Running into Debbie at Costco. Agitated mood. Taco Bell Bean and Cheese Burrito. Falling asleep girls. Restless. Ofoto. Talk with Kwansoo.

La Burrita Northside with chunky salsa, eaten on plates, and unlimited chips. One red chip. Dramatic girls. Not talking about Andy behind his back. How to respond in a certain situation. No more Susanna. Rowdy rowdy kids. "What kind of Chinese are you?" Spaghetti sauce out of dirty water. Lila thinking I was clueless. Why learn to park when there's always valet? Talking of food on the way there. Chasing Papi. More pictures and movies. The beautiful moon: a low crescent in the sky with hazy fog surrounding it.

Emotional tears. Fruit salsa with chips. No motivation. Walking into a room filled with the smell of flowers. I can be nice and appreciative. Yummy watermelon. Missing my family dreadfully. Being spineless. Two new songs. A bum arm and cramps.

One of the best days of my life. Feeling truly truly happy and at peace. Bawling like a baby. Flowers. =] Sour Patch Kids from Kwansoo. ?? and sukiyaki with Kristy. Kahlua cake. Pictures from Carroll. Overwhelmed by everyone's kindness.

Small group pictures. =D

Rubio's. No fries. The Down-Low. A million hugs from Nancy. Repeating waiter. Screaming, screaming girls. Julie's terrifed look. Dan Choi and Paul walking us to our car. The guys playing pool.

Office hours. The rain. Horseback riding. A ridiculous number of cookies. Care packages. Andy ditching me twice. The ludicrous idea of being a co-emcee. An amazing testimony. Seeing Andy nervous. An inappropriate and unnecessary flyer. Sharing a thankful story with Melanie. Praise with 1000 people. Fearing too much the wrong things and not fearing the little things enough. Fruit Breeze cough drops. Stupid Andy Chon not thinking he has talent. Leftovers for Fred. It's now #3. Video talent.

"Lackadaisical." Eugene Shin uses this word in everyday conversation. Hahaha.

Flyering with Dennis Chon. Being made fun of the exact same way. Cheese N Stuff. Freaking Chon brothers. More birthday coincidences. The library during the day. It's been getting gloomier. A random stranger at the door. An unsettling feeling. Care packages. I miss eggplant. More pints. Talk with Karen: being psychotic, being funny mad and not, vexing Andy Chon and others.

Fred hitting me in the crotch with his umbrella.

A crazy long day. Almond M&M's. Trader Joe's. Quality time with myself. Passing the test and saying confessions of who Christ is in our life. SGL Sewon. A talk with Julie and Sewon about having faith despite the questions and doubts. A Mud Pie Cake for Janet. 16 juniors. An interesting talk with Kwansoo: disturbing punishments, being feminine only when the thought processes are involved, and him convoluting everything I say. Trying to find a Windows XP Professional CD Key and feeling cool and dangerous for breaking the law.

Happy Birthday Susan Kum. =]

"I must learn that the purpose of my life belongs to God, not me... When I stop telling God what I want, He can freely work His will in me without any hindrance. He can crush me, exalt me, or do anything else He chooses. He simply asks me to have absolute faith in Him and His goodness. Self-pity is of the devil, and if I wallow in it, I cannot be used by God for His purpose in the world." -excerpt from My Utmost for His Highest.

Thank you Sewon and Andy Chon. =]

Andy's normal voice. Pho. Alice and Fred's puzzle. No ice cream at Costco. Only minimal samples. A box of popsicles. Strawberry, lime, and wild berry, in that order. Fred driving. Andy and me sitting in the back. Picking up Dark Abe. Loitering because so early. Orange slushies and popcorn. Elf. Rainbow colors. A random fountain. Pictures from Costco.

It seems like time has just run out. When does it be what you want and when is it what God wants? Confused and seeking God. Prayer.

A long day of shopping. My one happy purchase. Butter and cornbread. Being true heifers at Fresh Choice. Taquitos and cream puffs. Prayer. Plans for Love Actually. An open talk with Sharon. Seeing things on a different side.

Being hobbits. Living dreams and not letting them diminish. Toddler gibberish. Manly features. A Symphony chocolate bar. A guy willingly carrying shopping bags. Pastor Eugene's raw and sudden emotional state. Being hobbits. Andy stealing my big chicken leg. Madison's "You are Holy" and Nicole's "My God is so Big." Nighttime and Good mornings. A good talk about relationships during work. A shopping frenzy.

No limits on bets.

The rain as it should be. =]

Andy's sexy voice. Coldness from the knees down. Caedmons' Call and Jars of Clay concert. Being obnoxious and acting like the high school kids Sewon and I were surrounded by. Nice ladies next to us, not being able to sing, but just singing.

Denny's with Andy, Kwansoo, Frank, and Kristy. Being bald. Andy completely conking out and not even knowing it. Scary pranks. Movie quotables and food we dislike and can't eat. Talking about Andy's top list of girls. Then talking about Kwansoo's top list of girls.

Costco and Safeway with Karen, Kwansoo and Andy. Prayer meeting with Alice and the same passage that spoke to us: James 2, 3. Freshman lock-in. Having 5 glorious minutes. Loving the freshies. They all liking my cookies. Spraying myself with water again. Q&A and tension between Jenny and Karen. Esther and her assist.org answer. Andy's little fanclub. Reminiscing and feeling nostalgic. Kwansoo and I feeling old. Hating Andy. A Krisy Kreme doughnut from Brian. Being the most horrible moderator. Playing spoons with quarters. Richard's black and white photos. Jennifer, Richard, and Brian all taking pictures. Sun taking black and white pictures of people with mafia faces. The Chon brothes as mafia. Joyce as cop 3x in a row. James and Joyce being cop and angel two times together. Yellow socks. Dennis rubbing his head. Solomon's forgetfulness of names and his fetish with shiny things. Kwansoo scaring the crap out of me. Getting lost to buy chips and then randomly finding a market.

Wishing I was up more at 6 am driving along the Bay Bridge and watching the sunrise. Wishing for more days like this.

The bad of today:
-Computer being broken again.
-Being hated by the English professor.
-Rewinding my camera film at 5 and missing out for the rest of the night.

The good of today:
-Andy putting in quarters into the wrong parking meter.
-Janet buying chocolate gummi bears, and Andy buying malt balls while both complaining non-stop about hunger.
-Andy and Carroll as our photographers.
-The cruise: watching the birds fly in a straight line and then into a V-formation, seeing the sea lions heads pop up out of the water, going under the Golden Gate Bridge, passing by Alcatraz, feeling like we were in a surreal scene in a movie, warning Carroll to be careful of the waves and then Esther, Julie, and me getting splashed instead, goosebumps on Judy's cheeks, Julie's red nose and tears, the Tetris-shaped lights, the trampoline, Captain Hans, Andy's random thinking, Judy's not so subtle insult, Esther always knowing when Carroll's taking pictures.
-Looking at Carroll's pictures, falling asleep and forgetting about where we were, Peasant Pie's chicken and potato and blueberry pear, Sriracha, A Szn Tung, one per person, hilarious fortune cookies, opening presents, kimchi and onions, Carroll filming me, Hannah's thorough enjoyment of her food.
-A car ride with obnoxious Kevin, snapping fingers at Kevin and my new handshake, "What is the purpose of an umbrella?" "What is the point of having an umbrella?" "Why?" Providing Karen with endless amusement, talking about GPAs, the LSAT, and what colleges we could have ended up at.
-Fentons: the berry go round, trying to push Kevin off the bench, pinching and hitting heads, Carroll's ugly video of me and the place where it ends, Karen's insisting on putting it on his blog so that Andy Chon could make fun, Julie and Jenny's fallen mound of ice cream.
-Carroll: Carroll focusing on ugly shots, his amazing pictures of panoramic sunsets, good times talking and reminiscing, discussing how we first met certain people.

An amazing and unforgettable night tonight. Rachel's Challenge. Start a chain reaction! To tell one another how much we love one another. To approach life with compassion and kindness. To look through a situation and not at it. Parallels with Anne Frank and Christ. Pictures. The simple and amazing conviction of one girl. Honestly feeling how real and alive God is.

Radio with Julie. 86 seats. "I like french fries. Ooh, I like black-eyed peas." Crying and shivering in cold. Good talk with Julie.

So excited about tomorrow. Wanting to truly appreciate God's creation.

The sunset and sunrise. Just the earth rotating and turning.

"You can start a chain reaction!"

A talk with Nancy about friendships and laughter.

A traveler's notebook. Avant Card. Sophia and other girl being Captain Hook. Last confirmation meeting. "Onerous." First real chat with Pastor Eugene. Amazing perception. Studying with the Piedmontians. Unable to concentrate. Making a list. Being faced with it, and now knowing how to deal with it. It's all about bringing it to the gospel message. Carolina is my pan de queso friend. My motto with Carolina: No more stress and drama.

Love and Basketball. Fresh baguettes and spread. A lovely class senior picture. Being humiliated again. Andy scaring the crap out of me. Red splotches all over my face. A hot face, and cold back. Lesson learned from Pastor Eugene. Despising boys. John Yun is one funny guy. Butt warmers. Laughing seriously so hard. Issey Miyake.

Learning to trust God. Heidi slapping my face and throwing herself at Royee. The rain. =] Berry Kiwi juice. Joo's heavy blanket and looking like an ���ܸ�. Andy's feminine throw. Crazy slipping and sliding. Staring up at the rain falling. In-N-Out. Whispering and giggling behind my back. Eugene's car spinning out. Non-existent force fields.

"God gets us grounded on strong reality and truth. He does this until our cares for ourselves individually have been brought into submission to His way for the purpose of His redemption. Why shouldn't we experience heartbreak? Through those doorways God is opening up ways of fellowship with His Son. If God can accomplish His purposes in this world through a broken heart, then why not thank Him for breaking yours?" -My Utmost for His Highest, Nov.1.


Wow. Thanks Stephen.

Finally fixing the futon. Carolina sleeping sitting straight up. Stupid Guesstures. Ice cream. =]

Blue raspberry Jolly Ranchers.

Cafe Do Brasil. All you can eat Brazilian BBQ. Hurray for the pao de quiejo club. =D

Talk with Sara.

Pho with Danny. Nothing in my sauce. Talking about the future and marriage. Talking about praise. The difference between a voice sounding good and not.

Hail and rain. The black brown sky.

Hallelujah Night. Cute cute kids and cute cute costumes. Driving back with fogged up windows.

Tired of seeing the same people. In need of some change.

Quesadillas. Red, white and light blue wristbands. Looking dang forward to 11/23/03 8pm.

"Guys don't really ever listen to you unless it involves them."

It rained for the first time tonight. =]

Enormous bites on my arm. Lovely gusty winds. Making a poster for work and having Karen do most of it.

Such a sore throat. A possible topic. Cornbread. A random surprise dinner. 49:18 into Zoolander. Winning my first game of Mario Cart. Running into 16 cars the first half-lap. Kwansoo and Andy ganging up on me. I think I hate wooden dowels. A reminder to be careful.

"Let's put on team attack."

15 seconds later...
"Wait, what was it we said we were going to do?"
"The ... level?"
"Dang, what was it?"
"Team attack."

Playing with Kwansoo. Long round sticks. Power Ranger man. Stingy, stupid, selfish dwarves. 303 vs. 220. One dollar. KFC and McDonald's. Chocolate chip cookies. Andy's obsession. Not number 1 at all.

"Aww, look at your boo-boo."

Go Shekki-faces. Being a dang good batgirl. The sunrise at 7pm over the Golden Gate Bridge. Baja Fresh. Green Tea Ice Cream. Go Tele-bears. Andy's Timbaland shirt. Royee's fall. An exciting game. Denny's. Having to be the silent one. Andy's homosexual and pedophilic tendencies. Sports. CM and AWANA kids.

Learning how patient our guys really are, and how much they put up with the female's idiosyncracies and quirks. Feeling so much more appreciative of their tactfulness and respect for the girl, despite how annoyed they might be, and seeing how they look for the good in the specific person.

EM Retreat 2003:

Friday:
Being shunned by Eugene and Andy for not being in a happy mood. Watching volleyball while I ran around picking up foliage to decorate Morgan and Hailey's sand-cakes. Watching Andy's little feminine kick whenever he hit the ball... watching Kwansoo jump onto Eugene's back to spike the ball... watching David Lim run into the net cuz it became too dark to see. Paul sweating while carrying my bag. Royee's rendition of the "If I Was a Butterfly" song. The Cluck-Yoo challenge. Fred and Dennis making fun of my eyes and my rubber mouth. =[ Mafia lightning round and Royee thinking he was angel. The men's restrooms and naked boys showering. Wishing nightmares, and not peaceful dreams.

Saturday:
A refreshing shower and a good morning. Lucky Charms, Frosted Flakes, Golden Grahams, Chocolate Mocha Cappucinos, and Crumb Cake. Singing my song. =D Morning sex talk. Debbie: "I hated my boobs!!" Alice's little card. Talking with Susan O and Amy Jun about what to say to those who've had sex and who are now struggling. Eric Chen's testimony. Saying that he was cute and Pastor Eugene overhearing me. The slide of playing water games and the girl drinking the water out of her cup. A group picture. Afternoon games. Planning with Julie about her boat trip. Q and A with Pastor Craven. Julie and her cherry tomatoes. Evening worship. Prayer requests. Bonfire. Singing praise. Freezing. Testimonies. Andy's upper lip looking like Elvis and his retarded dance. Talk with Andy about Craven. Royee scaring the crap out of me. Talk with Andy, Dennis, Peggy, Josei. Royee pimping on a billion yujahs. Reminiscing with Peggy and Kevin. Watching Nancy, Peggy, and Josei do pushups and exercise. A billion people playing Mafia. Daniel's letter to God about having a "grate" time. Watching some of the worst players ever, and continually checking Kwansoo as moderator. Watching Alex mess up the game and being impressed by Eileen's knack for knowing who Mafia is. Meeting a lot of new people. Losing my voice and sounding more manly than ever. Looking at the stars. Finding Cassiopeia for the second time by myself. Orion's belt and his rabbit, Perces, Pilades, the Milky Way, Cannis Major, and the Jahndee Bahndee star. Cassiopeia is Jahndee Bahndee's constellation. =] 23A and not 23B.

Sunday:
Nancy and me getting diarrhaea-ed on by stupid birds. Sunday worship. Offbeat clapping. Forcing Morgan to remember my name. Small group time. Andy and Kwansoo coming out of nowhere and helping me. Yummy yummy gourmet sandwiches for lunch. Peggy telling Daniel that he can't spell. Pictures galore. Mocking Kwansoo on his holiness. My new goal is to yell with a purpose. "Andy Chon! Andy Chon! Andy Chon!"

Andy waking up at 1:44. Malouf, not Malfoy. Chicken Tikki Masala at Naan N' Curry and 3 Naan's. Not hating for the rest of the month. Finding a husband with perfect teeth because cavities are genetics. Involuntary muscle clenching and tightening. Getting distracted and talking about Naan N' Curry and food. Mini M&Ms. Three different flavors of ice cream. You can use Q-tips to clean out your belly button lint. Where does the hole in your belly lead to? "My mind's somewhere north of here." In terms of everything.

Getting hit in the head twice. The most pitiful pelican, all torn and ripped. I am the biggest idiot. Never seeing so much blood squirt out of my body. A surprise bouquet of flowers. "Band-aids. Oh, for fun?" Being dwarves. Chocolate chip blueberry cheesecake cups... with a good consistency. Being nonexistent to Kwansoo. Intolerable Andy. Wanting to sock me in the chest. Being in the middle with Kwansoo and Andy whispering and mouthing to each other behind my back. Red bull is freaking nasty. I hate ugly spotted bananas. Andy is really good at being gay.

"When the world keeps spinning round
I'll run the other way
So time can stand still and watch
As I spend this moment with you forever."

-Meet With Me by Vineyard.

I cannot give testimonies. A long prayer. Amazingly, Kwansoo believes that I am difficult while he is not. Doughnut holes juicy with oil. Flipz and its saturated fat. Royee's picture.

This is going to be a very difficult week. =/

I forgot how much fun watching softball is. I've missed cheering loudly.

"Hello, Ms. Jayne." I love chill guys. =]

Getting the crap scared out of me, twice within a minute. And then a third time 3 minutes later. [Janet getting ?? three times on my bed].

A recap of the past couple of days: Ficb and Chris Son and Allen, a talk with Kwansoo, stupid meatballs, a flat tire, watching people play soccer and 4-square, Elise's fruit salad, Calling Out and talking with Roy about the message, The School of Rock.

Calling Out:
1000 vs 1.000. "And for those of who raised your hands, please talk to one of the good-looking or pretty people in the back." An awkward clapper. The lyrics to Captured by Aaron Benward. "I want to share this passage with you before we end tonight... That's it. The end. Goodnight!" The crop of the cream.

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�ϳ��Կ� ���� ���� �׺��� �濡 �� ���̸�.

Andy's drawings depicting today perfectly.


Needing to talk and having no one to talk to.

"The world breaks everyone and afterward many are stronger at the broken places." -Ernest Hemingway.

Jerked out of the make-believe and left abandoned in reality.

Mr. Bush. Seven Jeans. Eggplant Crepes. Boys and girls. Hating the word "awkward." RA Steve is still so cute. Tuesdays with Julie! =]

"That's why I wish I was a grown up... cuz then I can buy all the candy and soda I want." -Amber.

"And when I have a mansion, I'm going to invite all the famous boy stars over... like Lil Bow Wow." -Mikkala.

Slowly, but surely.

Lunch with Caroline and Emily, my freshmen roomies. Exhausted and feeling a bit overwhelmed.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A11951-2003Oct11.html

"Despite the contradictory facts, it is sometimes necessary to be naive and believe that the world is filled with good people."

Thanks Tehmi.

...

Lord,
Please. Pretty pretty please.
Thank you.

An oasis mirage shimmering amidst the scorching desert. White lilies everywhere. The Sea of Galilee. Two red roses. Heart-shaped fans. Allison's pantaloons. Family gossip. Garden Buffet. A second cousin who attends Berkeley. Pure happiness and love. Taylor on her purple belt and striving for the black belt in order to get her ears pierced. Take-out boxes. Delicious messed-up food. Gina ���'s billionth candied ���.

Contemplative thoughts. "Commercial-free, positive, encouraging K-Love."

Reliving summer '02 with Julie: "Heartless Tin-Woman," World Cup nights, Korean drama nights, Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood, Ranch 99 Pho excursions, Long, long talks. Consensus that it was the best summer ever.

"College is the only time you have to find a boyfriend. It's now or never... Look at me, for example." -Auntie Tae.

Some things never change: "Ms. Poopsie Potty Tushie." An extended chat with Mona. Finding out how even more manly I was as a baby. High school had some damn good times. Reacquainting myself with The Boxcar Children.

It's nice to be in a bright and sunny room every once in a while.

Something I found written as a 7th grader in 1995 [ignore the grammatical errors]:

"Do not follow where the path leads. Rather go where there is no path and leave a trail.

For an example, on the topic of the battle of the devil, several people are sucked into the devil's temptations and evil doings. Yet there are many people who have turned around and have made their own choices.

Do not follow where the path leads. Basically, that means not to be lead by the devil and end up in hell. Rather go where there is no path and leave a trail. Turn around, declare that you have repented. Turn around and make your own trail, a trail that will be full of dangers and failures, but one that will wind its way up to a place, a place greater than anywhere else.

What is the devil's master trick? What is it that leads to all of those terrors in the world today? A lie. A simple lie is the devil's main trick. How can such a natural thing, be so dangerous to the world? Once you start, you can't stop. And one lie leads to another and another."

Amazing revelation: DennIS and JahndIS. =] Homemade chocolate chip and jelly cookies. A windy night. 4 pints with Piedmonters. Chicago. Purple toes.


"Kit-Kat?"
"Oh, no thanks."
"What? I thought you eat everything."
"=[ (sad face)"

A full moon. Welcome home store-bought dinner of ��= and ��κ�. White nectarines. An emptiness in the pit of my tummy.

Reception at home. =]

bCxaNgeL143: we'll blankly stare at each other
bCxaNgeL143: "what do u thin kjahndee?"
bCxaNgeL143: "i dunno"
bCxaNgeL143: "i dunno either"
bCxaNgeL143: "silence..."
Kpxgrlx012: shaddup
Kpxgrlx012: i know what to do
Kpxgrlx012: i am very self-efficient
bCxaNgeL143: jhandee: "ooooh oooh!! i have an idea! hurry before i lose it!"
bCxaNgeL143: sewon: "what what!!"
bCxaNgeL143: jhandee: "crap! i just lost it!"
bCxaNgeL143: sewon: "aish! crap! freakin gee jee beh!"
Kpxgrlx012: ahahahaahahahah
bCxaNgeL143: jahdee: "i'm not geejeebeh!"
bCxaNgeL143: the end
Kpxgrlx012: i hate you
bCxaNgeL143: u love meeeeeeeeeee
Kpxgrlx012: sorta
Kpxgrlx012: its a lukewarm kinda love
bCxaNgeL143: watever
bCxaNgeL143: it's burning passion
Kpxgrlx012: SICK

"You start the conversation."
"Ok. Hi."

Already forgetting and making everything so much worse.


"We ask God to forgive us for our evil thoughts and evil temper, but rarely, if ever, ask Him to forgive us for our sadness." -R. W. Dale.

Reconciliation. Heidi is a pretty princess. Damp shoulders. Unexpected In-n-Out excursion. "You guys look like aliens." Reliving three years of forgotten memories... good and bad.


It's already the 7th week.

Finally having Outlook Express... with 1051 emails to sort through.

Disgruntled Andrew Chon is an unattractive Andrew Chon. Blacked-out visible names. Indian accents. The BFG. Horrifying memories of Knott's Scary Farm. Open heart-to-hearts. Associations and Assumptions.


.:Things aren't always what they seem. Having faith:.

"Empty again
Sunken down so far
So scared to fall
Might not get up again

So I lay at Your feet
All my brokenness
I carry all of my burdens to You

All of these things
Held up in vain
No reason or rhyme
Just the scars that remain
Of all of these things
I'm so much afraid
Scared out of my mind
By the demons I've made
Sweet Jesus, you never ever let me go
Oh, sweet Jesus, you never ever let me go

So happy to love
Yet so far to go
You lead me on to where I've never been before"
-Much Afraid by Jars of Clay.

Andrew Chon almost got me killed today. Instead of apologizing, he was glad that I was closer to the oncoming truck so that I'd buffer the impact of the hit. What a swell guy.


Corned beef. Fruit and creme Starbursts. "J is for Jayne is my favorite CA." Fenton's cookie dough ice cream[Thanks Amanda!]. Jars of Clay. 4th floor Moffit is made public. God in The Great Gatsby.

Not knowing what to do. Feeling hopelessly lost.

"Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around." -Leo Buscaglia.

Finding Cassiopeia by myself. The Marina.

It's not about doing what you want to do, but doing what you have to do.

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven..."
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8.

An 8 ft tree and Isabella. "She looks like an angel." The Fast Pitch. The Astro Jump. Soozee (Suzy) and Darren. Heartbreaking news.

I haven't been this cold for a long time.


"I'm kind of hungry. Are you?"
"I could eat."
-Antwone Fisher.

JUDwhaEE: good nightjahndee gahndi
Kpxgrlx012: haha
Kpxgrlx012: good nite judy booty (_I_)
JUDwhaEE: cmon that's weak sauce
JUDwhaEE: (_______|________)
Kpxgrlx012: aahahahahahaha


T hed eRFTheory: i'm looking up stuff to make!
T hed eRFTheory: exciting
Kpxgrlx012: hahha
Kpxgrlx012: whos the lucky lady?
T hed eRFTheory: dennis
T hed eRFTheory: hahahahahahaahahahah
Kpxgrlx012: oh
Kpxgrlx012: blech
T hed eRFTheory: hahahahah
T hed eRFTheory: i wish it was a hot lady though
T hed eRFTheory: like you.
T hed eRFTheory: mmmmmm.

"And as I live this daily life
I trust you for everything
And I will only take a step
When I feel You leading me
Isn�t that crazy?"

Starting over with Alice's Compilation.


"Close my eyes and hold my heart
Cover me and make me something
Change this something normal
Into something beautiful"

Today's 10 things to be happy about:

1. Cleaning the garage
2. A brook brimming after the rain
3. Slipping a dollar to a kid
4. Sessions with old photo albums
5. Succumbing to sleepiness
6. Natural rock pools
7. Curling up in snowy linens
8. Pink twilight
9. Frittatas
10. Waiting out a sudden downpour

Hummus virgins. Possums and racoons. Nocturnal means being awake at night. God's grace is like a cookie. Great quotables.


Today's 10 things to be happy about:

1. A perfectly folded omelet
2. Stumbling upon a great Website
3. Sleeping in your socks
4. An evening cup of tea
5. A flirtatious wink
6. Snippets of conversation
7. Playing on the swings
8. Apologies accepted
9. The taste of tears
10. A good laugh

"Jeremy is very sick. We need to pray for him."

Snuggling under freshly laundered sheets. The weather. Kailoni is a cutie. Captain Underpants and the Attack of the Talking Toilets. Vanilla Almond Crunch. "Wow, and how?" Secret locations. A book each. Strong skin. George's Marvelous Medicine.




Now THIS is a monster dance:

To not be a man-pleaser. Promises of homemade spaghetti sauce. Thai Iced Coffee.


Today's 10 things to be happy about:

1. Bow ties
2. Heating a cheese Danish
3. When everything fits into a suitcase
4. Atonement
5. A kid learning to jump rope
6. Smooth wooden building blocks
7. Wisps of hair blown back
8. Making caramel apples
9. A tape of your favorite TV show
10. Blank verse

Men and their incompetency to pack. Otter pops. Abominable weather. Oreo Blender Blast. It begins today, I say.

Today's 10 things to be happy about:

1. A blue Le Creuset casserole
2. Sitting in a tree house
3. A just-jeans day
4. Colorful street markets
5. Picking apples
6. Clarifying your priorities
7. Salt air blowing through open windows
8. Admiring someone�s bookshelves
9. Pavarotti�s greatest hits
10. A dark autumn evening

The history section at Borders. The night air. A despondent heart. Matilda. To lead a purposeful life. I feel like crying these days.

Lunner with Carolina. "Grotto." One cherry only. Monaco, Morocco, Monte Carlo. Andrew Chon, John Song, Jason Higgins, and Aaron. Yvette and I are hot commodities. Being prude to the core. Cartilage piercings. A talented artist and a beautiful photographer. Deep appreciation for smart and intelligent guys. Green apples. All the firsts: kisses, crushes, loves, boyfriends, and sexual experiences. The importance of how a guy hugs you. Loving the simple things that life offers. Truth and Kings. To the past, the present, and the future. Let us live happily ever after.

"Lift your eyes and look to the heavens:
Who created all these?
He who brings out the starry host one by one,
and calls them each by name.
Because of his great power and mighty strength,
not one of them is missing."
Isaiah 40:26

"We gather strength from sadness and from pain... Each time we die we learn to live again."

Nessun maggior dolore,
Che ricordarsi del tempo felice
Nella miseria.
-Dante

Rubio's. I'm A Manatee. Getting lost amongst children's books. Aimless walks in the still of the night.

.:I called because I've missed the sound of your voice:.

The tingly feeling in the pit of your stomach during that initial conversation with a boy. The unraveling of a sad story. A spontaneous and wonderful talk with a good friend. Being blessed and rebuked at the same time. Perplexity at being a "beacon." Six final options.

"Welcome back, walls."

I know now what I need to do.

Look not at what you have lost, but at what you have left.



No more "What If?" questions...



... at least for this moment.

Great weather. A Cuppa Tea. Sewon and I are dang funny. Tiramisu and Hummus. My thankful heart. Getting things done... my way.

Animal style and animal style. Babies. Music.


.:Otter Pops. You spoil me:.

"Life brings simple pleasures to us every day. It is up to us to make them wonderful memories." -Cathy Allen.



All in all, I'm loving every rise and every fall.

A lot of good me time. 25% Heroes Discount. Sweet pickles. Teahouses and cafes. Orion's Belt.


"The remedy is the experience. It is a dangerous liaison.
I say the comedy is that its serious. Which is a strange enough new play on words,
I say the tragedy is how you're gonna spend the rest of your nights with the light on,
So shine the light on all of your friends because it all amounts to nothing in the end.

I won't worry my life away.
I won't worry my life away."
-The Remedy by Jason Mraz.

An unforgettable happy and sad night.


To rainy days, the 510, the fat guys, our senior year, and the best ddong I've had in the longest time.


Damn, I need the rain.

"Fresh page, new pen
Where do I begin
Words fail, tears come
I need someone
To take the thoughts I almost think
And carry them to God for me

Deep breath, exhale
Breathe in deeper still
Long sigh, I�m still numb
Is there anyone
Who can find the things I�m barely feeling
And give them wings beyond my ceiling?

Right heart, wrong place
It�s too far to outer space
Sorry, I forgot, You�re right here
I cup my hands around Your ear
I feel you smile, You feel my breath
You listen while I whisper nonsense

Simple exchange
Your will, I�m changed
And now my prayer ends
Thank You, Amen."
-My Prayer by Chris Rice.


.:My favorite popsicle. Thank you:.

Only time will tell.

Being a doormat friend. A light drizzle. Bumblebees, daisies, roses, and Bloak. A British accent. Sick and tired of them all. Hpnotiq. Bruises from intense scratching.

"It feels like my crotch is on fire."

It's happening already.

I DO eat a lot. High school memories associated with a Rubik's Cube. Pastor Eugene is like an anorexic girl.

Today's 10 things to be happy about:

1. All the shades of a forest
2. A standing ovation
3. Bubblegum
4. Bach cantatas
5. Potluck suppers
6. A long day of drizzle
7. A night of backyard astronomy
8. Watching your all-time favorite films again
9. No marks left by a Band-Aid
10. Greeting cards made by kids

Now 32.

Heidi likes to lick my face. 28.

Fat Guy Sewon: "Ooh, what book is that you're carrying? It looks so interesting."

Me: "It's a Pillsbury Devil's Food Cake Mix box."

A random stranger going out of his way to open the door.


.:Your unnecessary concern shows the extent of how much you care. Thank you:.

"You give to God your most prized and very best." -Professor Blaise.

Intermezzio Chef's salad with Peggy. Daruma's with Nancy. Yogurt Park. Chinese with the boys. Thumper. Actually being inside Capri 109 without Andy there. Butterflies.

Cinnamon sugar pretzels. Tripe, tendon, and cilantro. Last summer memories. Guys' insightful perceptions on relationships. Slow jams. Ice cream cones the way they should be. "Shake, shake, shake."

"Ranch 99 Till We Die."

I wish I was Mary Poppins and had the ability to jump into pictures.

Scandia Fun Center. Car ride ruined by Andrew Chon. Wendy's Frosty. Andy, Kwansoo, and Eugene as excited lil kids in the arcades. Retarded X-Men screen. Police 911-2. Sucking badly at shooting games. Lots of tickets. Exceptionally great mini-golfers. Nancy's crankiness when she's hungry. HOT weather. Go-cart racing. Water-filled bellies.

Realizing everything all of a sudden. It's like a whirlwind.

God will call you to die to anything you treasure.

Medley of instruments. Brief moment of happiness shrouded like the fog that encased Berkeley tonight. Near death experience showing me how precious life should be considered. Talk with Kevin about dying to our treasures. Mr. Holland's Opus.

I want to go to the beach.