came back from a three day boarding trip with berkeley kcpc people today. i had LOTS of fun. so much fun that i forgot where i was and completely lived in the moment. it was great. berkeley buddies are really quite special and fun. i know everyone already blogged about the trip but now it's my turn. hehe. i'm gonna use judy's method to mention a lil something i observed/learned about each person that went on this trip. =D

steve: "sneve." steve noh couldn't board or ski cuz of his arm so he was stuck with me while everyone else went boarding. he is very funny and nice. he bought french fries while we were waiting and shared them with me and nancy. also, when it's late at night or when he's tired, his voice changes and it becomes really deep and sexy. i like that voice a lot.
jack: jack ku, judy, and i stayed up til 6am the first night talking. it was the first real conversation i ever had with jack ku. he dispelled a lot of my old thoughts about him. unfortunately, i don't think i changed any of his opinions about me. jack is very body and speech conscious and knows how to dress very well. he is also an avid reader, a fact that intrigued me very much.
billy: billy is a crazy mafia player. i get nervous everytime he starts talking even if i'm a civilian. it was crazy how he tricked judy into confessing that she was mafia. very impressive. billy also likes to fondle steve's boobies and is very defensive when we make fun of jack ku.
andy: andy has no cavities and has perfect vision. he's also very helpful in the kitchen and knows how to cook a lot of korean food. he can also solve riddles very quickly and easily. he is very smart. i understand why everyone believes he is such a great catch.
judy: judy is a funny girl. she was tired from the beginning of the trip but she didn't go to sleep til 6am the first night. and then she boarded the next day too. hahaha. judy also let me read her copy of the prayer of jabez. i honestly believe that judy is one of the smartest and most intelligent people that i know.
kristy: kristy has straight hair now. she looks good. =] kristy taught me how to board while we were waiting for everyone to come back with water bottles. it was fun. i feel like i'm a pro now. hahaha. she's also really good at billy's ebay game.
peggy: i admire peggy's excellent taste in food. =D she drove her van even though she got a lot of crap for it. without her, many people wouldn't have been able to come on the trip. peggy also scared the crap out of me during our last mafia game when she told me and anica that she was cop. her eyes got FREAKIN huge. i screamed really loudly.
nancy: i like nancy kim a lot. thank you to nancy for making everything work out great. =] nancy and i both have insanely large feet. we concluded that the reason why our feet are always so cold is cuz the circulation of blood can't reach our monstrous ogre feet.
anica: i'm glad i got to see anica cuz i haven't talked to her for a while. during the last game of mafia i joined alliances with her cuz she was angel. she and i started freakin out when peggy told us she was cop and then nancy told us she was cop too. *shudder* anica gave me lotion to put on my eye cuz it had a bump on it. and she lent me her cashmere gloves when steve noh and i were freezing our butts off outside. she is very nice. =D
margaret: margaret always has a smile on her face and i find that very encouraging. she also ate "sah ddoh bap" with milk for breakfast. that seriously amazed me. i wonder what it tasted like.
esther: i'm really glad that i got to know esther better on this trip. she is a crazy mafia player. she lies very well and is very convincing. i wish i could be like her. my conclusion: all young nak people must be excellent mafia players. oh. and she's dang good in korean. she used words no one knew. hahaha.

i've been to roscoes twice since the last time i blogged. i think that's one of my new favorite places to eat. black people are pretty dang cool. one of the times i went i had this really nice waiter who had this awesome awesome radio voice. so smooth and deep and bass-y i had chills when he asked us how we were doing. =] i also met up with vivian chong and over amerikahn we talked about our futures. she's also intended pre-law and thinking about going to the ucdc program. so many people that i've met up this break are interested in law. i'm glad that God has provided old friends headed towards the same path so that it gives me a way to connect and relate to them. also went to cafe clairs in garden grove with jennifer, tammie, kim, amy, and i. dang. i've missed gwa-il bing soo and coffee bing soo sooooooo much. on sunday we went to ktown plaza and ate there. omg. i haven't been there since high school. hahha it was lots of fun. and then we all went to cafe home at what was once known as players plaza and had more pat bing soo there. yay. i really like church buddies. =D then later i went to my weh halmoni's house and we ate dduk gook and watched champion, this true story about a korean boxer who made it all the way to the world champions before dying in the ring. this is the last time i'm going to see my halmoni for a while. probably not until the summer. i'm really sad.

today i went to downey to eat with alex, linda, and roy. roy has so much stinkin pride in his little city. he was driving around showing off what downey has to offer. it isn't much. haha. =] we ate lunch at this mexican food place that i forgot the name of and it was pretty good. i had a lot of fun. roy and linda never tried orange bang before in their lives. alex and i were flabbergasted. roy and i found a common link between us: the excessive amount of napkins we use while eating. ahahaha. i beat him at 25 though. *high five* for me =D we went to stonewood mall after cuz linda said that there was a place that had churros with different fillings in the middle. but when we went, the stand was gone and was replaced by a great kahn. linda was really sad. =[

i had to leave then and went to usc to pick up jennie lee so that we could hit up ucla and play there. we met up with gloria hu and ate at curry house. then me jennie and viv went to diddy riese for their yummy one dollar ice cream sandwiches. what was crazy was that while we were crossing the street to diddy riese, my legal studies 184 gsi was crossing the street at the same time and he passed right by me. jason is freakin cute [he looks like vin diesel] and freakin smart [he's a third year at boalt] and is freakin cool. unfortunately, he is miniscule. i think with my shoes on i'm taller or at most eye level with him. but height isn't essential when it comes to jason o. and he has an identical twin brother also. omg omg. who is also freakin smart cuz he's at ucla law school. which is why i'm assuming jason was there with his bro. anyways, i wanted to say hi so i turned around and started stalking him. i saw him go into starbucks so i casually sauntered in there thinking how cool i'd look if i "accidentally" bumped into him there. unfortunately he wasn't there and i was really really sad. my friends pitied me so we sat next to the window at starbucks where i kept people watching in hopes that i'd be able to see him again. but no luck. so freakin sad. anyways, after that we went to tammie, esther, and lorraine's place and chilled there with vivian. we watched my best friend's wedding and then the special edition of bring it on that included blaque's music video and sing-a-long words to the cheer in the beginning of the movie. that definitely perked me up a lot. i love bring it on. =D

spent new years at my aunties house in downey today. my dad's side of the family is not really big on old traditions so seh bae-ing and stuff is taken really lightly. this year, we seh baed before we ate so the whole process took like 15 minutes total. *bam bam bam* my girl cousins cept myself and my sister all seh bae boy-style on two knees. it's funny how no one corrects them, but if my weh halmoni saw my sister or i doing that, she'd freak out and make us do it the proper way over and over again. i love my weh halmoni incredibly. she is the sweetest and cutest person that i know. everytime i see her i am so thankful that God created such a wonderful woman. =D another example of how my dad's family isn't really traditional is the fact that there are interracial marriages within our family. my auntie tae is married to kamran, who is iranian. and my cousin julia is engaged to john, who is white. the current issue in the kum family matters is whether the family approves of john... who is a non Christian, divorced husband with a six year old daughter. since everything was done by 7ish or so, my cousins and i were thinking that we should take the lil ones to the movies. ahaahhaa. i've never seen such chaos. it took forever to choose a movie since the age range is from 6 years old to late thirtys. by the time we finally chose a movie that was suitable for both the kids and that fit within our time frame, the parents were against the idea since the kids would be out late and they didn't want to wait and drive back too late. kristen, the 6 year old, and brandon, her 10 (i think) year old brother, started wailing and pouting and crying. it got so bad that kristen screamed that it was the worst new years that she ever had. hahaha. the worst new years of the six she's experienced so far. that kid cracks me up. ahahaha

speaking of downey... i need to include this little spiel on roy chung and how i think he detests me. the other day i stopped by his house cuz i had to drop off something. roy refused a billion times. but i persisted, and i think he got annoyed cuz he finally let me come. but then, he gave me wrong directions so i ended up wandering around his neighborhood forever. [i think he did that purposely so that i'd get discouraged and just leave] unfortunately for him, i found his house. and afterwards, while i was leaving, roy suddenly started to pretend that he was my friend and offered me a slice of mocha roll cake. i was instantly suspicious of this unusually nice behavior so i refused it politely. but he kept pressuring me to take it so i finally did. and as i left, he again gave me wrong directions so again i ended up lost in his dumb neighborhood trying to get out. [again i think he did this intentionally cuz mean people always get kicks out of stuff like this] the next day, my mom and i decided to share the piece of cake roy gave me. we opened it and saw that there was mold on it. [i think he was trying to poison me] my mom was horrified and wondered what kind of cruel and evil person would offer moldy cake to her precious daughter. my mom should beat roy up.

happy happy new year.

i can't believe a year's gone by already. time's passing by so quickly that it stays within our grasp for a fleeting moment before slipping out of our control again and continuing on its way. i'm going to make a resolution this year. or i'm going to try to at least. the christmas service was about always being joyful in all circumstances. there's been innumerable times where if something isn't peachy keen, i freak out and panic and don't trust that God will work everything out. and yet reflecting back not only on this year, but throughout my entire life, there's never been a moment where in retrospect, i regret any of the outcomes that resulted from my actions. so even if my entire world is falling into shambles around me, i am going to try to find the joy in each circumstance and situation and try to focus on that as encouragement instead of allowing myself to be dragged down. everything happens for a reason. and everything is in accordance to God's will.

i met up with my old high school buddies, kim, tammie, and jennifer for lunch today. we ate at l&l in the south street plaza, a hawaiian restaurant similar to the loft. i think the loft has more variety, but the macroni salad at l&l is much tastier. for dessert, we ate at coldstone's. tammie and jennifer are both going to do law and they seem very hardcore about it. they were asking me all these questions about the lsat and what law school i wanted to go, but i couldn't answer them. i feel like we're growing up too quickly. i watched drumline with them too. it's a pretty good movie. i thought it was just like a black bring it on, but it's a bit more serious and and intense than bring it on. the drumming stuff in the movie is crazy awesome. black drummers are my new object of affections.

i just came back from secret santa at nancy's place. it was good seeing berkeley people. i forgot how fun berkeley people can be. =] paul was my secret santa and he gave me the dvd for monsters inc. i'm really excited and happy. this gives me an incentive to start saving up for a dvd player. but until then, taryn has graciously offered her player for temporary use. =] we also played scattergories forever. i can't believe how much time can be wasted trying to figure out stupid punishments. it's ridiculous.

sunday = play with church friends day today. =D after church jane, jeniffer, linda and i went to "go rae sum" on vermont for lunch. that place is so freakin good. anyways, while we were catching up, we ran into katherine, who is going to produce her own show on nbc. pretty dang impressive. anyways, afterwards we went back to church to wait for suzy, who had just come back from youth group retreat. and we ran into gina lee who was picking up her sisters. she looked good. there were about a million lil ones in the parking lot at church. they used five charter buses for this retreat. they haven't used that many since i was in 10th or 11th grade. it makes me happy that our youth group is seriously strengthening and growing. =] once we found suzy, who is smaller than most the kids, we all went to starbucks on larchmont and talked some more and had fun catching up. =D then my sis, jane and i went to the valley to play with hannah and elijah. we explored their huge, 5 bedroom, 4 bathroom house and then went to go watch a movie. their movie theatre is so stinkin popular that when we tried to watch a showing at 7-something, 13 of the 15 shows were sold out and we had to wait about 2 hours to watch chicago. to pass the time, we ate dinner at wolfgang puck's cafe. it's really good there. and chicago is a really good movie too. everyone can sing really well which surprised me in the good way. catherine zeta-jones is very powerful and vivacious in the movie. and taye digges is freakin hot. his voice is very sultry and smooth. yummy.

i went to my cousin's wedding today. she's the first one of my cousins on my dad's side to be married so everyone was making a big fuss over it. anyways, the ceremony was really simple and quick. the pastor messed up the lines so that my cousin had to say, "i gaena (gina), take tae, to be my lawfully wedded wife..." my cousin's freakin pretty. she has this elegant aura that shows how classy and bling blinging she is. for example, her engagement ring cost $55,000 and we had the yahk kon shik at the beverly hills country club. another example was her pasadena ritz carlton wedding reception. everyone got lobster and filet mignon. freakin nuts. but gaena looked gorgeous and her and tae look very happy together.

this was probably the only family function that my sis and i stayed for the entire time. and i had a surprisingly good time with the family. there was the traditional throwing of the flower bouquet and the garter and a nontraditional slideshow and cheesy white dj. the best part was afterwards when the dj played music and everyone started dancing on the dance floor. it was so fun watching all my aunties and uncles and cousins dancing. i realize that members of the kum lineage have not been blessed with the ability to maintain a rhythm while getting their groove thangs on. but what made the experience so heart-warming was that they kept dancing and working it regardless of the fact that they really can't dance. no shame, no shame. we may look like the biggest idiots out on the dance floor, but at least we're idiots having a freakin good time. =D

there was also this goooooooood looking guy named danny sitting at our table. omg. he was so freakin handsome. too bad he had a not so hot chick with him. *sigh* he was seriously one of the best looking specimens of the male population that i've ever seen. =] i've noticed that there's been a lot of yummy eye candy for me these days... i think God is either implying something or blessing me with such aesthetically pleasing beautiful things. =]

i just got back from an 8 hour shopping spree at south coast plaza. omg. it was freakin madness and chaos. never have i seen so many people nor such long lines. 8 HOURS STRAIGHT. christina, jennie, kristi and i wanted to kill people by the end of the day. or maybe it was just me. i hate crowded malls. i get freakin cranky and i start saying really mean comments. =/ anyways, i must rest up cuz i'm going back tomorrow.

i went to christmas service this morning with my family. after service, i ran into a lot of old friends and people that i haven't seen in months or years. it's interesting to see how people change. i suppose i've changed too. but anyways, it was great seeing my church buddies. we've all known each other for so many years now. i saw sam today too. i haven't seen him in like 4 years. but wow. seeing the girls and him brought back a flood of memories. good times, good times. =]

more and more fun for me. =]
yesterday, judy the booty drove from the valley to visit me and danny. she endured three hours of horrendous traffic for me. =D and albertacos. ahahaha. she's a true fat guy. =D we each ate a carne asada burrito and split carne asada fries. i love how much we love to eat. anyways, she arrived so late that she decided to spend the night at danny's to maximize her stay in our illustrious city. then judy, danny, brian, and me had brunch today at fantastic cafe. it's pretty good there. danny ate my sausages and bacon. and then julie kim joined us a lil later. it was fun bragging about our respective cities. haha. afterwards, i went to la to celebrate linda's birthday with linda, sharon, kristy, and jane kim at pf changs bistro. it's really yummy there. =] but the best part of it was when we gave linda her birthday present. sharon wrapped it so that linda had to unwrap a billion layers to get to her camera. her face expression was awesome. her jaw literally dropped. i love it when you give gifts and the person really loves the gift... completely with all their heart. witnessing that moment is a great feeling.

i'm really enjoying this winter break this year. i'm thinking it's cuz this semester was so crappy and i really needed a break. or maybe i'm making more of an effort to meet up with people and play with them. or maybe my mentality on various things is changing. regardless, i'm having lots of fun and i'm really loving spending time with friends and family. =]

merry christmas! God bless! =D

there was crazy traffic on the way to church today so my sister and i made it for the last 10 minutes of service, just in time to listen to the announcements. then a bunch of us went to eat lunch at the original thai bbq next to our church, which, in my opinion, is one of the best thai food places that i've eaten at. then most of us dispersed but hannah, jane, eli (such a manly man he is), and i went to the grove for shopping and more eating. after we hit up every store, we went to the public market adjacent to the grove and ate strawberry crepes. then we got tired so we left and went to toppers frozen yogurt to revive ourselves. i love hannah and eli. they are two of my most favorite people in the world. =D afterwards, while i was driving home, christina ahn called me and instead of going home, i ended up at tgif at cerritos towne center with christina and jennie lee, feasting on garlic breadsticks, philly cheesesteaks, and jack daniels chicken strips. and then we went to starbucks to get frapps and catch up. and while we were leaving, i ran into mike t, a boy who i haven't seen for over a year and someone who i have incredible fondness for. it was such a great day today despite some startling and slightly alarming news that i found out about. but there were lots of delicious food, lots of laughs, lots of good memories, and lots of happy moments. =D

i met the cutest guy today while shopping at macy's. i normally don't swoon over real life people but this guy was seriously cute and really nice. with nice eyes and nice teeth. definite plus. =D

i did some of my favorite things today:
-i watched a movie [lotr: the two towers... i simply ADORE legolas]
-i went grocery shopping for munchies
-i went to costco and wandered among the aisles
-i ate.
-i drove in the rain

*big grin* =D

i know, i know. "simple mind simple pleasures."

my cough has been getting worser and worser. meaning that the intensity and frequency of my coughing fits have been increasing, thus resulting in more headaches. ugh. i was so excited by the limitless quantities of food at home, i started greedily shoveling in as much as i could into my mouth. but then i choked cuz the epiglottis didn't close fast enough and all the food went into my trachea instead. at the same time, i started another coughing fit, so i ended up doubled over for about 45 seconds coughing my lungs [and what felt like every other organ in my body] out. and then i tasted the metallic bitterness of blood. so i spit into a napkin and saw blood intermixed with spit. that freaked me out. *sigh* i think God is punishing me for my extreme fat guyness, so i resolve to not eat as much anymore. or to at least take breaths of air between bites. i just pray this stupid cough goes away soon. =/

k. disregard that last post. i no longer despise myself although i do believe that i am the biggest fool. i think i allow myself to be duped by falsities and lies, believing that the world is a happy little place filled with happy little people. i guess that's my fault. which only proves that i AM the biggest fool cuz i deliberately and consciously hurt myself. *ironic chuckle* anyways, that was an aside... i have issues and it's not appropriate to showcase them for the public viewing pleasure. if you want to know, ask me, and let's talk. [look judy, i'm breaking free from the binding clutches of aim... hehe]

i'm home now. it's cold. i like it. earlier i was driving and i saw something that took my breath away. usually when you drive at night, all you see are the dark forms of the mountains silhouetted against the night sky. tonight however, right before i entered the grapevine, i noticed that the mountains had this illuminating glow, so that you could actually see the mountain and not just its form. the mountains were covered in snow... and the whiteness of it was reflected by the moonlight. and the mountains looked so close to me... so close that i reached out and tried to touch them. unfortunately i was prevented from doing so cuz of my stupid window. and as we drove through the grapevine, there was snow everywhere, even up to where the foot of the mountains and hills reached the side of the freeway. it was beautiful. i was awe-struck by those mountains. it made me feel really happy and peaceful.
[btw~ i apologize cuz i'm inarticulate at expressing myself so i'm not giving this the justice it deserves.]

what the FUCK is wrong with me?

if there's one person i despise, it's myself.

i must be the biggest damn fool.

well screw that. no more.

i'm really sad and a bit irked right now. *sigh* being constantly jerked around by emotions is definitely painful.

oh dear. i don't know what to do.

reasons why the rain is simply awesome:

-swimming while it's raining and letting the drops fall on your head.
-rain pouring outside, crazy winds, warm cozy blanket, and five pillows.
-sound of rain on your windowpanes.
-driving on an empty road, too close to the gutters, so an avalanche of water hits you and your car... that brief second of complete segregation from the rest of the outside world and you're alone underneath that wall of water.
-you, your car, the rain, deep, reflective moments. enough said.
-you, your car, the rain, a close friend, amazing heart to heart talks.
-walking in the rain with a huge golf sized umbrella... hearing the rain patter on your umbrella and seeing it drip down around you, yet not touching you.
-frolicking in the rain, splashing and jumping in puddles with beloved friends and not a single damn care in the world.
-being drenched to the point where it doesn't matter and you plunge yourself back into the pouring rain.
-rain on a sunny day.
-rain on a dark gloomy day with fierce winds.
-watching the rain fall with an upturned face... and closing your eyes and letting it wash over you.
-the ocean on a rainy day.
-waking up to the deafening sound of complete silence the day after a storm... such a sharp contrast from the raging night before.

wednesday 12/11: 5
thursday 12/12: 2.5
friday 12/13: 2

the rain is a definite pick-me-upper. i hope it rains hard all weekend.

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the strength to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference."