Men and their incompetency to pack. Otter pops. Abominable weather. Oreo Blender Blast. It begins today, I say.

Today's 10 things to be happy about:

1. A blue Le Creuset casserole
2. Sitting in a tree house
3. A just-jeans day
4. Colorful street markets
5. Picking apples
6. Clarifying your priorities
7. Salt air blowing through open windows
8. Admiring someone�s bookshelves
9. Pavarotti�s greatest hits
10. A dark autumn evening

The history section at Borders. The night air. A despondent heart. Matilda. To lead a purposeful life. I feel like crying these days.

Lunner with Carolina. "Grotto." One cherry only. Monaco, Morocco, Monte Carlo. Andrew Chon, John Song, Jason Higgins, and Aaron. Yvette and I are hot commodities. Being prude to the core. Cartilage piercings. A talented artist and a beautiful photographer. Deep appreciation for smart and intelligent guys. Green apples. All the firsts: kisses, crushes, loves, boyfriends, and sexual experiences. The importance of how a guy hugs you. Loving the simple things that life offers. Truth and Kings. To the past, the present, and the future. Let us live happily ever after.

"Lift your eyes and look to the heavens:
Who created all these?
He who brings out the starry host one by one,
and calls them each by name.
Because of his great power and mighty strength,
not one of them is missing."
Isaiah 40:26

"We gather strength from sadness and from pain... Each time we die we learn to live again."

Nessun maggior dolore,
Che ricordarsi del tempo felice
Nella miseria.
-Dante

Rubio's. I'm A Manatee. Getting lost amongst children's books. Aimless walks in the still of the night.

.:I called because I've missed the sound of your voice:.

The tingly feeling in the pit of your stomach during that initial conversation with a boy. The unraveling of a sad story. A spontaneous and wonderful talk with a good friend. Being blessed and rebuked at the same time. Perplexity at being a "beacon." Six final options.

"Welcome back, walls."

I know now what I need to do.

Look not at what you have lost, but at what you have left.



No more "What If?" questions...



... at least for this moment.

Great weather. A Cuppa Tea. Sewon and I are dang funny. Tiramisu and Hummus. My thankful heart. Getting things done... my way.

Animal style and animal style. Babies. Music.


.:Otter Pops. You spoil me:.

"Life brings simple pleasures to us every day. It is up to us to make them wonderful memories." -Cathy Allen.



All in all, I'm loving every rise and every fall.

A lot of good me time. 25% Heroes Discount. Sweet pickles. Teahouses and cafes. Orion's Belt.


"The remedy is the experience. It is a dangerous liaison.
I say the comedy is that its serious. Which is a strange enough new play on words,
I say the tragedy is how you're gonna spend the rest of your nights with the light on,
So shine the light on all of your friends because it all amounts to nothing in the end.

I won't worry my life away.
I won't worry my life away."
-The Remedy by Jason Mraz.

An unforgettable happy and sad night.


To rainy days, the 510, the fat guys, our senior year, and the best ddong I've had in the longest time.


Damn, I need the rain.

"Fresh page, new pen
Where do I begin
Words fail, tears come
I need someone
To take the thoughts I almost think
And carry them to God for me

Deep breath, exhale
Breathe in deeper still
Long sigh, I�m still numb
Is there anyone
Who can find the things I�m barely feeling
And give them wings beyond my ceiling?

Right heart, wrong place
It�s too far to outer space
Sorry, I forgot, You�re right here
I cup my hands around Your ear
I feel you smile, You feel my breath
You listen while I whisper nonsense

Simple exchange
Your will, I�m changed
And now my prayer ends
Thank You, Amen."
-My Prayer by Chris Rice.


.:My favorite popsicle. Thank you:.

Only time will tell.

Being a doormat friend. A light drizzle. Bumblebees, daisies, roses, and Bloak. A British accent. Sick and tired of them all. Hpnotiq. Bruises from intense scratching.

"It feels like my crotch is on fire."

It's happening already.

I DO eat a lot. High school memories associated with a Rubik's Cube. Pastor Eugene is like an anorexic girl.

Today's 10 things to be happy about:

1. All the shades of a forest
2. A standing ovation
3. Bubblegum
4. Bach cantatas
5. Potluck suppers
6. A long day of drizzle
7. A night of backyard astronomy
8. Watching your all-time favorite films again
9. No marks left by a Band-Aid
10. Greeting cards made by kids

Now 32.

Heidi likes to lick my face. 28.

Fat Guy Sewon: "Ooh, what book is that you're carrying? It looks so interesting."

Me: "It's a Pillsbury Devil's Food Cake Mix box."

A random stranger going out of his way to open the door.


.:Your unnecessary concern shows the extent of how much you care. Thank you:.

"You give to God your most prized and very best." -Professor Blaise.

Intermezzio Chef's salad with Peggy. Daruma's with Nancy. Yogurt Park. Chinese with the boys. Thumper. Actually being inside Capri 109 without Andy there. Butterflies.

Cinnamon sugar pretzels. Tripe, tendon, and cilantro. Last summer memories. Guys' insightful perceptions on relationships. Slow jams. Ice cream cones the way they should be. "Shake, shake, shake."

"Ranch 99 Till We Die."

I wish I was Mary Poppins and had the ability to jump into pictures.

Scandia Fun Center. Car ride ruined by Andrew Chon. Wendy's Frosty. Andy, Kwansoo, and Eugene as excited lil kids in the arcades. Retarded X-Men screen. Police 911-2. Sucking badly at shooting games. Lots of tickets. Exceptionally great mini-golfers. Nancy's crankiness when she's hungry. HOT weather. Go-cart racing. Water-filled bellies.

Realizing everything all of a sudden. It's like a whirlwind.

God will call you to die to anything you treasure.

Medley of instruments. Brief moment of happiness shrouded like the fog that encased Berkeley tonight. Near death experience showing me how precious life should be considered. Talk with Kevin about dying to our treasures. Mr. Holland's Opus.

I want to go to the beach.

Paul Hwang's Indian trance music imitation. Brazilian BBQ. Carwash fun. Eugene Shin makes the best Pizookie. Shoots and brooms.

Sorrentos twice in one day. Black and white inspirations. Plans to do something I have always wanted to do. Green tea ice cream. Berkeley Billiards. Five balls. Jane Moon and I have no game. Long, honest talks.

"So I had to put all my eggs in one basket." -Andrew Chon. =D

"One should never despise even the smallest specks in the universe. Those little specks in the sky... each of them is an immense world of its own. Each single one of all those millions is a sovereign world, a world that is not to be destroyed." -Nicholas Agi, The Swan.

"Big Bang." =]

A man in a wheelchair with his grandson on his lap. The love so evident in their eyes and smiles.

A new pj shirt. =D Winning a bet about Andy. Bringing Down the House. The Swan.

"I'm hungry." -Aunt Symphorosa.

Bruised and painful reminder of last night. The irony of being a cow. Pachabel-Canon in D Major(Piano) on repeat. Encouraging voice messages.

The beginning of the end. No expectations, just eager anticipation.

Let's do this.

Pomegranate. Reminiscing about first encounters and freshmen year. Bulging fingers. Sadness over a lost opportunity. Resorting to something stupid to forget that feeling. Being Kevin's drum. "���� ����մϴ�." Pastels and a white canvas.

Golden Gate Park. California Academy of Sciences and The Planetarium. A shimmering rainbow of butterflies. Surviving an attack by a groundhog. Exploration and aimless wandering. Discovering a wonderfully secret garden. Fat guy reunion.

Living by the grace of God.

Alice cutting my fingernails for me. Cassiopeia and Mars. Delirium while shredding chicken.

"Sola Christa."

Alice, Esther, Kwansoo, Andy. Chicken fat. Chunks of cheese. Talking with Alice. Imitation crab and Spam smelling hands. Esther's new recipes. Cell phones. Leathery flakes punctuated by pore holes.

"What are you looking forward to this month? Working with Jayne." =]

"Everybody loves Andy, Kwansoo, and Royee." Period.

"There are no great things, only small things with great love. Happy are those." �Mother Teresa.

"Today is called Jahndee's weather." =]

John wanting my spaghetti. =]

Being the oldest at dinner. The banner size. A kiwi is a hybrid of strawberries and bananas. Giraffes and zebras DO make hybrid animals.

Sucking at bowling and not being able to roll my tongue. Horrible conversation topics at Denny's. Choosing country fried potatoes covered and smothered over being mad at Andy. Charles, Andy, Esther, and Alice belting out Boys II Men songs. Andrew Chon's stubbornness and flakes.

dank IM91: and i had to do laundry
dank IM91: wearin my last undies rite now
dank IM91: u kno...that old crusty one way in the back of the drawer
dank IM91: HAHA
Kpxgrlx012: SICK
Kpxgrlx012: ahahahhaa
dank IM91: haha
dank IM91: u know u have one like that too
Kpxgrlx012: yeha
Kpxgrlx012: but they arent crusty

Being an action figure with five choice sayings. John becoming my new best friend after only three days.

S.W.A.T. Screaming at one point with Josei. 25th Hour.

Fifteen minute nap at Rob's. Kevin's incessant ugly picture taking of me. Slot machines. John's and my new game. Second sixteen hour workday. Craziest and funnest last shift ever. Being triple shifted. Lemon-flavored popsicles. Mascarpone Italian Cheese. H�agen-Dazs Vanilla Swiss Almond and Coffee ice cream. Talking to various inanimate objects. Lots and lots of laughter. Random trip to LBL to commemorate the night. Trying to find Cassiopeia. John considerately talking while peeing off the cliff. Two shooting stars. LBL itself. The butt warmers of John's Accord.

Thirteen boys and lucky me. The Stinger. John Yun's utter uselessness. "Let's biggity bounce, I'll stab you." Having my left boobie be scrutinized by John. Strawberry daiquiris. Honey BBQ Boneless Wings from KFC. The Tingler. Being treated extra special by the boys. Sixteen hours of work.

Satisfied cravings. Trung feeding me a peanut butter and grape jelly sandwich and ice cream with a chocolate cone.

It is taking me far longer than I originally believed.

The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears.

"Whatever happens will happen."

Pleasant surprises. Appeased fears. Trusting in God and God alone.

Suddenly feeling very sad.

Who knew that Nicholas Cage was in The Rock? A Heineken and blueberries.

Sausalito. Lampert's Ice Cream. Sudden sadness and emptiness.

Mentos from Kyrgystan. Old faces, fond memories. Number two, animal style with fresh onions.

"How Great You Are" by Vineyard.

Alcatraz Island. Coit Tower. Mini-doughnuts. Palace of Fine Arts during the daytime. It's red. Crustacean with garlic noodles and roast crab. Ice cream. =]

San Martin Presbyterian Church. 8/9/1904. Erick's DeliCafe. "Mommy, I'm starved!" Gilroy Premium Outlets.

Last summer small group. Sweet roses. Fresh Choice. Stealing muffins. Albany Bowl. Dancing as punishment. Nation's.

Pouring water on cereal. ��κ� in San Jose. �� and �ƺ�'s new protein diet. Aida. Going to the bathroom three times with ��. Going up the stairs seven times unloading the car. An ice chest crammed with meat. Jer-Jer claiming my bed as his.

Orange yellow roses. Bette's Oceanview Diner. Sad goodbyes. =[

Sunday worship. Heidi calling me ���. Chunky peanut butter.

VBS 2003: The King Is Coming!

���� marching up and down the hall. Royee teaching John Song and Danny Yoon to do three different types of pushups. Watching the kids shake their little booties during praise. Kids in their pj's. Kids saying the darnedest things. Royee's facial expression as he dropped an entire trashbag of water balloons. Kids asking the most thought provoking questions. Pass It On.

Being insanely excited over the dinner the parents prepared for us. Watching Mrs. Han and Mrs. Lee be cute friends. Watching Doori's mom start dancing. Falling for Dennis and Kwansoo's stupid lying. Laughing obnoxiously like ���ܸ�s and exchanging horror stories about braces.

The Thank you's and the Your welcome's. The simple beauty found in wide-eyed innocence.

Bad day suddenly turned much better.

Five hours later, and still the raucous burps.

The very first drop of rain. =]

Being one's Babushka. ����. The rumble of thunder and the crack of lightning.

A simply divine revelation: God does answer prayers.

Discovering things that I didn't care to know about. A reminder to keep my distance.

An amazing sunrise that words simply cannot describe.

Foreboding mountains shrouded by the silent grey-blue misty darkness.

"We are confronted with insurmountable opportunities." -Pogo.

Spontaneous lunch dates. An unexpected phone call.

bori: ill think of you while my mind is in the gutter

bori: i love you too too!
Kpxgrlx012: i will make a man out of you yet.

Inside-out.

Another new resolution: Work on the ESBN slideshow every Sunday night until completed.

A wonderful 27 hours of blessed small group fun.

"Small Group, we need to pay Rob back for the pizza, the food, and the tickets." -Albert Kae.

"A girl's best friend?" "Food."

She's not Mona, but she'll do. =]

I wish I was JOE BOXER.

"...We should never grow so old, or change so much, that we cannot find room in our hearts for the wisdom of children's books."-Judith Viorst, What the Dormouse Said.

Two Great American Burgers + 1 Whopper Jr. + 1 Double Cheeseburger + $0 = 4 very happy girls. Nation's banana cream pie. Never Been Kissed. Michael Vartan. Deliver Us From Eva. LL Cool J. Ongoing continuous discussion of food: Carnitas, Thai, sushi, ������, �κ�, Palace Buffet, desserts.

I've made some new vows for myself this summer.

Alex Hyun is a cheater. He is also stupid enough to leave something cooking on low heat and not realize it until four hours later.

"Music is about the only thing left that people don't fight over."

"The piano is the foundation, and that's it."

-Ray Charles, What I've Learned.

Today's a nice morning.

My Life.

"Say Hello, Dad."
"Hello."

We have a God-shaped hole in our hearts.

Life's little things do not steal away the joy, but instead help to affirm it.

Psalm 37:23-24.

���� and ����. Yellow watermelon. Twix Brownies. Sister Act.

Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines. Artery clogging 1/2 lb Hot Pockets and Pringles. Generalization of girls' reactions.

Sleeping with freshly washed sheets. =]

FicB picnic. Kristy and my inventive way of cutting watermelon while Karen and Kwansoo stood gawking. Very ugly and painful sunburn after holding the lifesaver tray for a mere 15 minutes. Sewon's ���ܸ� way of splashing water on herself.

Being locked in and then abandoned. Pier 39 for fireworks. Kevin's plaid shirt from the 8th grade. Royee's burnt, prominent proboscis. French fries and ketchup. Mini-doughnuts. Frigid, numbing wind. The picturesque sky. Basile's photos. Stupid bets. Jane Kim's sweatshirt pocket and arm. Girls huddling around Stephen. Oohing and aahing.

Kristy's race against the hordes of people. Criminal sister. Smelling Royee's armpit. Realization of how truly girlie Stephen is.

Dennys. Strawberry milkshake. Ice water. Scary movies. Unfortunate bad luck. Feeling so old with the little ones.

Aloe vera is my new best friend.

I was re-reading some of my old blog entries and I came across this quote that I took off Royee's aim profile.

"When the world pushes you to your knees... you're in the perfect position to pray."

I've changed. This quote now denotes a different and new meaning.

Kwansoo showed me his pictures from our Las Vegas trip and they made me happy. He then gave me some of his doubles and that made me happier.

My �� is amazing. I do not deserve anything that she does for me.

I will cling to whatever it was that made me care for you in the first place.

It's not even the first day and I feel like I've failed already. The worthless disappointment that I am. =[

Low clouds and misty gray fog. ���ö� ���. Worshipping with 1st, 1.5th, and 2nd generation Koreans. Simple praise songs sung in Korean revealing a much deeper meaning. Praising Him at the top of my lungs. It not being about what we will become, but about who we are right now before Him. It not being about how high on a hill we'll be at, but simply being the light right now. Being at peace for the first time in two weeks. Coming back and desperately wishing that this will not go away. Struggling to know who my real friends are. Sheepish feelings for writing lengthy and vulnerable emails to indifferent recipients.

Do people intentionally try to be jerks?

Cassiopeia.

Sometimes you just have to take risks. Otherwise you'll end up risking more.

-Walking at night. Being punished. Selfish trip to Treasure Island. Hung up phone call. Invisible cut on ankle.
-Palace of Fine Arts. Very illegal turns. Columns resembling those of the Vatican. Amazing reflection of the columns in the clear, dark water. Five swans. Hearts. Chicken carcasses. Little clouds.
-Cold bench. Moving star. Wandering skunk. 1st level, 2nd level, 3rd level. Are your 3rd level worriments only intended for God to know? Stupid humans with their stupid human concerns. Frozen toes and chattering teeth.
-LBL. One deer. Mood lightening with the sky. Rainbow haze. Begrudging assertion of particular friendship. Lion's head. A bear. An elephant's butt. God-given friends and stupid humans.

-Crowded streets. Dancing kids. Happy families. Having to decide where to sit.
-Shoe falling off. The Hulk. Hollywood Homicide. Golden Grahams. Laughing by myself.
-"How Do You Talk To An Angel?" by The Heights on repeat.

-Turtle Cake from Andronico's. Blue candles. Sewon's own green box from Tiffany & Co. "Marvelous Light" by Derek Webb.
-Analyze That. Performing 4 illegal driving maneuvers in approximately 3 minutes. Hitting the curb and parking in a space that was half-red. Ever-present favorite pen.
-Foot warmer and defroster combination. Big big muscles. Acrid nose hair-burning Chinese food. Being mad but not really. Snowboarding socks. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. Hot white guys. Tap water in bowls and tea. Mount Rushmore and playing pool. Infomercials. SNL and Conan.
-Old school episode of Batman and Robin. Cutout purple nose on Batman's black mask. Slow cars in high-speed chases. Hydraulic Trash Crusher. Penguin and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

Me: only if u marry [name of chick]
Person: that's not fair
Person: you get the better end of the deal
Person: hahhaha
Me: ooh
Me: im telling
Person: don't tell her i said that
Person: i'll die

Today's 10 things to be happy about:

1. jigsaw puzzle dust
2. a growing bonsai
3. lounging by a pool all weekend
4. barbecued food
5. plunging waterfalls
6. golf tournaments
7. the mutter of distant thunder
8. the ice cream truck
9. a spotless car*
10. a baby napping in the shade

*I loathe Solar Car Wash. Today was the worst car washing experience I have had in years.

...

-LBL trip. Trying to figure out the map of campus. The Big Dipper. Random little lights.
-Winning the third game of Monopoly I've ever played with approximately $12,000. Kwansoo throwing money at me like I was a prostitute. Feeling lonely like Scrooge must have felt. "These magic moments..."
-How Now Brown Cow.
-Bruised middle knuckle. Stinging papercut on pinky finger.
-Costco rendezvous. Hidden Valley Light Ranch Chicken Wrap with Guacamole.
-O'ding on excessive amounts of caffeine.
-Rib-eye steak. New York strip steak. Sirloin steak. Filet Mignon. Prime Rib.
-OG Korean music and memories. Dirty windows. Cold feet.
-Sudden sad mood swings and need for contemplation and solace.

sUrf c l o u d 9: i'm having this stpuid mere exposure effect with you guys
sUrf c l o u d 9: i used to be fine alone
sUrf c l o u d 9: and now i'm attached and must see you guys everyda
sUrf c l o u d 9: that's sick
jAhNdEeShEkKi: AHAHAHAHA
sUrf c l o u d 9: how hopelessly dependent i've become
jAhNdEeShEkKi: isnt it great
jAhNdEeShEkKi: =D

...

Today's 10 things to be happy about:

1. a ride in a convertible
2. velvety white roses
3. the architecture of Williamsburg, Virginia
4. finding old love letters
5. the sunrise
6. weeping willows
7. a patch of sun from a skylight
8. a porch with rocking chairs
9. a friend with a sailboat
10. cool rain on hot pavement