Missed all my classes again today. Drat. I better fix this nasty habit after we come back from spring break.

Karen and I watched an episode of Chip n Dale Rescue Rangers late last night. Do you remember those days? Wow, they were fun.

Roy has the shortest attention span in the world. Roy is also one of the few boys I know who would relentlessly clobber an innocent girl with pillows for five continuous minutes to get her to study. Good intentions yes, but that jidiotic hypocrite conked out himself within minutes after coercing me to wake up instead of studying for his own midterm.

My goal for the summer is to learn how to cook at least two dishes. Keep me accountable as I already know that this will be an immense challenge.

I ate an obscene amount of food today.

I had lunch with Sara Yin at Daruma's. I had a really good time cuz Sara is a friend who I can blatantly do the most repulsive things in front of and won't flinch a bit cuz she's done equally if not worse things herself. I haven't talked to Sara for quite some time now, so I was really really happy that I could spend a couple hours with her today. I openly admire her strength and determination in all aspects of life. We talked about our current situations and our future plans, and then started talking about the past. We've had some good times, Sara and I. I first met the Burbank Boys with her. I had my first breakdown in front of her. I've had many firsts with her, but I don't know if it's appropriate to list them all here. And although it was great reliving old memories, I couldn't help but feel a little sad at the realization of how distant we've grown apart from each other. She says she's interested in coming back out to FICB. I told her that Roy is going to be the new praise leader and she started freaking out. She knows Roy in a completely different context. I realized a lot of things from talking with her today...

Later, my small group went to Ponzu and then Ghiradelli's in SF. Ponzu is this contemporary Asian restaurant that's named after the Japanese sauce ponzu: soy sauce with a splash of citrus fusion. The restaurant's decor was funky, with lots of curves and contorted shapes. It was very exotic, with lots of bold, rich colors complimenting the food very well. However, the food itself was okay. Esther, Amanda, Carolina, and I were at one table and we concluded that the flavors were a bit too powerful for our liking. Carolina's mouth became numb cuz her mouth couldn't handle the intensities and varying contrasts of the flavors. We all drank lots of water. Afterwards we went to Ghiradelli's and got the Earthquake, even though out of the ten girls, only six were eating it. I was actually nauseated from my gluttonous ingestion of ice cream.

My embarassing moment of the day: At Ghiradelli's, they have this basket of free chocolate that they pass out to customers. We went there about 30 minutes before closing so there was barely any people there. Meriel noticed that the basket was left unattended to so immediately all of us started grabbing chocolate, packaging them neatly into piles wrapped in napkins, and then cramming them into our purses. Then we casually sauntered out of the gift store and into the parlor area to eat our Earthquake. However, remember once again how "chons" I am. After we sat down, one of the girls told me that when I walked by, two of the workers saw the bulging napkin covered stolen chocolate in my puse and started whispering about me in their native language. I wondered how the heck they knew this so I looked down and saw that in my haste and excitement, my purse was left wide open with Ghiradelli printed napkins protruding very visibly over the top of my purse. How mortifying.

On a happier note however, I really like my small group. I get disgustingly happy when we all get together and talk and eat and spend time with each other. =D

Today's good stuff:
-All my old email returned from Bearmail.
-Dinner date with Nancy for Thursday.
-Fat guys. KoKo House. Wednesday night. $5 Ttong Dak.
-Chicken super nachos from La Burrita, Diet Coke, Nancy Kim.
-Fat guys, Spumoni ice cream, Life as a House [I liked this movie a lot.]

Today's not so good stuff:
-Realizing how behind I am in Korean after missing a week of it.
-Ugly man frightening me out of nowhere and trying to seduce me. =[
-Being bloated from over-consumption of above mentioned good stuff.

Today's FAVORITE moment:
-Most excellent 90 minute aim conversation with Eugene the Shin.
I really am happy that you visited last night, just like how I would get happy when you'd come visit me at work to point out that I did absolutely nothing. =]

Today was a good day.

Quick recap for my own sake: a reminder to be completely honest with God, confrontation with a good friend, fat guy feast, speed scrabble yet again, Eugene Shin's surprising once in a lifetime visit, fat guy dessert, and Amadeus.

I've taken the fat guy test twice so far, and I've scored higher than fat guy numero uno both times.

POTCH was today and it was really good. It's such an incredible feeling to see how so many people have been blessed with such special talents and to see how glory is brought to Him who is gracious enough to give everyone those talents. Andy Chon had this video that was quite good. There was that great customary comedic relief, but it also had a really strong message to it: that one doesn't need to have an official title to serve. I think what struck me about it was its applicability to me. It's something that I've struggled with since freshman year and it's still something that I often grapple with. I know in my brain that having a specific position or title doesn't define who I am, title isn't everything, but at certain times the tangibility of it is something I seek. I need to feel that sense of assurance that I'm actually doing something. But I know I'm being selfish and ridiculous. Fortunately, God provides opportunities that remind me that I serve God by being just who I am, and not by who I am as defined by a particular position or title. Thanks Andy. =]

I had a lot of fun later tonight too. Usually I like to remember a few good memories from the experience, but I know Karen is going to give a thorough account of everything that happened, so I'd rather talk about something else.

I realize how fickle a person I am and how I abandon those dearest to me for things I feel like will instead provide immediate gratification. I deeply hurt and insulted a good friend of mine today, and for that, I am truly apologetic. There really isn't any justification for my behavior, and I can't really explain it either. But all I know is that intimacy scares me sometimes... and I think the more I can relate to a person, the more I feel afraid.

It's been one crazy week. For those of you that know, thanks for your encouragement and nice words. They helped a lot. =]

This week's been a culmination of no sleep, no food, lots of stress, lots of caffeine, and the sudden development of dyslexia.

Earlier tonight while we were praticing for POTCH, I suddenly thought I heard something. I ran to the door and upon opening it, saw that my intuitions were correct:
*rain* and lots of it.

And I can hear it start again right now... hooray. =D

"The best thing one can do when it's raining is to let it rain."
-Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Hannah Kim: Thanks for giving me the very pretty flowers. Today was a really long day and I wasn't doing good. But I'm so glad I got see you even for a sec cuz seeing you makes me happy. =] I was scared when you called and said you had something for me though. I thought you remembered you had to sock me and was calling me to tell me you wanted to hit me. I'm glad I was wrong. Hehe

Judy Choi: Thanks for picking me up right now even though it was 4:30 in the morning. I know you're going crazy right now with your paper, but just hang in there and think of good times like Friday after POTCH. We're going to seriously go buckwild. Seriously with absolutely no inhibitions whatsoever. I know we deserve it. =] Thanks again. I hope you finish your paper soon.

Karen Lee: Thanks girl for letting me study at your place tonight with Mark. And thanks for the large mocha bianca from Milano's. The heaps of caffeine we've been consuming these past days has been disgusting. My tolerance level is inching up higher and higher. Anyways, I know that you're going crazy too and I also say that we go play mindlessly on Friday. Think happy thoughts like picking apples in Washington and camping in Yosemite. We are going to go. =] Good luck tomorrow!

Roy Chung: Thanks for emailing me even though I haven't gotten it yet. I keep checking Bearmail cuz I'm really excited about it. I think it's the only thing I'm looking forward to right now. Dang, this email better be good. Haha. =] Oh, and thanks for thinking that you are 110% man. I laughed a lot. =]

"The present circumstance, which presses so hard against you, is the best shaped tool in the Father's hand to chisel you for eternity. Trust him then. Do not push away the instrument lest you lose its work."

AUGH. I've been using Bearmail for the past few months now and all my emails just got erased this past weekend cuz the freakin system sucks (_I_). The email that was sent out said that they are trying to retrieve my old emails, but I honestly doubt that's going to happen. This is a sign for me to use Outlook but I don't like to cuz I have old mail that I need to clean out. And the program is all retarded now too cuz I tried to be smart and add another email addy to it. Too bad I don't know why my emails are going to two different locations now.

I just checked to see how many emails I have and at this moment, I have 1275 items in my inbox, 604 of which are unread. And I have 1518 items in my deleted box, 331 of which are unread. Is that a lot?

JUDwhaEE: hahhaha
JUDwhaEE: now u have something to be excited for after work
JUDwhaEE: yayeeeeeeeeeeeeee
JUDwhaEE: fat guy happiness!!!!
Kpxgrlx012: yesssssssssss
Kpxgrlx012: =D
Kpxgrlx012: hehehhee
Kpxgrlx012: wow
Kpxgrlx012: im sooo excited
Kpxgrlx012: im gonna make it motivate em to study
JUDwhaEE: haha goood
JUDwhaEE: ubetter not be all too happy
JUDwhaEE: and so hyper
JUDwhaEE: that u'll clap your hands
JUDwhaEE: and i can't study!
JUDwhaEE: and if you're gonna do your digestion dance
JUDwhaEE: go to the livin room!
Kpxgrlx012: ahahahahahha
JUDwhaEE: hahaha
JUDwhaEE: and ifyou're going to say "YAYYY!!!!! YH:LDKJF:SL"
JUDwhaEE: take it outside!!
JUDwhaEE: andyour crazy
JUDwhaEE: OMG OMG OMG OMG
JUDwhaEE: hahahahha
JUDwhaEE: your whole happiness package
JUDwhaEE: hahahha
Kpxgrlx012: a pakcage
Kpxgrlx012: ahahahaha
JUDwhaEE: i love it
JUDwhaEE: but not when i'm stressed
JUDwhaEE: then i'll screeam
JUDwhaEE: i'll be like
JUDwhaEE: "jahndee, be SAD!!"
Kpxgrlx012: awwww
JUDwhaEE: just kiddin
JUDwhaEE: hahaha
Kpxgrlx012: hahaha
Kpxgrlx012: dont wory
Kpxgrlx012: when i look at my reader
Kpxgrlx012: ill be sad
JUDwhaEE: uh oh
JUDwhaEE: now don't be too sad
JUDwhaEE: or stressed
Kpxgrlx012: cuz that package isnt pretty
JUDwhaEE: b/c then you'll release somethin else...
JUDwhaEE: hahahah
JUDwhaEE: you'll release a different kind of
JUDwhaEE: OMG OMG OMG OMG
JUDwhaEE: OMGi'm so stresesd OM OM OMG
JUDwhaEE: hehee
Kpxgrlx012: ahahahaha
JUDwhaEE: hahahah
Kpxgrlx012: do you see all these tpyos??
Kpxgrlx012: its cuz im so frekain excited ight now
Kpxgrlx012: ahahahahahah
JUDwhaEE: yes, u freak!
JUDwhaEE: hahahhaha
JUDwhaEE: uh oh
JUDwhaEE: i'm just gettin u more worked up!
JUDwhaEE: oh no1!!!!
JUDwhaEE: it's gonna unleash here!
Kpxgrlx012: hahahaahhahaha
Kpxgrlx012: im not hte one who gets psychotic when it gets late
Kpxgrlx012: *ahemm*
JUDwhaEE: hahahahha
JUDwhaEE: i gotta go now to pick up the stuff
JUDwhaEE: u have a good 1.5 hours to calm down
Kpxgrlx012: hahahhaa
JUDwhaEE: and internalizeyour happiness
Kpxgrlx012: coem back onlien
JUDwhaEE: byebye!
Kpxgrlx012: and tell me how yumym it is
JUDwhaEE: no!
JUDwhaEE: no more excitement
JUDwhaEE: be saD!
JUDwhaEE: byebyebye
JUDwhaEE: hehehe
Kpxgrlx012: byeeeeeeeeeeeee

What's the cause of all this craze and excitement? Barney's Guacamole Burger, Barney's California Burger, and Barney's Portabello.

It's a great feeling when you have a fat guy friend who knows you so well she knows the subtleties of your actions and can even recall the days of "the digestion dance." Hello Judy, my delicious Booty. (_I_)

Yesterday I learned how to play Monopoly for the first time in my life. Kwan, Sewon, and I played while Carroll, Kristy, and Karen watched and gave input. Everyone taught me how to play and I think everyone became frustrated at my inability to comprehend the object of the game. It was Disney Monopoly so I had fun looking at the pictures and reading the show time cards. I won the game too. When the game ended I had two monopolies, 3000ish dollars, and made Kwan go bankrupt. =]
This is what I learned from the game:
-Kwan has played the game so many times he's memorized the number of spaces on the board and what each space represents. He also knows all the rules of Monopoly... Karen and him had a couple of quibbles and he won all of them.
-Monopoly isn't as fun as people say it is. I don't like how there's all this competition just to get one monopoly thing.
-I don't know what the word "mortgage" means.

Andy Chon was very nice today at church. Nice meaning that there were less glares of repulsion and less wisecracks about my stupidity. He even shared his orange with Sewon and me. I asked him why he was in such a good mood and he said it was cuz of the weather.

I get happy knowing that something as simple as nice weather can be a source for happiness for someone. For me, it's like seeing the nursery kids' faces light up when they see their parents coming to pick them up. Or watching Hyo-bum enjoy eating his ham sandwich at lunch so much. Or having jalepenos to go with our sandwiches. Or checking to see if boys wear black socks with black dress shoes and finding that they do.

This is yet another example of how much I suck at cooking:

For small group today Josei and I volunteered to bring snacks. For some particular reason that I can't understand, I decided to be ambitious and bake cupcakes instead of buying the typical goodies for everyone. However, I was over zealous in my attempts cuz I ended up burning the cupcakes. How sad. =[ Only I would be so incompetent as to burn the bottoms of cupcakes.

I was driving today and I realized that I tend to set myself up for disappointment. I'm not trying to elicit pity or anything, it's just something I realize that I do to myself.

I had a good lunch today with Linda at Smart Alec's A+. So good in fact, we were both late to our 2:00 classes. =T I like Linda. I find that I can relate a lot to the way she thinks and perceives. We were both reminded today of the need to always be careful about what we say around people. Especially around people we aren't intimate with. I can't wait for our Blue Nile date where I can pretend to be Sabrina. Hehe.

I read this on Andy Chon's blog:

"i learned that jaime, sarah, tommy, eric, and grace are really really fun people."

And I got very happy. That comment totally made my day. =D

The junior/senior BART extravaganza was today. I think it went okay, except the last part at Unit 3. Everyone was very tired, including myself. I lost ability to think rationally after a while. But it was really fun watching the groups work together to come up with the correct answers and to hear them verbalize their thought processes. Eugene Shin is really smart and I was curious to see how he would solve the clues. When I heard him think out loud to his group, and heard how his thought process was similar to what we had planned, I got really happy. And I was seriously amazed that Roy was the only person out of 30 people to find the PWK clue. =P

Even though it took some time and work, I thank God for allowing such a good and rewarding experience like this to happen. Everything fell apart a few hours before the game, but it all came together again at the last minute and everything worked out. =] It was only through Him that we were able to pull this off and I'm so happy that we were able to. I just hope that people got to be better acquainted with those they aren't that familiar with, or that people were able to strengthen already existing relationships.

...

sno bunny nk: it's really encouraging to see all u guys working so hard
sno bunny nk: so that we could bond for one nigth
Kpxgrlx012: do you thin people bonded?
Kpxgrlx012: i really hope so
sno bunny nk: yeah
sno bunny nk: i got to know billy kim better
sno bunny nk: i definitely talk3ed to esther th emost today
sno bunny nk: than our past 2.5 yrs combined
sno bunny nk: it was good

Prayers ARE answered. =D Wow.

Happy 21st Birthday Roy Chung!! =D

I first knew Roy Chung as "boy52," this random male who was perpetually online on my freshman year ex-roomie's buddy list. Haha. I thought that was the stupidest name ever. She also told me the history of her relationship to this mysterious Roy fellow. Wow. I can't even begin to describe what I thought "boy52" Roy was like and how those initial thoughts completely changed after meeting the real Roy. I must admit however, I like the real Roy better. Except the fact that "boy52" Roy was manlier and wasn't quite as pale and pretty as the real Roy is...

Thanks for your friendship Roy Chung. I hope you have the greatest day today. =]

There's been many things to pray for these days... Suzy and Andy, Jeniffer and Linda, the junior/senior fellowship, good friends and bad friends, classes, and my family.

Just got back to Berkeley a little while ago. Even though I was only gone a little over a day, I was still sad that I had to return back to Berkeley.

Thank you Roy for driving the whole time both to and from Berkeley.

The really ugly side of people comes out during long drives. Ugly Roy lies to his umma twice, tailgates and twice highbeams an old man with white hair, and takes one bite of his criss-cut fry, puts it down, takes a bite of another fry, puts that down, picks the original fry back up again, takes one bite, and then goes back to the second fry.

Roy had to stop by Simi Valley on the drive up to purchase his Taylor 414ce guitar. It is officially christened as "Berry" cuz there's a nice little story behind it. Anyways, I don't even know anything about guitars and I know it's really nice. I touched the curvy part and it was really soft and smooth. It's made of this special wood and it (I quote Roy): "has the best sound out of all the different Taylor 414 ce's that I've played." YAY. I'm very happy for you Roy. Congrats again on your second love. =]

Happy 21st Birthday Nancy Kim!!

I first knew Nancy Kim as "tHaGiRaFFe" from those mass emails we all used to do in high school. I later had the privilege of meeting her up here in Berkeley when she approached me one Friday after FICB at Ghetto Durant. She wanted to know if I was me and when I said that I was, she was like oh, ok and then smiled at me. I honestly was a bit freaked out cuz she was this random tall chick who said she knew me, but then she explained that she went to Cerritos HS with Danny and that he told her to talk to me cuz I was nice. So she took the initiative and did just that. I'm glad she had enough balls to do so cuz now I have the honor of being good friends with the wonderful and beautiful Nancy Kim. May lots of love and blessings be with you today. =D

I just came back from meeting with Suzy, Linda, and Jeniffer. It was good that we could all get together and talk. But I'm very worried about Suzy. She feels a tremendous amount of guilt for putting Andy through a lot of crap and I think she's trying to compensate for those feelings by feeling obligated to prepare all the funeral arrangements herself. She hasn't been sleeping well and hasn't been eating. She's currently under 90 lbs. I pray that God will soon appease all her fears and anxieties. There's so much she's going through right now, so much sadness and pain she's feeling. I also pray that I will be the best possible friend to her throughout this time. I was only able to sleep half an hour the previous night and right when I got home I had to drive to Rowland and then to Glendale to meet up with Suzy. I was physically exhausted when I finally got to talk to her, but I pray I didn't make it evident to them. I feel that we just all have to stay strong together and be there for each other as much as possible.

How do you make the pain go away? How do you make the fear go away?