Do people intentionally try to be jerks?

Cassiopeia.

Sometimes you just have to take risks. Otherwise you'll end up risking more.

-Walking at night. Being punished. Selfish trip to Treasure Island. Hung up phone call. Invisible cut on ankle.
-Palace of Fine Arts. Very illegal turns. Columns resembling those of the Vatican. Amazing reflection of the columns in the clear, dark water. Five swans. Hearts. Chicken carcasses. Little clouds.
-Cold bench. Moving star. Wandering skunk. 1st level, 2nd level, 3rd level. Are your 3rd level worriments only intended for God to know? Stupid humans with their stupid human concerns. Frozen toes and chattering teeth.
-LBL. One deer. Mood lightening with the sky. Rainbow haze. Begrudging assertion of particular friendship. Lion's head. A bear. An elephant's butt. God-given friends and stupid humans.

-Crowded streets. Dancing kids. Happy families. Having to decide where to sit.
-Shoe falling off. The Hulk. Hollywood Homicide. Golden Grahams. Laughing by myself.
-"How Do You Talk To An Angel?" by The Heights on repeat.

-Turtle Cake from Andronico's. Blue candles. Sewon's own green box from Tiffany & Co. "Marvelous Light" by Derek Webb.
-Analyze That. Performing 4 illegal driving maneuvers in approximately 3 minutes. Hitting the curb and parking in a space that was half-red. Ever-present favorite pen.
-Foot warmer and defroster combination. Big big muscles. Acrid nose hair-burning Chinese food. Being mad but not really. Snowboarding socks. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. Hot white guys. Tap water in bowls and tea. Mount Rushmore and playing pool. Infomercials. SNL and Conan.
-Old school episode of Batman and Robin. Cutout purple nose on Batman's black mask. Slow cars in high-speed chases. Hydraulic Trash Crusher. Penguin and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

Me: only if u marry [name of chick]
Person: that's not fair
Person: you get the better end of the deal
Person: hahhaha
Me: ooh
Me: im telling
Person: don't tell her i said that
Person: i'll die

Today's 10 things to be happy about:

1. jigsaw puzzle dust
2. a growing bonsai
3. lounging by a pool all weekend
4. barbecued food
5. plunging waterfalls
6. golf tournaments
7. the mutter of distant thunder
8. the ice cream truck
9. a spotless car*
10. a baby napping in the shade

*I loathe Solar Car Wash. Today was the worst car washing experience I have had in years.

...

-LBL trip. Trying to figure out the map of campus. The Big Dipper. Random little lights.
-Winning the third game of Monopoly I've ever played with approximately $12,000. Kwansoo throwing money at me like I was a prostitute. Feeling lonely like Scrooge must have felt. "These magic moments..."
-How Now Brown Cow.
-Bruised middle knuckle. Stinging papercut on pinky finger.
-Costco rendezvous. Hidden Valley Light Ranch Chicken Wrap with Guacamole.
-O'ding on excessive amounts of caffeine.
-Rib-eye steak. New York strip steak. Sirloin steak. Filet Mignon. Prime Rib.
-OG Korean music and memories. Dirty windows. Cold feet.
-Sudden sad mood swings and need for contemplation and solace.

sUrf c l o u d 9: i'm having this stpuid mere exposure effect with you guys
sUrf c l o u d 9: i used to be fine alone
sUrf c l o u d 9: and now i'm attached and must see you guys everyda
sUrf c l o u d 9: that's sick
jAhNdEeShEkKi: AHAHAHAHA
sUrf c l o u d 9: how hopelessly dependent i've become
jAhNdEeShEkKi: isnt it great
jAhNdEeShEkKi: =D

...

Today's 10 things to be happy about:

1. a ride in a convertible
2. velvety white roses
3. the architecture of Williamsburg, Virginia
4. finding old love letters
5. the sunrise
6. weeping willows
7. a patch of sun from a skylight
8. a porch with rocking chairs
9. a friend with a sailboat
10. cool rain on hot pavement

SUNDAY
-Interesting message on Nehemiah and his prayers. Story of how Eskimos kill wolves by having them lick blades covered in in frozen blood and how we are just like that.
-Seeing my ���ҸӴ�. =]
-Lunch at ��� with Jeniffer Chun and her dad. �̸� and ���q. Las Vegas and 3,000 nickels. Reminder to keep praying for her dad's health.
-The Coffee Bean with Hannah Whang. Future plans. Mexico cruise and Japan. LSATs and MCATs. Catching up on old times.
-������ at �ĵ��� in Ktown with the entire family. �ø� and ����. �Ʊ���. �ƺ� requesting Sprite. ����ing the ��ġ with ��� fat. �� continuing to gorge on the ������ after everyone was finished.
-Watching my �ƺ� look dang cute strutting in the shirt and tie we bought him. Praying one last time together. Planning next trip home and parents' trip up to eat Alameda Sushi House.
-�� hating on Royee for not calling and being responsible, and then for making us leave later than planned.
-Interesting drive back up to Berkeley. Odd confrontation and temporary reassurance.

Congratulations Jennifer Yi. I'm so proud of your many accomplishments and successes throughout the years. It's hard to believe that even though we've been through so many changes throughout the years, our friendship is something that has remained wonderfully consistent and stable. I'm so glad I was able to be there with you this weekend. I heart you. =]

...

Highlights from the past couple days:
-Kwansoo being irritable and cranky after being stuck in traffic on the 5 South forever. Kwansoo complaining about So Cali and the gray haze we have looming near the horizon. Kwansoo complaining about how our cities are so close to each other. Kwansoo complaining about the poor drivers on the 5 freeway. Discussing our Vegas trip and the fun details of it, primarily how the Third Wheel Party was always secluded, about the food, and about Nancy's fall.
-Playing with Kwansoo and Carlos. Carlos commenting on how much Kwansoo tends to whine. Witnessing the only time I've seen Kwansoo hit someone. Carne asada fries and Diet Pepsi at Alberto's. Talking about drinking and gambling. Carlos spending most of the time trying to coax Kwansoo to party with him. Kwansoo reiterating over and over again that Carlos is one of his "project children." Visiting Carlos' dorm. Carlos holding my purse and pillow. Carlos and Kwansoo practicing counting cards. Carlos startling me by randomly touching my hair.
-Jennifer's Yukon with the new car smell. Dinner at Red Robin with Jennifer Yi and her roomies. Freckled lemonade and Honey mustard chicken burger. Marveling at seeing Jeffrey all grown up and thugged out. Kwansoo and pool hall. Emptiness of Jennifer's apartment. Jennifer introducing me to Tammie Kim, Kim Crawford, and Andy Liau, cuz she thought I was her roomie. Sleepover in living room. Late-night feast on Golden Spoon chocolate, peanut butter, and Heath Bar frozen yogurt. Andy being dominated by chickies and girl talk. Who would you want to see again from Whitney? Who would you want to punch from Whitney? Kwansoo at a pc bang. Jennifer and her first green [teal] box from Tiffany & Co. =]
-Roses for Jennifer. Watching Tammie take random pictures during graduation [Pikachu tent, little boy and girl holding hands, little boy in overalls, resting dog, Andy's shoes, Jennifer's bouquet, etc]. Trying to locate where Jennifer was and having her stand up and wave to us. Hot weather. Kim saying how her forehead is always the first to burn, me saying how it's my cheeks that always burn first. My spotting Jennifer and her parents a minute before she walked across the stage. Jennifer and her mom waving emphatically at us. Cheering and yelling. Madness and mayhem taking pictures and trying to find each other. Seeing familiar Berkeley faces: Glow, Haejin, Peggy, Alex, Tammy, Paul. Realizing that the cute kids I was observing earlier were the nieces and nephews of Paul's just graduated friend, Fabio.
-Reception at Islands, Jennifer's mom's new favorite restaurant. Catching up with Karl Pongyingpis. Listening to Karl's recommendation and ordering the Yaki. Tammie having Andy ordering her a Lava Flow. Endless chips and salsa and onion rings. Standing in the parking lot taking endless pictures. Going back and helping Jennifer pack the rest of her stuff. Eating a 쭈쭈바 and a �������� for the first time in years. Fierce hugs and reluctant goodbyes.
-Finally seeing my parents for the first time since I returned to So Cali on Monday night. Watching them walk out of the garage together and running up to them screaming in glee.

Today's 10 things to be happy about:

1. Egyptian obelisks
2. perfect weather for an outdoor cafe lunch
3. walking on the beach
4. candles on a mirrored tray
5. a cotton candy stand
6. driving with the sunroof open
7. classic fried chicken and potato salad
8. sudden thunderstorms
9. verandas with elegant pillars
10. a lonely gravel road

I just got back from Las Vegas and before I conk out, I wanted to write a little something that I learned about each person on the trip. I will write about the full details of the trip later.

Andy: Andrew Chon is exactly like Marlin in Finding Nemo. He will be the quintessential paranoid father figure who will freak out if even one hair is out of place on his future children's heads. He always lectured us on using the crosswalks and was always extra careful when stepping on and off the escalators. Despite this however, I can honestly say that Andrew is an intelligent guy except when he tries to prove me wrong about his acclaimed smartness. Andy has never tried 순대볶음 although he claims that he loves 순대 and is shockingly successful at Indy 500 and water shooting games. He was the first boy's leg that I've ever touched, and now I know not to touch them anymore. He let me watch while he applied his Old Spice deodorant. He is utterly useless on road trips and he does not enjoy sweet foods such as barbeque sauce or 비빔냉면.

Josei: Josephine Kim likes to sleep the earliest every night so that she can maximize her fun time during the day. She is also so fashionable that Nancy and I took alternate turns matching her outfits with one of ours every day. One of the most important qualities that Josei looks for in the opposite sex is their drive for ambition. Josei was also perceptive enough to know that I was going through Diet Coke withdrawal symptoms the first night and was kind enough to buy me one when I was at my all-time low. She also had really cute flowers embossed onto her toes, and didn't know that she was supposed to tip the pedicure lady. Josei thoroughly enjoyed the butternut squash ravioli at the Bellagio buffet.

Kwansoo: Kwansoo Jun likes orange juice and has never heard of 팥빙수 in his life. It was also his first time in Las Vegas so he and I were really excited when we saw the "Welcome to Las Vegas" sign. Kwansoo doesn't like to eat fancy foods and instead prefers steak over everything else. He also packs excessively for a guy and was the only other person that wanted to ride the New York New York roller coaster with me. He wanted to hire a hooker to seduce Royee although it was he who received the lap dance at the Egg and I, and was the only guy who knew how to eat somewhat healthily. He has also seen the vast majority of movies, and laughed the longest after Nancy had her incident. He constituted the first 1/3 of the Third Wheel Party.

Nancy: Nancy Kim is crazy and thus has my complete respect. Not only does she have this limitless amount of energy that everyone feeds off of, but she is cool enough to try and steal a dollar from the fountain at the Bellagio. She is also really classy, piquing my interest not only in Andy Warhol, but in fine delicacies such as fruit salad in mint julep chutney. She is not ashamed to vocalize her appreciation for the finer looking specimens of the male species and her new hairstyle looks really good on her. However, I do not understand how she does not like ��κ� that much. She also never wore the baseball cap she brought to protect her face from the sun after her 점 surgery.

Robert: Even though Robert Kim was quite sick throughout the trip, he was still the most sensible and rational one out of everyone. He was the one that reminded us to get rest or to not get too carried away when we wanted to start our Vegas trip early. Rob was also the exemplary tour-guide, never ceasing to amaze me that a North Cali-er knew more about Vegas than So Cali-residing Nancy, Andy, Royee, and Josei. He also waits for opportunities to use terms such as "ghetto fabulous" in ordinary conversation, and Andy and him were kind enough to teach me how to play Worms before they regretted doing so. He was the one who also quarantined himself off whenever possible so that we wouldn't catch his germs. Robert taught me to never take anything from the men who slap ads against their palms, and that after 9/11, people came to pay their respects at the New York New York hotel.

Royee: Royee Chung is surprisingly good at BlackJack and surprisingly horrible at performing magic tricks with cards. He also does not like mushrooms and believes that "Pho is what they serve in Hell." He likes to stroll around Vegas, alarming people with his ghastly pallid upper arms and tooting praise songs on his kazoo. He takes ridiculously short 5 minute showers and believes that one pair of underwear is sufficient for a 3 day-long trip. Royee likes to drink orange juice and lemonade. He is also remarkably adept at water shooting games and hence won Brownie, the stupidest rhinoceros I have ever seen. =] He is by far the unhealthiest person of the group, but enjoys popsicles almost as much as I do. He constituted the last 1/3 of the Third Wheel Party.

Thanks to Rob and Kwansoo for driving everywhere. Thanks to Nancy for planning the trip and all our fun activities. Thank you Andy, Billy, Butch/Brian, Josei, Kwansoo, Nancy, Robert, and Royee for making my first Vegas trip so memorable and fun. =]

Monday's 10 things to be happy about:

1. meeting a fascinating stranger
2. cherries and strawberries in season
3. cooking with friends
4. the nonsmoking section
5. singing along to The Sound of Music
6. the power of a storm
7. an unexpected touch
8. Sugar Daddy suckers
9. listening to the sounds of the forest
10. pink lemonade

I am very excited for this upcoming week. =]

Sunday's 10 things to be happy about:

1. eating well
2. the names of English country houses
3. a large log-burning fireplace
4. cinnamon buns fresh from the bakery
5. honey-colored stones
6. tea with honey
7. the smell of salt air
8. knowing what ubiquitous means
9. surrounding yourself with nature
10. discussing an interesting topic

I'm in this funk again. I can't explain it really, but I feel every single emotion at the exact same time. Hence it is difficult to categorize how I feel, since every moment the emotion seems to be changing.

Life is so damn hard. The harshness and reality of it sometimes hits me to the point of tears and the sense of utter hopelessness.

I was cleaning/organizing [*gasp*] and found my The Best of 14,000 Things to be Happy About. Page-A-Day Calendar. Granted it is kind of late to start, but here are today's 10 things to be happy about:

1. an older couple holding hands
2. reading by candlelight
3. homemade flour tortillas
4. stars slowly fading
5. a candle flickering in the wind
6. walking in silence through a forest
7. starting a new journal
8. chunks of caramelized pineapple
9. market-fresh ingredients
10. bare feet on a warm floor

Kpxgrlx012 (8:07:25 PM): my grades suck this semster =[
Kpxgrlx012 (8:07:27 PM): im so sad karen
Kpxgrlx012 (8:07:29 PM): i want to eat now
s u r f cloud9 (8:07:57 PM): hahaha
s u r f cloud9 (8:08:03 PM): let's go get nemo toys from mcd's
Kpxgrlx012 (8:08:08 PM): OKAY!
s u r f cloud9 (8:08:09 PM): i saw them today and got greedy
Kpxgrlx012 (8:08:15 PM): happy meals right
Kpxgrlx012 (8:08:18 PM): let us let us
Kpxgrlx012 (8:08:25 PM): i want two
s u r f cloud9 (8:08:27 PM): yah, let's buy two each
s u r f cloud9 (8:08:29 PM): hahahahaha
Kpxgrlx012 (8:08:29 PM): okAY@
s u r f cloud9 (8:08:30 PM): i just said that
Kpxgrlx012 (8:08:32 PM): =D

A while ago, I drove up to LBL to look at the stars. Unfortunately, I was unable to because the fog was so thick. Driving up and back down was scary, but I found it comforting having the fog completely surround me and isolate me from everything else. I think I needed the time alone. I think I still need some time alone.

My blogs have been inconsistent because I've been going through a lot and I haven't been at peace. Part of what I was going through is addressed below, and the other part is not worth mentioning.

"If we give way to self-pity and indulge in the luxury of misery, we remove God's riches from our lives and hinder others from entering into His provision. No sin is worse than the sin of self-pity, because it removes God from the throne of our lives, replacing Him with our own self-interests. It causes us to open our mouths only to complain, and we simply become spiritual sponges- always absorbing, never giving, and never being satisfied... learn to lavish the grace of God on others, generously giving of yourself." -My Utmost for His Highest

Kristy, Karen, Linda, and I took Sharona out for her 21st birthday. =] We took her to Bubba Gump's at Pier 39. Linda ordered her the Lava Flow, this really pretty mixed drink that had rum and pina colada flavoring in it. Sharon drank like 1/5 of it and turned bright red and complained about how hot she was. And thanks to Royee, we got free dessert for guessing Jenny's stage name in Forrest Gump [Bobbie Dylan].

Unfortunately, I fell on the steps while we were walking around. Sharon warned me that this little girl was about to hit me cuz she was flailing her arms about in this psychotic manner. I was so fixated on making sure the girl didn't hit my crotch that I didn't pay attention to where I was walking and *boom* I didn't see the steps and fell on my hands and knees. =[ My right knee hurts a lot... it was to the point where I couldn't even swing my right leg out of the car seat when we went to get dessert.

Speaking of dessert, afterwards we went to Mitchell's Ice Cream, also in the city somewhere. Linda said it had good reviews, and when we got there, we had to wait a good 15 minutes before ordering our ice creams. It was dang cold so we decided to eat in my car. Our topic of conversation was about how ridiculous I looked when I fell, and the cussing phases that we did or did not undergo when we were younger.

I had fun tonight. Good food, good friends, and good moments always leave me feeling happy. Linda went buck wild with her camera the entire night. It was so cute. =] I hope her pictures turn out well. hehe.

Today has been a pretty good day so far...

-It was nice and breezy when I woke up today. The weather was around 65 degrees, and not hot at all. =]
-I heard some good news from Andy Chon and I got happy for him. Happiness is contagious.
-I went bowling with Kwansoo, Karen, Danny Yoon, and Albert Kae. I think I bowled one of my highest scores ever.
-I am going to go to Las Vegas for the first time in my life in a couple of weeks. I'm really excited.
-I am going to go HOME after the Vegas trip for UC graduations and Father's Day. =D
-Karen, Albert, and I are going to visit Seattle, Washington and are going to pick apples.