i can't believe i'm doing this blog thingie. how incredibly unlike me. =T actually, i don't exactly even know why i'm doing this cept i think it'll be cool to reread this one day in the future and see if i've changed or grown in any way... *shrug* but i wonder how long i can keep up with something like this. i always begin to start something with so much gusto and then as time goes on it gets progressively weaker. but hopefully, this time it'll be different. =]


so here's my first entry... it's ironic though how the day i start this i have all this stuff to say... i feel like i should start with an introduction of myself or something light-hearted. blah. oh wells.


last nite i saw andy's bro's farewell speech from key club convention and even though it was like a two minute clip... it was incredibly awesome. and it's not like i even know his brother... but yet it totally moved me. his brother profusely kept thanking his parents for their sacrifice and support. and then he thanked andy which was totally cute cuz it showed how much love he had for his him... which kinda made me sad cuz i kno me and my sis aren't like that at all... and yeah~ i realized yet again tonite how incredibly selfish i am as a person... like i kno i put my parents thru hell too when i was in key club, and though i know they didn't approve of me being so incredibly consumed by it, they completely supported me and made me know that i could rely on them when i needed it. and i realize now that i never completely thanked them for their love and support. so how crappy of a person am i? that i can't even appreciate my own parents and how much they love me? and while i was watching the clip i got all teary, not cuz it was my bro or anything, but cuz watching the clip inadvertently made me so sad. i don't think i ever allowed the chance for my parents to really be proud of me. i wish i involved my parents more in what i did instead of always griping or asking for their help. and i wish there was some incredible and magnificent way for me to repay them for everything... i realize that even though key club was such an integral part of my life, i never did that. and how much does that suck... that something so important happens in my life and i don't even share it with my parents? why are they only involved when something goes wrong, but aren't there to partake in something if it goes well?


all this from a two min clip of a guy that i've never even met... wow. and i guess it made me realize how little i've been there for my lil sis... like just the way andy's bro talked about him showed so much love and respect for his bro... it made me wonder if me and my sis will ever obtain that sort of relationship. i think we got better since hs, but no where near as much as i would like it to be. i need to change that.


i don't think i should have let myself go like that last night... *sigh* i think i shall nap to clear the dizziness.