i met up with my old high school buddies, kim, tammie, and jennifer for lunch today. we ate at l&l in the south street plaza, a hawaiian restaurant similar to the loft. i think the loft has more variety, but the macroni salad at l&l is much tastier. for dessert, we ate at coldstone's. tammie and jennifer are both going to do law and they seem very hardcore about it. they were asking me all these questions about the lsat and what law school i wanted to go, but i couldn't answer them. i feel like we're growing up too quickly. i watched drumline with them too. it's a pretty good movie. i thought it was just like a black bring it on, but it's a bit more serious and and intense than bring it on. the drumming stuff in the movie is crazy awesome. black drummers are my new object of affections.

i just came back from secret santa at nancy's place. it was good seeing berkeley people. i forgot how fun berkeley people can be. =] paul was my secret santa and he gave me the dvd for monsters inc. i'm really excited and happy. this gives me an incentive to start saving up for a dvd player. but until then, taryn has graciously offered her player for temporary use. =] we also played scattergories forever. i can't believe how much time can be wasted trying to figure out stupid punishments. it's ridiculous.

sunday = play with church friends day today. =D after church jane, jeniffer, linda and i went to "go rae sum" on vermont for lunch. that place is so freakin good. anyways, while we were catching up, we ran into katherine, who is going to produce her own show on nbc. pretty dang impressive. anyways, afterwards we went back to church to wait for suzy, who had just come back from youth group retreat. and we ran into gina lee who was picking up her sisters. she looked good. there were about a million lil ones in the parking lot at church. they used five charter buses for this retreat. they haven't used that many since i was in 10th or 11th grade. it makes me happy that our youth group is seriously strengthening and growing. =] once we found suzy, who is smaller than most the kids, we all went to starbucks on larchmont and talked some more and had fun catching up. =D then my sis, jane and i went to the valley to play with hannah and elijah. we explored their huge, 5 bedroom, 4 bathroom house and then went to go watch a movie. their movie theatre is so stinkin popular that when we tried to watch a showing at 7-something, 13 of the 15 shows were sold out and we had to wait about 2 hours to watch chicago. to pass the time, we ate dinner at wolfgang puck's cafe. it's really good there. and chicago is a really good movie too. everyone can sing really well which surprised me in the good way. catherine zeta-jones is very powerful and vivacious in the movie. and taye digges is freakin hot. his voice is very sultry and smooth. yummy.

i went to my cousin's wedding today. she's the first one of my cousins on my dad's side to be married so everyone was making a big fuss over it. anyways, the ceremony was really simple and quick. the pastor messed up the lines so that my cousin had to say, "i gaena (gina), take tae, to be my lawfully wedded wife..." my cousin's freakin pretty. she has this elegant aura that shows how classy and bling blinging she is. for example, her engagement ring cost $55,000 and we had the yahk kon shik at the beverly hills country club. another example was her pasadena ritz carlton wedding reception. everyone got lobster and filet mignon. freakin nuts. but gaena looked gorgeous and her and tae look very happy together.

this was probably the only family function that my sis and i stayed for the entire time. and i had a surprisingly good time with the family. there was the traditional throwing of the flower bouquet and the garter and a nontraditional slideshow and cheesy white dj. the best part was afterwards when the dj played music and everyone started dancing on the dance floor. it was so fun watching all my aunties and uncles and cousins dancing. i realize that members of the kum lineage have not been blessed with the ability to maintain a rhythm while getting their groove thangs on. but what made the experience so heart-warming was that they kept dancing and working it regardless of the fact that they really can't dance. no shame, no shame. we may look like the biggest idiots out on the dance floor, but at least we're idiots having a freakin good time. =D

there was also this goooooooood looking guy named danny sitting at our table. omg. he was so freakin handsome. too bad he had a not so hot chick with him. *sigh* he was seriously one of the best looking specimens of the male population that i've ever seen. =] i've noticed that there's been a lot of yummy eye candy for me these days... i think God is either implying something or blessing me with such aesthetically pleasing beautiful things. =]

i just got back from an 8 hour shopping spree at south coast plaza. omg. it was freakin madness and chaos. never have i seen so many people nor such long lines. 8 HOURS STRAIGHT. christina, jennie, kristi and i wanted to kill people by the end of the day. or maybe it was just me. i hate crowded malls. i get freakin cranky and i start saying really mean comments. =/ anyways, i must rest up cuz i'm going back tomorrow.

i went to christmas service this morning with my family. after service, i ran into a lot of old friends and people that i haven't seen in months or years. it's interesting to see how people change. i suppose i've changed too. but anyways, it was great seeing my church buddies. we've all known each other for so many years now. i saw sam today too. i haven't seen him in like 4 years. but wow. seeing the girls and him brought back a flood of memories. good times, good times. =]

more and more fun for me. =]
yesterday, judy the booty drove from the valley to visit me and danny. she endured three hours of horrendous traffic for me. =D and albertacos. ahahaha. she's a true fat guy. =D we each ate a carne asada burrito and split carne asada fries. i love how much we love to eat. anyways, she arrived so late that she decided to spend the night at danny's to maximize her stay in our illustrious city. then judy, danny, brian, and me had brunch today at fantastic cafe. it's pretty good there. danny ate my sausages and bacon. and then julie kim joined us a lil later. it was fun bragging about our respective cities. haha. afterwards, i went to la to celebrate linda's birthday with linda, sharon, kristy, and jane kim at pf changs bistro. it's really yummy there. =] but the best part of it was when we gave linda her birthday present. sharon wrapped it so that linda had to unwrap a billion layers to get to her camera. her face expression was awesome. her jaw literally dropped. i love it when you give gifts and the person really loves the gift... completely with all their heart. witnessing that moment is a great feeling.

i'm really enjoying this winter break this year. i'm thinking it's cuz this semester was so crappy and i really needed a break. or maybe i'm making more of an effort to meet up with people and play with them. or maybe my mentality on various things is changing. regardless, i'm having lots of fun and i'm really loving spending time with friends and family. =]

merry christmas! God bless! =D

there was crazy traffic on the way to church today so my sister and i made it for the last 10 minutes of service, just in time to listen to the announcements. then a bunch of us went to eat lunch at the original thai bbq next to our church, which, in my opinion, is one of the best thai food places that i've eaten at. then most of us dispersed but hannah, jane, eli (such a manly man he is), and i went to the grove for shopping and more eating. after we hit up every store, we went to the public market adjacent to the grove and ate strawberry crepes. then we got tired so we left and went to toppers frozen yogurt to revive ourselves. i love hannah and eli. they are two of my most favorite people in the world. =D afterwards, while i was driving home, christina ahn called me and instead of going home, i ended up at tgif at cerritos towne center with christina and jennie lee, feasting on garlic breadsticks, philly cheesesteaks, and jack daniels chicken strips. and then we went to starbucks to get frapps and catch up. and while we were leaving, i ran into mike t, a boy who i haven't seen for over a year and someone who i have incredible fondness for. it was such a great day today despite some startling and slightly alarming news that i found out about. but there were lots of delicious food, lots of laughs, lots of good memories, and lots of happy moments. =D

i met the cutest guy today while shopping at macy's. i normally don't swoon over real life people but this guy was seriously cute and really nice. with nice eyes and nice teeth. definite plus. =D

i did some of my favorite things today:
-i watched a movie [lotr: the two towers... i simply ADORE legolas]
-i went grocery shopping for munchies
-i went to costco and wandered among the aisles
-i ate.
-i drove in the rain

*big grin* =D

i know, i know. "simple mind simple pleasures."

my cough has been getting worser and worser. meaning that the intensity and frequency of my coughing fits have been increasing, thus resulting in more headaches. ugh. i was so excited by the limitless quantities of food at home, i started greedily shoveling in as much as i could into my mouth. but then i choked cuz the epiglottis didn't close fast enough and all the food went into my trachea instead. at the same time, i started another coughing fit, so i ended up doubled over for about 45 seconds coughing my lungs [and what felt like every other organ in my body] out. and then i tasted the metallic bitterness of blood. so i spit into a napkin and saw blood intermixed with spit. that freaked me out. *sigh* i think God is punishing me for my extreme fat guyness, so i resolve to not eat as much anymore. or to at least take breaths of air between bites. i just pray this stupid cough goes away soon. =/

k. disregard that last post. i no longer despise myself although i do believe that i am the biggest fool. i think i allow myself to be duped by falsities and lies, believing that the world is a happy little place filled with happy little people. i guess that's my fault. which only proves that i AM the biggest fool cuz i deliberately and consciously hurt myself. *ironic chuckle* anyways, that was an aside... i have issues and it's not appropriate to showcase them for the public viewing pleasure. if you want to know, ask me, and let's talk. [look judy, i'm breaking free from the binding clutches of aim... hehe]

i'm home now. it's cold. i like it. earlier i was driving and i saw something that took my breath away. usually when you drive at night, all you see are the dark forms of the mountains silhouetted against the night sky. tonight however, right before i entered the grapevine, i noticed that the mountains had this illuminating glow, so that you could actually see the mountain and not just its form. the mountains were covered in snow... and the whiteness of it was reflected by the moonlight. and the mountains looked so close to me... so close that i reached out and tried to touch them. unfortunately i was prevented from doing so cuz of my stupid window. and as we drove through the grapevine, there was snow everywhere, even up to where the foot of the mountains and hills reached the side of the freeway. it was beautiful. i was awe-struck by those mountains. it made me feel really happy and peaceful.
[btw~ i apologize cuz i'm inarticulate at expressing myself so i'm not giving this the justice it deserves.]

what the FUCK is wrong with me?

if there's one person i despise, it's myself.

i must be the biggest damn fool.

well screw that. no more.

i'm really sad and a bit irked right now. *sigh* being constantly jerked around by emotions is definitely painful.

oh dear. i don't know what to do.

reasons why the rain is simply awesome:

-swimming while it's raining and letting the drops fall on your head.
-rain pouring outside, crazy winds, warm cozy blanket, and five pillows.
-sound of rain on your windowpanes.
-driving on an empty road, too close to the gutters, so an avalanche of water hits you and your car... that brief second of complete segregation from the rest of the outside world and you're alone underneath that wall of water.
-you, your car, the rain, deep, reflective moments. enough said.
-you, your car, the rain, a close friend, amazing heart to heart talks.
-walking in the rain with a huge golf sized umbrella... hearing the rain patter on your umbrella and seeing it drip down around you, yet not touching you.
-frolicking in the rain, splashing and jumping in puddles with beloved friends and not a single damn care in the world.
-being drenched to the point where it doesn't matter and you plunge yourself back into the pouring rain.
-rain on a sunny day.
-rain on a dark gloomy day with fierce winds.
-watching the rain fall with an upturned face... and closing your eyes and letting it wash over you.
-the ocean on a rainy day.
-waking up to the deafening sound of complete silence the day after a storm... such a sharp contrast from the raging night before.

wednesday 12/11: 5
thursday 12/12: 2.5
friday 12/13: 2

the rain is a definite pick-me-upper. i hope it rains hard all weekend.

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the strength to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference."

there is this inexplicable sadness that i'm feeling right now. i'm so sad it hurts.
i'm so disappointed in myself... i wish i could just disappear and forget everything.

.:sigh:.

Send some rain. Would You send some rain?
'Cause the earth is dry and needs to drink again
And the sun is high and we are sinking in the shade.

Would You send a cloud, thunder long and loud?
Let the sky grow black and send some mercy down
Surely You can see that we are thirsty and afraid.

But maybe not. Not today. Maybe You'll provide in other ways.
And if that's the case...

We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude
For lessons learned in how to thirst for You
How to bless the very sun that warms our face
If You never send us rain.

Oh, the differences that often are between
Everything we want and what we really need.

So grant us peace. Jesus, grant us peace.
Move our hearts to hear a single beat
Between alibis and enemies tonight

Or maybe not. Not today. Peace might be another world away.
And if that's the case...

We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude
For lessons learned in how to trust in You
That we are blessed beyond what we could ever dream
In abundance or in need
And if you never grant us peace.

But Jesus, would You please...

"Gratitude" Nichole Nordeman

Pencil marks on a wall, I wasn't always this tall
You scattered some monsters from beneath my bed.
You watched my team win, and watched my team lose
Watched when my bicycle went down again.

And when I was weak, unable to speak, still I could call You by name
And I said, Elbow Healer, Superhero, come if You can
You said, I Am.

Only sixteen, life is so mean
What kind of curfew is at 10 pm?
You saw my mistakes and watched my heart break
Heard when I swore I'd never love again

And when I was weak, unable to speak, still I could call You by name
And I said Heartache Healer, Secret Keeper, be my best friend
And You said, I Am.

The winds of chance and circumstance
Blow in and all around us
So we find a foothold that's familiar
And bless the moments that we feel You nearer

When life had begun, I was woven and spun
You let the angels dance around the throne.
And who can say when, but they'll dance again
When I am free and finally headed home

I will be weak, unable to speak
Still I will call You by name
Creator, Maker, Life Sustainer
Comforter, Healer, My Redeemer
Lord and King, Beginning and the End

I Am. Yes, I Am.

"I Am" Nichole Nordeman

.:my deepest thanks to you:.

you know who are.

i'm at the library right now, with 120+ pages still left for my legal studies 155 final at 12:30 today. *sigh*

roach, jack ku, carroll, grace, and my sister are here also. everyone's tired and panicky.

i'm coughing really hard and my throat hurts *something explicitive* bad.

my secret santa hates me.

it's finally raining and i'm stuck listening to it and unable to enjoy it as i want to.

i am so freaking sad right now.

don't you hate that feeling in the pit of your tummy? =/
crap...

thanks roy chung for "what a wonderful world" by louis armstrong.
you seriously just made my stupid day LOTS better. =D

...

OMG. i take it back. this isn't the song i was talking about at all.
lsdkfjlsakdfslkdfjsldkfjsdf

damn it.

i was at work when i saw andy walk out of classroom a at unit 1. i was so suprised to see him there i squealed and this boy resident gave me this really odd look. anyways, i ended up talking to andy for the last hour of my shift. i felt bad talking to him cuz he's so screwed. i think he's even more screweder than me. which makes me sad. but i was also really happy that i got to talk to andy, singlehandedly the most popular boy at ficb, for the first time in forever. it was really cool cuz the usual swarms of grabby chicks scrambling for andy's undying love and attention were absent. ahahaha. just kidding... i think. =T

later, andy was swinging punches at me so i tried to throw my chest out like nancy did so that he might stop himself from socking my boob like he did to hers. but i was too slow. and so i got hit. i felt like such an idiot. =[

hang in there andy... you can do it! (_I_)
thanks for watching the esbn presentation all over again while listening to my wistful sighs and whimpers of sadness. *high-five*

monday 12/9: 1.5
tuesday 12/10: 2.5

k. i'm starting to feel that wretched burnt out feeling that creeps around every finals time and enjoys wreaking havoc in my life. damn. my phil final sucked a$$ today. it didn't go well at all and i have no one to blame but myself for not being disciplined enough to study last night. i also met with my gsi to discuss my 13 page paper for 45 minutes straight. what did i learn? hey hey now... my paper also sucks a$$ and i need to essentially redo the whole damned thing all over again. however, he was gracious enough to extend the due date to monday. it's ironic cuz initially he wanted me to turn it in before the deadline on friday. meaning that my gsi pities me and my pathetic paper and has to resort to giving me a couple additional days to let me redeem my sorry self.

what a sad day. i had the crap scared out of me on the way to work. i was a couple minutes late so i was kind of power walking down channing from college. i wasn't really paying attention to what was going on around me cuz my mind was preoccupied with the meeting i just had with my gsi. all of a sudden, i felt this guy grab me and jab a gun into my side, and whisper in this low voice, "give me all your money *itch." i started freakin out and screeching and flailing my arms about. suddenly the guy grabs his tummy and falls to the ground. shocked, i watched him reveal his face and identify himself as michael miraflor, one of my old co-workers at unit 3. who was rolling around on the ground laughing hysterically at me. who was poking at me with his "gun," the handle end of his tennis racquet. who i started to pummel furiously with angry fists. =[

i don't know how the heck i'm going to commit to three different blogs.

i'm going to have to find some spice in my life. *rOwr*

i decided to keep a record of the amount of sleep i've had for the past couple weeks... why? i like to pity myself for not getting enough hours and then [i quote directly from roy chung's blog], "condemn myself for ever believing that i would have used those hours (that i wasted) productively." and at the end of this week, i plan to conk out and make up every single hour that i've missed.

sunday 12/1: 3
monday 12/2: 5
tuesday 12/3: 0
wednesday 12/4: 5.5
thursday 12/5: 0
friday 12/6: 10
saturday 12/7: 3
sunday 12/8: 2
monday 12/9: still pending...

the rain makes me feel so damn happy. i don't know how to explain it, but it does. i wish the rain would just go crazy right now. and then i could drive to the marina and watch the rain pound down endlessly all around me. *sigh* i want to do that so freakin badly. right now would be perfect.

my korean final didn't go as badly as i expected it would. i told josei that and she said the most encouraging thing to me. she said that only good things could happen for the time and sacrifice i put into esbn. that was so nice of her to say that. even though i really didn't put a lot of time into it. but her comment was really really nice. josei always knows how to make me feel better.

too bad i manipulated and exploited my teacher's gentle, warm heart for my selfish purposes. =[

now i have to begin my research paper that i've yet to develop a thesis for. freak me.

need more rain... lots more.

makes me sad how people like to talk so much. i know it's meant to be harmless and people's intentions are good, but sometimes it plain sucks.

i am reminded of that tonight. i hate being gossiped about, so there's no legitimate reason for me to partake in gossiping about someone else. *sigh* please keep me accountable. my big dumbo ears perk up whenever there's something juicy and fatty going around, when in reality... it really is none of my business. so next time you hear me flapping my gums with a fellow friend about the latest "omg~ did you hear...?" poke me really hard and tell me to shut the hell up.

esbn was tonight. it seemed like the brothers enjoyed themselves so that made me really happy. i hope they got to see how much we truly appreciate them. sometimes it can be so hard... everyone's always caught up in their own lives and it's so difficult to give thanks for even the smallest things. so i'm glad that we had at least one night to show them how important they really are to us. honestly though, i wish i could have done more. i guess this is just me personally. i feel like tonight didn't even begin to scratch the surface of how much i am truly thankful to God for blessing me with the guys in my class. i don't even half the guys personally but even based on what superficial and little relationship i may have with some of them, i can see God's love shine radiantly in each one of them and that has been an incredible blessing and encouragement to me. i don't know, i just felt so blessed and really honored to have this opportunity to show them how totally great they are. *sigh* i don't think the slide show went that well though... aside from the technical difficulties, i really wish i had dedicated more time to it. i wanted the slide show to encapsulate how each brother has contributed so much to our class in each of their unique and individual ways. blah. i think i'm being selfish... =/

there's so much to do in life. so many opportunities and chances and choices that are presented and made available. sucks how i'm so damn indecisive that by the time i make up my mind on something, the chance passes and disappears forever... leaving me wanting to kick myself in the (_I_). actually, mine's more like (__I__).

dang. so much to do, so little time. it's scary how even when you want to stop, life is a heartless tin-thing that can sweep so easily over little insignificant you, and has the audacity to continue on its merry little way.

with lack of sleep, you look uglier.

this was proven by my boss lady today, who's entire existence revolves around herself, her husband, and elvis presley. she rushed in and actually showed a slight hint of concern when she said hi to me. she said i looked terrible and then i scared her by responding in my man-voice. i think i really scared her. i saw her cringe a little.

she left me alone after that and i felt manly and repulsive. and i completely forgot that kristy, jane kim, and josei were going to come by to work on brother's appreciation stuff. but they came, a little horde of smiling faces and cheerful hellos. and they brought me lunch so jane kim, kristy, and i ate blondie's veggie slices while josei ate blondie's salad. then they each sat down in front of a row of computers and started working on their respective stuff.
i was happy. =]

party tonight at unit one. bring your jammies and good grub. we gonna party all night long.

k ow... my tummy hurts really badly... *sniff sniff*

i'm thinking it's cuz my feet are freezing right now. earlier tonight kristy told me that my feet look dead cuz they're so pale and colorless. so i've been observing them off and on throughout the night and it's kinda of true. she said that toes are supposed to be pink and have a tinge of color to them. mine don't have any rosy pinkness to them at all. =[ in fact, my left big toe has a light purpley-gray tint to it.

here's something else i observed about myself. whenever i don't get enough sleep, this red vertical mark appears in the middle of my nose. it's kinda faint and it sometimes it looks like a scar, and sometimes it looks like dirt on my nose. and no matter how much i poke it or scratch it or rub it, it doesn't go away.

okay...

i'm getting disgusted even as i'm writing this. blech.

wow~ it's gonna be a long day today...

pulling all-nighters by yourself just plain sucks. =[

dang it...

less than 24 hours and i already can't deal. *sigh*

i'm pathetic. =[

here's proof:
wUtdAbUnG: OMG WOMAN I JUST READ YOUR BLOG. ITS UPDOG NOT UP GUY

*sigh*

...

what do you call a fish with no eyes?
fshhhhh!

wow, it makes me kind of sad that everyone is going to be hating life for the next couple weeks cuz of all the insane crap that needs to be done. *sigh* but i can empathize cuz i look at my own schedule and can only look hopelessly at each day and at what needs to be accomplished. and there are those people that i envy and wish i could be like. people like kevin chiang, who actually enjoy the tortuous experience of taking finals. i think he's a sadomasochist. or maybe it's cuz he's a freakin genius who, with his other genius buddies, have laughing sessions because their gpas are so ridiculously high. =T

lots to do, lots on my mind. i pray that things will clear up soon.
until then, i'm just gonna take a deep breath and plunge right in.

hopefully, i won't drown...

it's raining.

*faint glimmer*

i don't understand my life. last night i was so happy. i had a great time with my family, which usually never happens cuz i'm not close to them at all. but yesterday was finally different and i was so thankful to God that he would allow me to actually have conversations with my relatives and to share my life with them.

and then... 30 minutes after i came home, any sense of joy that i was feeling before was fiercely torn from me and i end up feeling betrayed, pissed, sad, and dicked over.

and on top of that, i made an idiot of myself by calling someone to ask a question and not being able to control myself. i ended up freakin crying my eyes out to someone who doesn't even know what the hell happened. damn it. i shouldn't have let that stupid jerk get to me the way he did. life is so damn unfair... i don't get how my life can be so rocked so freakin quickly. *sigh*

God, if you're trying to teach me something, tell me what the freak it is cuz right now, i don't see how any of this can be for the better.

damn it. i've let my guard down again and all i see is how i've gotten screwed once again. it just shows you have to be prepared at all times. and i got carried away and let myself go again. damn it.

judy sewon and kristy came over last night and we had some good times. it felt good cuz i was so bummed out.
thanks guys. =D

i just came back from a class prayer meeting and denny's. i had so much fun tonight. there wasn't a lot of people... but those that were there were people that i normally don't have the chance to talk to. interacting and playing with them was great. it was really really great. like i can't express how great i feel right now. the people in my class are so awesome and beautiful... i can really see how God has worked through their lives to make them each so special and so unique. wow, i am ridiculously happy right now. =D

...

it smells like upguy.
what's upguy?

oh geez... i totally humiliated myself today in front of roy... and not even once, but THREE times! how stinkin embarassing. ahahahahaha. you know it's bad if it's to the point where all you can do is laugh helplessly while hot waves of embarassment wash over your flushed face. oh maaaaaan~ ahahahahahaha. so freakin humiliating. hahaha.

how great is God to have created the heavens as beautiful as they were tonight.

lots of blessings and good memories tonight. =]

i'm at work again... trying to memorize my 300+ vocabulary words for korean tomorrow. *sigh* but yeah.... right before work, i had a grande caramel macchiato so now i'm all jittery and anxious. icky icky.

i realize how dangerous caffeine is cuz i feel really nervous and uneasy and gassy. definitely not cool. and then i dunno why, but i'm really sad cuz looking at all these words makes me realize it's pretty hopeless that i'll do well on this test tomorrow. i hate it when you suddenly get hit by sadness and you don't know what to do about it.

however, on a much happier note, i was rummaging around in my hair while absentmindedly studying, and i found a pubie. =] that made me really excited cuz i haven't found a good pubie for quite some time now [i think it's cuz my hair's too thin]. discovering it, pulling it out, and now touching it is totally making me happy again. hurray.

i'm at work right now, meaning that i'm sitting here reading people's away messages and catching up on my daily dose of reading people's blogs.

i must say... reading blogs is quite a favorite pastime of mine. and i like how everyone is starting to put up those ned stats thingies and comments. i like reading people's blogs and then looking at the stats thingie, and then figuring out which one i was and then seeing how many times i've read and contributed to the number of hits one gets a day. i'm a very loyal and avid reader. =]

thanks to a couple of nice people who took the time to appease some of my doubts and apprehensions by answering some questions and providing further explanations.

and thank you God for providing me this opportunity to understand you better and to reaffirm my belief in your amazing love. =]

oh crap. just kidding. my sister just told me that she's 19. and then reminded me that i was 20. oops.

happy 19th birthday susan.

i just came back from small group feeling confused and a little worried.

in addition to the lesson, we had a lengthy discussion about predestination. janet, the sophie, raised all these interesting points and questions that i could relate to. i dunno. i have a lot of questions in my head and i don't know how to articulate what i'm feeling. i just pray that i'll have the chance to learn more about it and understand it better. i feel a little concerned at the moment however. stupid stuff really... but what if? *sigh*

btw~
happy 20th birthday sujaaaaan kum!

i love the rain.

i think cuz it was raining today a majority of people decided not to show up for my sections... which worked to my benefit cuz i FINALLY contributed to my english section for the first time today. wOw. i can't believe i finally did. =] *pat pat* on the back for me. and in my makeup philosophy section i was like the first and only student in the room for about 4 minutes with the gsi. so i had a nice vague chat with her on life in general cuz i obviously haven't read any ancient philosophy since september. and in korean, i was alone with the professor and a few other students for about 5 minutes so we were just babbling with each other about stupid stuff. needless to say, it felt really good having the opportunity to just chit chat with my different teachers today. made me happy. =T

a black guy came into the center and just hit on me. he was all flirtatious and having fun and stuff. sheesh. so i flashed my brilliant and radiantly-fake-leave-me-alone-please-smile and hoped he'd go away.

hmm... i wonder what it was that could have attracted him to me. here's a hunch: i think it might have been my full and voluptuous lips. accentuated by the fatty cold sore on my upper right lip, my mouth looks very pouty and mysterious right now. *snort snort wink wink*

i just got back from denny's with sewon after unsuccessfully trying to study for my korean test. =[ bah. but yeah~ around 1am a couple sat right behind us and they had this intense conversation about their relationship. and cuz i was back to back with the guy and cuz they spoke sort of loudly, i couldn't help but overhear most of their conversation. it left a bittersweet feeling in my heart.

the basic synopsis: they've been in a two year long affair with each other and she doesn't understand why he can't tell his real gf about the two of them. he apparently keeps saying that he has, but she reveals that in fact he hasn't since they have to still sneak around to see each other. she's accepted that he's the one man in her life but for some reason, he can't seem to commit to one woman. she has a kid and whenever the guy sleeps over he needs to leave before the kid gets up for school, but the kid pretty much knows already who the guy is. what the girl has a problem with is that her kid even knows about the two of them and his current gf doesn't. she suggested that maybe they should end the whole thing and he got pissed at her, asking her why she had to go and say such a stupid thing. she questioned his love for her and he repeatedly asserted that he did love her, with a flat and emotionless voice. you could tell she really loved him by the way she talked to him with that patient tone of voice that only someone in love can have. the guy however, was very abrupt and brusque with her, often exclaiming that she should watch her mouth and that she couldn't possibly understand why he wasn't able to break up with his current gf.

conclusion: it's scary to see how love can make people so blind and how it makes people willing to sacrifice themselves for the ones they love. *sigh*

the topic of relationships have been coming up frequently in conversations recently... been thinking more about them lately. more to say about this later, but not now.

been thinking a lot and getting overwhelmed already... which is bad cuz i just got back from retreat only a couple days ago. *shrug* oh wells.

anyways, here's something i realized. i need to stop worrying about stupid things like the past and need to start focusing on others around me. i need to stop fixating on certain things and instead, make the best use of what i do have and work with that instead. *sigh* i guess that means i need to stop longing for the past and for what things could have once been.

there's so much i'm feeling right now, and it's so difficult to articulate what i'm feeling. but God really answered a lot of my prayers in terms of finding a focus in my life and rekindling my passion for him. i think this was the first time i was genuinely focused on God and Him alone. Pastor Eugene's sermons were awesome... i feel blessed to have such a great servant of God teaching God's word. isn't it amazing how when you need it the most, God's love and glory is radiantly shown? =] retreat had a lot of good memories.

so retreat's in a few hours and i dunno what i 'm feeling. i hope that this retreat will be a blessing and humbling time for me... something for me to get reacquainted with God again.

just came back from not studying at denny's. i was fighting some major sleepiness and when i finally overcame it to start studying, stinkin john song started talking about the ring. =[ that in turn encouraged roy, alex, and kristy to participate in a conversation about all sorts of scary shenanigans and which basically ruined any remote possibility of doing my korean homework.

oh~ i saw two dogs having sex today. it was weird, but kinda fascinating... it was right outside cafe milano on bancroft. people passing by did the following: stopped and openly stared, glared disapprovingly at the dogs while walking by, looked away feeling embarassed, and hurriedly walked by, or started grinning and cheering the dogs on. it was really quite interesting. if i was a psychologist i'd analyze people's reactions to that sex scene and use it to explain personalities and how those with certain personalities would perform in bed.

it's kinda fun to see how long my body can function with a mere hour of sleep all day. being faint and lightheaded and having random dreams sporadically during lectures is always interesting.

i saw tammy today by accident. i didn't even know she was up and for some reason, i was the only person who didn't see her at church yesterday. nevertheless it was really great to see her again. peggy, josei, jane kim, kristy, tammy and i went to mario's for lunch and it was so much fun. i never eat out for lunch anymore cuz i'm usually sitting by my lonesome self during my horrid one hour breaks at bear's lair people watching or dreaming about going home. so this was a real treat for me. =D and afterwards, we took this touristy picture at sproul fountain. i haven't taken a happy picture for a really long time. =]

after class i went with josei and rob to his place until we went to ehouse. john song came home and he did the most fascinating thing. he went pee pee with his backpack still on. ahahaha. gosh, i don't know why, but that freakin amazed me... for some reason, i thought boys took off their backpacks before peeing like chicks do. but it totally makes sense that they keep their backpacks on so that their hands are free to do their business. ok, i just wanted to remember that. i think this lesson will come in handy someday.

i watched the ac transit boys play bball today. wow. they're so awesome. =] john song made like a hundred lay up shots. is that what they're called? *shrug* and i had pom-poms! *shake shake shake* =D

wow. this has got to be one of the worst papers i have ever written.

it's about 2:30 right now and i just made up my thesis. i think. it sucks incredibly. i hate papers. argh. i only have 6 hours to crank out something kind of intelligible on something i don't know anything about. darn.

note to self: buy more no-doz. i've run out already. =[

have you ever been so tired you feel like collapsing? so tired that even as you just sit there everything feels overbearing and heavy? so tired that you feel the sharp tingle of unshed tears while you furiously blink to prevent them from escaping? *sigh* i dunno what it is. actually, there's a lot... physically i'm exhausted, mentally i'm strained, spiritually i'm beat. i'm just so tired of everything that i feel it's easier for me to stop trying and just let life simply sweep over me. why fight an already lost battle against the strong current? it's just so much easier to go along with the flow...

i didn't want to stay for nursery today. aside from my physical and emotional exhausation, i honestly felt like i wasn't in the proper mindset and heart to serve today. i justified this by thinking to myself that heidi, the baby i take care of, doesn't even know me and cries at the mere sight of me. i know that it's just attachment issues and she's difficult to handle, but it's still discouraging. every sunday i've helplessly watched the gwon sa neem take care of her and i feel so useless trailing after the two. i guess that's why i wanted to leave today. i do little things like pick up crumbled napkins and retrieve toys, but i don't feel like that's a way of truly serving. i dunno. good thing andy rebuked me and reminded me that this was a committment. which i already knew and which was why i was torn between what i should do. i think i secretly knew that i would stay today though. it's selfish of me to try to justify myself. i guess no matter how much life sucks, if it's for God's glory you gotta deal with its suckiness.

it's just so incredibly hard...

The Lord answered and said, "Have u seen the spec sheet on her? She has to be completely washable, but not plastic, have 200 movable parts, all replaceable, run on black coffee and leftovers, have a lap that can hold three children at one time, have a kiss that can cure anything from a scraped knee to a broken heart, and have six pairs of hands. She already heals herself when she is sick & can work 18 hour days."

The Angel moved closer and touched the woman, "but you have made her so soft, Lord."

"She is soft," the Lord agreed, "but I have also made Her tough. You have no idea what she can endure or accomplish. The tear is her way of expressing her joy, her sorrow, her pain, her disappointment, her loneliness, her grief, and her pride."

gina~
i hope you've been taking care of yourself. i miss you.

KrAzYxSpiKeY 012: i just need alone time i guess
Kpxgrlx012: how come?
KrAzYxSpiKeY 012: i dunno
KrAzYxSpiKeY 012: i wish life was simple
KrAzYxSpiKeY 012: and i could just devote to God
KrAzYxSpiKeY 012: then i wouldn't even hafta worry bout anythin else

i was really humbled today.

i realize what a selfish and shameful person i am that i have taken so many of God's blessings for granted.
i definitely don't give enough thanks for all of God's generous provisions.
it's these little reminders that truly open your eyes.

...

roy, i don't think i can fully express how happy i am for you. *toothy grin*

Bo0gGies16: yo'ure great
Auto response from Kpxgrlx012: at work. leave something nice cuz i'm gonna be here for a while.
Bo0gGies16: ok did my job
Bo0gGies16: tootles! =D

after an 8 hour shift it's nice to have something to smile about =D hehe.

sometimes i wish i could just get a hug from a friend. no questions asked, only awaiting open arms. *sigh* life is just too complicated sometimes and it's amazing how something so simple as a hug can somehow chase away those complications. to be held and to hold someone you sincerely care about... that's one of the best feelings in the world cuz it enables you to feel safe and secure.

i don't think i've really felt safe since eli, paul, and noah were here. =/

this is my second all nighter in a row. what sucks besides the lack of sleep is that i wasn't even that productive. i don't understand how i can work so slowly. i think my brain must be as smooth as a baby's butt. haha. i can imagine certain people readily nodding their heads in agreement as they're reading this... hahaha.

here's one good thing that i know i'm going to love about today despite that i'm still not done with my paper and am not entirely prepared for my midterm. i just took a quickie nap from about 6:45-7:45 which was actually kinda pointless cuz i was distressed and restless. anyways, i got up, dragged my grudging heinie out of bed and plopped myself down at my desk. i *blinked blinked* a while and glanced outside my window and noticed that the sky was still gray! and with a faint breeze too! i promptly checked weather.com for today's weather and it confirmed what i was hoping would be true... today's weather is finally going to be cool! *blissful sigh* gloomy weather totally cheers me up so i just wanted to record this happy moment. hehe. i know today's going to suck like an industrial sized vacuum, but somehow knowing that the weather is a bit more favorable makes everything else also seem a tad bit better. =D

thank you God. [i just typed Fod. =[ mebbe i do have a typing disability...]

my sister has this mint julep green masque that she puts on her pimples at night before she sleeps. k. for one, this masque is seriously potent... as soon as you put some on, there's this immediate burning and crazy stinging that makes your whole face tingle. two, its GREEN. a nice shade of avocado pasty light green. ahahaha. my sister is sitting behind me at her desk with 70% of her face covered in this green gook. she has this placid expression on her face and is completely oblivious to the fact that her face is speckled with green schmear. ahahaha. so freakin hilarious.

the next couple days are going to be pretty darn crazy and yet i'm blogging and wasting time again. dang. i reread what i wrote last night and it kinda scares me how inconsistent i can be. *shrug* oh wells... i guess we all have our moments.

i'm going to be up all night writing my legal studies 184 paper. yup. i am determined. my body's chock full of french vanilla coffee from 7-11 and an assortment of fatty junk food my desk is burrowed under. no joke... here's a compilation of what i have: mini powdered doughnuts, flaming hot cheetos, reeses peanut butter pieces, heath bites, sour cream and onion pringles, and a bottle of water. makes your stomach turn over in disgust, huh? =D here's my theory of too much sugar and fat and unnecessary junk in one's diet: you just gotta find a mechanism to flush all that nasty gunk out of your arteries. hence my token bottle of water. it's like those drain-o commericals where you need to pour drain-o in to unclog all that hair and snot residue and phlegm and make the pipe nice and clean again. yup.

on a sidenote... i finally found a friend in my philosophy class. this is the class where i literally chill by myself and the only time someone talked to me is when we had to do feedback assignments on a paper and one guy offered to switch papers with me. i honestly think he pitied me. but my new friend is actually my co-worker... the sole white guy amongst the other 11 asians. and he's in my section too. haha. it's the 7th week of classes and i can't understand how we didn't see each other before. ah~ never mind. it must be my "i've never seen so many white people in my life and it's too difficult to distinguish among them cuz they all look alike so i'm just going to ignore them" close-minded parochial mindset. however, exceptions can always be made. ie. the mega hot hunky ones with rippling well-oiled bodies. those definitely warrant a much more intense perusal. *yum*

i just read my daily assortment of blogs and were thoroughly amused by them. ahahaha. boys are funny.

i'm so freaking tired right now... i don't know what's been wrong with me these days. it might be that the stinkin heat is draining my energy or that i'm in the life sucks (_I_) stage right now.

i can't stand fickle people. i know i'm being selfish and hypocritical right now, but i really don't give a crap about that. and i despise feeling that there is no one that truly understands what i've been going through. i generally agree with what judy said in her blog... i've learned to keep my mouth shut cuz i find that it's difficult to trust people. or, when i do take the chance to open up, i've had it freakin thrown back in my face as if i've been *itch slapped. *ouch* so yeah, i think it's definitely true that you need to watch whatt you're saying. and it's true that only through true love can you really know a person. i guess what kinda sucks is that i realize there are many that i don't truly love, but of whom i have more of that obligated, lukewarm, half-hearted love. knowing that makes me feel sick and yet that's what i do, and i most def don't try hard enough to fix it.

i don't like how it's so difficult to really express yourself in your blogs. i hate having to reread what i've written and then edit it to make it suitable for the reading public. not that i even know who does read this or not, but i've been surprised a couple of times. *sigh* this blog is for me, and i guess that's why i initially only told a few people that i thought i could completely trust. yet those that i considered trustworthy are the ones who actually did the opposite. wow, life is so damn ironic. and then this makes me reevaluate if who i considered to be trustworthy is even someone that can be trusted at all. i don't like doubting people and short-changing them, but then i realize that by always giving them the benefit of the doubt, i'm the one who gets screwed in the end. so i have to ask myself: which is better? that i do not know, and this is what i've been majorly struggling with. i'm sick of not being taken seriously, like some idiotic ditz who's unable to grasp simple concepts. i know that i have millions of petty problems, but i was always under the impression that despite the ridiculousness of the problem, a friend is one who listens no matter what and helps you deal with it. so it hurts that supposed friends will rebuke me instead for being burdened by these petty issues and will criticize me of how wrongful a person i am. i find that most interesting. so yeah. if i'm too closed-off for you, it's necessary to take all that i've said into account. i feel there's no need to open up, especially not to those who can't or won't try to understand who i am. there isn't any reason to hide anything from those you truly love and from those who truly love you. and so it makes me realize that i have yet to obtain that love. don't think that my happy go lucky self is all that's there. beneath this dumb-looking exterior, there is someone with actual feelings and thoughts, surprising as that may sound. either make a real effort or just screw it. i'm tired.

kevin chiang is one of the funniest people i know.

i'm going to leave it at that cuz it's not right for me to disclose his most embarassing moments.
however, to pique your curiosity, here are some of the juicy subjects mentioned: female genitalia, the female reproductive system and the curses of having a tiny bladder and no self-control.

hearing someone dry heave is probably one of the most wretched sounds possible. *shudder* =[

i had ramyun today for the first time in about nine months at julie's today. it was pretty darn good. i can't remember why i haven't indulged myself in these sinfully unhealthy msg-laden delicacies that only take 6 minutes to make for so long. *drool* anyways, i have resolved to start paying more attention to the lonesome boxes of ramyun that have been neglected and uncared for during these past months.

i had a whatevers day today but things definitely picked up toward the end. =]

i was mortified today when my sister and i were being lazy bums and decided to drive to gpb for ficb. unfortunately i don't possess the mental capacity and deftness to parallel park. [i would like to add that i do know how to parallel park if it involves one car and i need to park either in front or back of it] anyways, after about ten minutes of trying to park while listening to my sister bark orders and make rude comments, i see sammy walking down the street towards us. this is what happened... my sister said hi, and then he said hi, paused, bent his body over 90 degrees, peered into the front passenger window, spotted me looking back at him in helpless embarassment, straightened his body out, threw his head back, and proceeded to burst into one of the most obnoxious laughters i have ever heard. psh. unfortunately i could not screech at him for his audacity to laugh at me because i needed him to park for me. too bad it took him all of like 15 seconds to park. too bad i looked like an idiot. and too bad mejeld, who's single purpose in life is to annoy the ddong out of me, happened to be across the street and happened to witness the whole thing. hooray, i say.

anyways, i think our class meeting went well tonight. it seemed like we finally got some serious talking done and the fact that so many people were able to voice their different opinions and were comfortable enough to do so made me happy.

i also finally got to spend some quality time with judy since what seems like forever. we ended up eating fat guy feasts at la burrita at midnight. she's a silly girl. this is her mentality: she knows that she can finish the whole thing, but she doesn't want to, so she basically dissects her burrito and ends up throwing away about 1/3 of it. my mentality: la burrita is freak nasty delicious anytime so enjoy it heartily and regret the consequences of waking up with a puffy face and bloated tummy the next morning.

ahh~ but here is the definite highlight of tonight. one of the nicest gestures i have ever seen from andy chon: the soundtrack from sweet home alabama. oh. and the nail file. =D thanks buddy. i'm glad i have such a cool friend who can get cool paraphernalia and is generous enough to share a lil bit of that coolness with me.

i've been having very terrible and disturbing dreams for the past few days. it's weird cuz i'm not prone to remember my dreams when i wake up but these past few nights, it's kinda creepy to know with how much recollection and clarity i'm able to remember them. maybe's its because they're about my friends... and that the things happening to them are so awful that i'm in a state of shock when i wake up and am forced to remember. like one dream i had involved this girl friend of mine and we got into this horrendous fight involving screaming at the top of our lungs and for me, the brink of cussing her out. i think back even now and the emotions that i felt in the dream i can still feel now... trying to hold back the rage and literally wanting to strangle her and hurt her. it's so intense. and yet another dream, where one brother murdered his brother and then killed himself. i can still remember finding the older brother's freshly stabbed body and i can still feel the warm blood on my hands. and i can still feel the shock and horror of finding the body and i can hear myself screaming when i touched the body. it's so realistic... i woke up from my second dream out of breath and with a dry mouth. so horrible... i can't figure it out at all. =/

i just took a most unsatisfying ddong. poop. =[

wow, today was the longest day... it's the first time i've been home since 11 this morning and it's almost 2 in the morning now. wow. i had 11-7 work, then proceeded to go straight to the airport to drop my dad off, then dropped off my sis at northgate for a review session, gorged myself with sewon, picked up my sis and her friends, dropped them off, then headed to dennys to study. *sigh*

anyways... my appa left today. =[ he was up here for the past couple days visiting me and my sister after a conference he had up in san jose. gosh~ my appa is so darn cute. it was really great getting to spend time with him and talking and laughing with him. i am really really sad that he left. *sigh* everything always seems better with a guy around. i felt safe and protected when he was here. i love how your family can make you feel like that, that despite all the burdensome crap going on, you return home to love and acceptance and all your worries seem to melt away and you can just soak up the love. my relationship with my dad definitely strengthened once i came to college. "so much of what we know of love is learnt at home" there's always been the fact that the korean culture is stoic in expressing emotions, especially among older generations, and when i was younger, i often struggled with that lack of expression of love. i remember i'd hear of families going on dates and trips together and i'd be amazed and would question and doubt the extent of my parents' love for me. repulsive, i know. luckily i've smartened up a bit and have grown to appreciate the simple things that my parents do to show their love. large extravagant things are always nice but the small thoughtful gestures are what are cherished closer to the heart. the daily quick phone calls, the random emails in Korean, the encouraging words... all incredibly touching indicators of the extent of my parents' love. but by far the greatest proof of their love is their tremendous encouragement in my spiritual walk. kevin came by one day and saw the "daily bread" on my desk, a daily devotional my dad sends me to do my qts with. and then i told kevin how i've been receiving them since freshmen year and in the beginning my parents would tape a lil note on the front reminding me to please read the daily bread everyday. kevin told me how cute that was and when he said that i was privately rebuked by this memory. i realize how often i take my parents for granted. it's amazing that my parents would provide me devotionals from which i can grow by. there are so many others i know who are struggling because members of their families aren't Christians. and here are my parents... both so strong in their faith and unabashedly showing their love for Christ to me, to encourage me to grow in Him.

i am truly blessed.

some more good things:
-roy befriending me again \O/
-seeing jean moon for the first time in three years
-watching my big fat greek wedding
-playing with peggy, nancy, and jiyun and having some good girl talk =]

some of the things i am so thankful for that have made me smile when i can't keep on going:
-a pack of wrigley's extra polar ice gum from josei cuz she knows wednesdays are my horrendously tiresome days
-a note scribbled on a napkin by my dongseng paul from this past friday when i felt like my world was crashing down around me
-a really good talk perched on the whale at lbl with sewon
-my appa coming to visit for a few days
-lucky charms
-cold water

"There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace."
-Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

"The Lord foils the plans of the nations; he thwarts the purposes of the peoples. But the plans of the Lord stand firm forever, the purposes of his heart through all generations." -Psalm 33:10-11

why is there such a need to belong? i don't understand. i feel like if that need is not satisfied... then i can cease to exist. why am i determining what i need? who am i to decide what i do or do not need? i feel like i am wandering around aimlessly, lost and dazed, until one day, i will finally hit something in the darkness out there and will feel grounded and secure again.

Dear God,
Please forgive me for living in a Disneyland.
Amen.

"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in your joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand." -The Velveteen Rabbit

i always love a good challenge... =D

jAhNdEeShEkKi (10:53:16 PM): do u still eat a lot?
KrAzYxSpiKeY 012 (10:53:29 PM): yep
jAhNdEeShEkKi (10:53:35 PM): yay good
jAhNdEeShEkKi (10:53:36 PM): =D
KrAzYxSpiKeY 012 (10:54:11 PM): lolz
KrAzYxSpiKeY 012 (10:54:27 PM): jayne, my good woman, i'll eat and drink u under the table any day
KrAzYxSpiKeY 012 (10:54:27 PM): =]
jAhNdEeShEkKi (10:54:49 PM): hahaha is that a challenge?
KrAzYxSpiKeY 012 (10:55:02 PM): u bet your sweet ass it is
KrAzYxSpiKeY 012 (10:55:02 PM): hahaah
jAhNdEeShEkKi (10:55:05 PM): ahahahaha it's on hun

i went to the groundbreaking of the new kcpc site today. it was incredible there. the view of the ocean is awesome. there was a picture of what the church is going to look like when it's completed. it looks like something out of a puritan colony situated in massachusetts cuz it was all white. i am excited to think that one day we'll be able to worship God in such a beautiful place. it is going to be amazing. =]

i went with sewon and kristy to the reprint mint, the poster store on dwight and telegraph. i love going into poster shops... looking at all the different artwork, and respectfully wishing that i also possessed the talent to portray my emotions through a vivid splash of colors or contorted shapes. it also makes me wish that i studied art more... to know about certain painters to better understand where they were coming from when they painted a particular painting and to learn to appreciate the painting for how it truly deserves to be appreciated. anyways, i bought a painting called "after the storm" by pierre doutreleau. i absolutely love it. the part that struck me is the sheer simplicity of the painting itself. it's a large painting with very few details and the majority of the painting is devoted to the sky. utter calmness... just as it always is after a storm subsides. it amazes me that someone can possibly capture such a feeling and transfer that feeling into a piece of art. i remember times when the rain would be crazy and it'd be pouring and pouring with the wind blowing and howling. and then, the morning after... everything is incredibly quiet, showing no traces of the previous night. i love waking up to those mornings... where it's still gray and the air is still damp and you hear the occasional drip drip from leaves and branches. it is so calming and soothing.

everyone always tells me how i revel in life's simplicities... "simple mind, simple pleasures." i can't help it though if i do happen to be struck by such things. i look at this world today, and i see how everything has become so detailed and complicated and my head hurts. maybe i lack in sufficient brain cells to comprehend such difficult matters, but i don't really mind. like my poster, for example. the fact that it is so simple is what appeals to me the most. i look at my life and sometimes hate how complicated it's become... so many mixed emotions and uncertainties. in a way, my life's like a storm right now, rocky and tempestuous, and i desperately want the storm abated so that the peace and calm can come. not that i'm saying that i hate my life so that the only way i can achieve peace is if i was dead; it's more this particular stage of my life that's stormy right now. * i just got reminded of when roy told me that he wished i died tomorrow so that i could go to heaven faster than him. =[ * in my english section earlier today, we went around talking about why we enrolled in the class [its a children's literature class] and then we discussed some of the books we read as a child. it was so interesting hearing everyone's different perspectives of what they were exposed to as a child. for me, i was saying how it amazes me that within two decades, the selection of books readily available to children has drastically changed. when i was growing up, i was hardly ever exposed to multi-cultural literature and it almost intimidates me how society has changed so that more of these controversial and multi-cultural issues are raised. not that im close-minded and don't want my children to be exposed to such literature, but it makes me really think about how time brings about so many changes. and thinking back to children's literature, i am again struck by its simple messages and honest, direct words. the messages generally touch upon so many fundamental tenets essential to someone's life and it fascinates me to realize how much literature has had an impact on my own life. i used the example of the giving tree, by shel silverstein, as a book that i remember when i was younger. the simple dialogue between the tree and the boy and the simple message of being unselfish appeals to me in a way that makes me wish i was a child again.

i say i like things simple and yet i've rambled on for quite a bit. =/ haha. i am such a paradox.
anyways~ come over and look at my poster. =]

one of jayne's pet peeves:
when inconsiderate, uncouth people open a new box of cereal [without asking first, mind you] and rip the plastic bag violently so that the defenseless bag is torn open. then, the nice, hungry one [ie. jayne] saunters along to the kitchen, utterly excited at the prospect of eating her *magically delicious* frosted whole grain oat cereal with marshmallows. as she innocently pours the frosted cereal and rainbow colored marshmallow chunks into her bowl... her pleasant reverie comes to a staggering halt as an unexpected avalanche of cereal tumultuously cascades down into the bowl, causing it to overflow and creating what looks like a diminutive mountain. =[

"Everyone sees what you appear to be, few experience what you really are." -Machiavelli

how is it possible that someone can sum up so much of who i am into one succinct sentence?

i talked to a friend of mine the other day about a mutual friend we have and was talking about how i hadn't spoken with that mutual friend for a while. it just hit me recently that friendships are relationships that are maintained only if you work at them. i know that i'm stating the obvious, and i'm an idiot for stating something so blatantly apparent, but it's something that i struggle with and often take for granted. case in point: this buddy of mine. it took me a while to even get to know him, and when i did, i only regretted the fact that i didn't get to know him sooner. but now it seems that i'm going backwards, back to the past when the relationship was at that initial uncomfortable stage. i hate that feeling cuz it's so damn awkward and everything's so hesitant and forced and my instinctive response is to just avoid the whole situation. and that's what i realized my friendship with this person had degenerated to: from being quasi good friends to a position where it has become difficult for me to even look at him directly in the eyes. and while my friend assured me that i was a dummy and that wasn't the case... i couldn't help feel that way. i guess i still can't. and what sucks is that i know that the friendship has faded because of me, and i want to do something about it, but i'm too scared to do anything. so i just hold back and regret letting the friendship slip away. and what i'm left wondering is this: if i was already undeserving to be friends with this person, then what is possibly left to rebuild that friendship?

yesterday was probably the weirdest day ever... *sigh* so much freakin drama and so many weird incidences all happening too quickly in a short span of time. it really made me sad. it's crazy to see/hear/witness drama and hurt in the world. even if it isn't directly inflicted upon you, it still hurts and stuns you when a loved one is involved. argh. i'm so sick of it. i don't get it. i really don't.

it amazes me to see how quickly time can pass by and a thing that i was once dedicated to seems to lose its significance. and i plod through life forgetting, until one day it suddenly hits me and i am reminded of a fervor i once possessed. needless to say, this blog of mine is an example of just this. *sigh*

so life has majorly been sucking for me these past ...days? ...weeks? i don't know. i've lost track. i suppose it's the constant emotional rollercoaster ride of life that i've been on. or maybe i suffer from bipolar disorder, which makes me switch from being high to low in a matter of minutes. unsurprisingly, i feel like crap. and i've been wondering what the hell is wrong with me. i guess it can seem like i'm wallowing in my own self-pity and maybe that could be one aspect, but right now, it's more of self-disgust and repulsion.

school's starting tomorrow and unlike the excitement i used to feel, it's one more of fear, dread, and apprehension. it's a sign showing the inevitable: i am going to be an upperclassman and with that, there comes certain liabilities. in so many different aspects this fact holds true. it's a sign to take responsibility and leadership for the underclassmen, it's a sign showing that time is running out, and it's a sign showing that one is growing up to face the real world. i feel like this past summer up here was extremely unproductive and wasteful. true, i worked and took two classes, but what i could have done in addition to that, was definately not enough. i wanted to do so much more, and maybe cuz i was being too selfish, i ended up with what feels like nothing. with a couple of exceptional cases, i don't think there was much good to this summer. i saw everyone at church today, and everyone looked so different with this refreshing air about them and excited looks in their eyes. and i just stood there observing, and enviously wishing for that same feeling. i've become indifferent to so many things. *wait... scratch that.* i struggle with emotions so much that the only way i deal with them is to become emotionless and stoic. and i think and i think and i get mad for thinking so much.

i have no idea what to expect this semester. but it's what pastor eugene said today... how only God is the one who remains true. i'm realizing this more and more daily... that everyone flakes, that everyone stumbles, and everyone is weak. everyone and everything will fail but God. what scares me to death is that despite knowing this and experiencing all this crap, it is still so difficult for me to place what i'm feeling towards God. "Turn to God and away from sin." i'm at the midpoint where im half-turned to both and i desperately don't know which way to turn. i place too many expectations on people and when they hurt or disappoint me, i fall. and i fall hard. and to recuperate, i become hardened and i put up my infamous wall that blocks everyone out and doesn't allow anyone to come through. the way i justify this is that people that hurt me are not deserving to know what goes on in my life. i mean... why should they? maybe it has to do with my stubborn pride, but i feel like if i don't get to hold onto this one defense mechanism of mine, to protect me from the big, bad world out there... then everything is lost and i really am nothing. yet i know that i should not do this, but i cannot help but do so. *correction* i am too stubborn to do so. "Turn to God and away from sin."

i went white water rafting this past weekend with small group... which i guess i can say has been the highlight of this summer. i had a pretty good time, especially for someone who has the physical competence of a ten year old and who despises the sun as much as she despises getting dirty. oh, and my closest encounter with death also made the experience quite memorable. haha. i don't think i'll ever forget being submerged completely underwater and being dragged down the rapid appropriately coined "the mother," all the while staring up at my right shoe, tangled in the raft, refusing to let me go free and float away safely.

needless to say, after that exciting event, the rest of the time spent rafting rather dragged and was almost tedious at times. however, there were parts along the river where we just floated along, letting the river's natural currents take our little raft of me and josei wherever it pleased, and that was quite nice. later josei and i were talking and we were both amazed that something so simple as a river could wield so much power over us. it made me realize how little of my life is actually controlled by me. in the large scope of things, we are so very insignificant and our existence can be obliterated if fitting. it was so easy to be swept away by the river's current... especially during the crazy mother. no matter how much josei or i struggled against the current, we were no match for the river's strength. *watch me now connect my thoughts* thinking back always puts things into perspective for me. our lives are already destined to run a certain way according to God's plan. basically, there's no use fighting Him cuz we don't control our lives and we abide by what He says. He is the current that carries us where He sees fit and our efforts to go against that are utterly futile. everything else will be fine if we just lie back and let God lead the way. it's essential to have that faith... just like even though i was simultaneously snorting up nasty river water and swallowing mad chunks of it and thought i was going to die, i also had faith that the lifeguard man would come and rescue me. which he did. so hooray for him. =] *moment of profound silence*

an account of the different things i've done that's taken forever to write about cuz im lazy:

a cote: a small, cozy restaurant i went to with judy and sewon sometime last week. entrees were served tapas style, meaning that portions were small and it was a given to order several different entrees to share amongst one's party. the food was relatively tasty, despite the minute portions and costly prices. after ordering four entrees and two slivers of cheese, the three of us concluded that we were quite content in our tummies: we weren't brimming with fullness, but it was just enough to be satisfied.

crepevine: delicious as always. i recommend the rockridge, which consists of strawberries and nutella and a generous scoop of vanilla bean ice cream on the side. sewon and judy both declared that the rockridge was very pleasing to their palettes as well.

great kahn: for those unfortunate enough to have not yet tried this exquisite mongolian bbq place... *sigh* i feel utterly sorry for you. the set price of 6.45 may at first be a little appalling, but for the amount you get, it is well worth the price. there are four types of meat to choose from: beef, chicken, lamb and pork, and you are able to pack in however much you want to eat inside a bowl. from there, you select from a wonderful array of veggies such as carrots, broccoli, onions, and mushrooms to add to your meat. then u choose how to flavor it, with sauces from mild to fiery hot sauces, oyster sauce, teriyaki sauce, and other msg-laden goodies. once chow-mein like noodles are piled high on top of all this craziness, you then proceed to walk to a separate line where the food is cooked on a large circular grill/pan sorta thingie by men walking around the grill with elongated chopsticks. shake on some sesame seeds, grab a bottle of sriracha sauce... and you're golden. =D

y tu mama tambien: [not affiliated with food at all, but i added it cuz it deserves as much merit as i am giving these restaurants] foreign film i watched with ylee and sayuri, my two ex-roomies. not a movie i'd recommend for people who can't even say the word sex w/out blushing or thinking that they have to go wash out their potty mouths with soap. bottom line: there's a whole lot of obscene sex scenes that even took me by surprise [ie the opening scene] and lots of other naughty vulgarities that may stun some people. however, by watching this film is not to say that i'm some sex-obsessed maniac all into pornographic films. there's an incredible underlying theme about friendship and truth that is extremely refreshing and simultaneously, somewhat disturbing and unsettling. needless to say, one needs to look beyond all the flashes of naked skin and sexual innuendos to grasp this concept, but once it is found, it is quite profound and it enables one to re-evaluate the meaning of friendship in a context different from what is typically expected. or~ if you're like ylee and take the film for its face value of sex, sex, and more sex... i'm sure you'd walk away from the film feeling a lil bit more physically moved rather than emotionally. *wink wink*

introducing... my buddy called roy.
amazingly enough, this oddity of a person is indeed a living, breathing twenty year old male. *gasp*
despite his boyish charms and deluded visions of his greatness, poor misguided foolio roy does have good intentions at heart and is overall, a very endearing person. hurray for roy. =]

b o y 52 (2:12:36 PM): there once was a story
b o y 52 (2:12:43 PM): about how i got my life turned upside down
b o y 52 (2:12:47 PM): so sit right back and relax
b o y 52 (2:13:01 PM): of a story of how roy became the prince of bel-air
b o y 52 (2:13:55 PM): and thats the story of how roy became the prince of bel-air
b o y 52 (2:13:58 PM): gyeaH!

b o y 52 (2:18:50 PM): wudduP wuDDUP wUDDUP yAll, this is dJ rOY-DawG heRe uP in Da HoUUse..roLLin-boLLin-weSsiDE repResenTIn..donT fRONT yA'LL!
b o y 52 (2:18:58 PM): gYEAh
Kpxgrlx012 (2:19:38 PM): oh wow
Kpxgrlx012 (2:19:43 PM): thats lovely roy
b o y 52 (2:20:34 PM): u think so?
b o y 52 (2:20:40 PM): i made that all up by myself
Kpxgrlx012 (2:21:01 PM): wow
Kpxgrlx012 (2:21:03 PM): pure genius
b o y 52 (2:21:35 PM): *bow*
Kpxgrlx012 (2:21:42 PM): *applause*
b o y 52 (2:21:43 PM): donT fRONT!
b o y 52 (2:21:59 PM): *struttin*
Kpxgrlx012 (2:22:06 PM): *gag*
Kpxgrlx012 (2:22:12 PM): *throwing tomatoes*
b o y 52 (2:22:25 PM): *catching and eating tomatoes*
b o y 52 (2:22:29 PM): *struttin*

whoa~ it's been a while since i've updated. haha. crazy. i used to be so dedicated to this too. so much has happened too... it makes me wanna say everything just for the sake of catching up between all these days. but then, that'd just take way too long and it won't be entertaining for anyone else so i'll just proceed with the past few days.

this past weekend was vbs. wow. it was incredibly fun and i was really blessed by not only the kids but also with working with the different teachers and parents. =] good stuff i say. the kids are so dang cute they make me smile just thinking about them. =] hurray. it really makes me contemplate now if i should commit to children's ministry in the fall or not... or if i should still stick with awana. of course, this is all depending on who needs more teachers and stuff but yeah... if there was the opportunity to choose, i wonder what i would do. i know i was all gung ho awana since like day one, but now, after vbs, i really don't know. wow. i'm really glad i did vbs though. i learned a great deal... feels good. =]

hmm~ what else. i got sick which is pretty dang crazy cuz i never get sick. but when i do... it hits me like *wham* and then i recover relatively quickly. ooh. and when i am sick, my germs never infect anyone else. *shrug* interesting lil tidbit about myself i thought i'd add in. aren't i fun? =] so i'm a lot better today but yesterday i was quite a repulsive sight. i sounded like a man and i was congested and achy and just ick all over. ohh~ and i was up all the previous night interspersed with little naps doing my stupid midterm essay for english. *shudder* it was horrible i tell you.

so i have about 2.5 more hours to kill before i get off work. and then... *BOWLING*!!! how exciting. too bad i suck majorly and i'm kinda sad cuz i think people will make fun of the way i bowl. but andy chon somewhat consoled me by saying that he heard taryn's bowling technique is really bad and funny. so hopefully she's worse than me so that she can get the buttend of all the jokes. haha. oops. that's mean huh? =[ hmm~ i hope we're both exceptional bowlers so that everyone else will be blown away by our mad skills. =D

ahahahaha little roy =D

b o y 52 (10:47:32 PM): its so hot
b o y 52 (10:47:40 PM): why cant i be less sexy
b o y 52 (10:47:47 PM): hahah just kidding..that was gross

yay~ i'm at work again... pulling an 8 hour shift tonight. woohoo. i know y'all are happy for me. but yeah... so this is my usual time to blog at work, after working "productively" for the first half of my shift. too bad i've wasted the past 3.5 hours playing this online game from shockwave called text twist. AUGH. my brain is fried. it's literally throbbing right now and i'm dizzy. thanks eugene shin who introduced me to the game today while he visited me at work. [i think it was more cuz he needed to use the internet... but i'll give him the benefit of the doubt. hehehe] yeah~ so while i was playing... one of the rcc's called osamu [not osama] came over and got interested in it and then... it was game over. argh. enough said. this guy is so insanse... ahahah he got so addicted, we played for 2.5 hours straight. aigoo. so i kinda didn't feel like updating. but then, i realized that i shouldn't disappoint my blog-reading audience of five people including myself. hehe. plus some kinda fun things happened this weekend that is worth remembering...

this past friday i went to watch bourne identity with kristy, karen, and judy. and all i gotta say is that matt damon is one fine looking hunk of a man. i was salivating on friday, but i think i learned to keep my desires and emotions under some quasi control. wOw. =D ahaha i'm grinning as i'm typing this. ahahaha aren't i so ugly?? =P ahahaha. woohoo~ matt damon is .:HOT HOT HOT:. (_(_) (_I_) (_)_) *cha cha cha* =D

on saturday... i decided to cook my 15 het-ban that were on the brink of expiring and kristy, karen, jane kim and i GRUBBED. eek there was so much stinkin food. and then julie oh came and later kevin and judy came too... and there was still so much. hahaha. feeding people makes me so happy. =D but yeah... after the girlies left, roy came over and him and julie left to her place to study for their ba midterm today. so i was left with kevin chiang and judy which was cool cuz i don't really know kevin and i haven't talked to my booty for a while. ahahaha oh geez kevin's weird. what a hilarious odd boy. hahaha. so i had lots of fun talking to him and judy until julie got mad that i wasn't studying and she and roy came over to regulate. but then we started laughing and talking some more. anyways... essentially, saturday was supposed to be reserved for studying and i gabbed the whole day away. but i totally didn't mind cuz i was loving finding out the little oddities and quirks that everyone has.

yesterday, sunday... i went to san jose taqueria after church... oh WOW they give you a lot and it was dang yummy. haha. so i was happy again. =] and then naturally i napped and woke up around 5/6ish panicked cuz i didn't start my paper. so i was working on it kinda half-heartedly until about midnight or so when judy julie and i went to visit andy chon and kevin chiang bang. that proceeded to a session of "let's hate on jayne" led by andy chon. i kno he's never gonna read this so i can be as brutally honest as i want. what a freakin meanie. =[ it's not my fault i was cursed with dumbo-like flappy ears that protrude out the side of my head like a man. =[ how sad that he uses my deformities against me to make fun of me... boo. what a poop. but i grudgingly won't hate on him too much right now cuz he was nice enough to let me use his printer to print out my essay that was due today... speaking of which~ i was up till 6:30 this morning working on the stupid thing. eek. and by that point i was so tired i couldn't focus well while i was typing... so i don't really recall what i mentioned in my paper and if what i did mention was deserving of any merit. blah. =/

today at work three people visited me today. i am very thankful for these people who stopped to say hello and entertained me for a bit. =] yay~ you guys made my day... hehe. thanks! =D

ooh. i just pulled out a pubie. =D yayyy. today is getting better and better by the minute.

i had a really good talk with a friend last night for about two hours... so i wanted to say thanks since i can't really articulate my gratitude in spoken words that well. i have to admit, i was surprised at the extent that i was able to confide in this person and to the extent that this person understood me and was able to help me. sorry~ i know that it sounds like i have little trust in people. maybe it's the deep skepticism and low expectation rule that i carry with people. but yes... i was pleasantly surprised by how much this buddy was able to empathize with me. big thanks. i was encouraged immensely and as a result had a pretty good day today. it's a great feeling to find someone who you can relate to... especially if it's due to your matching personalities and beliefs. haha. i thought i was the only crajee one out there... =T jk. i only hope that i can be as good a friend as you were to me last night. thanks again for calming my out of control nerves...

wow. God has truly been showing me awesome signs of his great love for me. i am very blessed to have such beautiful people in my life. =]

"If I could give you one gift my friend, I would give you the ability to see yourself as others see you, so you would know how very special you are." -Unknown

heehee. karen~ this one's for you. in remembrance of our pathetic attempts to "study" for our midterms this past sunday... =P ahaha. thanks hun.

"Friendship is born at the moment when one person says to another, "What! You too? I thought that no one but myself." -CS Lewis

wUtdAbUnG (5:21:42 PM): oh my gosh
jAhNdEeShEkKi (5:21:47 PM): ?
wUtdAbUnG (5:21:49 PM): i just read your blog
wUtdAbUnG (5:21:52 PM): hahahahahahhahaa
wUtdAbUnG (5:21:56 PM): youre so funny!!
jAhNdEeShEkKi (5:21:59 PM): ? which entry?
wUtdAbUnG (5:22:04 PM): the last one
jAhNdEeShEkKi (5:22:09 PM): the boobie one?
jAhNdEeShEkKi (5:22:12 PM): isnt it amazing?
wUtdAbUnG (5:22:15 PM): i seriously was cracking up so hard
wUtdAbUnG (5:22:27 PM): its not that , its the "cluck: that got me
jAhNdEeShEkKi (5:22:31 PM): i cant believe her
jAhNdEeShEkKi (5:22:32 PM): oh
jAhNdEeShEkKi (5:22:33 PM): haha
jAhNdEeShEkKi (5:22:40 PM): awww u jsut made me day kristy!
wUtdAbUnG (5:22:45 PM): hahahaahaha
wUtdAbUnG (5:22:50 PM): so did you jahnd
wUtdAbUnG (5:22:54 PM): ahhhh
wUtdAbUnG (5:22:57 PM): that was a good laugh
wUtdAbUnG (5:23:25 PM): freekin hillarious

it is awesome how friends are such a God-sent gift. i've had such a crappy day today with what seems like everything is crashing down on me, and all of a sudden, when i feel like i'm at my lowest... comes sauntering along a friend who i am blessed to have. =]

"Friends are God's way of taking care of us." -Unknown

hmm... so i dunno. i think i'm crashing from my happy stage cuz right now i feel kinda blah and contemplative. like a sad realization of something. i really do think i suffer from bipolar disorder...

there's very few people in the world that can be trusted completely... or that i can trust i suppose. i have this sort of feeling like what's the point in confiding in anyone cuz in the end, somehow they screw you over and betray that confidence. is that being too cynical? or am i being cautious? i remember i had a convo kinda related to this with a good friend a while back and basically it was about how i tend to build up this wall around me... and it's hard to reach me cuz of this huge emotional barrier. and she concluded that the wall was stupid and that she was gonna break it down. hehe. wow. i haven't had such an honest, open talk like that in a while. it's weird... cuz even as i'm chatting online to different people right now i feel like the person chatting isn't who i really am at all. odd. i guess that's kinda what eugene meant in his blog bout how online conversations have that kind of effect. i'm an exemplary model of his spiel on aim conversations. there's no sympathy for me.
anyways... back to this wall concept. for me... i consider it as a defense mechanism. i know i'm being selfish, but this is something i feel like i need to do in order to protect myself from the big, bad world out there. like why do i have to keep putting myself out there to the rest of the world so that in the end what happens is that i'm the one getting screwed? life ain't fair... and i know it isn't. and i know that i shouldn't just give up and completely lose myself to hide behind this great thick wall i've built... but sometimes... and recently, more often than not... i honestly feel like what's the freakin point. i'm sick of trying... and even though i'm sick of it, that scares me. cuz then it's like i've given up on everything in life and i'm dead in many aspects.

*sigh*

i read this off my friend's profile today... man... i haven't talked to him forever. it's astonishing to see how quickly time can pass by without me thinking twice about someone i once considered a friend. and then... it's amazing how a random emotion or memory can trigger something inside me and make me reminisce and wonder how the same person has been. and it jolts me in such a way that sometimes i'm ashamed to be me...

"they say to always reach for the stars...

but what if they can't be found?"

i'm at work again... and incredibly bored. like... shoot me out of my misery kinda bored. =[ i can't even play spider solitaire for like two consecutive hours anymore. gosh~ how depressing. so after i checked the status of everyone's blogs... i then proceeded to check everyone's profiles and away messageys. and one of them was my friend's... who i haven't really talked to in a while... probably for at least six months or so. but anyways... so i decided to check her webpage and see how she's been doing [she was away btw... cuz otherwise i would have talked to her. uhmm... no wait. i take that back.] so i was looking at her website and this girl is crajee. like she's on some radio show or something where i guess she has her own show and talks about sex and relationships and stuff. whoa there buddy. and like on air i guess guys call in and she supposedly has such a sexy voice that they always wanna hook up with her. so she gives out her website addy to anyone who asks. something like that. anyways... on her webpage she has this message board thingie where anyone can post messageys and one of them is from this anonymous guy claiming how much he loves my friend's boobies. hahaha crajee. and then she was saying in her journal how her boobie size is a 36D cup. i was stunned. GEEEZ!! those are some HUGE tig ol bitties. can you imagine? i think i'd fall over from the weight. *clunk* wow.

i just wanted to share my astonishment with the rest of the world. i am sure i have enlightened all your lives significantly. thank you for reading. =P

oh. i forgot to add this earlier. hehe =P

so there's this place down south in cypress called albert taco's. and it has some stinkin good food... ahahha especially their carne asada fries. disregard the fact that they probably have no nutritional value to them at all. oh, but DAYAM are they good. my sis used to eat them and make like moaning noises while she ate them. ahahahaha was that a little too much information? =] haha just wanted to show the extent of how delicious they are.

when i was home for like the 1.5 days, i went and got some of those fries and on my away messagey i said that i was eating them... and danny, who was still up here at the time imed me and was like oh wow... yum... etc etc. well~ he wouldn't say oh yum persay but you get the point. this is like an orange county delicacy. ahahaha. so i was talking to him online today and i asked if he had them yet cuz this is like a must-get whenever you go home item. and he was like yeah~ i had them twice already... the second time being last night at midnight. and then he said he ate them with billy ku. meaning billy drove all the way from glendale to cypress in the middle of the night to eat these carne asada fries.

ahahaha i think THAT exemplifies true epicurean skills...

and then i find out earlier this evening that billy ku just drove up to berkeley to visit. ahahaha this boy cracks me up too. talk about a spur of the moment, fly by the seat of your pants kinda guy... how fun that must be. to just up and leave to your intended destination without a second thought. crazy... =]

i'm in a very jolly mood today. =] hehe. do u ever get one of those days where everything just feels good? that's me right now. heehee =] i think this is largely due to the fact that the weather today is very nice... i didn't feel icky at all. =]

anyways~ so i changed my template for my blog. i wanted this one when i first started off cuz the colors looked so yummy but andy chon already had it so i refrained myself. but oh wells... i'm jolly today so i felt like i should make my blog more pretty too. =] the colors remind me of sherbert...lime, tangerine, and lemon. yummy. that little chunk of blue in the corner can be raspberry... like the icee kind. bah. but that doesn't fit too well with my citrus motif i got going on here. *shrug* still yummy. i love how i can related anything to food. hahaha ooh~ and with this format, i can write a lot more and it looks like i didn't write that much cuz its not as condensed as my other format. hurray!

so what did i do today... it was kinda hard to wake up today but i overcame it and went to class. and then i ended up sitting next to my gsi which made me all pressured to act like a good student and copiously take notes. but i kept dozing off so i was doing the whole rocking back and forth action of my body and the dropping head but then suddenly jerking it back up motion. eek. ahh wells.

class ended and i went home and took a wonderful nap for about 2 hours. it was fun cuz i had the window open and there was this slight breeze blowing gently on my face while i slept. haha. i love sleeping like that. ooh and on a tangent... i love sleeping and having my pillows not get hot. yanno what i mean? i hate it when the weather's hot so your pillows get hot and you gotta keep rotating them around and around so you can find that little bit of coolness you can desperately cling to until a few seconds later that part also gets hot and you gotta rotate again.

and now i'm at work. even walking to work wasn't too bad cuz of the nice weather. =] ohh but then this horrible incident happened. i was strolling down dwight from capri and right when i passed hillegass i got this horrendous whiff of some nasty smell. so i was like eh? and i looked around but there wasn't anything really that could have caused the smell. so i disregarded it and then continued to walk and then the foul smell hit me smack up my nostrils. and THEN i realized... there was this truck kickin it in the middle of the street and it had this pipe thingie coming from it leading to those houses that they're building on dwight between regent and hillegass. i have no idea what was pumped out or into that truck and honestly i don't wanna know. so i held my breath and after i passed that truck i breathed, and was happy again. =]

i didn't eat at all yet since last night when i had jack in the crack with kristy and rob at like one am [bad bad me] so i went to cheese and stuff and got pink lemonade, a turkey on sweet roll with monteray jack cheese, and pretzels. and i'm chomping away on them now. =] yummy yummy i'm very content =D

what else what else... ohh i just talked to my sister online. she's very excited cuz she just went with my mom to get her new celly. haha. and then my mom went to go eat dinner at tony roma's with sharona's mom and danny's mom and other mommas from our goo yuk. ahaha how cute is that? =] and so my sis and my dad are gonna go eat dinner at vip. just them two. =] hehe. man~ i wish i was there. hehe so i told my sis to tell my appa hi and he said to write him an email in korean. man... that's going to take forever cuz typing in korean takes so much time. =T oh wells. hehe. that should be interesting =]

ohh... brb i gotta go peepee.

ohh and for some reason today i was chatting with a lot of people online [well, not even a lot, but a lot for me cuz normally i end up just sitting and reading people's profiles] and there's all these interesting things i wanted to record.

look what nice thing hannah said to me. awwww =D
MUsHrOoMhAnNaH (5:03:58 PM): oh ar eyou doing legal studies?
MUsHrOoMhAnNaH (5:04:01 PM): are you all set?
Kpxgrlx012 (5:04:11 PM): hahaha
Kpxgrlx012 (5:04:13 PM): i guess
Kpxgrlx012 (5:04:15 PM): =/
MUsHrOoMhAnNaH (5:04:30 PM): no tha's good
MUsHrOoMhAnNaH (5:04:39 PM): alteast you are set and you have a direction and a path to follow
MUsHrOoMhAnNaH (5:04:41 PM): it'll be all good
MUsHrOoMhAnNaH (5:04:42 PM): heheh
Kpxgrlx012 (5:04:44 PM): i hope so
MUsHrOoMhAnNaH (5:04:44 PM): i believe in you

k, now look at kevin's im.
Kpxgrlx012 (5:11:59 PM): whats ur other job?
preppykc (5:14:27 PM): i work some professor doing data entry on excel
preppykc (5:14:51 PM): i work for some professor doing data entry on excel
Kpxgrlx012 (5:15:04 PM): why are u typing this twice?
preppykc (5:15:20 PM): cuz i left out the preposition "for"

ahahahha. i dunno why~ but i thought that that comment was so funny. first of all, i know very few who retype their entire comments for one measly word and second of all, who uses the word "preposition" in everyday common language? hahaha what a funny fellow. i like the little oddities and quirks people have. makes them more interesting and adds to their individuality. =]

k and now, danny's im.
dank IM91 (4:27:34 PM): what u doin?
Kpxgrlx012 (4:27:49 PM): work =[
Kpxgrlx012 (4:28:56 PM): im bored
dank IM91 (4:30:37 PM): haha, go do work
dank IM91 (4:30:47 PM): ask people to visit you
Kpxgrlx012 (4:31:13 PM): no one visits me =[
dank IM91 (4:31:47 PM): u kno if i was at berkeley....i probably wouldn't visit you either
dank IM91 (4:32:13 PM): haha
Kpxgrlx012 (4:32:52 PM): i KNO
Kpxgrlx012 (4:32:53 PM): =[
Kpxgrlx012 (4:32:57 PM): how depressing
dank IM91 (4:33:30 PM): haha
dank IM91 (4:33:43 PM): unless u get some hot girls there....haha
Kpxgrlx012 (4:33:57 PM): what bout foreign chickies?
dank IM91 (4:35:47 PM): haha, naw...
dank IM91 (4:35:56 PM): i like the koreans
dank IM91 (4:37:33 PM): so yeah....u kno when to holla at me

hmm so that wasn't that funny but still... kinda interesting. actually... it's not even kinda interesting either but for some reason, i'm liking people today. i'm getting thoroughly entertained from everyone. =D

woohoo i wrote a lot =] however... it looks a lot less cuz of my new template! ahahaha. hurray hurray =]

k... time for spider solitaire. =D