preppykc: hahah sewon is so your biotch!!!
preppykc: you should marry her

bCxaNgeL143: breathe in deep
bCxaNgeL143: and count ur blessings
bCxaNgeL143: and not ur curses
bCxaNgeL143: :-)

A cute and encouraging e-card from Janet. LOCKY.

"Come fly with me, let's fly, let's fly away

Once I get you up there where the air is rarified
We'll just glide, starry-eyed
Once I get you up there I'll be holding you so near
You may hear angels cheer 'cause we're together

Weather-wise it's such a lovely day
You just say the words and we'll beat the birds
Down to Acapulco Bay
It's perfect for a flying honeymoon, they say
Come fly with me, let's fly, let's fly
Pack up, let's fly away!!"

How great is Frank Sinatra? =]

3-5am Fat Guy feast: Cream cheese walnut rolls, stale soybean crisps, Ƣ�� ����, Sapporo Ichiban ���, ¥¯��� ��ġ, ��ġ��, and H�agen-Dazs Mocha Almond Fudge.

Throwing your head all the way back and laughing until the muscles on the side of your body start to cramp up and hurt.

This is the life. =]

"And how's my favorite CA doing today?"
"Hi John. Not so great, actually. But wow. Thanks for asking."

Heifer International My namesake. =]

Comfort activity: Listening to Michael Bubl� and baking English toffee bit cookies.

Determination to do what's right.


... And suddenly, everything is a tiny bit clearer.

Bay Street with Nancy, Fred, Kenneth, and Sewon. No more Rubio's for a while. My secret santa. =] Rolling around and not studying. Justin McRoberts. The storm. =] Dae Jang Kum: rather wanting to get hit 100 times. Mandoo.

Sushi House with Nancy. =] Walking in the rain. Chardonnay with Roy. Nancy's Christmas party. 3 shots plus/minus one. Jajnet taking pictures forever. Talking with Roy and finding that Andy and Kwansoo left me. Promise of more future talks. To rainy days. 25 to 21. Kwansoo saying that I reek of alcohol. =[ A random Safeway trip. I don't understand Andy Chon. One cup of water and promising to return it before winter break. An emotional night. What have I done wrong now??

snobunnynk (4:15:06 AM): dont GO to capri
snobunnynk (4:15:11 AM): thye're like vampires

A stunning new discovery: Every car has what I've coined the "engine thermostat." It informs the driver of the temperature of the car's engine. For example, on a cold night such as this, the "engine thermostat" is under the C(old), indicating that the engine has yet to be heated. However, while the driver proceeds to drive, the "engine thermostat" reaches somewhere in between the C(old) and the H(ot) letters, thus indicating that the engine has heated up to that level.


Fascinating.

Songs #10 and #11. Frozen hands and nose. Puckered and wrinkled mouths. Relishing fun email exchanges. Being truly fat and overeating. The absurd and inconceivable idea of having ninnies as friends. Osmosis and potatoes. Fond memories of good times. "Concomitant."


"If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.

Happy moments, praise God.
Difficult moments, seek God.
Quiet moments, worship God.
Painful moments, trust God.
Every moment, thank God."

Thanks Jacob Oppa. =]

A productive day at work only to find that it wont work on my computer. Shopping for snowboarding shoes. Talk about Roy with Karen. Care packages and hugs. The rain. =] More shopping online. $9.50 on a movie.

�Think about the kids you used to know, who would be around your age now had they survived the car accident, shooting, or illness.... pretty big number, huh.�

More bloated a face after eating then sleeping or from crying? Dessert first. Fuddruckers. Painting at work. 9:30pm-9:30am. Kristy's help. Manly red and green.

Smiley Alice during Allelu. Drawing faces with Heidi. Taking a nap in nursery. SF with Julie and Sewon. A nice day. Caffeine. A tired but fulfilling day. Elephants and Carebears. Sitting in front of Christmas trees. Eye cream. Hand lotion for us. The perfect card. Christmas trees and wreaths. Having the runs. 1st fish taco. Elf again. Loud obnoxious laughter, and "Oh Lord." Crying the second time around. Being happy. Spending 15 min figuring out how to make a box.

Over-sleeping. Walking in the rain, getting drenched, and loving every moment. A hot shower. Steaks, instant potatoes, mandarin dressing. Goody bag care packages. 100% red zone. Cd keys. No burner. Chewing on a guy's jaj. Potential beef. Nicknames: Putty and Stuck on you.

The Last Samurai. Forgetting to breathe and wipe away tears. Beautiful landscape. Simple beauty. Pastor Ting as Katsumato. Adorable little boys. Honor. Compassion.

"Nothing worth doing is completed in our lifetime;
Therefore, we are saved by hope.
Nothing true or beautiful or good makes complete sense in any immediate context of history;
Therefore, we are saved by faith.
Nothing we do, however virtuous, can be accomplished alone;
Therefore, we are saved by love.
No virtuous act is quite as virtuous from the standpoint of our friend or foe as from our own;
Therefore, we are saved by the final form of love which is forgiveness."

-Reinhold Niebuhr.

Song #8. An overly generous evaluation. Failed attempt to celebrate due to funky stomach problems. Walking in the rain with Andy under the umbrella. Tricky door. $10 ASUC gift certificate. Cultured guys vs. cultured girls. A three hour long grammar project. A clenched jaw, burning throat, and repressed tears. A hurting sadness. Free samples. Fred's wasted free popcorn. Gothika. Useless upper righthand corner. Fred flinching and spazzing. Bitten left cheek. Snow gently falling on an upturned face. Movies, movies, movies. Starting my own compilation.

Becoming more tolerable? I think not.


Let it rain forever.

Missing another opportunity. Henry's. Connection with girls: Pachabel-Canon in D Major. Consensus with Alex: calamari and quesadillas. Fateful experience with Alex. Last rendezvous with John. Extra avocados and a special touch. NoDoz is a dear friend. Confusing questions. Welcome addition of song #7. A twenty-email correspondence. Bad security man. An incredibly foggy walk home.

bCxaNgeL143: oooh!
bCxaNgeL143: let's run marathon friday
jAhNdEe aT wOrK: what the hell
jAhNdEe aT wOrK: what marathon
bCxaNgeL143: video
bCxaNgeL143: u freak
jAhNdEe aT wOrK: OH
jAhNdEe aT wOrK: ahahaha
jAhNdEe aT wOrK: i was gonna say
jAhNdEe aT wOrK: im gg kill you
bCxaNgeL143: i can't believe u actually thought MARATHON
bCxaNgeL143: hahahahahaha
bCxaNgeL143: yea u need sleep
jAhNdEe aT wOrK: YEAH
jAhNdEe aT wOrK: i FREAKED
jAhNdEe aT wOrK: hahaha
jAhNdEe aT wOrK: i got so sad
bCxaNgeL143: hahahaha
jAhNdEe aT wOrK: cuz i figured it was for some cause
bCxaNgeL143: HAHAHAHA
jAhNdEe aT wOrK: =[
jAhNdEe aT wOrK: shut ip
bCxaNgeL143: at least u have a conscience
jAhNdEe aT wOrK: ahahaha
jAhNdEe aT wOrK: i was tthinking if it'd be possible for me to make up an excuse tho
jAhNdEe aT wOrK: luckily before i came to that decision
jAhNdEe aT wOrK: you said it was a video marathon
jAhNdEe aT wOrK: =]
jAhNdEe aT wOrK: so phew
bCxaNgeL143: first of all
bCxaNgeL143: i would never run a marathon
bCxaNgeL143: oh heck no
jAhNdEe aT wOrK: hahahaha
bCxaNgeL143: and the day YOU say yes to a marathon, i'll kiss u
jAhNdEe aT wOrK: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
jAhNdEe aT wOrK: it can happen!!!
bCxaNgeL143: k...my kiss can happen too!!

The beauty of fall leaves. Driving aimlessly, just gazing.

A tacky Christmas tree. Magic bowling shoes. The saying-words-backwards game.

The unrequited love interest of a particular person. Sudden pangs. Second chances. Having your reaction watched by the one giving you the flowers.


A walk in the rain. It's been a while. =]

Sunday worship at DFC. The lamp and the steps. Black grass. Cal State Long Beach. Mr. Handsome. The 99 cents store and imitation strawberry sundaes. Knockoffs. My moo oven mitt. $2.99 Big Mac value meal. Fruit N Freeze strawberries and cream. 44psi tires. Being John Malkovich. "And that was episode 1..." Masculinity defined by cars and driving. Future breast feeding circles. Merced. The rain. Funny, quirky, adorable fathers. What are our kids going to be like and where are we going to be next year?

Whatever goes, goes.

Karen's 21st birthday party. 45 minutes in a few hours. The Grove with Kwansoo, Andy and Karen. Gawking at Finding Nemo. The Christmas tree and the lights. The water show. Trying to get tickets validated. Sitting around looking at each other. Karen getting annoyed. Dduk bo sam. Eating more than Andy and Kwansoo. Making an idiot of myself about mushrooms. Jane and I asking for so much. Jane's accident. Bonaventure and the moving floor. Accepting Roy's money. Uncomfortable wedged between Andy and Roy. Getting pictures shot by the paparrazzi. Being the butt end of the joke again. Ugly pictures. A virgin Pink Flamingo. Grauman's Chinese Theater. Handprints with Sean Connery and Denzel Washington. Talking with Esther about the classic movies we haven't seen. Walking around at night. Danny's jacket. Roy's reckless driving.

Brea Promenade with Kwansoo, Roy, and Karen. To not be so stupid when liking someone. Roy slipping up on Sea World and Karen. Love Actually. The way Keira Knightley as the bride looked. Love is truly amazing. Bj's and being excited about pizookies. Legally Blond 2. Being introduced as Karen's best friend. The parents. Calling Jacob Shin and wishing him a happy birthday. The drive home. Yet another cheesecake.

Starting Dae Jang Kum. Absolutely no cranberries anywhere. 40 people. X-Men 2. Pumpkin cheesecake. Father of the Bride. Harry McCormick, Jr. v. Harry Connick, Jr.

Waking up at 2pm and frantically packing, only to leave 1.5 hours later. An interesting talk with Kwansoo. Josh Groban. Talk of testes, penises, and breasts. Two ice cream cones for $1.59. A long drive. A box of pears. Driving through OC and familiarizing myself with home again. Getting sick. Random thoughts.

"The turkey?" Running around frantically. The trees at Safeway. Frantic baking. Miscommunication with Sewon. Thanksgiving fellowship with Eugene and Sewon's small groups. Esther the CA roll Nazi. The funky sweet yam casserole. Yummy pumpkin cheesecake. Lime sherbet. Movie charades: great songs, Adaptation, Fargo, Andy's excitement over someone. Being an unbiased moderator. Korean taboo: Pinocchio, flaccid, hickey: "mohk eh suh jjook jjook bba lah muhk ee nun guh" "ee dong mool eun ha yan sek gwah heu geen sek ee yah." Ghetto Taboo: cornucopia, and Mary Sunshine. Freaking projectile and mechanism. Mafia: lasting two rounds in a game. The boringest game of Mafia ever.

Family at Thanksgiving. Having less members with us when we're older. Paul farting on Lori. Outdoor weddings like in Father of the Bride. Fresh falling snow and fall autumn leaves. Some movie with an overarching arch. Mentally wanting a girlfriend. Being cultured. The Brothers Karamazov. Boxers v. Briefs. No Fear, pogs, and other childhood memories.

Boston Market with Sewon and Eugene. Safeway's ribs. Papyrus. EAP. Jonga-Jib with Kwansoo, Karen, and Carroll. Never getting really mad. No ice cream. Ah My Goddess! Andy's testimony. Sushico and fried green tea ice cream. Ugly Korean writing. Praise songs. Making up songs for individuals. Basketball players' names. New beef and potatoes. Eugene getting annoyed and leaving. Future plans.

The Mighty Ducks. King Yen. Kill Bill. Black Toilets and low doors. Creepy, sinister music that made everything feel like a dream. Lowered movie screen. The freezing cold. Weird fortunes.

Running into Debbie at Costco. Agitated mood. Taco Bell Bean and Cheese Burrito. Falling asleep girls. Restless. Ofoto. Talk with Kwansoo.

La Burrita Northside with chunky salsa, eaten on plates, and unlimited chips. One red chip. Dramatic girls. Not talking about Andy behind his back. How to respond in a certain situation. No more Susanna. Rowdy rowdy kids. "What kind of Chinese are you?" Spaghetti sauce out of dirty water. Lila thinking I was clueless. Why learn to park when there's always valet? Talking of food on the way there. Chasing Papi. More pictures and movies. The beautiful moon: a low crescent in the sky with hazy fog surrounding it.

Emotional tears. Fruit salsa with chips. No motivation. Walking into a room filled with the smell of flowers. I can be nice and appreciative. Yummy watermelon. Missing my family dreadfully. Being spineless. Two new songs. A bum arm and cramps.

One of the best days of my life. Feeling truly truly happy and at peace. Bawling like a baby. Flowers. =] Sour Patch Kids from Kwansoo. ?? and sukiyaki with Kristy. Kahlua cake. Pictures from Carroll. Overwhelmed by everyone's kindness.

Small group pictures. =D

Rubio's. No fries. The Down-Low. A million hugs from Nancy. Repeating waiter. Screaming, screaming girls. Julie's terrifed look. Dan Choi and Paul walking us to our car. The guys playing pool.

Office hours. The rain. Horseback riding. A ridiculous number of cookies. Care packages. Andy ditching me twice. The ludicrous idea of being a co-emcee. An amazing testimony. Seeing Andy nervous. An inappropriate and unnecessary flyer. Sharing a thankful story with Melanie. Praise with 1000 people. Fearing too much the wrong things and not fearing the little things enough. Fruit Breeze cough drops. Stupid Andy Chon not thinking he has talent. Leftovers for Fred. It's now #3. Video talent.

"Lackadaisical." Eugene Shin uses this word in everyday conversation. Hahaha.

Flyering with Dennis Chon. Being made fun of the exact same way. Cheese N Stuff. Freaking Chon brothers. More birthday coincidences. The library during the day. It's been getting gloomier. A random stranger at the door. An unsettling feeling. Care packages. I miss eggplant. More pints. Talk with Karen: being psychotic, being funny mad and not, vexing Andy Chon and others.

Fred hitting me in the crotch with his umbrella.

A crazy long day. Almond M&M's. Trader Joe's. Quality time with myself. Passing the test and saying confessions of who Christ is in our life. SGL Sewon. A talk with Julie and Sewon about having faith despite the questions and doubts. A Mud Pie Cake for Janet. 16 juniors. An interesting talk with Kwansoo: disturbing punishments, being feminine only when the thought processes are involved, and him convoluting everything I say. Trying to find a Windows XP Professional CD Key and feeling cool and dangerous for breaking the law.

Happy Birthday Susan Kum. =]

"I must learn that the purpose of my life belongs to God, not me... When I stop telling God what I want, He can freely work His will in me without any hindrance. He can crush me, exalt me, or do anything else He chooses. He simply asks me to have absolute faith in Him and His goodness. Self-pity is of the devil, and if I wallow in it, I cannot be used by God for His purpose in the world." -excerpt from My Utmost for His Highest.

Thank you Sewon and Andy Chon. =]

Andy's normal voice. Pho. Alice and Fred's puzzle. No ice cream at Costco. Only minimal samples. A box of popsicles. Strawberry, lime, and wild berry, in that order. Fred driving. Andy and me sitting in the back. Picking up Dark Abe. Loitering because so early. Orange slushies and popcorn. Elf. Rainbow colors. A random fountain. Pictures from Costco.

It seems like time has just run out. When does it be what you want and when is it what God wants? Confused and seeking God. Prayer.

A long day of shopping. My one happy purchase. Butter and cornbread. Being true heifers at Fresh Choice. Taquitos and cream puffs. Prayer. Plans for Love Actually. An open talk with Sharon. Seeing things on a different side.

Being hobbits. Living dreams and not letting them diminish. Toddler gibberish. Manly features. A Symphony chocolate bar. A guy willingly carrying shopping bags. Pastor Eugene's raw and sudden emotional state. Being hobbits. Andy stealing my big chicken leg. Madison's "You are Holy" and Nicole's "My God is so Big." Nighttime and Good mornings. A good talk about relationships during work. A shopping frenzy.

No limits on bets.

The rain as it should be. =]

Andy's sexy voice. Coldness from the knees down. Caedmons' Call and Jars of Clay concert. Being obnoxious and acting like the high school kids Sewon and I were surrounded by. Nice ladies next to us, not being able to sing, but just singing.

Denny's with Andy, Kwansoo, Frank, and Kristy. Being bald. Andy completely conking out and not even knowing it. Scary pranks. Movie quotables and food we dislike and can't eat. Talking about Andy's top list of girls. Then talking about Kwansoo's top list of girls.

Costco and Safeway with Karen, Kwansoo and Andy. Prayer meeting with Alice and the same passage that spoke to us: James 2, 3. Freshman lock-in. Having 5 glorious minutes. Loving the freshies. They all liking my cookies. Spraying myself with water again. Q&A and tension between Jenny and Karen. Esther and her assist.org answer. Andy's little fanclub. Reminiscing and feeling nostalgic. Kwansoo and I feeling old. Hating Andy. A Krisy Kreme doughnut from Brian. Being the most horrible moderator. Playing spoons with quarters. Richard's black and white photos. Jennifer, Richard, and Brian all taking pictures. Sun taking black and white pictures of people with mafia faces. The Chon brothes as mafia. Joyce as cop 3x in a row. James and Joyce being cop and angel two times together. Yellow socks. Dennis rubbing his head. Solomon's forgetfulness of names and his fetish with shiny things. Kwansoo scaring the crap out of me. Getting lost to buy chips and then randomly finding a market.

Wishing I was up more at 6 am driving along the Bay Bridge and watching the sunrise. Wishing for more days like this.

The bad of today:
-Computer being broken again.
-Being hated by the English professor.
-Rewinding my camera film at 5 and missing out for the rest of the night.

The good of today:
-Andy putting in quarters into the wrong parking meter.
-Janet buying chocolate gummi bears, and Andy buying malt balls while both complaining non-stop about hunger.
-Andy and Carroll as our photographers.
-The cruise: watching the birds fly in a straight line and then into a V-formation, seeing the sea lions heads pop up out of the water, going under the Golden Gate Bridge, passing by Alcatraz, feeling like we were in a surreal scene in a movie, warning Carroll to be careful of the waves and then Esther, Julie, and me getting splashed instead, goosebumps on Judy's cheeks, Julie's red nose and tears, the Tetris-shaped lights, the trampoline, Captain Hans, Andy's random thinking, Judy's not so subtle insult, Esther always knowing when Carroll's taking pictures.
-Looking at Carroll's pictures, falling asleep and forgetting about where we were, Peasant Pie's chicken and potato and blueberry pear, Sriracha, A Szn Tung, one per person, hilarious fortune cookies, opening presents, kimchi and onions, Carroll filming me, Hannah's thorough enjoyment of her food.
-A car ride with obnoxious Kevin, snapping fingers at Kevin and my new handshake, "What is the purpose of an umbrella?" "What is the point of having an umbrella?" "Why?" Providing Karen with endless amusement, talking about GPAs, the LSAT, and what colleges we could have ended up at.
-Fentons: the berry go round, trying to push Kevin off the bench, pinching and hitting heads, Carroll's ugly video of me and the place where it ends, Karen's insisting on putting it on his blog so that Andy Chon could make fun, Julie and Jenny's fallen mound of ice cream.
-Carroll: Carroll focusing on ugly shots, his amazing pictures of panoramic sunsets, good times talking and reminiscing, discussing how we first met certain people.

An amazing and unforgettable night tonight. Rachel's Challenge. Start a chain reaction! To tell one another how much we love one another. To approach life with compassion and kindness. To look through a situation and not at it. Parallels with Anne Frank and Christ. Pictures. The simple and amazing conviction of one girl. Honestly feeling how real and alive God is.

Radio with Julie. 86 seats. "I like french fries. Ooh, I like black-eyed peas." Crying and shivering in cold. Good talk with Julie.

So excited about tomorrow. Wanting to truly appreciate God's creation.

The sunset and sunrise. Just the earth rotating and turning.

"You can start a chain reaction!"

A talk with Nancy about friendships and laughter.

A traveler's notebook. Avant Card. Sophia and other girl being Captain Hook. Last confirmation meeting. "Onerous." First real chat with Pastor Eugene. Amazing perception. Studying with the Piedmontians. Unable to concentrate. Making a list. Being faced with it, and now knowing how to deal with it. It's all about bringing it to the gospel message. Carolina is my pan de queso friend. My motto with Carolina: No more stress and drama.

Love and Basketball. Fresh baguettes and spread. A lovely class senior picture. Being humiliated again. Andy scaring the crap out of me. Red splotches all over my face. A hot face, and cold back. Lesson learned from Pastor Eugene. Despising boys. John Yun is one funny guy. Butt warmers. Laughing seriously so hard. Issey Miyake.

Learning to trust God. Heidi slapping my face and throwing herself at Royee. The rain. =] Berry Kiwi juice. Joo's heavy blanket and looking like an ���ܸ�. Andy's feminine throw. Crazy slipping and sliding. Staring up at the rain falling. In-N-Out. Whispering and giggling behind my back. Eugene's car spinning out. Non-existent force fields.

"God gets us grounded on strong reality and truth. He does this until our cares for ourselves individually have been brought into submission to His way for the purpose of His redemption. Why shouldn't we experience heartbreak? Through those doorways God is opening up ways of fellowship with His Son. If God can accomplish His purposes in this world through a broken heart, then why not thank Him for breaking yours?" -My Utmost for His Highest, Nov.1.


Wow. Thanks Stephen.

Finally fixing the futon. Carolina sleeping sitting straight up. Stupid Guesstures. Ice cream. =]

Blue raspberry Jolly Ranchers.

Cafe Do Brasil. All you can eat Brazilian BBQ. Hurray for the pao de quiejo club. =D

Talk with Sara.

Pho with Danny. Nothing in my sauce. Talking about the future and marriage. Talking about praise. The difference between a voice sounding good and not.

Hail and rain. The black brown sky.

Hallelujah Night. Cute cute kids and cute cute costumes. Driving back with fogged up windows.

Tired of seeing the same people. In need of some change.

Quesadillas. Red, white and light blue wristbands. Looking dang forward to 11/23/03 8pm.

"Guys don't really ever listen to you unless it involves them."

It rained for the first time tonight. =]

Enormous bites on my arm. Lovely gusty winds. Making a poster for work and having Karen do most of it.

Such a sore throat. A possible topic. Cornbread. A random surprise dinner. 49:18 into Zoolander. Winning my first game of Mario Cart. Running into 16 cars the first half-lap. Kwansoo and Andy ganging up on me. I think I hate wooden dowels. A reminder to be careful.

"Let's put on team attack."

15 seconds later...
"Wait, what was it we said we were going to do?"
"The ... level?"
"Dang, what was it?"
"Team attack."

Playing with Kwansoo. Long round sticks. Power Ranger man. Stingy, stupid, selfish dwarves. 303 vs. 220. One dollar. KFC and McDonald's. Chocolate chip cookies. Andy's obsession. Not number 1 at all.

"Aww, look at your boo-boo."

Go Shekki-faces. Being a dang good batgirl. The sunrise at 7pm over the Golden Gate Bridge. Baja Fresh. Green Tea Ice Cream. Go Tele-bears. Andy's Timbaland shirt. Royee's fall. An exciting game. Denny's. Having to be the silent one. Andy's homosexual and pedophilic tendencies. Sports. CM and AWANA kids.

Learning how patient our guys really are, and how much they put up with the female's idiosyncracies and quirks. Feeling so much more appreciative of their tactfulness and respect for the girl, despite how annoyed they might be, and seeing how they look for the good in the specific person.

EM Retreat 2003:

Friday:
Being shunned by Eugene and Andy for not being in a happy mood. Watching volleyball while I ran around picking up foliage to decorate Morgan and Hailey's sand-cakes. Watching Andy's little feminine kick whenever he hit the ball... watching Kwansoo jump onto Eugene's back to spike the ball... watching David Lim run into the net cuz it became too dark to see. Paul sweating while carrying my bag. Royee's rendition of the "If I Was a Butterfly" song. The Cluck-Yoo challenge. Fred and Dennis making fun of my eyes and my rubber mouth. =[ Mafia lightning round and Royee thinking he was angel. The men's restrooms and naked boys showering. Wishing nightmares, and not peaceful dreams.

Saturday:
A refreshing shower and a good morning. Lucky Charms, Frosted Flakes, Golden Grahams, Chocolate Mocha Cappucinos, and Crumb Cake. Singing my song. =D Morning sex talk. Debbie: "I hated my boobs!!" Alice's little card. Talking with Susan O and Amy Jun about what to say to those who've had sex and who are now struggling. Eric Chen's testimony. Saying that he was cute and Pastor Eugene overhearing me. The slide of playing water games and the girl drinking the water out of her cup. A group picture. Afternoon games. Planning with Julie about her boat trip. Q and A with Pastor Craven. Julie and her cherry tomatoes. Evening worship. Prayer requests. Bonfire. Singing praise. Freezing. Testimonies. Andy's upper lip looking like Elvis and his retarded dance. Talk with Andy about Craven. Royee scaring the crap out of me. Talk with Andy, Dennis, Peggy, Josei. Royee pimping on a billion yujahs. Reminiscing with Peggy and Kevin. Watching Nancy, Peggy, and Josei do pushups and exercise. A billion people playing Mafia. Daniel's letter to God about having a "grate" time. Watching some of the worst players ever, and continually checking Kwansoo as moderator. Watching Alex mess up the game and being impressed by Eileen's knack for knowing who Mafia is. Meeting a lot of new people. Losing my voice and sounding more manly than ever. Looking at the stars. Finding Cassiopeia for the second time by myself. Orion's belt and his rabbit, Perces, Pilades, the Milky Way, Cannis Major, and the Jahndee Bahndee star. Cassiopeia is Jahndee Bahndee's constellation. =] 23A and not 23B.

Sunday:
Nancy and me getting diarrhaea-ed on by stupid birds. Sunday worship. Offbeat clapping. Forcing Morgan to remember my name. Small group time. Andy and Kwansoo coming out of nowhere and helping me. Yummy yummy gourmet sandwiches for lunch. Peggy telling Daniel that he can't spell. Pictures galore. Mocking Kwansoo on his holiness. My new goal is to yell with a purpose. "Andy Chon! Andy Chon! Andy Chon!"

Andy waking up at 1:44. Malouf, not Malfoy. Chicken Tikki Masala at Naan N' Curry and 3 Naan's. Not hating for the rest of the month. Finding a husband with perfect teeth because cavities are genetics. Involuntary muscle clenching and tightening. Getting distracted and talking about Naan N' Curry and food. Mini M&Ms. Three different flavors of ice cream. You can use Q-tips to clean out your belly button lint. Where does the hole in your belly lead to? "My mind's somewhere north of here." In terms of everything.

Getting hit in the head twice. The most pitiful pelican, all torn and ripped. I am the biggest idiot. Never seeing so much blood squirt out of my body. A surprise bouquet of flowers. "Band-aids. Oh, for fun?" Being dwarves. Chocolate chip blueberry cheesecake cups... with a good consistency. Being nonexistent to Kwansoo. Intolerable Andy. Wanting to sock me in the chest. Being in the middle with Kwansoo and Andy whispering and mouthing to each other behind my back. Red bull is freaking nasty. I hate ugly spotted bananas. Andy is really good at being gay.

"When the world keeps spinning round
I'll run the other way
So time can stand still and watch
As I spend this moment with you forever."

-Meet With Me by Vineyard.

I cannot give testimonies. A long prayer. Amazingly, Kwansoo believes that I am difficult while he is not. Doughnut holes juicy with oil. Flipz and its saturated fat. Royee's picture.

This is going to be a very difficult week. =/

I forgot how much fun watching softball is. I've missed cheering loudly.

"Hello, Ms. Jayne." I love chill guys. =]

Getting the crap scared out of me, twice within a minute. And then a third time 3 minutes later. [Janet getting ?? three times on my bed].

A recap of the past couple of days: Ficb and Chris Son and Allen, a talk with Kwansoo, stupid meatballs, a flat tire, watching people play soccer and 4-square, Elise's fruit salad, Calling Out and talking with Roy about the message, The School of Rock.

Calling Out:
1000 vs 1.000. "And for those of who raised your hands, please talk to one of the good-looking or pretty people in the back." An awkward clapper. The lyrics to Captured by Aaron Benward. "I want to share this passage with you before we end tonight... That's it. The end. Goodnight!" The crop of the cream.

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Andy's drawings depicting today perfectly.


Needing to talk and having no one to talk to.

"The world breaks everyone and afterward many are stronger at the broken places." -Ernest Hemingway.

Jerked out of the make-believe and left abandoned in reality.

Mr. Bush. Seven Jeans. Eggplant Crepes. Boys and girls. Hating the word "awkward." RA Steve is still so cute. Tuesdays with Julie! =]

"That's why I wish I was a grown up... cuz then I can buy all the candy and soda I want." -Amber.

"And when I have a mansion, I'm going to invite all the famous boy stars over... like Lil Bow Wow." -Mikkala.

Slowly, but surely.

Lunch with Caroline and Emily, my freshmen roomies. Exhausted and feeling a bit overwhelmed.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A11951-2003Oct11.html

"Despite the contradictory facts, it is sometimes necessary to be naive and believe that the world is filled with good people."

Thanks Tehmi.

...

Lord,
Please. Pretty pretty please.
Thank you.

An oasis mirage shimmering amidst the scorching desert. White lilies everywhere. The Sea of Galilee. Two red roses. Heart-shaped fans. Allison's pantaloons. Family gossip. Garden Buffet. A second cousin who attends Berkeley. Pure happiness and love. Taylor on her purple belt and striving for the black belt in order to get her ears pierced. Take-out boxes. Delicious messed-up food. Gina ���'s billionth candied ���.

Contemplative thoughts. "Commercial-free, positive, encouraging K-Love."

Reliving summer '02 with Julie: "Heartless Tin-Woman," World Cup nights, Korean drama nights, Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood, Ranch 99 Pho excursions, Long, long talks. Consensus that it was the best summer ever.

"College is the only time you have to find a boyfriend. It's now or never... Look at me, for example." -Auntie Tae.

Some things never change: "Ms. Poopsie Potty Tushie." An extended chat with Mona. Finding out how even more manly I was as a baby. High school had some damn good times. Reacquainting myself with The Boxcar Children.

It's nice to be in a bright and sunny room every once in a while.

Something I found written as a 7th grader in 1995 [ignore the grammatical errors]:

"Do not follow where the path leads. Rather go where there is no path and leave a trail.

For an example, on the topic of the battle of the devil, several people are sucked into the devil's temptations and evil doings. Yet there are many people who have turned around and have made their own choices.

Do not follow where the path leads. Basically, that means not to be lead by the devil and end up in hell. Rather go where there is no path and leave a trail. Turn around, declare that you have repented. Turn around and make your own trail, a trail that will be full of dangers and failures, but one that will wind its way up to a place, a place greater than anywhere else.

What is the devil's master trick? What is it that leads to all of those terrors in the world today? A lie. A simple lie is the devil's main trick. How can such a natural thing, be so dangerous to the world? Once you start, you can't stop. And one lie leads to another and another."

Amazing revelation: DennIS and JahndIS. =] Homemade chocolate chip and jelly cookies. A windy night. 4 pints with Piedmonters. Chicago. Purple toes.


"Kit-Kat?"
"Oh, no thanks."
"What? I thought you eat everything."
"=[ (sad face)"

A full moon. Welcome home store-bought dinner of ��= and ��κ�. White nectarines. An emptiness in the pit of my tummy.

Reception at home. =]

bCxaNgeL143: we'll blankly stare at each other
bCxaNgeL143: "what do u thin kjahndee?"
bCxaNgeL143: "i dunno"
bCxaNgeL143: "i dunno either"
bCxaNgeL143: "silence..."
Kpxgrlx012: shaddup
Kpxgrlx012: i know what to do
Kpxgrlx012: i am very self-efficient
bCxaNgeL143: jhandee: "ooooh oooh!! i have an idea! hurry before i lose it!"
bCxaNgeL143: sewon: "what what!!"
bCxaNgeL143: jhandee: "crap! i just lost it!"
bCxaNgeL143: sewon: "aish! crap! freakin gee jee beh!"
Kpxgrlx012: ahahahaahahahah
bCxaNgeL143: jahdee: "i'm not geejeebeh!"
bCxaNgeL143: the end
Kpxgrlx012: i hate you
bCxaNgeL143: u love meeeeeeeeeee
Kpxgrlx012: sorta
Kpxgrlx012: its a lukewarm kinda love
bCxaNgeL143: watever
bCxaNgeL143: it's burning passion
Kpxgrlx012: SICK

"You start the conversation."
"Ok. Hi."

Already forgetting and making everything so much worse.


"We ask God to forgive us for our evil thoughts and evil temper, but rarely, if ever, ask Him to forgive us for our sadness." -R. W. Dale.

Reconciliation. Heidi is a pretty princess. Damp shoulders. Unexpected In-n-Out excursion. "You guys look like aliens." Reliving three years of forgotten memories... good and bad.


It's already the 7th week.

Finally having Outlook Express... with 1051 emails to sort through.

Disgruntled Andrew Chon is an unattractive Andrew Chon. Blacked-out visible names. Indian accents. The BFG. Horrifying memories of Knott's Scary Farm. Open heart-to-hearts. Associations and Assumptions.


.:Things aren't always what they seem. Having faith:.

"Empty again
Sunken down so far
So scared to fall
Might not get up again

So I lay at Your feet
All my brokenness
I carry all of my burdens to You

All of these things
Held up in vain
No reason or rhyme
Just the scars that remain
Of all of these things
I'm so much afraid
Scared out of my mind
By the demons I've made
Sweet Jesus, you never ever let me go
Oh, sweet Jesus, you never ever let me go

So happy to love
Yet so far to go
You lead me on to where I've never been before"
-Much Afraid by Jars of Clay.

Andrew Chon almost got me killed today. Instead of apologizing, he was glad that I was closer to the oncoming truck so that I'd buffer the impact of the hit. What a swell guy.


Corned beef. Fruit and creme Starbursts. "J is for Jayne is my favorite CA." Fenton's cookie dough ice cream[Thanks Amanda!]. Jars of Clay. 4th floor Moffit is made public. God in The Great Gatsby.

Not knowing what to do. Feeling hopelessly lost.

"Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around." -Leo Buscaglia.

Finding Cassiopeia by myself. The Marina.

It's not about doing what you want to do, but doing what you have to do.

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven..."
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8.

An 8 ft tree and Isabella. "She looks like an angel." The Fast Pitch. The Astro Jump. Soozee (Suzy) and Darren. Heartbreaking news.

I haven't been this cold for a long time.


"I'm kind of hungry. Are you?"
"I could eat."
-Antwone Fisher.

JUDwhaEE: good nightjahndee gahndi
Kpxgrlx012: haha
Kpxgrlx012: good nite judy booty (_I_)
JUDwhaEE: cmon that's weak sauce
JUDwhaEE: (_______|________)
Kpxgrlx012: aahahahahahaha


T hed eRFTheory: i'm looking up stuff to make!
T hed eRFTheory: exciting
Kpxgrlx012: hahha
Kpxgrlx012: whos the lucky lady?
T hed eRFTheory: dennis
T hed eRFTheory: hahahahahahaahahahah
Kpxgrlx012: oh
Kpxgrlx012: blech
T hed eRFTheory: hahahahah
T hed eRFTheory: i wish it was a hot lady though
T hed eRFTheory: like you.
T hed eRFTheory: mmmmmm.

"And as I live this daily life
I trust you for everything
And I will only take a step
When I feel You leading me
Isn�t that crazy?"

Starting over with Alice's Compilation.


"Close my eyes and hold my heart
Cover me and make me something
Change this something normal
Into something beautiful"

Today's 10 things to be happy about:

1. Cleaning the garage
2. A brook brimming after the rain
3. Slipping a dollar to a kid
4. Sessions with old photo albums
5. Succumbing to sleepiness
6. Natural rock pools
7. Curling up in snowy linens
8. Pink twilight
9. Frittatas
10. Waiting out a sudden downpour

Hummus virgins. Possums and racoons. Nocturnal means being awake at night. God's grace is like a cookie. Great quotables.


Today's 10 things to be happy about:

1. A perfectly folded omelet
2. Stumbling upon a great Website
3. Sleeping in your socks
4. An evening cup of tea
5. A flirtatious wink
6. Snippets of conversation
7. Playing on the swings
8. Apologies accepted
9. The taste of tears
10. A good laugh

"Jeremy is very sick. We need to pray for him."

Snuggling under freshly laundered sheets. The weather. Kailoni is a cutie. Captain Underpants and the Attack of the Talking Toilets. Vanilla Almond Crunch. "Wow, and how?" Secret locations. A book each. Strong skin. George's Marvelous Medicine.




Now THIS is a monster dance:

To not be a man-pleaser. Promises of homemade spaghetti sauce. Thai Iced Coffee.


Today's 10 things to be happy about:

1. Bow ties
2. Heating a cheese Danish
3. When everything fits into a suitcase
4. Atonement
5. A kid learning to jump rope
6. Smooth wooden building blocks
7. Wisps of hair blown back
8. Making caramel apples
9. A tape of your favorite TV show
10. Blank verse