there is this emotional chain attached to my heart and everytime that chain gets jerked around, my heart aches. i'm being melodramatic, but this constant crashing of emotions on top of each other in all sorts of different intensities and frequencies is too much to handle. why must there be such an endless barrage of emotions that are to be felt?

i hate the fact that i'm stressing already and that my life is filled with uncertainty and fear. why?

i was driving to pusan earlier today to get stuff for the sophomores and i saw a mini protest to save the oakland public library from closing down. about 10-12 little kids and a few adults were marching up and down the sidewalk holding up their handmade protest signs. wow. why can't i be as convicted as they are?

on the way home from denny's, everytime billy passed roach's car, basile and margaret would wave an enthusiastic hello at us. it happened three times, all within the span of a couple minutes. only basile and margaret would perform such a simple act three times and honestly enjoy it and mean it. i was laughing a lot when i saw them keep waving at us, but it was one of those self-actualization painful laughters. why can't i be as nice and warmhearted as them?

i'm exhausted right now. emotionally, mentally, and physically. everything hurts.