i'm at work now with shinelun. [he wanted me to write that btw... he wants to be included in my blog. haha]

i had my midterm today for ls 160... there was only one essay question as the midterm, and the prof gave us study questions to prepare in advance, but i think i still screwed up. in lecture the professor kept reiterating the point that since there was going to be only one essay and that there will be more than enough time in the two hour block of time to finish, the paper was expected to be quite well written, especially in terms of organization and clarity. bah. too bad i ended up writing about 6.5 pages... there was no organization to the paper at all; i merely regurgitated what info i remembered cramming in from last night and i'm sure the overall paper was very sloppy and ineffective. *sigh* ahh wells...

i picked up jane kim from the airport today with karen and then we grubbed at alameda sushi house. mmmm~ that place is so delicious =] lip-smacking good. hehe but i was so freakin disappointed at myself cuz i couldn't finish what i ordered. normally i can eat two rolls easy, but today... i left like half of each of my rolls. aigoo~ i felt like such a failure =[ i think my heiferish skills have been lacking these days due to this freakin nasty weather... it makes me cranky and contentious and hence i cannot partake in my regular delightful act of eating an obscene amount of food. =[ but... by the time i get off work it'll be nice and cool again so i will be able to proceed with gorging myself with yummy leftover power roll and a's roll. =]

hmm what else... andy chon got me all riled up when he said he was going to visit me today at capri... i was so happy and of course honored cuz it's a privilege to have him visit [he said that himself ahahaha] but then he found out i was at work and he was like oh. so i think that means he's not going to come visit after all. =[ i thought that was kinda sad.

hahaha. my co-worker, shinelun, and i just had like a ten minute convo about cheese. lol. well, first we were talking about meat cuz he just bought a package of sandwich beef meat and was just chomping on slices of it. it looked so weird. and then i thought of karen and how she and i were talking about cheese but how she's like obsessed with it and continually just snacks on it. so i brought that up with shinelun and we were discussing about the yummy characteristics of cheese and comparing how much we can consume of it in one sitting. he claims that he doesn't like mozzarella cheese cuz he feels like it needs to be eaten with something else while i disagree cuz i love string cheese. and i was saying how i always wanted to try that string cheese with pizza sauce in the middle of it and how i love eating those babybel cheeses... the one's in the little red waxy circle =] and then he told me that his favorite cheese was chedder and that if he could, he would eat hunks of it. and then i got repulsed... i got a very vivid image of myself, sitting crosslegged on the floor with a huge hulking chunk of cheese in each hand and me just chomping large bites out of it. ugh. *shudder*
.:pause:. i just read what i just typed and i realize how freakin pointless all this was. gosh~ i can't believe i just spent all this time talking about CHEESE. ahahahaha~ i crack myself up =D

ooh... sy's gonna come up next week and visit... hence it is time for some hard core frolicking. yaaaay~ i cannot wait =D

man... just a little under one more hour before i get to finally go home. poop. 8 hour shifts are annoying. even if i did play spider solitaire for 60%, read people's blogs for 15%, chat on aim for 10%, update my blog for 10%, and do my homework assignment for 5% of the total time... it still sucks. =[

i love providing constant reminders to show how much of an idiot i can be. it is a perpetual shoe continuously wedged up my (_I_) cuz i'm always kicking myself out of disgust for my oafishness. yes. it is so fun, indeed.

so i'm at work again and literally just came back from a crajee excursion at the jelly belly factory.
oh but before that, i gotta talk about last night. so after work last night, karen, kristy and i went to koko house where we ate lots of yummy carbs and where i got really gassy cuz i don't think i can handle much fermented things anymore. but anyways... then we went to pick roy up and went to karen's so that my buddies could partake in the exhilarating first time experience of watching moulin rouge with me. hehe i was very excited. so overall, some parts were freakin weird... like that virgin part and the beginning and stuff, but all in all i liked it =] esp the scenes with nicole kidman and ewan mcgregor. ooh la la~ they can sing. =] so yeah~ by the time that was over it was like 5 and kristy and i were trying to wake roy up to go home. and i thought it'd be clever if we pulled on one of his leg hairs to get his lazy posterior up. too bad he was already awake and when we pulled he sat up and screamed and scared the CRAP out of me. augggggh. my heart couldn't stop pounding. freakin roy >:[ and THEN... a little later when we were again trying to get him up he scared us again. =[ stupid punk. so naturally i had to regulate on this idiotic fool by pummeling him with pillows and heads of animal pillows. i got home around like 8:30 in the morning and was like hmm~ i'm gonna take a nap until 12 so i can go to price club. but too bad karen called and disrupted my slumber at 11 so that we could go to price club together. man~ it was so hard to get up. but rather than face her wrath i somehow managed and off we went to price club where i got gas and dropped off rob's pics. it was a disappointing trip however cuz i expected my pictures to be back but they weren't available yet. =[ and then we stopped by ranch 99 where karen went buck wild analyzing different types of dooboo so that she could make this dish that she says is delicious. she even went to the lengths of calling her dad up to ask what kinda dooboo is good. something bout it being silken, soft, not firm, blah blah. crajee stuff. but yeah~ so after that we went back to berkeley where we picked up roy, kristy, and rob and went to jelly belly factory.

so i was designated driver, which was cool cuz i like to drive. =] but then... i think it's in my nature or something but we got into yet another misadventure. man~ this happens everytime i go somewhere. the addition of insane traffic, the fact that we got lost, and that time was running out before the factory tour would close made my head hurt incredibly. but miraculously, we made it on time and it was fun watching how the jelly bellys get formed and stuff. i bought a bertie's botts every flavor jelly bean bag and bought a few bags of belly flops [the retarded jelly bellys] for andy chon and myself. i love jelly bellys. their colors are immensely fascinating. =]

today was quite fun cept for this pounding headyache i have now and the fact that i have work till stinkin 10. btw... there is not one single resident in here at the moment. oh wait... jk one just came in. =P luckily that big mob of indians haven't come in yet and i hope they aren't planning to today cuz i'm not really in the mood to be patient with them. hehe. and then tonight i still gotta finish unpacking and start studying for my freakin midterm on monday. eek. i calculated how much reading i have and its about 200 pages. oh joy.

i'm pooped. so i'm gonna play some more spider solitaire now. hehe. you should see me and my co-worker chiyo. that's literally alllll we do on shift. but all good. i'm not complaining at all. =P

have a nice weekend everyone. =]

aigoo~ i just dozed off... ugh~ just 2.5 more hours to go...

man~ the only time i have to update is at work... and it's ironic cuz that's when i should be occupied with helping the international students who cannot speak english and who i have to make repeat their questions ten times before understanding. so i get all happy and excited and read other people's blogs only to find out that they themselves have not updated at all... so i get sad. =[ boo. the only person that seems to consistently update is billy but then i don't even know if i should be reading his blog so i can't tell him how grateful i am to have his blog to read when i'm dying of boredom at work. not to say that that's the only time i'd read his blog cuz i really do read it often it's just that these days with so much other stuff going on this is the only time i get to read people's blogs. ... shut up jayne? ooh i think i will =T

so i missed class again today... *SIGH* that's two out of three days that i've missed class. i kno i kno... i'm a freakin moronic fool. man... i shoulda gone to class last tuesday... but i was so stinkin tired after our lil rendezvous at piedmont with kwan, karen, roy, roach. so of COURSE that day i missed class the professor goes and changes the stinkin room number... augh. so today i went to 166 barrows only to find that the class size has shrunken by at like 60% and that the prof has changed from a white man to an asian man. anyways... i guess this other dude wasn't at lecture either cuz he got up and left after asking someone if this was ls 160. this chick said that it wasn't and it moved to 141 leconte. so i left too and walked to leconte where i roamed up and down all of leconte looking for the room and finally, in despair, i gave up discovering that the stupid room number doesn't exist at all. so i went back to capri and looked it up online and saw that the room number is actually 141 mccone. FREAKIN. what a horrid day. i feel like kicking myself in the (_I_). blah. so then i ate to comfort myself and went to berkeley bowl with kristy and karen and then ate again at kristy's and watched charlie's angels and then came here. unproductive day what?? =P

last night was my first night at capri. karen and i ate dinner with sammy, rob, and danny and then i went home... where it was cold, dark, and smelly. gosh, it felt weird and it was kinda lonely and scary too cuz i was all by myself in this new place. =[ but then i was talking to eugene online and he made me feel so much more better by his caring and thoughtful comments on how sad of a childhood i have had cuz i've never played monopoly in my life. yes... eugene has always had the knack for saying the right thing at the right time. =P

so i am at work again... and there's nothing to do cuz everyone's watching the laker game. i officially moved out last nite and spent the night at karen's. haha i feel so bad cuz karen and roy have been helping me move and i have SOOO much stinkin stuff... and everything's all bulky and heavy too... ahahaha i'm surprised roy hasn't had a hernia or something with all the crap he's had to carry for me. =T mi yan roy... hehe. but yeah... man~ so everyday i've been bummin around... i haven't done anything productive all week. it feels weird. hahaha it's funny cuz me and roy keep trying to watch ocean's eleven on karen's playstation but we keep falling asleep during it. the first night we tried we fell asleep thirty minutes into it, like right when george clooney was introducing the plan to everyone and last night, i have no idea when i fell asleep... i think it was about 15 minutes from that point... like i remember i was like ooh~ i can close my eyes and listen and at one point i opened my eyes and saw julie roberts and then i closed my eyes again... and then i woke up at like 9 to hear karen and roy talking and karen frantically getting ready to go to class. hahaha. eww. i feel like such a bum =T

i'm at work right now and i was pretty dang bored so i was reading other people's blogs, realizing that many people don't update... ie. roy, who used to update fervently hasn't done so since sunday... *gasp* hehe. that's when i realized that i should update mine... even though not much has happened or anything.

so my 36 hour trip at home was quite fun cuz i got to see my parents =] the drive up by myself wasn't too bad either cept for the times i kept dozing off... but even then that was oki cuz i had sy to call who was driving home at the same time i was driving up to cal. we were gonna meet up together to grab lunch but we didn't know the exits too well so we ended up driving past each other... haha i actually saw her across the freeway driving by me... i was talking to her on the phone and i saw her and started yelling incomprehensible gibberish in my excitement and then we drove by each other. but it was so sad cuz i'm not gonna see sy all summer cuz she's off frolicking about in japan. lucky poop. anyways... so i drove up and made it in time for potluck which was fun cuz a lot of people were there and there was a lot of good food. then i had to leave to help my sis move out of the dorms and then went back to capri for my old sg sleepover. and then my parents came up the next day and i started packing/moving my sis's stuff and my stuff to capri. and then summer school started on tuesday. i'm taking this legal studies class and it seems pretty interesting cept barrows is nice and warm in the morning so i kept conking out. and then i went to senior reception which was really fun. =] and then kwan, roach, kristy, roy, karen, my sis and i played all night. we were playing spoons and whoever got three outs had to make breakfast for everyone else and course roy naturally was the first one to get out. ahahaha. and then my sis and then kwan. but yeah~ so we had this yummmmy breakfast at karen's cuz roy cooks, and kwan cooks and karen cooks... so i ate very well. =] and naturally i didn't make it to my lecture the following day at 10am. =[ i'm a poop. i can't believe i missed the second day of class. but yeah~ and so that was yesterday and i pretty much farted around, took karen and roy to safeway, packed and moved more junk to capri and then progressed to move my stuff to karen's place cuz i have way too much junk. and today, i met with my future landlord, gave him my deposit, grubbed at alameda, watched most of clueless, am currently at work, and now i must go home and pack the rest of my stuff. aigoooooo. haha side comment: i realize that there's no one really to play with up here right now... everyone pretty much disappeared after reception ended. poop. so i've been seeing a LOT of karen and roy these days... actually every day... which is fine with me cuz i like karen. roy, however, is kinda questionable... especially around 3am when he gets freakin psychotic. hahaha i'm kidding roy... =P

ooh~ it's been a while since i've updated. it's kinda crajee looking back and seeing that almost a week has already gone by... haha i know there's times when i'm like i HAVE to write this in my blog cuz i wanna remember this, and then i forget about it cuz i get caught up in other things, until nice people like roy randomly remind me to update cuz it's been days. life's ironic.

so woohoo~ now that finals are done i can write lots and lots and hopefully remember the good things that have had happened this past week or so. in no particular order:
1. finished the yearbook cd i've been working on forever for work... i didn't think it turned out that great but my supervisor sent out this incredibly nice email thanking us and saying how great the cd was and how we made her first year here so great and how she's gonna cherish memories... so i'm happy =D i was all hating it when i was doing it, but seeing how happy it makes other people makes all the time and crap i dealt with totally worth it... =]
2. finals are done. *sigh* i guess i could say that i'm glad they're over but already knowing beforehand that i took all my finals without my full intellectual capabilities and the fact that i could have done better in them is kind of discouraging. i feel like i cheated myself out of doing well in my classes. but who's to blame except myself... *shrug* life goes on...
3. embarassing moment: from all my fellow ca workers, we have one, single white guy called rob. ealier this week i was in the cc working on the yearbook and i was all focused on the computer screen and in the corner of my peripheral vision i see rob sitting across from me, looking at his computer screen and facing me. so i'm like hey rob~ what time do you work till tonite? but i only looked up after i said that... so i look up straight into this random white resident's eyes and the word 'tonite' just kinda fades away and i sat there gawking at this white guy totally not rob. so to cover up i was like 'oh~ i'm not talking to you' and i was all cheery and stuff, which i'm sure made me sound like an even bigger idiot cuz there was no one else i could have possibly been talking to cuz the white guy was alone in a corner and he had a periphery of three empty seats around him. and to make things worse, my co-worker overhears the entire thing and looks at me in utter disgust and is like 'omg jayne... again?' eek. mortified, i ran out of the cc and just stood outside for like 5 min before i regained my composure. *sigh* i need to learn how to differentiate amongst the white people. =/
4. after failing my two finals wed, i was totally bummed and feeling gross cuz i hadn't showered [at which point kristy was proud of me cuz i was no longer a "shower princess"... she likes being dirty... go figure] and eaten since 6am earlier that day. so i didn't really wanna play and watch star wars. but yeah... kristy and roy convinced me to go and now i'm glad i went cuz it was fun again and i got to laugh a lot =] after the movie we ate at denny's where we grubbed and i was reminded yet again of how much fun it is laughing at roy. oh... and now i'm thinking of the monstrosity of roy's eating abilites... =] and then we went to my place and played cards and did tricks like when jeanne did these fortunes on roy and 4 different chickies... most interesting. =P and then everyone left and karen and i watched stepmom, cept i fell asleep for 1.5 hrs of it and woke up just in time to see the end at which point karen and i got all drippy and weepy... that movie is so good =T and then we did some talking which was great cuz i haven't talked to her for a while... =]
5. i went to my work today at haviland for the last time this semester. i really hadn't thought much of it, but when i came in my boss lady bought me this yummy fruit tart thingie cuz it was my last day of work and stuff. and then it kinda hit me... i've been working here for an entire year now, and i've gotten pretty attached to my bosses and i got kinda sad cuz i won't see them like everyday during the summer... =[
6. now i'm at home sweet home. =] i love it here... and it was fun talking to my parents. my mom and i were on her bed poking jer-jer together and discussing how cute he is. hehe. too bad i didn't get to really talk to her yet cuz the majority of the night was spent talking to both my parents about what i should for housing this summer... eesh.
7. i had this really fun convo online with sy tonite... it was weird, cuz when i was about to leave for the airport she was like 'whoa... this the last time i'm prob gonna see you as my roomie and the last time i'm gonna see you all summer'. =[ man~ i didn't even think about it like that and it made me so sad cuz i was late and was rushing to pack, so i couldn't even enjoy my last moments with her. =[ but we had this random convo online and talking to her made me realize that sy is probably one of the few people i can be completely open with... gosh she can be a punk sometimes but overall she's pretty dang awesome. =D

Kpxgrlx012 (12:23:55 AM): ooh~ and u have the whole place to urself
Kpxgrlx012 (12:23:59 AM): that must be totally nice
sKitZzLe16 (12:24:01 AM): yah
sKitZzLe16 (12:24:02 AM): it's ok
sKitZzLe16 (12:24:06 AM): but when i need to vent
sKitZzLe16 (12:24:09 AM): no one here to vent to
Kpxgrlx012 (12:24:13 AM): awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
Kpxgrlx012 (12:24:15 AM): I AM HERE!
sKitZzLe16 (12:24:24 AM): your so not fun venting to online
sKitZzLe16 (12:24:27 AM): much better in person
sKitZzLe16 (12:24:31 AM): =D
sKitZzLe16 (12:24:32 AM): haha
sKitZzLe16 (12:24:39 AM): that was me missing you for like a second
sKitZzLe16 (12:24:43 AM): then i got over it =D

i've slept a total of 1.5 hours since i woke up on tuesday, the 21st, at noon. that's 61.5 hours i've been awake. time to sleep. 99.

my mom just woke up for seh byuk gi do. her strength is simply amazing.

oh WOW... today was majorly fun today. =] i just came back from playing with roy, kristy, sewon, karen, lil jenny, and margaret... incredibly fun cuz we went to treasure island at 4 and then sang praise songs and then ate at ihop's. yah~ it was well worth it cuz i rarely get to spend time with margaret... even though she's my prayer partner =/ and i got to spend even more time with the other people too...so it was fun cramming 7 of us into sewon's lil corolla and just taking off... i think everyone was sick of the library and studying so it was fun how we just got up and left all randomly like that... =]

so yeah~ at first we went to treasure island and it was so incredibly beautiful looking at the bay bridge and the city skyline. too bad it was so windy that my eyes were blown shut half the time but what i did see was seriously awesome... it took my breath away. so then we wandered around on private property trying to get to the best possible location to see the bridge, all the while taking massive amounts of pictures. and then we ended up at the treasure island naval base and roy busted out his guitar and we sang for a while until his poor fingers were purple-blue. =T bul ssang han roy. we always use and abuse him. but yeah~ by this time the sun rose and it was soooooo beautiful, the sun streaming in through the clouds and reflecting off the water and stuff... i don't know. and instead of going home sewon came up with the genius idea of eating breakfast at ihop, so we went into the city. so that was fun too cuz everyone was grubbing cept me cuz i was gonna have breakfast with my roomies and my ex-romie michelle. we were all laughing and just talking and i think the highlight was definitely watching roy. like all of a sudden he got FREAKIN weird and psychotic. ahaha he's hilarious... i think it was cuz of delirium or mebbe the fact that he thought his omelette was spiked, but he was doing crazy things like talking to his omelette saying "ooh i hate you... i'm gonna eat you" and other ramblings like that. it was almost like he had a good buzz going on cuz he was all laughing and his eyes were all squinty and he was turning red. =] although i was slightly repulsed by his ugliness... the whole thing was quite fun and enjoyable. ahahaha. jk roy. you could never repulse me. =D and afterwards on the way home we were telling jokes and here's one i thought was FREAKIN hilarious: What do you call a Mexican who is baptized? *Bean Dip!* AHAHAHAHHAA LOL =D ... actually hmm~ now that i rewrite it, it's not that funny. mebbe it was the way it was said. =T

but anyways... i loved this morning. thanks guys for the laughs and the good memories. fo sho we gotta do this again like after finals. but i think the memorable part of it was cuz we did this during finals, while everyone was being stressed and going crazy. makes the time we spend together more worthwhile i think. =] study hard play hard. i think that was the general concensus in the car. can't wait for another escapade... next time though, i think we should spend some time talking and sharing more... that way~ we can really get to know each other better. =T hehe. i'm already envisioning where/what we'll do next... hehe

k... i gg showa now so that i can eat breakfast with my roomies. yum yum~ i am excited. =D

btw~ i do NOT hate roy and i am NOT cranky in the morning... really... come on now... don't hate =P

.:roy's ability to play the guitar is amazing... i get truly blessed whenever i hear him play. God has graced him with some awesome skills:.

it is amazing how much hair i shed in the shower... especially when i get stressed out. it's kinda gross looking at that huge dense clump of hair.

it's also amazing how incredibly screwed i am, and how i am still on page 4 out of 26 in memorizing for my ling final... >:[

*sigh* nah molla.

updating really quickly...

i'm so stressed right now i don't know what to do... it's the point where your tummy is all tight and your heart beats all fast and you get shaky and stuff... man~ this madness has to end soon... aigoo. =[ but anyways~ off i go to denny's again to cram for ling... eek.

here's some stuff i've been thinking about: time goes by way too quickly so i need to make the most of each situation. there are so many people that i still don't know that i want to get to know better or people that i've just recently started talking to. i gotta live life more to its full potential and without regret. and most importantly, everything is done in accordance to God's will so i need to live by faith. =T

k roy... i updated. hope you get some rest. =]

hello bloggie thingie of mine... i don't even know why i'm updating right now when i'm half asleep and freaking tired. or i should be doing my paper or studying for my finals instead... *sigh* so today... i spent 11.5 hours at the unit 3 cc working on this yearbook cd that i'm in charge of. oops... 10.5 cuz for an hour i stepped out and got jack in the crack with sewon, kristy, eugenius, and danny. that was exciting cuz i got to see eugene's thigh. =P haha that sounds raunchetta but oh wells. yeah... so the entire day was spent on that. and the sad thing is that there's so much more left... i think we're only half-way done or so. however... i did learn some html and the page i made looks quite spiffy so that serves little compensation for the entire day...

and yesterday was the end of the year ficb picnic.oh dang, that feels like forever ago. but yeah~ it was pretty fun i guess cept i drank soda and was gassy for the rest of the night. i think the highlight was just getting out of berkeley for a while... like i know when we were driving to the reservoir the road was so nice and curvy and there were trees and stuff... i dunno. i just remember that it was really nice and i felt like we were going to this place far far away from everything. it was a lovely feeling. and then that night i was over at kristy and sewon's studying which totally ended up not happening. it was me, roy, karen, kristy, and sewon and from 3 to about 630 in the morning we were just playing and singing and dancing and etc. wow. i think i got a good ten minutes of studying done the entire night. but yeah... it was cool cuz sewon was like hey toy~ play the guitar and let's sing... and we ended up doing that for a little more than an hour or so. but it was weird... cuz everyone was singing except me. and i don't know really why i wasn't... but i know that i was feeling all these different emotions at that time, so i suppose that in some way was why i didn't. so while roy and etc were singing and praising... i was sitting there totally blown away by how incredibly talented each karen, roy, sewon, and kristy are. they each have such beautiful voices and what i'm trying to say isn't about how well they can sing or not... but i was just reminded of how God has given them such great gifts in each of their lives. and it just made me wonder... it was so encouraging listening to them and it was amazing what i felt that night... and i was wondering if that would ever happen to me... like what possible talent i possess that would be able to show God's love to everyone else...? i'm not saying singing/playing guitar well are the only qualities that roy, karen, sewon, and kristy possess either... i can see so many strengths in each of them and i felt so blessed to just sit there and listen... anyways, i dunno if this is even making sense. so i think i'll shut up now before i look like a bigger dummy.

good nite.

AUGGGGGGGGGGGH i freakin spent like 30 min on this particular blog and it just got erased. ARGGGGGH talk about discouraging. but i'm gonna try and recap as much as possible cuz i had a lot to say.

last night i went to cache creek with sy and ylee. we left at like midnight and came back around 6am this morning. it was pretty crajee and i'm totally feeling the consequences of it today. but no regrets cuz i needed to get out berkeley and just leave for a while. and it was cool cuz me sy and ylee were talking on the way to cache creek and i got to see another glimpse of the enigmatic life of ylee. he's a very interesting fellow with all sorts of thought-provoking questions that make you really think. we spent a while talking about relationships and it was interesting cuz i saw the "non-Christian" view on dating.

i dunno why but i'm pretty much hating life these days. not to be mean and sadistic and all... but it makes me feel better to know that i'm not alone in feeling like this. it's kinda comforting to know that i'm not the only one in the world sitting at home, just hating life and school. i had lunch with judy and karen today and they were saying how ironic it was cuz last night they were also at home thinking how much they're sick of everything too. and roy, who wishes that Jesus would come, doesn't seem to be enjoying life very much either. *sigh* i wish we could have all collectively gone somewhere and hated life together. that might have been fun. but yeah, i need to find a place where i can go to whenever i feel like crap and need to vent or think or clear my head. i wanna check out lawrence hall someday soon. sy and ylee said that the view there is awesome... and it's a place where you can just go to sit, look, and think. ooh... if/when i get a car i can't to just drive all over the world. i miss driving so incredibly much. mmm... i'm getting back some good memories. =T but yeah... until then, i need something to keep me going for the next couple weeks. *sigh* so if you think of something... let me know.

i did something very unlike-me today. i dunno really how to explain the feeling except it was like that tense/anxious feeling you get when you're scared about something, and that kinda relieved feeling when you've finally confronted what you were scared about. =T hahaha and what's kinda sad is that although i feel like this is a quasi big deal, i know that to everyone else it's very minute. =T but oh wells. i'm proud of me. *pat pat* on the back for me. but what i can't figure out is the reasoning behind my actions. i can't figure out if what i did was because i don't care anymore or if it was because i care too much. ... but i think i'll think about that later.

i'm pooped. i wanna sleep. so i will. good nite.

ugh. these next couple of weeks are going to be hell. so ever since i came back from work today, i've been sitting on my (_I_) in front of the computer wasting time cuz i don't wanna do anything. i kno that instead of freakin wasting time by complaining about everything i have to do, i should just do it, but right now, i just have no idea where to start cuz i feel way too bombarded by everything. i wish i could sleep forever and wake up to find that everything has resolved itself and i don't have to think about anything.

arggggggggggggggh. aiite forget this. i gotta get out of berkeley. i'm going crajee. ;lsdfk;safjs;adlfkjasdfkljasldf;kjsdf

i've been feeling stressed these past few days. which i know i do all the time, but i think more so than usual. i just have so much on my mind and things i gotta figure out. i've been getting that overwhelmed feeling again... that feeling where you're just swamped with so many different things to do and you aren't acheiving anything so you kinda just give up and float around in your own nastiness and problems. there's just so many things i gotta figure out... like about moving out, what classes to take, work, awana/children's ministry, my future, my goals, my regrets... ugh. i really really wish i could go home right about now... =[

arggggh. how annoying. i tried to post my initial blog and it didn't work. =[ but anyways, it's actually been a while since i've last written in here and i've actually forgotten about it cuz of everything i had to do. but thanks roy for reminding me so eloquently that i should update:

b o y 52: update your blog!!
b o y 52: lazy (__|__)!

ahahahha you crack me up. =D
i had more to say but now that it's erased i guess i'm not in the mood to rewrite everything again. *yawn* i've been functioning off of about 3-4 hours of sleep since last wednesday so my brain is pretty mushy right now... so to my one avid reader i will update with something interesting tomorrow. =T and i wanted to apologize for last night: i guess i thought what i was doing was right, but now i'm thinking that mebbe it wasn't. sorry for that. eek. i am confused. so i sleep. good nite.

people tell me that whenever they see me i look sad or tired or depressed or that i have a lot on my mind... whoa. i didn't know that my face was so expressive. but anyways, i resolve to be a much happier person. so if you see me and i look like any of the aforementioned, i give you permission to sock me and tell me to be happy and smile.

Prayer is amazing. i am only now begining to realize how much power a simple prayer can have.
of all people my sister had this on her away messagey:

"Prayer is man's greatest means of trapping the infinite resources of God." - J. Edgar Hoover

and i saw this on roy's profile:

"When the world pushes you to your knees... You're in the perfect position to pray."

wow. =]

hehe so i thought this was kinda trippy so i'm going to stick this in here... RIGHT when i was about to start writing in this roy asks me if i had one. i guess this is a big deal cuz no one really knows bout this so it was odd that he asked me out of the blue like that... haha how crajee. but i am glad that he asked. cuz now i know i have a reader =P

b o y 52: do you keep a blogspot?
Kpxgrlx012: yeah
Kpxgrlx012: how weirrrrrrrrrrrd
Kpxgrlx012: i was just about to update it
Kpxgrlx012: ahaha lol
b o y 52: you have one??
Kpxgrlx012: do u have one?
b o y 52: wats the addie
b o y 52: hahah kinda
Kpxgrlx012: u do??
b o y 52: i didnt tell anyone..you will be teh first
Kpxgrlx012: whats urs??
b o y 52: royboy.blogspot.com
Kpxgrlx012: i only told one other persion mine
Kpxgrlx012: ahahah
b o y 52: yea, but i didnt put anything much on it..really
b o y 52: wats yorus?
Kpxgrlx012: jahndee.blogspot.com
Kpxgrlx012: mines kinda retarded too
Kpxgrlx012: i think i like reading peoples better
b o y 52: wow
b o y 52: you wrote a lot
b o y 52: !
Kpxgrlx012: i kno
Kpxgrlx012: =[
Kpxgrlx012: sorrie
b o y 52: and only one other person knows this?
Kpxgrlx012: ahahha yeah~
Kpxgrlx012: i feel weird telling people
Kpxgrlx012: like why would they wanna read stupid stuff bout me
Kpxgrlx012: ahahaha u have nothing
Kpxgrlx012: =D
b o y 52: its good to share things in your life..i think thats wat attracts people
b o y 52: yep
b o y 52: i have absolutely nothing!
Kpxgrlx012: ahaahah
Kpxgrlx012: =]
Kpxgrlx012: roy's oh boy bloggoy???
Kpxgrlx012: ahahahaha

ooh. today was unforgettable. thank you again to the awesome guys in our class for such a wonderful sister's appreciation brunch. i've never been appreciated before, well not like i deserve this or anything but yeah... at my old church i couldn't have ever thought something like this was possible; the girls were completely segregated from the guys... and maybe that was our fault, but we never really had the opportunity to get to know the guys in our class in the brother/sister in Christ context. i remember freshmen year up here when i heard people speaking like that i was so thrown off cuz it sounded so incredibly "holy." i didn't know people would consciously speak about each other like that. =T but anyways, this day was totally special for me. =] wow. ahaha i can't get this stupid dumb grin off my face whenever i think about earlier. =] today just totally made me feel special... which sounds kinda pathetic on my part i know, but in all honesty, since spring break, i've been doing a lot of doubting and questioning and wondering about various aspects of my life... and i guess i've reached a point where i can really care less about what happens to me, and it's so easy for me to just simply give up. and seeing everything today, and how the guys were so nice and thoughtful, just made me realize that there's always something that God places in my life that i can be thankful about and have joy in. at this moment, i truly thank God for our awesome class, and especially how generous and caring the guys are... today was incredibly touching, and all i can say is that i am truly blessed to know each of our guys. thank you again. =T

yeah so eww. i just read my blog from earlier this morning and i sound like a freakin babo. oh wells. anyways~ so i haven't slept since 2pm yesterday, and sewon calculated that to be about 36 hours now. wow. that's pretty crajee especially if you know how much i cherish sleeping. =T and what's weirder is that even though i'm pretty dang tired, i'm not at the same time cuz i have so much on my mind... it's been a pretty memorable day today... cuz of some stuff i've just been thinking about a lot [which is always kinda dangerous], and just reflecting a bit on my life.

i realize how crappy of a friend i can be at times and it makes me so incredibly disgusted with myself. one of my roomies is going through a very difficult time, and i feel so helpless cuz i feel like i can't do anything to make it better. and i realized that even though we have issues and stuff... in the long run it's all so freakin insignificant... which totally makes me wish that i was capable of kicking myself in the ass cuz i realize how consumed i get by petty little things. kim had this away messagey up and in it she pasted up part of a convo i guess she and kyung had and what kyung said just totally shook me. it was something like this... "it's just one day out of 365... and supposing you live to be 70 years old, it's 365x70= 25550 days... so this one day in regards to your entire life is a mere fraction of 3.914x10^-5." wow. that's such a stinkin tiny miniscule part of my entire life, and yet at the moment that's all that matters. i mean, there is always that chance that even something as small a number as that can play a significant change in your life; but reading that got me thinking how much of my life has been wasted focusing on such petty problems. and like deborah said when she was sharing about charparral house and what the elderly woman told her about how when you reflect on life at her age... you don't remember things like midterms and classes, but instead you remember the truly happy and important moments in your life. i guess it's kinda like you strain your memory through a collander and only save the chunky portions that were too large to be drained out. those chunky things are the stuff to be remembered; the rest that just went straight through the collander shows how little substance and value it had. i gotta start filtering all the stuff i deal with and remember to focus on what's important. though i constantly gripe about my issues, sometimes in regards to my roomie, i realized today that i need to stop with all the pettiness and remember that i am her friend. in the end, that is all that matters... she's been there when i needed her and now it's my turn to do the same for her. yes...

ugh. i know i have a lot more to say, but i'm feeling the effects of my insomnia, and the letters on my ugly monitor screen are blurring together. i wish i had selective amnesia. there's a lot of junk that needs to be forgotten about that's only been weighing me down all this time... now wouldn't that be nice?

yay... i finally finished my stupid linguistics paper that all those boys already finished hours and hours ago. =[ ugh, now i have korean hw to do and have to still study for today's test... poop. hahaha i think it's funny how caffeine makes me so gassy. it was like continuous releasing of toxic methane gas orally and anally for the majority of the night... more orally though... ahahahha i crack myself up =P anyways... i am seriously wanting to sleep right now, but i definitely cannot cuz then i'll conk out and miss korean again for the hundredth time... *sniff* i think i've missed about ten times now, so that's fifty points go bye bye. =[ sometimes i wish there were more hours in the day... there's so much freakin stuff to do, and i always run out of time. but then, that's probably my own stupid fault for wasting time... but since i am partial to myself, i still wish we had more time. =] this is fun; i feel like i'm talking to myself, but i'm not. and now that i typed that im staring quizzically at it. oki, now i'm over it. time to do hangook hak gyu sook jae.

ooh the simple joys of taking a ddong. =D i remember i read off of this guy's profile that "there's no pleasure more overrated than having sex and underrated as taking a crap..." or something to that effect. hahaha how true though. i feel thoroughly content with myself when i take a satisfying ddong. it's exciting, really, to be quite honest. but earlier today it was not that exciting. i do not like pebbles. however, this one was very invigorating. i feel indeed refreshed. =]

i shall continue this lil spiel later.