I've been going through some rampant mood swings. This past weekend though was good so I feel like I've been able to overcome all the crap that I was feeling before.

I ate Baja Fresh with Nancy, Kwan, Billy, and Andy and then went to prayer meeting. It was the first one I went to this school year, so I was a bit unfamiliar with the process. There was some time where we prayed for ourselves, and I prayed earnestly to God to give me peace of mind and heart so that I could better focus on Him. I've been very bogged down these days by stupid nonsensical things so I asked for His forgiveness and that Pastor Eugene's message would really convict me. And then Pastor Eugene spoke about Job and all the madness he went through. What I've been feeling is nothing compared to the intensity of loss in Job's life and yet I denounce God all the more easily. It doesn't make sense.

Later I watched The Shining with Nancy. It was scary and for most of the movie I was either hiding behind a pillow or pushing myself closer and closer to Nancy. I was really impressed with one thing that Stanley Kubrick did though. There's this shot of the little boy riding his tricycle and it's taken from his perspective so we see his back. The crazy thing is the sound of the tricycle as he rides around on hardwood floors and rugs. The alternating sounds between the muffled softness of the rug and then the harsh loudness of the floor totally made the scene more suspenseful and it freaked me out. After the movie we talked until 7am. This is one of the reasons why I like Nancy Kim so much. I like finding myself being able to be honest with her as to what sort of person I am. She thinks I am very pessimistic about certain things and that is very true. She is very perceptive and I like that cuz I can really open up to her and she understands me for me. It was a really good talk. Thanks Nancy. =D

I'm very excited about the bbq on Monday. Nancy and I went to Costco earlier and bought 6 steaks and 9 racks of ribs. I've never seen so much meat before. =] Then we had pho for lunch, which was dang yummy cuz I haven't had it for so long. Hehe. Then we went to Ranch 99 where we looked at all the body parts of a pig that were being sold including the fetus, the ears, the feet, the brain, and some sex organ that I forgot the name of. Was it gonads? testicles? Something gross like that.

Afterwards I went to the North Korea meeting at Carroll's place. I'm so glad I went cuz initially I was very tempted to not go at all. I've lost focus of what and why I'm still participating in the organization. John Chong showed us a video giving background information on what Dr. Park was doing in North Korea. It reminded me of why I was doing this, that God has ultimately called us to help those being persecuted and undergoing suffering. Although what I do may not be much, I earnestly pray that my heart will be in the right place and I can better serve NK Missions in a way that is to my fullest capability.

I've done a lot of talking these past days... thus resulting in a lot of thinking and re-evaluating of myself. I don't think about stuff like that often. And I especially tend to not vocalize my thoughts.

... I think I'm all talked out.