i don't understand my life. last night i was so happy. i had a great time with my family, which usually never happens cuz i'm not close to them at all. but yesterday was finally different and i was so thankful to God that he would allow me to actually have conversations with my relatives and to share my life with them.

and then... 30 minutes after i came home, any sense of joy that i was feeling before was fiercely torn from me and i end up feeling betrayed, pissed, sad, and dicked over.

and on top of that, i made an idiot of myself by calling someone to ask a question and not being able to control myself. i ended up freakin crying my eyes out to someone who doesn't even know what the hell happened. damn it. i shouldn't have let that stupid jerk get to me the way he did. life is so damn unfair... i don't get how my life can be so rocked so freakin quickly. *sigh*

God, if you're trying to teach me something, tell me what the freak it is cuz right now, i don't see how any of this can be for the better.

damn it. i've let my guard down again and all i see is how i've gotten screwed once again. it just shows you have to be prepared at all times. and i got carried away and let myself go again. damn it.