have to do.

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven..."
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8.

An 8 ft tree and Isabella. "She looks like an angel." The Fast Pitch. The Astro Jump. Soozee (Suzy) and Darren. Heartbreaking news.

I haven't been this cold for a long time.


"I'm kind of hungry. Are you?"
"I could eat."
-Antwone Fisher.

JUDwhaEE: good nightjahndee gahndi
Kpxgrlx012: haha
Kpxgrlx012: good nite judy booty (_I_)
JUDwhaEE: cmon that's weak sauce
JUDwhaEE: (_______|________)
Kpxgrlx012: aahahahahahaha


T hed eRFTheory: i'm looking up stuff to make!
T hed eRFTheory: exciting
Kpxgrlx012: hahha
Kpxgrlx012: whos the lucky lady?
T hed eRFTheory: dennis
T hed eRFTheory: hahahahahahaahahahah
Kpxgrlx012: oh
Kpxgrlx012: blech
T hed eRFTheory: hahahahah
T hed eRFTheory: i wish it was a hot lady though
T hed eRFTheory: like you.
T hed eRFTheory: mmmmmm.

"And as I live this daily life
I trust you for everything
And I will only take a step
When I feel You leading me
Isn�t that crazy?"

Starting over with Alice's Compilation.


"Close my eyes and hold my heart
Cover me and make me something
Change this something normal
Into something beautiful"

Today's 10 things to be happy about:

1. Cleaning the garage
2. A brook brimming after the rain
3. Slipping a dollar to a kid
4. Sessions with old photo albums
5. Succumbing to sleepiness
6. Natural rock pools
7. Curling up in snowy linens
8. Pink twilight
9. Frittatas
10. Waiting out a sudden downpour

Hummus virgins. Possums and racoons. Nocturnal means being awake at night. God's grace is like a cookie. Great quotables.


Today's 10 things to be happy about:

1. A perfectly folded omelet
2. Stumbling upon a great Website
3. Sleeping in your socks
4. An evening cup of tea
5. A flirtatious wink
6. Snippets of conversation
7. Playing on the swings
8. Apologies accepted
9. The taste of tears
10. A good laugh

"Jeremy is very sick. We need to pray for him."

Snuggling under freshly laundered sheets. The weather. Kailoni is a cutie. Captain Underpants and the Attack of the Talking Toilets. Vanilla Almond Crunch. "Wow, and how?" Secret locations. A book each. Strong skin. George's Marvelous Medicine.




Now THIS is a monster dance:

To not be a man-pleaser. Promises of homemade spaghetti sauce. Thai Iced Coffee.


Today's 10 things to be happy about:

1. Bow ties
2. Heating a cheese Danish
3. When everything fits into a suitcase
4. Atonement
5. A kid learning to jump rope
6. Smooth wooden building blocks
7. Wisps of hair blown back
8. Making caramel apples
9. A tape of your favorite TV show
10. Blank verse

Men and their incompetency to pack. Otter pops. Abominable weather. Oreo Blender Blast. It begins today, I say.

Today's 10 things to be happy about:

1. A blue Le Creuset casserole
2. Sitting in a tree house
3. A just-jeans day
4. Colorful street markets
5. Picking apples
6. Clarifying your priorities
7. Salt air blowing through open windows
8. Admiring someone�s bookshelves
9. Pavarotti�s greatest hits
10. A dark autumn evening

The history section at Borders. The night air. A despondent heart. Matilda. To lead a purposeful life. I feel like crying these days.

Lunner with Carolina. "Grotto." One cherry only. Monaco, Morocco, Monte Carlo. Andrew Chon, John Song, Jason Higgins, and Aaron. Yvette and I are hot commodities. Being prude to the core. Cartilage piercings. A talented artist and a beautiful photographer. Deep appreciation for smart and intelligent guys. Green apples. All the firsts: kisses, crushes, loves, boyfriends, and sexual experiences. The importance of how a guy hugs you. Loving the simple things that life offers. Truth and Kings. To the past, the present, and the future. Let us live happily ever after.

"Lift your eyes and look to the heavens:
Who created all these?
He who brings out the starry host one by one,
and calls them each by name.
Because of his great power and mighty strength,
not one of them is missing."
Isaiah 40:26

"We gather strength from sadness and from pain... Each time we die we learn to live again."

Nessun maggior dolore,
Che ricordarsi del tempo felice
Nella miseria.
-Dante

Rubio's. I'm A Manatee. Getting lost amongst children's books. Aimless walks in the still of the night.

.:I called because I've missed the sound of your voice:.

The tingly feeling in the pit of your stomach during that initial conversation with a boy. The unraveling of a sad story. A spontaneous and wonderful talk with a good friend. Being blessed and rebuked at the same time. Perplexity at being a "beacon." Six final options.

"Welcome back, walls."

I know now what I need to do.

Look not at what you have lost, but at what you have left.



No more "What If?" questions...



... at least for this moment.

Great weather. A Cuppa Tea. Sewon and I are dang funny. Tiramisu and Hummus. My thankful heart. Getting things done... my way.

Animal style and animal style. Babies. Music.


.:Otter Pops. You spoil me:.

"Life brings simple pleasures to us every day. It is up to us to make them wonderful memories." -Cathy Allen.



All in all, I'm loving every rise and every fall.

A lot of good me time. 25% Heroes Discount. Sweet pickles. Teahouses and cafes. Orion's Belt.


"The remedy is the experience. It is a dangerous liaison.
I say the comedy is that its serious. Which is a strange enough new play on words,
I say the tragedy is how you're gonna spend the rest of your nights with the light on,
So shine the light on all of your friends because it all amounts to nothing in the end.

I won't worry my life away.
I won't worry my life away."
-The Remedy by Jason Mraz.

An unforgettable happy and sad night.


To rainy days, the 510, the fat guys, our senior year, and the best ddong I've had in the longest time.


Damn, I need the rain.

"Fresh page, new pen
Where do I begin
Words fail, tears come
I need someone
To take the thoughts I almost think
And carry them to God for me

Deep breath, exhale
Breathe in deeper still
Long sigh, I�m still numb
Is there anyone
Who can find the things I�m barely feeling
And give them wings beyond my ceiling?

Right heart, wrong place
It�s too far to outer space
Sorry, I forgot, You�re right here
I cup my hands around Your ear
I feel you smile, You feel my breath
You listen while I whisper nonsense

Simple exchange
Your will, I�m changed
And now my prayer ends
Thank You, Amen."
-My Prayer by Chris Rice.


.:My favorite popsicle. Thank you:.

Only time will tell.

Being a doormat friend. A light drizzle. Bumblebees, daisies, roses, and Bloak. A British accent. Sick and tired of them all. Hpnotiq. Bruises from intense scratching.

"It feels like my crotch is on fire."

It's happening already.

I DO eat a lot. High school memories associated with a Rubik's Cube. Pastor Eugene is like an anorexic girl.

Today's 10 things to be happy about:

1. All the shades of a forest
2. A standing ovation
3. Bubblegum
4. Bach cantatas
5. Potluck suppers
6. A long day of drizzle
7. A night of backyard astronomy
8. Watching your all-time favorite films again
9. No marks left by a Band-Aid
10. Greeting cards made by kids

Now 32.

Heidi likes to lick my face. 28.

Fat Guy Sewon: "Ooh, what book is that you're carrying? It looks so interesting."

Me: "It's a Pillsbury Devil's Food Cake Mix box."

A random stranger going out of his way to open the door.


.:Your unnecessary concern shows the extent of how much you care. Thank you:.

"You give to God your most prized and very best." -Professor Blaise.

Intermezzio Chef's salad with Peggy. Daruma's with Nancy. Yogurt Park. Chinese with the boys. Thumper. Actually being inside Capri 109 without Andy there. Butterflies.

Cinnamon sugar pretzels. Tripe, tendon, and cilantro. Last summer memories. Guys' insightful perceptions on relationships. Slow jams. Ice cream cones the way they should be. "Shake, shake, shake."

"Ranch 99 Till We Die."

I wish I was Mary Poppins and had the ability to jump into pictures.

Scandia Fun Center. Car ride ruined by Andrew Chon. Wendy's Frosty. Andy, Kwansoo, and Eugene as excited lil kids in the arcades. Retarded X-Men screen. Police 911-2. Sucking badly at shooting games. Lots of tickets. Exceptionally great mini-golfers. Nancy's crankiness when she's hungry. HOT weather. Go-cart racing. Water-filled bellies.

Realizing everything all of a sudden. It's like a whirlwind.

God will call you to die to anything you treasure.

Medley of instruments. Brief moment of happiness shrouded like the fog that encased Berkeley tonight. Near death experience showing me how precious life should be considered. Talk with Kevin about dying to our treasures. Mr. Holland's Opus.

I want to go to the beach.

Paul Hwang's Indian trance music imitation. Brazilian BBQ. Carwash fun. Eugene Shin makes the best Pizookie. Shoots and brooms.

Sorrentos twice in one day. Black and white inspirations. Plans to do something I have always wanted to do. Green tea ice cream. Berkeley Billiards. Five balls. Jane Moon and I have no game. Long, honest talks.

"So I had to put all my eggs in one basket." -Andrew Chon. =D

"One should never despise even the smallest specks in the universe. Those little specks in the sky... each of them is an immense world of its own. Each single one of all those millions is a sovereign world, a world that is not to be destroyed." -Nicholas Agi, The Swan.

"Big Bang." =]

A man in a wheelchair with his grandson on his lap. The love so evident in their eyes and smiles.

A new pj shirt. =D Winning a bet about Andy. Bringing Down the House. The Swan.

"I'm hungry." -Aunt Symphorosa.

Bruised and painful reminder of last night. The irony of being a cow. Pachabel-Canon in D Major(Piano) on repeat. Encouraging voice messages.

The beginning of the end. No expectations, just eager anticipation.

Let's do this.

Pomegranate. Reminiscing about first encounters and freshmen year. Bulging fingers. Sadness over a lost opportunity. Resorting to something stupid to forget that feeling. Being Kevin's drum. "���� ����մϴ�." Pastels and a white canvas.

Golden Gate Park. California Academy of Sciences and The Planetarium. A shimmering rainbow of butterflies. Surviving an attack by a groundhog. Exploration and aimless wandering. Discovering a wonderfully secret garden. Fat guy reunion.

Living by the grace of God.

Alice cutting my fingernails for me. Cassiopeia and Mars. Delirium while shredding chicken.

"Sola Christa."

Alice, Esther, Kwansoo, Andy. Chicken fat. Chunks of cheese. Talking with Alice. Imitation crab and Spam smelling hands. Esther's new recipes. Cell phones. Leathery flakes punctuated by pore holes.

"What are you looking forward to this month? Working with Jayne." =]

"Everybody loves Andy, Kwansoo, and Royee." Period.

"There are no great things, only small things with great love. Happy are those." �Mother Teresa.

"Today is called Jahndee's weather." =]

John wanting my spaghetti. =]

Being the oldest at dinner. The banner size. A kiwi is a hybrid of strawberries and bananas. Giraffes and zebras DO make hybrid animals.

Sucking at bowling and not being able to roll my tongue. Horrible conversation topics at Denny's. Choosing country fried potatoes covered and smothered over being mad at Andy. Charles, Andy, Esther, and Alice belting out Boys II Men songs. Andrew Chon's stubbornness and flakes.

dank IM91: and i had to do laundry
dank IM91: wearin my last undies rite now
dank IM91: u kno...that old crusty one way in the back of the drawer
dank IM91: HAHA
Kpxgrlx012: SICK
Kpxgrlx012: ahahahhaa
dank IM91: haha
dank IM91: u know u have one like that too
Kpxgrlx012: yeha
Kpxgrlx012: but they arent crusty

Being an action figure with five choice sayings. John becoming my new best friend after only three days.

S.W.A.T. Screaming at one point with Josei. 25th Hour.

Fifteen minute nap at Rob's. Kevin's incessant ugly picture taking of me. Slot machines. John's and my new game. Second sixteen hour workday. Craziest and funnest last shift ever. Being triple shifted. Lemon-flavored popsicles. Mascarpone Italian Cheese. H�agen-Dazs Vanilla Swiss Almond and Coffee ice cream. Talking to various inanimate objects. Lots and lots of laughter. Random trip to LBL to commemorate the night. Trying to find Cassiopeia. John considerately talking while peeing off the cliff. Two shooting stars. LBL itself. The butt warmers of John's Accord.

Thirteen boys and lucky me. The Stinger. John Yun's utter uselessness. "Let's biggity bounce, I'll stab you." Having my left boobie be scrutinized by John. Strawberry daiquiris. Honey BBQ Boneless Wings from KFC. The Tingler. Being treated extra special by the boys. Sixteen hours of work.

Satisfied cravings. Trung feeding me a peanut butter and grape jelly sandwich and ice cream with a chocolate cone.

It is taking me far longer than I originally believed.

The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears.

"Whatever happens will happen."

Pleasant surprises. Appeased fears. Trusting in God and God alone.

Suddenly feeling very sad.

Who knew that Nicholas Cage was in The Rock? A Heineken and blueberries.

Sausalito. Lampert's Ice Cream. Sudden sadness and emptiness.

Mentos from Kyrgystan. Old faces, fond memories. Number two, animal style with fresh onions.

"How Great You Are" by Vineyard.

Alcatraz Island. Coit Tower. Mini-doughnuts. Palace of Fine Arts during the daytime. It's red. Crustacean with garlic noodles and roast crab. Ice cream. =]

San Martin Presbyterian Church. 8/9/1904. Erick's DeliCafe. "Mommy, I'm starved!" Gilroy Premium Outlets.

Last summer small group. Sweet roses. Fresh Choice. Stealing muffins. Albany Bowl. Dancing as punishment. Nation's.

Pouring water on cereal. ��κ� in San Jose. �� and �ƺ�'s new protein diet. Aida. Going to the bathroom three times with ��. Going up the stairs seven times unloading the car. An ice chest crammed with meat. Jer-Jer claiming my bed as his.

Orange yellow roses. Bette's Oceanview Diner. Sad goodbyes. =[

Sunday worship. Heidi calling me ���. Chunky peanut butter.

VBS 2003: The King Is Coming!

���� marching up and down the hall. Royee teaching John Song and Danny Yoon to do three different types of pushups. Watching the kids shake their little booties during praise. Kids in their pj's. Kids saying the darnedest things. Royee's facial expression as he dropped an entire trashbag of water balloons. Kids asking the most thought provoking questions. Pass It On.

Being insanely excited over the dinner the parents prepared for us. Watching Mrs. Han and Mrs. Lee be cute friends. Watching Doori's mom start dancing. Falling for Dennis and Kwansoo's stupid lying. Laughing obnoxiously like ���ܸ�s and exchanging horror stories about braces.

The Thank you's and the Your welcome's. The simple beauty found in wide-eyed innocence.

Bad day suddenly turned much better.

Five hours later, and still the raucous burps.

The very first drop of rain. =]

Being one's Babushka. ����. The rumble of thunder and the crack of lightning.

A simply divine revelation: God does answer prayers.

Discovering things that I didn't care to know about. A reminder to keep my distance.

An amazing sunrise that words simply cannot describe.

Foreboding mountains shrouded by the silent grey-blue misty darkness.

"We are confronted with insurmountable opportunities." -Pogo.

Spontaneous lunch dates. An unexpected phone call.

bori: ill think of you while my mind is in the gutter

bori: i love you too too!
Kpxgrlx012: i will make a man out of you yet.

Inside-out.

Another new resolution: Work on the ESBN slideshow every Sunday night until completed.

A wonderful 27 hours of blessed small group fun.

"Small Group, we need to pay Rob back for the pizza, the food, and the tickets." -Albert Kae.

"A girl's best friend?" "Food."

She's not Mona, but she'll do. =]

I wish I was JOE BOXER.

"...We should never grow so old, or change so much, that we cannot find room in our hearts for the wisdom of children's books."-Judith Viorst, What the Dormouse Said.

Two Great American Burgers + 1 Whopper Jr. + 1 Double Cheeseburger + $0 = 4 very happy girls. Nation's banana cream pie. Never Been Kissed. Michael Vartan. Deliver Us From Eva. LL Cool J. Ongoing continuous discussion of food: Carnitas, Thai, sushi, ������, �κ�, Palace Buffet, desserts.

I've made some new vows for myself this summer.

Alex Hyun is a cheater. He is also stupid enough to leave something cooking on low heat and not realize it until four hours later.

"Music is about the only thing left that people don't fight over."

"The piano is the foundation, and that's it."

-Ray Charles, What I've Learned.

Today's a nice morning.

My Life.

"Say Hello, Dad."
"Hello."

We have a God-shaped hole in our hearts.

Life's little things do not steal away the joy, but instead help to affirm it.

Psalm 37:23-24.

���� and ����. Yellow watermelon. Twix Brownies. Sister Act.

Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines. Artery clogging 1/2 lb Hot Pockets and Pringles. Generalization of girls' reactions.

Sleeping with freshly washed sheets. =]

FicB picnic. Kristy and my inventive way of cutting watermelon while Karen and Kwansoo stood gawking. Very ugly and painful sunburn after holding the lifesaver tray for a mere 15 minutes. Sewon's ���ܸ� way of splashing water on herself.

Being locked in and then abandoned. Pier 39 for fireworks. Kevin's plaid shirt from the 8th grade. Royee's burnt, prominent proboscis. French fries and ketchup. Mini-doughnuts. Frigid, numbing wind. The picturesque sky. Basile's photos. Stupid bets. Jane Kim's sweatshirt pocket and arm. Girls huddling around Stephen. Oohing and aahing.

Kristy's race against the hordes of people. Criminal sister. Smelling Royee's armpit. Realization of how truly girlie Stephen is.

Dennys. Strawberry milkshake. Ice water. Scary movies. Unfortunate bad luck. Feeling so old with the little ones.

Aloe vera is my new best friend.

I was re-reading some of my old blog entries and I came across this quote that I took off Royee's aim profile.

"When the world pushes you to your knees... you're in the perfect position to pray."

I've changed. This quote now denotes a different and new meaning.

Kwansoo showed me his pictures from our Las Vegas trip and they made me happy. He then gave me some of his doubles and that made me happier.

My �� is amazing. I do not deserve anything that she does for me.

I will cling to whatever it was that made me care for you in the first place.

It's not even the first day and I feel like I've failed already. The worthless disappointment that I am. =[

Low clouds and misty gray fog. ���ö� ���. Worshipping with 1st, 1.5th, and 2nd generation Koreans. Simple praise songs sung in Korean revealing a much deeper meaning. Praising Him at the top of my lungs. It not being about what we will become, but about who we are right now before Him. It not being about how high on a hill we'll be at, but simply being the light right now. Being at peace for the first time in two weeks. Coming back and desperately wishing that this will not go away. Struggling to know who my real friends are. Sheepish feelings for writing lengthy and vulnerable emails to indifferent recipients.

Do people intentionally try to be jerks?

Cassiopeia.

Sometimes you just have to take risks. Otherwise you'll end up risking more.

-Walking at night. Being punished. Selfish trip to Treasure Island. Hung up phone call. Invisible cut on ankle.
-Palace of Fine Arts. Very illegal turns. Columns resembling those of the Vatican. Amazing reflection of the columns in the clear, dark water. Five swans. Hearts. Chicken carcasses. Little clouds.
-Cold bench. Moving star. Wandering skunk. 1st level, 2nd level, 3rd level. Are your 3rd level worriments only intended for God to know? Stupid humans with their stupid human concerns. Frozen toes and chattering teeth.
-LBL. One deer. Mood lightening with the sky. Rainbow haze. Begrudging assertion of particular friendship. Lion's head. A bear. An elephant's butt. God-given friends and stupid humans.

-Crowded streets. Dancing kids. Happy families. Having to decide where to sit.
-Shoe falling off. The Hulk. Hollywood Homicide. Golden Grahams. Laughing by myself.
-"How Do You Talk To An Angel?" by The Heights on repeat.

-Turtle Cake from Andronico's. Blue candles. Sewon's own green box from Tiffany & Co. "Marvelous Light" by Derek Webb.
-Analyze That. Performing 4 illegal driving maneuvers in approximately 3 minutes. Hitting the curb and parking in a space that was half-red. Ever-present favorite pen.
-Foot warmer and defroster combination. Big big muscles. Acrid nose hair-burning Chinese food. Being mad but not really. Snowboarding socks. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. Hot white guys. Tap water in bowls and tea. Mount Rushmore and playing pool. Infomercials. SNL and Conan.
-Old school episode of Batman and Robin. Cutout purple nose on Batman's black mask. Slow cars in high-speed chases. Hydraulic Trash Crusher. Penguin and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

Me: only if u marry [name of chick]
Person: that's not fair
Person: you get the better end of the deal
Person: hahhaha
Me: ooh
Me: im telling
Person: don't tell her i said that
Person: i'll die

Today's 10 things to be happy about:

1. jigsaw puzzle dust
2. a growing bonsai
3. lounging by a pool all weekend
4. barbecued food
5. plunging waterfalls
6. golf tournaments
7. the mutter of distant thunder
8. the ice cream truck
9. a spotless car*
10. a baby napping in the shade

*I loathe Solar Car Wash. Today was the worst car washing experience I have had in years.

...

-LBL trip. Trying to figure out the map of campus. The Big Dipper. Random little lights.
-Winning the third game of Monopoly I've ever played with approximately $12,000. Kwansoo throwing money at me like I was a prostitute. Feeling lonely like Scrooge must have felt. "These magic moments..."
-How Now Brown Cow.
-Bruised middle knuckle. Stinging papercut on pinky finger.
-Costco rendezvous. Hidden Valley Light Ranch Chicken Wrap with Guacamole.
-O'ding on excessive amounts of caffeine.
-Rib-eye steak. New York strip steak. Sirloin steak. Filet Mignon. Prime Rib.
-OG Korean music and memories. Dirty windows. Cold feet.
-Sudden sad mood swings and need for contemplation and solace.

sUrf c l o u d 9: i'm having this stpuid mere exposure effect with you guys
sUrf c l o u d 9: i used to be fine alone
sUrf c l o u d 9: and now i'm attached and must see you guys everyda
sUrf c l o u d 9: that's sick
jAhNdEeShEkKi: AHAHAHAHA
sUrf c l o u d 9: how hopelessly dependent i've become
jAhNdEeShEkKi: isnt it great
jAhNdEeShEkKi: =D

...

Today's 10 things to be happy about:

1. a ride in a convertible
2. velvety white roses
3. the architecture of Williamsburg, Virginia
4. finding old love letters
5. the sunrise
6. weeping willows
7. a patch of sun from a skylight
8. a porch with rocking chairs
9. a friend with a sailboat
10. cool rain on hot pavement

SUNDAY
-Interesting message on Nehemiah and his prayers. Story of how Eskimos kill wolves by having them lick blades covered in in frozen blood and how we are just like that.
-Seeing my ���ҸӴ�. =]
-Lunch at ��� with Jeniffer Chun and her dad. �̸� and ���q. Las Vegas and 3,000 nickels. Reminder to keep praying for her dad's health.
-The Coffee Bean with Hannah Whang. Future plans. Mexico cruise and Japan. LSATs and MCATs. Catching up on old times.
-������ at �ĵ��� in Ktown with the entire family. �ø� and ����. �Ʊ���. �ƺ� requesting Sprite. ����ing the ��ġ with ��� fat. �� continuing to gorge on the ������ after everyone was finished.
-Watching my �ƺ� look dang cute strutting in the shirt and tie we bought him. Praying one last time together. Planning next trip home and parents' trip up to eat Alameda Sushi House.
-�� hating on Royee for not calling and being responsible, and then for making us leave later than planned.
-Interesting drive back up to Berkeley. Odd confrontation and temporary reassurance.

Congratulations Jennifer Yi. I'm so proud of your many accomplishments and successes throughout the years. It's hard to believe that even though we've been through so many changes throughout the years, our friendship is something that has remained wonderfully consistent and stable. I'm so glad I was able to be there with you this weekend. I heart you. =]

...

Highlights from the past couple days:
-Kwansoo being irritable and cranky after being stuck in traffic on the 5 South forever. Kwansoo complaining about So Cali and the gray haze we have looming near the horizon. Kwansoo complaining about how our cities are so close to each other. Kwansoo complaining about the poor drivers on the 5 freeway. Discussing our Vegas trip and the fun details of it, primarily how the Third Wheel Party was always secluded, about the food, and about Nancy's fall.
-Playing with Kwansoo and Carlos. Carlos commenting on how much Kwansoo tends to whine. Witnessing the only time I've seen Kwansoo hit someone. Carne asada fries and Diet Pepsi at Alberto's. Talking about drinking and gambling. Carlos spending most of the time trying to coax Kwansoo to party with him. Kwansoo reiterating over and over again that Carlos is one of his "project children." Visiting Carlos' dorm. Carlos holding my purse and pillow. Carlos and Kwansoo practicing counting cards. Carlos startling me by randomly touching my hair.
-Jennifer's Yukon with the new car smell. Dinner at Red Robin with Jennifer Yi and her roomies. Freckled lemonade and Honey mustard chicken burger. Marveling at seeing Jeffrey all grown up and thugged out. Kwansoo and pool hall. Emptiness of Jennifer's apartment. Jennifer introducing me to Tammie Kim, Kim Crawford, and Andy Liau, cuz she thought I was her roomie. Sleepover in living room. Late-night feast on Golden Spoon chocolate, peanut butter, and Heath Bar frozen yogurt. Andy being dominated by chickies and girl talk. Who would you want to see again from Whitney? Who would you want to punch from Whitney? Kwansoo at a pc bang. Jennifer and her first green [teal] box from Tiffany & Co. =]
-Roses for Jennifer. Watching Tammie take random pictures during graduation [Pikachu tent, little boy and girl holding hands, little boy in overalls, resting dog, Andy's shoes, Jennifer's bouquet, etc]. Trying to locate where Jennifer was and having her stand up and wave to us. Hot weather. Kim saying how her forehead is always the first to burn, me saying how it's my cheeks that always burn first. My spotting Jennifer and her parents a minute before she walked across the stage. Jennifer and her mom waving emphatically at us. Cheering and yelling. Madness and mayhem taking pictures and trying to find each other. Seeing familiar Berkeley faces: Glow, Haejin, Peggy, Alex, Tammy, Paul. Realizing that the cute kids I was observing earlier were the nieces and nephews of Paul's just graduated friend, Fabio.
-Reception at Islands, Jennifer's mom's new favorite restaurant. Catching up with Karl Pongyingpis. Listening to Karl's recommendation and ordering the Yaki. Tammie having Andy ordering her a Lava Flow. Endless chips and salsa and onion rings. Standing in the parking lot taking endless pictures. Going back and helping Jennifer pack the rest of her stuff. Eating a 쭈쭈바 and a �������� for the first time in years. Fierce hugs and reluctant goodbyes.
-Finally seeing my parents for the first time since I returned to So Cali on Monday night. Watching them walk out of the garage together and running up to them screaming in glee.

Today's 10 things to be happy about:

1. Egyptian obelisks
2. perfect weather for an outdoor cafe lunch
3. walking on the beach
4. candles on a mirrored tray
5. a cotton candy stand
6. driving with the sunroof open
7. classic fried chicken and potato salad
8. sudden thunderstorms
9. verandas with elegant pillars
10. a lonely gravel road

I just got back from Las Vegas and before I conk out, I wanted to write a little something that I learned about each person on the trip. I will write about the full details of the trip later.

Andy: Andrew Chon is exactly like Marlin in Finding Nemo. He will be the quintessential paranoid father figure who will freak out if even one hair is out of place on his future children's heads. He always lectured us on using the crosswalks and was always extra careful when stepping on and off the escalators. Despite this however, I can honestly say that Andrew is an intelligent guy except when he tries to prove me wrong about his acclaimed smartness. Andy has never tried 순대볶음 although he claims that he loves 순대 and is shockingly successful at Indy 500 and water shooting games. He was the first boy's leg that I've ever touched, and now I know not to touch them anymore. He let me watch while he applied his Old Spice deodorant. He is utterly useless on road trips and he does not enjoy sweet foods such as barbeque sauce or 비빔냉면.

Josei: Josephine Kim likes to sleep the earliest every night so that she can maximize her fun time during the day. She is also so fashionable that Nancy and I took alternate turns matching her outfits with one of ours every day. One of the most important qualities that Josei looks for in the opposite sex is their drive for ambition. Josei was also perceptive enough to know that I was going through Diet Coke withdrawal symptoms the first night and was kind enough to buy me one when I was at my all-time low. She also had really cute flowers embossed onto her toes, and didn't know that she was supposed to tip the pedicure lady. Josei thoroughly enjoyed the butternut squash ravioli at the Bellagio buffet.

Kwansoo: Kwansoo Jun likes orange juice and has never heard of 팥빙수 in his life. It was also his first time in Las Vegas so he and I were really excited when we saw the "Welcome to Las Vegas" sign. Kwansoo doesn't like to eat fancy foods and instead prefers steak over everything else. He also packs excessively for a guy and was the only other person that wanted to ride the New York New York roller coaster with me. He wanted to hire a hooker to seduce Royee although it was he who received the lap dance at the Egg and I, and was the only guy who knew how to eat somewhat healthily. He has also seen the vast majority of movies, and laughed the longest after Nancy had her incident. He constituted the first 1/3 of the Third Wheel Party.

Nancy: Nancy Kim is crazy and thus has my complete respect. Not only does she have this limitless amount of energy that everyone feeds off of, but she is cool enough to try and steal a dollar from the fountain at the Bellagio. She is also really classy, piquing my interest not only in Andy Warhol, but in fine delicacies such as fruit salad in mint julep chutney. She is not ashamed to vocalize her appreciation for the finer looking specimens of the male species and her new hairstyle looks really good on her. However, I do not understand how she does not like ��κ� that much. She also never wore the baseball cap she brought to protect her face from the sun after her 점 surgery.

Robert: Even though Robert Kim was quite sick throughout the trip, he was still the most sensible and rational one out of everyone. He was the one that reminded us to get rest or to not get too carried away when we wanted to start our Vegas trip early. Rob was also the exemplary tour-guide, never ceasing to amaze me that a North Cali-er knew more about Vegas than So Cali-residing Nancy, Andy, Royee, and Josei. He also waits for opportunities to use terms such as "ghetto fabulous" in ordinary conversation, and Andy and him were kind enough to teach me how to play Worms before they regretted doing so. He was the one who also quarantined himself off whenever possible so that we wouldn't catch his germs. Robert taught me to never take anything from the men who slap ads against their palms, and that after 9/11, people came to pay their respects at the New York New York hotel.

Royee: Royee Chung is surprisingly good at BlackJack and surprisingly horrible at performing magic tricks with cards. He also does not like mushrooms and believes that "Pho is what they serve in Hell." He likes to stroll around Vegas, alarming people with his ghastly pallid upper arms and tooting praise songs on his kazoo. He takes ridiculously short 5 minute showers and believes that one pair of underwear is sufficient for a 3 day-long trip. Royee likes to drink orange juice and lemonade. He is also remarkably adept at water shooting games and hence won Brownie, the stupidest rhinoceros I have ever seen. =] He is by far the unhealthiest person of the group, but enjoys popsicles almost as much as I do. He constituted the last 1/3 of the Third Wheel Party.

Thanks to Rob and Kwansoo for driving everywhere. Thanks to Nancy for planning the trip and all our fun activities. Thank you Andy, Billy, Butch/Brian, Josei, Kwansoo, Nancy, Robert, and Royee for making my first Vegas trip so memorable and fun. =]

Monday's 10 things to be happy about:

1. meeting a fascinating stranger
2. cherries and strawberries in season
3. cooking with friends
4. the nonsmoking section
5. singing along to The Sound of Music
6. the power of a storm
7. an unexpected touch
8. Sugar Daddy suckers
9. listening to the sounds of the forest
10. pink lemonade

I am very excited for this upcoming week. =]

Sunday's 10 things to be happy about:

1. eating well
2. the names of English country houses
3. a large log-burning fireplace
4. cinnamon buns fresh from the bakery
5. honey-colored stones
6. tea with honey
7. the smell of salt air
8. knowing what ubiquitous means
9. surrounding yourself with nature
10. discussing an interesting topic

I'm in this funk again. I can't explain it really, but I feel every single emotion at the exact same time. Hence it is difficult to categorize how I feel, since every moment the emotion seems to be changing.

Life is so damn hard. The harshness and reality of it sometimes hits me to the point of tears and the sense of utter hopelessness.

I was cleaning/organizing [*gasp*] and found my The Best of 14,000 Things to be Happy About. Page-A-Day Calendar. Granted it is kind of late to start, but here are today's 10 things to be happy about:

1. an older couple holding hands
2. reading by candlelight
3. homemade flour tortillas
4. stars slowly fading
5. a candle flickering in the wind
6. walking in silence through a forest
7. starting a new journal
8. chunks of caramelized pineapple
9. market-fresh ingredients
10. bare feet on a warm floor

Kpxgrlx012 (8:07:25 PM): my grades suck this semster =[
Kpxgrlx012 (8:07:27 PM): im so sad karen
Kpxgrlx012 (8:07:29 PM): i want to eat now
s u r f cloud9 (8:07:57 PM): hahaha
s u r f cloud9 (8:08:03 PM): let's go get nemo toys from mcd's
Kpxgrlx012 (8:08:08 PM): OKAY!
s u r f cloud9 (8:08:09 PM): i saw them today and got greedy
Kpxgrlx012 (8:08:15 PM): happy meals right
Kpxgrlx012 (8:08:18 PM): let us let us
Kpxgrlx012 (8:08:25 PM): i want two
s u r f cloud9 (8:08:27 PM): yah, let's buy two each
s u r f cloud9 (8:08:29 PM): hahahahaha
Kpxgrlx012 (8:08:29 PM): okAY@
s u r f cloud9 (8:08:30 PM): i just said that
Kpxgrlx012 (8:08:32 PM): =D

A while ago, I drove up to LBL to look at the stars. Unfortunately, I was unable to because the fog was so thick. Driving up and back down was scary, but I found it comforting having the fog completely surround me and isolate me from everything else. I think I needed the time alone. I think I still need some time alone.

My blogs have been inconsistent because I've been going through a lot and I haven't been at peace. Part of what I was going through is addressed below, and the other part is not worth mentioning.

"If we give way to self-pity and indulge in the luxury of misery, we remove God's riches from our lives and hinder others from entering into His provision. No sin is worse than the sin of self-pity, because it removes God from the throne of our lives, replacing Him with our own self-interests. It causes us to open our mouths only to complain, and we simply become spiritual sponges- always absorbing, never giving, and never being satisfied... learn to lavish the grace of God on others, generously giving of yourself." -My Utmost for His Highest

Kristy, Karen, Linda, and I took Sharona out for her 21st birthday. =] We took her to Bubba Gump's at Pier 39. Linda ordered her the Lava Flow, this really pretty mixed drink that had rum and pina colada flavoring in it. Sharon drank like 1/5 of it and turned bright red and complained about how hot she was. And thanks to Royee, we got free dessert for guessing Jenny's stage name in Forrest Gump [Bobbie Dylan].

Unfortunately, I fell on the steps while we were walking around. Sharon warned me that this little girl was about to hit me cuz she was flailing her arms about in this psychotic manner. I was so fixated on making sure the girl didn't hit my crotch that I didn't pay attention to where I was walking and *boom* I didn't see the steps and fell on my hands and knees. =[ My right knee hurts a lot... it was to the point where I couldn't even swing my right leg out of the car seat when we went to get dessert.

Speaking of dessert, afterwards we went to Mitchell's Ice Cream, also in the city somewhere. Linda said it had good reviews, and when we got there, we had to wait a good 15 minutes before ordering our ice creams. It was dang cold so we decided to eat in my car. Our topic of conversation was about how ridiculous I looked when I fell, and the cussing phases that we did or did not undergo when we were younger.

I had fun tonight. Good food, good friends, and good moments always leave me feeling happy. Linda went buck wild with her camera the entire night. It was so cute. =] I hope her pictures turn out well. hehe.

Today has been a pretty good day so far...

-It was nice and breezy when I woke up today. The weather was around 65 degrees, and not hot at all. =]
-I heard some good news from Andy Chon and I got happy for him. Happiness is contagious.
-I went bowling with Kwansoo, Karen, Danny Yoon, and Albert Kae. I think I bowled one of my highest scores ever.
-I am going to go to Las Vegas for the first time in my life in a couple of weeks. I'm really excited.
-I am going to go HOME after the Vegas trip for UC graduations and Father's Day. =D
-Karen, Albert, and I are going to visit Seattle, Washington and are going to pick apples.

I had lunch with Julie Kim at CPK today. I haven't had a lunch date with her for quite some time so it was good just catching up with what had happened since our last date a little over a month ago.

I talked to her about becoming a small group leader and we discussed my apprehensions and anxieties about it. She brought up a really good point that she left me with: that no matter, it is ultimately all about the heart and how much I'm willing to serve God. It doesn't matter what doctrine I believe in, or what types of questions I ask... all that matters is my own personal relationship with God and how much my heart is open enough to trust him enough to let Him do His will with me.

With that, I still do not know what I should do. I know that what Julie said is what ultimately matters, but I can't help but feel that what she said is also really idealistic. If it only were that simple... However, in the real world, no matter what, there are certain expectations and standards that I need to abide by and live according to.

Senior reception was tonight. The place was really nice, and the food was really yummy. I respect this year's seniors a lot. I feel that they are all genuinely nice people and they have never ceased to show concern when an underclassmen is in need.

Dancing was awkward in the beginning, but it was fun watching everyone get their groove thang on. I love how the freshie boys dance. All they care about is having fun, so they completely let go and unabashedly dance however they wish.

It took a while, but the junior guys finally danced also. Well, three of them did. Andy, Kwansoo, and Robert.

Afterwards, while we were leaving, I said a casual goodbye to Julie Oh and started to walk towards my car, until she hugged me and said that this was going to be the last time I see her for a while. I couldn't process what she said cuz I was preoccupied by figuring out rides, so I stared at her for like five seconds until I realized that tonight was the last night that I would ever see some of the seniors again. I started crying even though I didn't want to and even though heartless tin woman Julie told me to stop. =/ It's ridiculous, but it's still a really sad thought once you honestly think hard about it. I believe that every person I meet during my life has somehow influenced me and shaped me to be who I am today and who I will be in the future. There's a reason why I've met the individuals in my life, and it makes me sad to think that once that person has served their purpose, I might never see him or her again. I know that in the end we'll all be in the same place together, but the fickleness of my being a human cannot help but feel a bit sad at this very moment.

My sister and I had dinner with Danny's family at Chevy's. Danny's mom told me that my mother was taking care of their fishies for them while they were up in Berkeley. My dad sent me an email saying to call her frequently cuz he was going to be in Mexico on a missions trip. I talked to my mom, and then Danny's mom did cuz she wanted to check up on the fishies. I really really wish I could be at home with my family right now.

Woke up really late for the Haas graduation and made it just in time to thrust bouquets at Julie Oh and Chris Son.

Went to Gilroy's Outlets with Sewon and Karen where I proceeded to spend money that I did not have. My bargain purchases included $5 man pajama pants inspired by Eugene Shin and a $5 hat from JCrew. Unfortunately, the pj pants are incredibly itchy and my sister said that the hat is ugly, so I am no longer pleased with my bargain purchases.

I started reading The Remains of the Day. It was a little slow in the beginning, but I'm finding that it's getting more and more interesting.

I accidentally slept over at Karen's so Lila and I were held hostage in the bedroom while they had an officers' meeting in the living room.

Karen, Jenny, and I taught Slum and Andy how to play Hwat-Do. They're really fun people to play with.

Robert, Nancy, Alice, Karen, Slum, Kwansoo, Andy, Jennifer Lee, Jenny, Rebecca, and I went to Ranch 99 to eat pho. It was dang yummy. I don't understand people who do not take time to savor their pho. It was Jennifer Lee's first time eating pho and I taught her the proper pho-eating etiquette. I was happy when she said she liked it. =]

I went to the PEIS and MCB graduations. I got to see Danny and Brian so I was happy.

Kwan, Kristy, Andy, Fred, and I ranked 8 guys in our class on their coquettish tendencies. Then we tried to do it for the most feminine but that got to be too tiring, so we just ended up making the five or six categories that we would use to rank the guys. That was a lot of fun. There was a lot of bias, but it was greatly satisfying when we reached a consensus amongst the five of us.

We went to In-N-Out with a group of random people. Jason, Andy, Kevin, Kristy, Fred, Kwansoo, Jung, Carolina, Karen, Robert, and Josei. Random people are fun. I brought up a gross topic so our side of the table began to talk about guys' and girls' abilities to peepee. There's a lot to be learned about the male and female anatomy. I wanted to know more but I think Jason was getting disgusted. At one point during the night I wanted to cry cuz I was the focus of everyone's attention for about 5 minutes. Everyone was literally staring at me and my monstrous ears, which were fortunately hidden underneath my hair. That part of the night wasn't that fun.

Kwansoo, Kristy, Carolina, Fred, Karen and I went to Karen's afterwards while Andy Chon, the big pooper, went home to do laundry. Fred taught Carolina, Kristy and Karen to play Hwat-Do as well. Kwan's friend, Carlos, came up from SD, and I was embarassed that he remembered me as the chick who yelled, "Kwan, show me the money!!" during our trip to Salinas.

Fred, Karen, and I watched 집으로 afterwards. I haven't cried so much during a movie for a really long time. The 할머니 in there made me realize how wonderful my own 할머니들 are. I really wish I could go home today.

I had fun at the DC today. My hunger + my delirium + my elation in finishing finals + my being surrounded by cool people = ecstatically happy me.

However, I soon succumbed to food coma until Kwansoo inconsiderately awoke me from my slumber by incessantly calling my house and cell. [I only got about an hour or so of sleep the night before.] Kwansoo was consistently mean to me for the rest of the night as well. Granted I don't remember specifically what happened, but I do remember how mean he was.

Went to Americana and played Speed Scrabble and Clue with Tommy, Kwansoo, Jenny, and Basile. Tommy's funny. Both him and I were delirious from lack of sleep. Kwansoo tried to teach us Hwat-do/Go Stop, but failed miserably. We had to wait until Fred came to really learn how to play the game.

Kwansoo, Basile, Jenny, Amanda, and Fred came to my place and played more Hwat-do and ate Chapaghetti. Out of those people, only Basile and Amanda had ever come to my place before. haha. Fred couldn't understand how rare an occasion it is to have people visit me at my place. Fred's cast also smells really bad.

I had a great girlie talk with Amanda. I must reiterate the fact that I like Amanda immensely. "Towel." =]

I wanted to correct my sleeping schedule today, but I think that's going to have to wait until tomorrow.

Kpxgrlx012: howd it go?
kwanshu: you know the sound a bomb makes when its flying through the air?
kwanshu: and right before it hits the ground, there's this kind of high pitched squeal and the sudden anxious attack of the fact that you're about to die a horrible and painful death?
kwanshu: yeah
Kpxgrlx012: wow
Kpxgrlx012: i didnt do so great either
Kpxgrlx012: =[
kwanshu: really?
kwanshu: as in, you think you got a c not so great, or you absolutely bombed it?
Kpxgrlx012: c not so great
Kpxgrlx012: nevertheless
Kpxgrlx012: we have to play
kwanshu: yes

And the playing begins... =]

My eating habits are messed up right now. I have never consumed so much candy and Diet Coke before in my life. My sleeping schedule is also jacked up right now. My days and nights have completely reversed and I've slept about 10 hours since Sunday. I got about half an hour of sleep today and I need to be up all night tonight for my last final tomorrow. My cough has not yet gone away. Although during the day it isn't too bad, from about 3am to 10am, no matter how many cough drops or how much cough syrup I consume, it mysteriously comes back and I start hacking away again. I look like a raccoon for I have perpetual bags underneath my eyes. I have an ugly open cold sore on the outside of my lip and a huge canker sore right behind it on the inside my mouth so that whenever I drink, talk, eat, smile, I hurt a lot.

Yet, however, I honestly feel like things aren't too bad. I admit that a lot of my time has not been spent studying for my final as it should be, but there are other things that have made me realize that I'm glad I wasn't wasting my time sleeping or studying. Here's what I've learned/discovered:
-I admire Eugene Shin for his candor and frankness. I admire the fact that he is confident enough to speak his mind with no qualms about what he says. I also admire his height and muscular body that instills this great comforting feeling of security and safeness when psychotics who claim that their gay lovers have locked them out of the apartment ask Christians for prayers and help for their gay lovers who aren't Christians and think that the psychotics are gay, when in reality, the psychotics are bisexual.
-I admire Andrew Chon for his determination in never compromising himself for mediocrity. I admire his ability to grasp meaning from difficult implications, and his ability to not settle for the typical, easier answers. And I admire his creative and imaginative style of writing papers... his method of employing a "surprise element" near the conclusion to wow and amaze the reader into affirming that the paper is the work of a genius.
-I admire my ability to finally understand how to use webdisk so that I can post this very appropriate picture. [Thanks to the abovementioned two people for being patient with me until I finally did understand.] I got this picture off of Glow's Xanga, and I've been wanting to post it ever since finals began.

This is perfect, don't you think? =]

The library is the bane of my existence [followed shortly by Mejeld Lee], but I'm still drawn to it day after day and night after night. It comforts me knowing that when I completely break down and want to cry miserably or end my meaningless life, there are either those that are willing to do it with me, or there are those that possess the sagacity to say the exact words or smile in such a way that encourages me and uplifts me and prevents me from going completely kookoo. It's a win-win situation.

I wish I had popsicles and watermelon today.

I have just created my thesis for my 11-13 page English 100 Junior Seminar Women's Films paper. Now I have approximately 8 hours to do the whole stupid thing.

Anyways, I like Amanda Hwang. I like it when she does triple hip thrusts cuz she's happy or excited and I like it when she conks out during small group while we're all pouring out our hearts. hahaha. =] This is how nice and sweet she is:

Amanda15CW: YOU CAN DO IT
Amanda15CW: GO JAHNDEEEEE
Kpxgrlx012: ahaha
Kpxgrlx012: thank you
Amanda15CW: I'll beee supporting you
Amanda15CW: nooow....go turn your power brain on
Amanda15CW: and be like..."Thesis, I own you!!"
Kpxgrlx012: hahahahhahaaha
Amanda15CW: okies....you can do it! I have faith in you

I am very ambivalent about Roy Chung. He hangs up on people even though he's the one who asks them to wake him up, and he is killing his body by clogging up his arteries with lard and blubber and by refusing to get a good night's rest. This is how unsupportive and ridiculous he is:

b o y 52: wat the freak? another paper?
Kpxgrlx012: yeah
b o y 52: due when?
Kpxgrlx012: today by 4
b o y 52: ..
b o y 52: monday?
Kpxgrlx012: =[
b o y 52: wat the freak
b o y 52: how come you always do papers at the last minute
b o y 52: wat the freak
b o y 52: go work

b o y 52: i got five hours of sleep in the last 60 hours
Kpxgrlx012: ...
Kpxgrlx012: ROYEE
Kpxgrlx012: go sleep
b o y 52: i will soon
Kpxgrlx012: what if u crash later this week when its closer to ur finals?
Kpxgrlx012: sleep 8 hours today
b o y 52: hm
b o y 52: i havent thought that far ahead
b o y 52: im going to catch sars and die
Kpxgrlx012: yes
Kpxgrlx012: so lsiten to me you freak
Kpxgrlx012: stop being so selfish
b o y 52: how is that being selfish?
b o y 52: look
b o y 52: i continue how im living now
b o y 52: get married, have children
b o y 52: then my daughters are going to stay home and take care of daddy
b o y 52: see? its the circle of love
Kpxgrlx012: if u continue the way ur living now
Kpxgrlx012: there wont be any daughters taking care of you
b o y 52: yes there will be
b o y 52: theyre going to love me more than they love their mom
b o y 52: hahahahahaah