i met up with my old high school buddies, kim, tammie, and jennifer for lunch today. we ate at l&l in the south street plaza, a hawaiian restaurant similar to the loft. i think the loft has more variety, but the macroni salad at l&l is much tastier. for dessert, we ate at coldstone's. tammie and jennifer are both going to do law and they seem very hardcore about it. they were asking me all these questions about the lsat and what law school i wanted to go, but i couldn't answer them. i feel like we're growing up too quickly. i watched drumline with them too. it's a pretty good movie. i thought it was just like a black bring it on, but it's a bit more serious and and intense than bring it on. the drumming stuff in the movie is crazy awesome. black drummers are my new object of affections.

i just came back from secret santa at nancy's place. it was good seeing berkeley people. i forgot how fun berkeley people can be. =] paul was my secret santa and he gave me the dvd for monsters inc. i'm really excited and happy. this gives me an incentive to start saving up for a dvd player. but until then, taryn has graciously offered her player for temporary use. =] we also played scattergories forever. i can't believe how much time can be wasted trying to figure out stupid punishments. it's ridiculous.

sunday = play with church friends day today. =D after church jane, jeniffer, linda and i went to "go rae sum" on vermont for lunch. that place is so freakin good. anyways, while we were catching up, we ran into katherine, who is going to produce her own show on nbc. pretty dang impressive. anyways, afterwards we went back to church to wait for suzy, who had just come back from youth group retreat. and we ran into gina lee who was picking up her sisters. she looked good. there were about a million lil ones in the parking lot at church. they used five charter buses for this retreat. they haven't used that many since i was in 10th or 11th grade. it makes me happy that our youth group is seriously strengthening and growing. =] once we found suzy, who is smaller than most the kids, we all went to starbucks on larchmont and talked some more and had fun catching up. =D then my sis, jane and i went to the valley to play with hannah and elijah. we explored their huge, 5 bedroom, 4 bathroom house and then went to go watch a movie. their movie theatre is so stinkin popular that when we tried to watch a showing at 7-something, 13 of the 15 shows were sold out and we had to wait about 2 hours to watch chicago. to pass the time, we ate dinner at wolfgang puck's cafe. it's really good there. and chicago is a really good movie too. everyone can sing really well which surprised me in the good way. catherine zeta-jones is very powerful and vivacious in the movie. and taye digges is freakin hot. his voice is very sultry and smooth. yummy.

i went to my cousin's wedding today. she's the first one of my cousins on my dad's side to be married so everyone was making a big fuss over it. anyways, the ceremony was really simple and quick. the pastor messed up the lines so that my cousin had to say, "i gaena (gina), take tae, to be my lawfully wedded wife..." my cousin's freakin pretty. she has this elegant aura that shows how classy and bling blinging she is. for example, her engagement ring cost $55,000 and we had the yahk kon shik at the beverly hills country club. another example was her pasadena ritz carlton wedding reception. everyone got lobster and filet mignon. freakin nuts. but gaena looked gorgeous and her and tae look very happy together.

this was probably the only family function that my sis and i stayed for the entire time. and i had a surprisingly good time with the family. there was the traditional throwing of the flower bouquet and the garter and a nontraditional slideshow and cheesy white dj. the best part was afterwards when the dj played music and everyone started dancing on the dance floor. it was so fun watching all my aunties and uncles and cousins dancing. i realize that members of the kum lineage have not been blessed with the ability to maintain a rhythm while getting their groove thangs on. but what made the experience so heart-warming was that they kept dancing and working it regardless of the fact that they really can't dance. no shame, no shame. we may look like the biggest idiots out on the dance floor, but at least we're idiots having a freakin good time. =D

there was also this goooooooood looking guy named danny sitting at our table. omg. he was so freakin handsome. too bad he had a not so hot chick with him. *sigh* he was seriously one of the best looking specimens of the male population that i've ever seen. =] i've noticed that there's been a lot of yummy eye candy for me these days... i think God is either implying something or blessing me with such aesthetically pleasing beautiful things. =]

i just got back from an 8 hour shopping spree at south coast plaza. omg. it was freakin madness and chaos. never have i seen so many people nor such long lines. 8 HOURS STRAIGHT. christina, jennie, kristi and i wanted to kill people by the end of the day. or maybe it was just me. i hate crowded malls. i get freakin cranky and i start saying really mean comments. =/ anyways, i must rest up cuz i'm going back tomorrow.

i went to christmas service this morning with my family. after service, i ran into a lot of old friends and people that i haven't seen in months or years. it's interesting to see how people change. i suppose i've changed too. but anyways, it was great seeing my church buddies. we've all known each other for so many years now. i saw sam today too. i haven't seen him in like 4 years. but wow. seeing the girls and him brought back a flood of memories. good times, good times. =]

more and more fun for me. =]
yesterday, judy the booty drove from the valley to visit me and danny. she endured three hours of horrendous traffic for me. =D and albertacos. ahahaha. she's a true fat guy. =D we each ate a carne asada burrito and split carne asada fries. i love how much we love to eat. anyways, she arrived so late that she decided to spend the night at danny's to maximize her stay in our illustrious city. then judy, danny, brian, and me had brunch today at fantastic cafe. it's pretty good there. danny ate my sausages and bacon. and then julie kim joined us a lil later. it was fun bragging about our respective cities. haha. afterwards, i went to la to celebrate linda's birthday with linda, sharon, kristy, and jane kim at pf changs bistro. it's really yummy there. =] but the best part of it was when we gave linda her birthday present. sharon wrapped it so that linda had to unwrap a billion layers to get to her camera. her face expression was awesome. her jaw literally dropped. i love it when you give gifts and the person really loves the gift... completely with all their heart. witnessing that moment is a great feeling.

i'm really enjoying this winter break this year. i'm thinking it's cuz this semester was so crappy and i really needed a break. or maybe i'm making more of an effort to meet up with people and play with them. or maybe my mentality on various things is changing. regardless, i'm having lots of fun and i'm really loving spending time with friends and family. =]

merry christmas! God bless! =D

there was crazy traffic on the way to church today so my sister and i made it for the last 10 minutes of service, just in time to listen to the announcements. then a bunch of us went to eat lunch at the original thai bbq next to our church, which, in my opinion, is one of the best thai food places that i've eaten at. then most of us dispersed but hannah, jane, eli (such a manly man he is), and i went to the grove for shopping and more eating. after we hit up every store, we went to the public market adjacent to the grove and ate strawberry crepes. then we got tired so we left and went to toppers frozen yogurt to revive ourselves. i love hannah and eli. they are two of my most favorite people in the world. =D afterwards, while i was driving home, christina ahn called me and instead of going home, i ended up at tgif at cerritos towne center with christina and jennie lee, feasting on garlic breadsticks, philly cheesesteaks, and jack daniels chicken strips. and then we went to starbucks to get frapps and catch up. and while we were leaving, i ran into mike t, a boy who i haven't seen for over a year and someone who i have incredible fondness for. it was such a great day today despite some startling and slightly alarming news that i found out about. but there were lots of delicious food, lots of laughs, lots of good memories, and lots of happy moments. =D

i met the cutest guy today while shopping at macy's. i normally don't swoon over real life people but this guy was seriously cute and really nice. with nice eyes and nice teeth. definite plus. =D

i did some of my favorite things today:
-i watched a movie [lotr: the two towers... i simply ADORE legolas]
-i went grocery shopping for munchies
-i went to costco and wandered among the aisles
-i ate.
-i drove in the rain

*big grin* =D

i know, i know. "simple mind simple pleasures."

my cough has been getting worser and worser. meaning that the intensity and frequency of my coughing fits have been increasing, thus resulting in more headaches. ugh. i was so excited by the limitless quantities of food at home, i started greedily shoveling in as much as i could into my mouth. but then i choked cuz the epiglottis didn't close fast enough and all the food went into my trachea instead. at the same time, i started another coughing fit, so i ended up doubled over for about 45 seconds coughing my lungs [and what felt like every other organ in my body] out. and then i tasted the metallic bitterness of blood. so i spit into a napkin and saw blood intermixed with spit. that freaked me out. *sigh* i think God is punishing me for my extreme fat guyness, so i resolve to not eat as much anymore. or to at least take breaths of air between bites. i just pray this stupid cough goes away soon. =/

k. disregard that last post. i no longer despise myself although i do believe that i am the biggest fool. i think i allow myself to be duped by falsities and lies, believing that the world is a happy little place filled with happy little people. i guess that's my fault. which only proves that i AM the biggest fool cuz i deliberately and consciously hurt myself. *ironic chuckle* anyways, that was an aside... i have issues and it's not appropriate to showcase them for the public viewing pleasure. if you want to know, ask me, and let's talk. [look judy, i'm breaking free from the binding clutches of aim... hehe]

i'm home now. it's cold. i like it. earlier i was driving and i saw something that took my breath away. usually when you drive at night, all you see are the dark forms of the mountains silhouetted against the night sky. tonight however, right before i entered the grapevine, i noticed that the mountains had this illuminating glow, so that you could actually see the mountain and not just its form. the mountains were covered in snow... and the whiteness of it was reflected by the moonlight. and the mountains looked so close to me... so close that i reached out and tried to touch them. unfortunately i was prevented from doing so cuz of my stupid window. and as we drove through the grapevine, there was snow everywhere, even up to where the foot of the mountains and hills reached the side of the freeway. it was beautiful. i was awe-struck by those mountains. it made me feel really happy and peaceful.
[btw~ i apologize cuz i'm inarticulate at expressing myself so i'm not giving this the justice it deserves.]

what the FUCK is wrong with me?

if there's one person i despise, it's myself.

i must be the biggest damn fool.

well screw that. no more.

i'm really sad and a bit irked right now. *sigh* being constantly jerked around by emotions is definitely painful.

oh dear. i don't know what to do.

reasons why the rain is simply awesome:

-swimming while it's raining and letting the drops fall on your head.
-rain pouring outside, crazy winds, warm cozy blanket, and five pillows.
-sound of rain on your windowpanes.
-driving on an empty road, too close to the gutters, so an avalanche of water hits you and your car... that brief second of complete segregation from the rest of the outside world and you're alone underneath that wall of water.
-you, your car, the rain, deep, reflective moments. enough said.
-you, your car, the rain, a close friend, amazing heart to heart talks.
-walking in the rain with a huge golf sized umbrella... hearing the rain patter on your umbrella and seeing it drip down around you, yet not touching you.
-frolicking in the rain, splashing and jumping in puddles with beloved friends and not a single damn care in the world.
-being drenched to the point where it doesn't matter and you plunge yourself back into the pouring rain.
-rain on a sunny day.
-rain on a dark gloomy day with fierce winds.
-watching the rain fall with an upturned face... and closing your eyes and letting it wash over you.
-the ocean on a rainy day.
-waking up to the deafening sound of complete silence the day after a storm... such a sharp contrast from the raging night before.

wednesday 12/11: 5
thursday 12/12: 2.5
friday 12/13: 2

the rain is a definite pick-me-upper. i hope it rains hard all weekend.

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the strength to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference."

there is this inexplicable sadness that i'm feeling right now. i'm so sad it hurts.
i'm so disappointed in myself... i wish i could just disappear and forget everything.

.:sigh:.

Send some rain. Would You send some rain?
'Cause the earth is dry and needs to drink again
And the sun is high and we are sinking in the shade.

Would You send a cloud, thunder long and loud?
Let the sky grow black and send some mercy down
Surely You can see that we are thirsty and afraid.

But maybe not. Not today. Maybe You'll provide in other ways.
And if that's the case...

We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude
For lessons learned in how to thirst for You
How to bless the very sun that warms our face
If You never send us rain.

Oh, the differences that often are between
Everything we want and what we really need.

So grant us peace. Jesus, grant us peace.
Move our hearts to hear a single beat
Between alibis and enemies tonight

Or maybe not. Not today. Peace might be another world away.
And if that's the case...

We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude
For lessons learned in how to trust in You
That we are blessed beyond what we could ever dream
In abundance or in need
And if you never grant us peace.

But Jesus, would You please...

"Gratitude" Nichole Nordeman

Pencil marks on a wall, I wasn't always this tall
You scattered some monsters from beneath my bed.
You watched my team win, and watched my team lose
Watched when my bicycle went down again.

And when I was weak, unable to speak, still I could call You by name
And I said, Elbow Healer, Superhero, come if You can
You said, I Am.

Only sixteen, life is so mean
What kind of curfew is at 10 pm?
You saw my mistakes and watched my heart break
Heard when I swore I'd never love again

And when I was weak, unable to speak, still I could call You by name
And I said Heartache Healer, Secret Keeper, be my best friend
And You said, I Am.

The winds of chance and circumstance
Blow in and all around us
So we find a foothold that's familiar
And bless the moments that we feel You nearer

When life had begun, I was woven and spun
You let the angels dance around the throne.
And who can say when, but they'll dance again
When I am free and finally headed home

I will be weak, unable to speak
Still I will call You by name
Creator, Maker, Life Sustainer
Comforter, Healer, My Redeemer
Lord and King, Beginning and the End

I Am. Yes, I Am.

"I Am" Nichole Nordeman

.:my deepest thanks to you:.

you know who are.