"If we would build on a sure foundation in friendship, we must love our friends for their sakes rather than for our own." -Charlotte Bronte.


Watching the sister gingerly step around the upper bunk bed in order to search for her book while trying her best to not wake Alice, who is contentedly sleeping in it. Alice looks happy even while she sleeps. =]

I don't like selfish people. I understand that we are all inherently selfish brats, but I'm sick of people who are flagrant selfish brats who continually make their lives take precedence over everyone else's.

Shopping with Janet, Jane and Nancy. Janet's good story. All guys are dicks. Crankiness over food deprivation being resolved by Panda Express and a root beer float. To be so emotionally and psychologically attached to food that it makes us cry or makes us extremely extremely happy. To not care about certain supposed friends any longer. Jane was French Club VP. A skirt that only I think is too short. Betsy Johnson dresses are fun and cute. Janet's teal panties. Dragging the girls to help me find tops. Nancy's favorite brown halter she kept advocating for. Genova Delicatessen. The Last Ficb. A resolution to no longer waste time.

Being sick of the same boys. No one cares about them anymore. The Porno Palace renovated with Korean movie posters. New secrets and oaths. Not having laughed so hard in such a long time. Laughing until the point of a throbbing headache, sore cheeks, and tears. Hannah's convenient recorder. Hannah's heartfelt prayer: "Thank you for this happy moment." A scary, weird, and confusing movie. Judy and Sewon being the only ones watching the scary parts.

A night for sure I'll never forget for as long as I live.

Elvin Jones Jazz Machine was AMAZING.
That's all. Words are paltry. It was music such as I have never heard before.

Elvin Jones: drums
Sherman Irby: alto saxophone
Mark Shim: tenor saxophone
Carlos McKinney: piano
Gerald Cannon: bass

"If you can't live without him, then you can't live with him."

I can't even begin to describe how much I'm going to miss nursery. Sigh. It's slowly starting to dawn on me that this is the beginning of the end.

One of the many highlights from dinner: Andy being nervous about being the only guy, finding temporary relief that Kook was there to balance out the estrogen, and then having that relief snatched away when Kook joined in the Andy-bashing and bluntly told us he thought Andy was "secretly gay."



J0hn: STUDY
J0hn: would it be funny if i had a sn named "Hanah-neem"
J0hn: and then i said, study jayne

I spoke of Calvin's lucky red rocketship underpants and Sam called me kinky.

I didn't know that tightie-whities were available in leopard or zebra-print, or that they could be made out of silk.


As Eugene Shin put so eloquently, today I got "nailed in the ass."

preppykc: i think you've matured a lot
jAhNdEe: me personally?
preppykc: weren't you kind of a superficial punk your first year?
preppykc: hahaha
jAhNdEe: ...
preppykc: at least that's the impression i got
jAhNdEe: hahaha
preppykc: when i first met you
jAhNdEe: that one day?
preppykc: yea
jAhNdEe: when i met you in teh dor,ms?
preppykc: and just all your stories

Finally doing something that I've wanted to do for the past four years.


"Andy Oppa." Listening with a different ear. A good talk with Ms. Scratchy. =]

Seabiscuit. =D Wanting to sleep once without hearing wretched little birds chirp. Delirious laughter and wheezing. Bagel bites and cookies 'n cream ice cream.

Calvin just walked me home right now. Well, after a weak and futile attempt to refuse to let him, he did. That was weird, but nice.

I've been spending my entire week in the computing center. Calvin and I joked about how we come into the center when it's light and leave when it's starting to get light again. What struck me tonight was the fact that I haven't been too lonely spending all this time by myself. My co-workers have been really great, asking me how I've been holding up, checking up on my progress every day, and Monica, my boss-lady, giving me extra munchies for sustenance. I haven't spoken with anyone who I normally speak with in a week and a half or so, but I've gotten to know my co-workers even better. I've had some great talks with them, and I realize just how much I'm going to miss them. For example, Calvin and John: relationships and going on "dates" vs. just hanging out; Kevin: about the difference between Iowa and California and how there is no racism in Iowa because everyone's only one race. I'm on one end of the spectrum in regards to culture schock while he's on the other; Calvin: music, music, music.

I listened to the same 2 songs for about 35 hours until Calvin was generous enough to let me borrow some of his songs. Thanks, Calvin. =]

My days have also become much simpler, spending 4-5 hours sleeping, 1 hour showering and getting ready, 1 hour for eating, and 16-17 hours for the center. I find that I enjoy simple days.


He always, always provides.

The Big C. One patch of sunshine hitting the water. Kevin's accurate weather predictions thus resulting in RAIN. =]

Pocket Rockets or Rocket Pockets? Befriending strangers while playing Hold Em. "I like your scales." Pills that make me act like I'm on "crack." Frozen apples, pears, and oranges. But especially icy orange slices. Realizing how much I'm going to miss these sessions next year.

"Fine Jayne, cuz you're my sugar momma."
"Did you just say sugar momma??"
"Yeah. You can be my sugar momma."
"Go away. I don't want to be your sugar momma."

Hold Em and Westcoast's chicken tomato pizza. Praise songs at 5 in the morning. Having 3 out of 4 requested songs played.

"Whenever I'm feelin' low
I call Your name (it lifts me up)
No other words feel the same
I call Your name
I call out Your name

I stopped runnin'
I stopped hidin'
'Cause now I know it was meant to be
Love so strong
Brings me to my knees"
-Clay Crosse, I Call Your Name.

And when it seems like you've hit rock bottom, all of a sudden, it doesn't seem so bad. Thanks, boys. =]

This is how rotten a person I am.

I've been stealing rolls of toilet paper from work for the past few days. Since my sister and I use about a roll every 1.5 days, I've already been forced to steal three rolls so far. Yet I perform this illegal activity with absolutely no qualms or misgivings.

jAhNdEe: gimme some inspiration
preppykc: UHm
preppykc: STUDY HARD!
jAhNdEe: ...
jAhNdEe: thanks buddy
jAhNdEe: hahhaa
preppykc: how about...
preppykc: if you STUDY hard
preppykc: you'll find a nice boy to date
preppykc: and his name will either be [blank]
preppykc: or [blank]
preppykc: hahah
preppykc: isn't that inspiring?

At work there are two bathrooms that we use. They are located in front of the elevators of Deustch Hall so that anyone who lives in the hall has access to the bathrooms.

For about a week now, one of the bathroom doors has been broken so there's only been one available. This means that all the revolting squalid hygienics of feshmen boys and girls are concentrated on only one toilet.

I had one of the most miserable urinating experiences yesterday. I went inside the bathroom, and saw that on the right side of the toilet, there was a little conglomerate pile of pubies gathered on the ground and a couple straggly ones on the seat. They were curly and light brown. I was so sad that I needed to pee. And while I was gingerly perched upon that toilet seat wrapped in three toilet seat covers, all I could do was stare at that pile and wonder what the hell the guy must have been doing to himself to accumulate that mass of pubic hair on the ground.

I realized today it was my turn to assuage any fears or doubts about small group leading. Even now I often feel like I'm at the beginning again.

Good Friday service: To taste the sweet water even amongst times of bitterness.

I like Stanford people a lot, especially the girls. I have absolutely no regrets in coming out tonight.

Speaking with various people today, I couldn't help but be jealous while listening to their struggles and dilemmas: deciding what prestigious law school to accept, debating between two Ivy League grad schools, etc. etc. And while people were sharing with me, I kept thinking to myself: "This is what you have to deal with right now? These are your worries and concerns??" Sigh. Then I would tell myself: "Shut the hell up. You know that if you were in their positions right now, you would realize how important and life-changing these struggles really are." I realized how spiteful and selfish a person I really am.

Theo from Stanford tells Jo, his younger sister, that he loves her before ending a conversation with her. When asked why he does that, he simply replied: "It's important."

"You can tell a lot about a guy or a girl if they have more friends of the opposite sex than they have of the same sex."

A wonderful heart-to-heart. It's comforting knowing that you aren't alone in seeing another side of someone that few people rarely ever see.

Fruit of the Spirit with little flock. I don't know how I ended up with so many orange slices.

Another blessing I'm thankful for: Little flock and for our transparency and honesty. =]

I was forced to buy printing pages at the library for the very first time in my college career today. And to my utter dismay, I used up every single cent within the hour.

"telling someone the truth is an act of love
forgiveness is an attribute of strength..."

What is it about popping a pimple and seeing all the pus gush out that makes it such a cathartic pastime?

Sometimes, there just aren't enough pimples.


Small group: n. One of the best things I've ever had in my life.