k. disregard that last post. i no longer despise myself although i do believe that i am the biggest fool. i think i allow myself to be duped by falsities and lies, believing that the world is a happy little place filled with happy little people. i guess that's my fault. which only proves that i AM the biggest fool cuz i deliberately and consciously hurt myself. *ironic chuckle* anyways, that was an aside... i have issues and it's not appropriate to showcase them for the public viewing pleasure. if you want to know, ask me, and let's talk. [look judy, i'm breaking free from the binding clutches of aim... hehe]

i'm home now. it's cold. i like it. earlier i was driving and i saw something that took my breath away. usually when you drive at night, all you see are the dark forms of the mountains silhouetted against the night sky. tonight however, right before i entered the grapevine, i noticed that the mountains had this illuminating glow, so that you could actually see the mountain and not just its form. the mountains were covered in snow... and the whiteness of it was reflected by the moonlight. and the mountains looked so close to me... so close that i reached out and tried to touch them. unfortunately i was prevented from doing so cuz of my stupid window. and as we drove through the grapevine, there was snow everywhere, even up to where the foot of the mountains and hills reached the side of the freeway. it was beautiful. i was awe-struck by those mountains. it made me feel really happy and peaceful.
[btw~ i apologize cuz i'm inarticulate at expressing myself so i'm not giving this the justice it deserves.]