I'm starting to feel my first pangs of homesickness. If you've had the slightest inkling of what I've been through, you'd understand why.


People in Sweden encourage me to walk home alone at night. I find this ironic since for the past 4.5 years, I was told to do the exact opposite. The nights here are simply beautiful though. I wish I knew more constellations.

I was at BR when the worker-man saw my shirt and exclaimed, "Cal?! You go, girl, you go and represent the Cal State System."


Bob, my tomato plant, is thriving and doing well. The tomatoes are not as plump as Bob from Veggies Tales is, but in my opinion, are still just as red and shiny. Naming a plant is not such a bad thing after all.

Lasting memories. =]

Genova.

Fuddruckers.

Brazilian Tri-Tip.

Kettleman's In-n-Out.

The Campanile.




Gower and Mejeld's wedding.




These two and another not pictured, are three of my most favoritest people in the entire world. Don't let anyone say otherwise. Look at how monstrously overjoyed and happy I am.

A reminder to not be so hesitant to take opportunities. Welcomed solitude and immersed deep thought only to be interrupted halfway down. Wondering why it is I'm so afraid to say goodbye.

"opportunities create you, not the other way around"

This is Mike Sim.


He has the largest hands I have ever seen on a Korean boy. I could not stop staring at his hands all throughout dinner.


Look at how his pinky finger is the same size of my index finger.



My last final ever at Berkeley in just a few hours. Whew.

The days are just flying by and I'm finding that each day here left in Berkeley needs to be treasured. This past weekend, I was able to re-visit some favorite places, create new memories, and was forced to say some very difficult goodbyes. And keeping my emotions under control is becoming more challenging every day.


Monterey Bay Aquarium, Carmel, Golden Gate Bridge: I've loved the opportunities I've had to spend time with my cousins this summer. But after two days with my baby cousins, I've been having second thoughts about my previous resolution to have my five children in a yearly succession.



Nursery: My initial motivations for serving in nursery were very selfish and prideful ones [I'm getting Andy's "Serving Small" tingles]. I can't explain it well, but reflecting on these past two years, I can see how much I've grown in reliance and faith from the relationships I've developed from the babies and the teachers, even though I thought I was the one offering my help to nursery. Everything always seems to work out that in that twisted and ironic sort of way.



Jane's 22nd Birthday: I've known Jane Kim now for at least half of my life. I consider myself so blessed for such a loving friend who has stuck by me despite all my faults and my shortcomings. Look at how beautiful she is. =]

Stinson Beach is beautiful.


I like this picture a lot.


Yes, we are cool.


Yes, that spells the word "food."


Babies + bellies + beach = Happy Jahndee. =]

I ate dinner with Janet at Asqew Grill at Bay Street. When I went up to order, the guy asked me, "May I help you, sir?" I didn't know what to say so I just stood there until he looked askance and saw what I can only imagine as sadness and horror on my face.


I've most reluctantly become unfazed by graphic sexual imagery. Thanks, Kenny. I'm sure you take great pride in knowing that you're responsible for this.

My last VBS ever. I can't believe it. I've been incredibly blessed for being able to serve for three consecutive summers, and I'm thankful that every year, I'm reminded of just how much He loves each and every one of us.

VBS 2004: The Race is On =]
Thursday night: Albert's comment about not wanting to brush his teeth and feeling my insides wanting to upchuck the delicious dinner the parents prepared in sheer disgust. John Song and I spending over 30 minutes on one poster, yet proudly declaring it to be the best looking flag ever. Richard trying to join our team because he knew it was the best. Talking about random stuff with John Song and being glad for the opportunity to be able to talk. Finding out that there's a typo on our green VBS shirts. Asking everyone for advice on how to paint our railroad sign and Kwansoo's genius suggestion to use pale yellow. Trying to count out pieces of candy for the kids only to have Carolina help me. 307. Being unable to guess any of the Bible Taboo questions. John Song and I being nice and outlining the finished posters with black marker. Wanting to leave the earliest, but ending up staying the longest.

Friday: Not being grumpy in the morning. Dennis' purple tights and his leg hair poking out of them. Realizing that my one 2nd grade girl wasn't here. Not understanding Pastor Chang's messages because they were too advanced. Playing with Heidi instead and trying to help her make her butterfly magnet. Getting exasperated at Heidi because she wanted everything Isaiah was using and didn't want to share. Disgusted that Heidi likes boys so much and that her newest favorite ended up being Kwansoo. "Crayon." Kwansoo, Heidi, and rubber band. Heidi thinking it was her birthday and not Nathan's. One of the largest cakes I've ever seen. Poking the cake and licking the frosting. Richard used to wipe his mouth on his shirt's sleeves. Nicole calling me Teacher Candy. Kwansoo and John Yi's amazing freezing game and having Joshua and Andrew be frozen for over 16 minutes. Nicole sharing her Smarties with Madison. Nicole having 4 different girls make her stars. Joanna's amazingly creative skit that rhymed. Talking with Jenny and Sharon in the baby room and wishing we had more chances like this during college. Sharon and I eating about 8 pieces of chicken each. Trying to bribe Sydney to play with me. Watching John Chae almost throw up twice when eating the meal worm. Isaac's unbearable snoring, snarling, and grunting.

Saturday: Meeting Iris, Cory, and Emily. Discussing birthdays with them. Sharon making fun of my tail bone. Finally having a student only to have her think she was in the 1st grade. Joining classes with Joanna. I like Joanna. Watching Iris, Sarah, and Esther pose prettily for the camera like little models. I like ketchup. Being amazed at how young Kimmy's mother looked. Packing lunch with Albert Kae and insisting on using the Saran Wrap. Bindi. =[ Watching Kristy and Sharon play ping-pong and watching Kristy continually lying to the kids to prevent them from playing. John Chae and Kristy's intense ping-pong game. Going to the park one last time only to find it dark, cold, and gloomy. Sitting with Sewon, Sharon, and Carolina and yabbering like ajummas. Making a candy assembly line. Watching the junior guys beat all the other guys in tug-of-war. Danny's amazingly high jump in the air. Watching the kids spit into the water when trying to grab their letters. Stephanie sad because a boy accidentally spit into her hair. Saying "No" to Pastor Eugene's request. Telling Stephanie to throw her water balloons at John Song and Kwansoo. Shivering, miserable kids. Hearing Sarah and Sumi talk about boys, boys, boys. Jandre thinking he was prettier than all the girls at VBS. Jandre and his Hosanna motions. Tired boys all sleeping. An anti-climactic ending. Lee's Buffet. The most disgusting pineapples ever. Older guys preferring quality over quantity. I like Jandre. A fried banana that looked like don-katsu. Who knew that Advil was not just for headaches? Watching movies with the significant other vs. watching movies with friends.

I am an emotional mess. John S. Kim and Edwin's "The Hammer Holds." David Kim. Madison and Sydney. Heidi and Theodore.

It's coming to an end much too quickly. =[

jAhNdEe aT wOrK: gosh
jAhNdEe aT wOrK: im so annoyed
jAhNdEe aT wOrK: how did this happen
jAhNdEe aT wOrK: its th woerst time to happen to also
bCxaNgeL143: yea
bCxaNgeL143: but u don't take care of ur body
bCxaNgeL143: it's gonna fail u now, if not later
jAhNdEe aT wOrK: stupid retared body
bCxaNgeL143: hahaha
jAhNdEe aT wOrK: really
jAhNdEe aT wOrK: WHY do i have the wrost luck
bCxaNgeL143: hey man, i'm in the same boat
bCxaNgeL143: nothing in my (our) lives ever runs smoothly
jAhNdEe aT wOrK: thats true
jAhNdEe aT wOrK: =[
jAhNdEe aT wOrK: why, do you think??
bCxaNgeL143: yea
bCxaNgeL143: it's God's will that we meet
bCxaNgeL143: He put two unfortunate souls together to keep each other accountable
bCxaNgeL143: sigh
bCxaNgeL143: what can we do?
jAhNdEe aT wOrK: isnt it so sad though?
jAhNdEe aT wOrK: to lok at our pathetic lives?
jAhNdEe aT wOrK: for once, i wish something went smoothly
bCxaNgeL143: did i tell u?
bCxaNgeL143: on thursday, i was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO annoyed
bCxaNgeL143: b/c i went to costco right after class
bCxaNgeL143: and then i entered costco
bCxaNgeL143: and the man that stands by the door ran after me and kicked me out of the store
bCxaNgeL143: b/c i'm a "gold star member" and not business
bCxaNgeL143: and i couldn't get in til 11
jAhNdEe aT wOrK: hahahahah
bCxaNgeL143: so i had to wait in the car til 11
jAhNdEe aT wOrK: hahahah
bCxaNgeL143: so for an hour, i studied in my car
jAhNdEe aT wOrK: that sso sad
bCxaNgeL143: i was sooo annoyed
jAhNdEe aT wOrK: =[
bCxaNgeL143: and then...
bCxaNgeL143: i go in and they don't even have the memory card i wanted
bCxaNgeL143: i was soooooooooooooooooooooooooo mad
bCxaNgeL143: the only reason i bought the memory card was b/c i didn't want to have waited in the parking lot for nothing, yanno?
jAhNdEe aT wOrK: yeah
jAhNdEe aT wOrK: you could have gone home by 11
bCxaNgeL143: u would think we'd get used to life just playing a practical joke on us by now
bCxaNgeL143: but everytime, i still get annoyed
bCxaNgeL143: sigh
jAhNdEe aT wOrK: me too
jAhNdEe aT wOrK: the costco chicken and wild rice experience got me really sad
bCxaNgeL143: hAHAHAHAHAHa
bCxaNgeL143: ooooh that reminds me of gomtang
bCxaNgeL143: :-(
bCxaNgeL143: i want their kim chee
jAhNdEe aT wOrK: gomtang would be sooooooooooo good rihgtnow
bCxaNgeL143: yea!!!!

Thank you, Andy Chon for fixing my archives. =] I've been having fun re-reading my old posts and reminiscing. And I promise to publish more often.

Sewon, Jane Kim, and I visited Julie and her family in Vacaville. I really wish we did it sooner with the rest of the nursery folk. I had so much fun just chatting with Julie and Kook and playing house with Hailey and Morgan. Julie makes the best lemon bars and biscotti ever. When we asked Julie what the one thing was that she loved the most about Kook, she instead told us one of his most annoying habits. We also finally discovered the secret to Kook's coolness. As we were leaving, I realized that this visit was the last time I would ever be able to see Hailey or Morgan again. I absolutely adore these kids and I can't believe that it really was time for me to say goodbye to them. Look at how beautiful they are.

Hearing Justin McRoberts made me wish that I had enough balls to go see him last year, but very thankful that another opportunity presented itself. I find myself again unable to articulate exactly how I felt tonight so instead I'll list a myriad of miscellaneous thoughts and words that I gained from this experience: feeling very thankful, happy, and blessed, a reminder to use our brokenness to reach those around us, a reminder of Christ's unconditional love, "Love is a decision", to make every single day matter (for example, by not dealing with "stupid boys"), to not live a good and perfect life, but to simply live life well, to measure success in life as simply having the faith to follow Jesus Christ, "People who don't have, have one another."

 
I was also struck again by the extreme patience and tolerance that guys can have for girls. I was positive that something would be said or done to provoke Billy Ku, but he was surprisingly very amiable and cordial the entire night. It was actually a bit unnerving, but nevertheless still nice. I will never forget Billy Ku and Kwansoo playing house and acting like our pseudo-mother and father by taking care of us and carting us about wherever we pleased, albeit I'm sure, it was much to their chagrin. =T

Endless cookies. Nicole. Communication is essential in a relationship. A desire and need to do the digestion dance curbed by the intense Mario Kart and EA car racing playing. Sore thumbs with indented patterns on them. A Tigger Mosaic puzzle and completing 5 pieces in 4 hours. Discovering that those I trust still have big mouths. A reminder again to not have so many expectations of friends.

I think I've finally realized the danger of walking home alone at night and have realized just how scary it is to have to do so. 
 
Yes, it took me over 4 years of college to realize this. Yes, I am the biggest idiot. Yes, all the "I told you so"s and "What did I say?"s are ringing in my head. Yes, I am reminiscing about a particular comic strip accurately depicting my stupidity. Yes, I am currently picturing three beloved hot potatoes who I'm positive will kill me if I ever tell them this.

But better late than never, right?

It's nice when a guy takes the heavy shopping bag from your hands without asking you first.

It's been a while since a guy has left a positive and favorable impression on me. Tonight I realized why I like David so much. I respect and admire David immensely for his selflessness, his patience, his humbleness, for the little things he does to make one feel comfortable and at ease, for his insight and wisdom, and for his genuine love and kindness manifested into his everyday actions. It is actions, and not words, which reveal a person's true heart.

Over this past year, I've become very cynical and disillusioned about boy-girl friendships and have generally lost faith in them. But while at Bing Ling's, I came across an article which temporarily fostered a tiny bit of hope. And then that hope dissipated when I realized that things like this can only happen in imaginary little worlds where people think that I can be fun and nice, and simple honesty and love underlie the meaning of our lives.
 
 
"Those moments when you can't bear another instant of whatever it is that makes them... well, them. Worse still are the times when you see they've used up all their patience for you. But as with any friendship, you each put up with the idiosyncrasies and annoyances for as long as the relationship feeds you, for as long as it seems worth it. That's the verdict, really. I'm still friends with her because she's worth it. I continue to listen and give, even when I'm exhausted, because I know she will do the same for me."

I went to Ruth's Chris for the very first time tonight. The food was undoubtedly delicious, but the company was the highlight of the night for me. I learned something new today about steak: If I cut up all my pieces of meat before eating it, the meat will get cold faster, thus resulting in a not as satisfying Ruth's Chris experience. I will also remember tonight as being one of the very few and precious moments where I was able to triumphantly trump every single one of Kwansoo's fallacious and erroneous comments about me. Indeed it was a very exciting night.

We have real cable now so I've made the resolution to maximize it for the remaining month that I have here at Berkeley and to leave the apartment as little as possible. Unfortunately, I have yet to take advantage of it so while I sit here miserably at work, Esther and Sewon are generously fulfilling my wish and watching my cable tv instead of me.

Kpxgrlx012: it mus thave been tough for you
samoanboy72: yeah
samoanboy72: i was actually contemplating whethe or not i should move back to LA to be w/my mom
samoanboy72: but she told me that i should go back to nyc and continue on w/my life
Kpxgrlx012: wow
Kpxgrlx012: your mother's a strong woman
samoanboy72: she is
samoanboy72: i love her so much
samoanboy72: =0)



Kpxgrlx012: so next year ill come visit oaky?
samoanboy72: definitely!!!
Kpxgrlx012: it sounds so far away
samoanboy72: it's not so far away
samoanboy72: it's soooo much fun
samoanboy72: =0)
Kpxgrlx012: hahaha
Kpxgrlx012: yes
Kpxgrlx012: we will haev ltos of fun
samoanboy72: definitely
Kpxgrlx012: you can show me around to all your hangouts
samoanboy72: ahhh yes
samoanboy72: i'll take you to the hot spots
Kpxgrlx012: hahaha
Kpxgrlx012: i'm already imaging how crazy you get
Kpxgrlx012: ahahahahaha
Kpxgrlx012: i remember those whitney dances
samoanboy72: oh indeed
samoanboy72: i'm even crazier
samoanboy72: hahaha
samoanboy72: esp when i'm drunk
samoanboy72: i'm a big fat ho
samoanboy72: hahaha
Kpxgrlx012: HAHAHAHA
samoanboy72: fo real
samoanboy72: hahaha
Kpxgrlx012: =D
Kpxgrlx012: i really cant wait
Kpxgrlx012: hahaha
Kpxgrlx012: but its in about 6 months
samoanboy72: the time will fly by
samoanboy72: it already has
samoanboy72: think about it in 8 years we'll be 30

It's crazy how everything can change within such a short period of time. Sigh. Keep your head up, Tame. Six months isn't that long a time. I'll see you soon, buddy. =]

Who would have thought that the post office actually sold envelopes?

More revelations about the Kum family:
-None of us are musically inclined, except Brandon and Kirsten who are forced to play for us during Christmas.
-None of us are physically active, except Eugene who�s good at snowboarding, and Eunice�s mom, who's good at golfing.
-Eunice and I both like to douse everything with hot sauce.
-Edwin and my sister are both completely useless when in comes to anything.

I bought a travel book for Sweden today. But the cover is so ugly, I've lost any incentive I initially had to read it.

I always thought that I was relatively comfortable with the idea of physical contact with members of the opposite sex. But then I realized that after four years of being around the boys who I've been around, most of my interaction has drastically been reduced to hugs or the pummeling of their arms with my fists in angry retaliation of an insulting or stupid remark made about me. I realized even more today how much I dislike boys touching me. Stupid boys.

I've forgotten how nice it is to drive down to the Marina to absorb its beauty and to just openly talk.


"And it was during those moments where I realized that my head and my heart were believing in two very different things."


One day, I'll be able to finally sample the Chicken with White and Wild Rice from Costco. And that'll be a very happy day indeed.

I bowled a score of 88 last night which included one strike and two spares. I think John Song and Kwansoo were very proud of me. Hahaha.

David Kim also got a turkey in the last three frames of the game. I've never seen this happen before in my life. I've known David since our elementary school days at Helen Wittmann Elementary School. After school, we used to play with Preetesh Bengali and Jane Ahn at Frontier Park. Preetesh and David used to say "sexxxxx" to each other all the time in very sensuous and provocative voices. It was very unsettling.

I have a friend who is deemed to be one of the nicest people ever, whose favorite animal happens to be the dinosaur and not the tiger, who detests seafood and eggs, who considers himself a genius in everything but academics, who always manages to have an infinite supply of Big Red chewing gum, who is able to always somehow hear every under-the-breath comment and slip-of-the-tongue remark I make, who seems to revel in humiliating me, and who is so popular that he has an entourage of admirers constantly vying for his attention. Yet ironically, this same friend continues to unconsciously (and hopefully unwillingly) bring about much distress and angst in my life. It really is quite remarkable. =]

I put myself on the degree list tonight. Wow. It really feels like it's all coming to an end now. I don't think I'm ready for it.

I spent more time with my cousins this past weekend than I did in the past 22 years of my life.

Three Zagat rated restaurants: King of Thai, Hunan Home's Restaurant, Panta Rei.

Things I discovered about my family:
1. The Kums generally have not been blessed with the gift of singing melodiously.
2. The Kums have all generally been cursed with acne.
3. The Kums have all been blessed with relatively good eye-sight unless it was inherited from the other parent.
4. The Kums and their children are all relatively dark-skinned with the sole exception of myself.
5. The Kums are all monstrous heifers who always appreciate fine dining.
6. Even though our family seems to be open-minded and liberal, when it comes to their own children, the Kum lineage is actually quite particular and picky. This is most evidently revealed in terms of dating and relationships.

I don't know why I was so nervous to spend so much time with my cousins. But what fun we had, what money we spent, and what food we consumed. =]

My thoughtful father sent me an early happy birthday e-card two days before the actual date. Unfortunately, it turned out to be a happy belated birthday card. =]


The ominous real world out there really doesn't seem so bad when facing it with some �Ϻ�� and your lifelong friends.

In tribute, I post this entry written exactly a year ago. My, my, things have definitely changed.


"I just got back from Las Vegas and before I conk out, I wanted to write a little something that I learned about each person on the trip. I will write about the full details of the trip later.

Andy: Andrew Chon is exactly like Marlin in Finding Nemo. He will be the quintessential paranoid father figure who will freak out if even one hair is out of place on his future children's heads. He always lectured us on using the crosswalks and was always extra careful when stepping on and off the escalators. Despite this however, I can honestly say that Andrew is an intelligent guy except when he tries to prove me wrong about his acclaimed smartness. Andy has never tried ��뺺= although he claims that he loves ��� and is shockingly successful at Indy 500 and water shooting games. He was the first boy's leg that I've ever touched, and now I know not to touch them anymore. He let me watch while he applied his Old Spice deodorant. He is utterly useless on road trips and he does not enjoy sweet foods such as barbeque sauce or ���ø�.

Josei: Josephine Kim likes to sleep the earliest every night so that she can maximize her fun time during the day. She is also so fashionable that Nancy and I took alternate turns matching her outfits with one of ours every day. One of the most important qualities that Josei looks for in the opposite sex is their drive for ambition. Josei was also perceptive enough to know that I was going through Diet Coke withdrawal symptoms the first night and was kind enough to buy me one when I was at my all-time low. She also had really cute flowers embossed onto her toes, and didn't know that she was supposed to tip the pedicure lady. Josei thoroughly enjoyed the butternut squash ravioli at the Bellagio buffet.

Kwansoo: Kwansoo Jun likes orange juice and has never heard of �Ϻ�� in his life. It was also his first time in Las Vegas so he and I were really excited when we saw the "Welcome to Las Vegas" sign. Kwansoo doesn't like to eat fancy foods and instead prefers steak over everything else. He also packs excessively for a guy and was the only other person that wanted to ride the New York New York roller coaster with me. He wanted to hire a hooker to seduce Royee although it was he who received the lap dance at the Egg and I, and was the only guy who knew how to eat somewhat healthily. He has also seen the vast majority of movies, and laughed the longest after Nancy had her incident. He constituted the first 1/3 of the Third Wheel Party.

Nancy: Nancy Kim is crazy and thus has my complete respect. Not only does she have this limitless amount of energy that everyone feeds off of, but she is cool enough to try and steal a dollar from the fountain at the Bellagio. She is also really classy, piquing my interest not only in Andy Warhol, but in fine delicacies such as fruit salad in mint julep chutney. She is not ashamed to vocalize her appreciation for the finer looking specimens of the male species and her new hairstyle looks really good on her. However, I do not understand how she does not like ��κ� that much. She also never wore the baseball cap she brought to protect her face from the sun after her a surgery.

Robert: Even though Robert Kim was quite sick throughout the trip, he was still the most sensible and rational one out of everyone. He was the one that reminded us to get rest or to not get too carried away when we wanted to start our Vegas trip early. Rob was also the exemplary tour-guide, never ceasing to amaze me that a North Cali-er knew more about Vegas than So Cali-residing Nancy, Andy, Royee, and Josei. He also waits for opportunities to use terms such as "ghetto fabulous" in ordinary conversation, and Andy and him were kind enough to teach me how to play Worms before they regretted doing so. He was the one who also quarantined himself off whenever possible so that we wouldn't catch his germs. Robert taught me to never take anything from the men who slap ads against their palms, and that after 9/11, people came to pay their respects at the New York New York hotel.

Royee: Royee Chung is surprisingly good at BlackJack and surprisingly horrible at performing magic tricks with cards. He also does not like mushrooms and believes that "Pho is what they serve in Hell." He likes to stroll around Vegas, alarming people with his ghastly pallid upper arms and tooting praise songs on his kazoo. He takes ridiculously short 5 minute showers and believes that one pair of underwear is sufficient for a 3 day-long trip. Royee likes to drink orange juice and lemonade. He is also remarkably adept at water shooting games and hence won Brownie, the stupidest rhinoceros I have ever seen. =] He is by far the unhealthiest person of the group, but enjoys popsicles almost as much as I do. He constituted the last 1/3 of the Third Wheel Party.

Thanks to Rob and Kwansoo for driving everywhere. Thanks to Nancy for planning the trip and all our fun activities. Thank you Andy, Billy, Butch/Brian, Josei, Kwansoo, Nancy, Robert, and Royee for making my first Vegas trip so memorable and fun. =]"

I was reflecting on senior year and the growth, challenges, and lessons it brought about when I caught a lonesome sign atop a hill with two simple words scrawled on a broken piece of plywood: "Jesus Heals."


White lions and tigers, Atlantic bottlenose dolphins, and SEVEN Bellagio Waterworks Shows.

"Love does not seek its own interest, but that of the other, and before all the common good." -Martin Luther.


My father and I have been raising a tomato plant together. He thinks I'm crazy, but I have affectionately named the plant Bob. I hope that the tomatoes will grow up to be as nice and red as Bob from Veggie Tales. I like living with just my father and me.

I received one of the best gifts ever today. It makes me look utterly ridiculous, but I absolutely love it. =]

Too much has happened within the past week and a half for me to accurately depict all the emotions and memories that I wish to cherish forever. I plan to leave Berkeley tomorrow, but something happened tonight that I'm still reeling from. Happiness marked by sadness... this seems to be the continual pattern of my life.


"God places the heaviest burden on those who can carry it's weight." -Reggie White.

A group of students were asked to list what they thought were the present "Seven Wonders of the World." Though there were some disagreements, the following received the most votes:

1. Egypt's Great Pyramids
2. Taj Mahal
3. Grand Canyon
4. Panama Canal
5. Empire State Building
6. St. Peter's Basilica
7. China's Great Wall

While gathering the votes, the teacher noted that one student had not finished her paper yet. So she asked the girl if she was having trouble with her list. The girl replied, "Yes, a little. I couldn't quite make up my mind because there were so many."

The teacher said, "Well, tell us what you have, and maybe we can help."

The girl hesitated, then read, "I think the 'Seven Wonders of the World' are:

1. to see
2. to hear
3. to touch
4. to taste
5. to feel
6. to laugh
7. and to love."



The things I take for granted and dismiss as simple and ordinary are what are truly wondrous. The most precious things in life cannot be built or bought by man. It's ironic how simple everything's becoming just as the year is drawing to an end.

I AM DONE! =]

I wanted to take a picture of my thesis like Andy Chon did, but I don't have a digital camera. So I took one with my regular camera but I don't think it'll have the same effect. Eh, I don't care.

This is cheesy, but I am very thankful for the friends who have empathized with me and who have encouraged me throughout this past semester. I can't believe I suffered an entire semester for one large conglomerate of words. It almost doesn't seem worth it at all. But regardless, there are some people who really made this semester bearable. Granted no one will know the extent of what I went through, and I say this without trying to be presumptuous at all, and I was never as lonely as I was this past semester, but every concerned question, every inquiry about my progress, every encouraging phone call, email, smile, postcard, helped. Thank you so much. =]

It hasn't yet sunk in that this will be the last time I'll probably ever have to deal with my thesis paper again. All the paper, all the notes, all the highlighters I went through, all for a measly 78 pages. Haha. It's ludicrous.

To finally be done is such an anticlimactic feeling.

I say that my life is ironic. People think I'm being dramatic or just wanting attention, but honestly, it really is. To take some examples that happened within the past 24 hours...

1. My thesis professor finally got back to me about my rough draft. She told me that she'd place it in her mailbox today because the final draft is due tomorrow. I trekked all the way to the JSP building to find that it wasn't there.

2. I never get sick, but I'm actually starting to feel the sickness coming on. However, I just gave the last bit of my cold medicine to Sewon who herself was sick, so I no longer have any for myself.

3. I always have problems with Calmail, so I decided to be smart and email myself my thesis to my Yahoo email account. A few hours later, my Calmail account is working fine and my Yahoo one won't open.

4. I've been meaning to speak to this person but haven't gotten around to it because of my own pride and fear. I've been thinking a lot about resolution with this person and tonight I randomly saw him on the street. It was weird, but it affirmed what I needed to do.

"Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies." -Mother Teresa.

I took my last final ever at Berkeley right now. It was a very anti-climactic feeling.

I also received something that I don't deserve. I don't know what to do about it because it feels like I'm wearing a lie.

In sheer delirium, Sewon and I traipsed all over the Bay area in search for the prettiest flowers.

It was surreal watching Judy and Slum walk across the stage.

I had a good time catching up with Brian, one of my favorite little people in the entire world. =]

Judy's reception at King Yen was the perfect way to end the long day. Danny's surprise treat at Fentons'. David's sleaziness. Everyone giving me lip about my previous blog entry on pimply backs. Getting the crap scared out of me in the car.

Re-watching an old episode of Sang-Doo and crying again.

Saturday: Carolina time. =] Costco is a representation of the real world. The random 4 East freeway. Reacquainting ourselves with Great Khan. Ice cream cones and cookies. Welcome Julie Oh. =] Dinner at Jong Ga Jib. The nice waiter man who gave us extra noodles at my request. Talking about the real world vs. Ficb world. It's scary to realize that my growing and self-discovery process is not over yet.

Laker game 6. Watching with girls is so much better. Characterizing the players and no one agreeing with me. Susan's Shaq impersonation. Esther's blueberry cheesecakes. Buffalo wings and West Coast pizza. Diet Coke. A sad loss for the Spurs. Tony Parker looks like Elijah Wood. Movie time with Julie and Esther. Dong Gam with Kim Ha Neul and Yoo Ji Tae. I love Yoo Ji Tae when he smiles. The good background music. Talking about pimples, graduations, and life in general.

Sunday: Last nursery for a while. Sydney is so cute with her corndog arms and pale white skin in the creases of her fat. Hayley's cuteness while still being so sad. Winston making us late and his roundabout shortcut to church. Kukje market and bi-bi-bik. Shopping for more flowers. Doing something that I vowed I'd never do again. Seeing Andy as he was walking down Piedmont and thrusting Jane's graduation gift to him. Making Sharon turn back. Sigh. Andy's reception. Ester's melodious voice. Alex tuning out on me before I got to finish my explanation of baklava. The cute Chon family with especially cute parents.

"And what do we find in the Bible?"
"Jesus!"-Madison.

I decided that I need a husband with pimples on his back. Not so much that when I run my fingers down his back, all I feel are variegated bumps, but enough so that his back is nicely speckled with them. Then I can pop them to my heart's content. I like popping pimples. It's like bubble wrap. I like to pop bubble wrap. It makes me happy.

I had faith even when everyone said he was weak and too inconsistent a player.
Derek Fisher makes me so happy. =]

How appropriate would foam hands have been tonight?? Drat.


My venting homie: le francais est un langue romantique

Hahaha. What a way to get the ladies.

Calvin and Hobbes is so great. =]

It's ironic that one of the few people who truly know what I'm feeling these days happen to be halfway around the world.

It's late. My heart is heavy, and my body, exhausted.

I had a good talk with a friend today. It's ironic because this friend is going through some of the very same questions and struggles that I myself went through earlier this semester and throughout the year. I wish we could have experienced some of this together, because I know we could have helped one another to be strong. I was struck again by how my life is riddled with so much irony. But I pray that whatever may happen will not result in the same hurt and distress that I had to endure.


"God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And the wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking as He did this sinful world as it is,
Not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
If I surrender to His will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
And supremely happy with Him Forever in the next."
-Reinhold Neibuhr.

I like the acoustic guitar.

Blogger just changed everything with "a new look, new features, new templates, and that new Blogger smell." I'm sad. I never even adequately learned how to operate the first one, and this one suddenly appears out of nowhere.


"And you can open it and stuff." I need to learn to be more articulate. This reminds me of another insightful comment I made about children actors: "But as they get littler and littler, they get smarter and smarter." I disgust myself sometimes.


At the EM bbq, I witnessed the best moment between Pastor Eugene, Hailey, and Nicole. It made me so happy I openly kept staring while trying to inconspicuously take pictures of them. I really hope no one noticed.


Eating watermelon makes me happy.

Eating such bad fatty foods my heart literally aches. This is what Roy's heart must feel like all the time. =[

One of the longest days ever, but filled with beautiful weather. Finding the best baby card and the cutest baby blanket. 4th street is my new haven. It's funny how things work out, no matter how much try to plan and anticipate beforehand. That's always a pleasant surprise.

I had a very lengthy 3 hour talk with Andy tonight. It was long, but it was for the first time since this past semester began. It felt so good to lay everything out in the open as it should be and to be honest with each other. Andy Chon and I seriously have the worst communication with one another. Ironic, because he knows the way I think and behave and I, sometimes him. Yet everything always works out in the end and for that, I am very thankful.

Have you ever been so frustrated that you can't just help but cry? Why must people think so negatively of you without first finding out the truth?

preppykc: hey i have a question to ask you
preppykc: why do you front like you never have any idea what's goin on?
preppykc: hahah
preppykc: you're much more insightful than you give yourself credit

You bastard. I take it back.

I appreciate people who keep it real. Thanks Kevin. =]

I absolutely adore my small group girls and the time that we've spent together. No one really knows how difficult and draining this semester has been for me, but it honestly all fades away every Thursday night when we meet together. How are you supposed to say goodbye to something like this? It seems impossible.


On a lighter note, I discovered another characteristic that my future hubby will have. Yes, you read that right. I refuse to budge on this one.

A yellow rose. Making Victor be my photographer. I didn't realize how much I'm going to miss all "my boys." Damn. It really is the end.


John's own "Rock Climber." Thanks for buying it for me. =]

A nice man let me cut in front of him while in line at Costco. He was wearing one of the fattest gold chains I've ever seen.


I made the mistake of telling Sewon and Kristy one of my most traumatizing childhood experiences. It's something that's scarred me for life and all they did was laugh at me. That made me very sad.

Why are guys such selfish dicks? Is this an innate trait that every guy is born with? Or is this something that is learned in conjunction with his secondary education? How to be a Dick 101.

I impart my words of wisdom:
Guys, if you like the girl, treat her with the same care and respect you would treat your mother.
Girls, no matter how rosy the world may be looking at the moment, everything in this world is temporary. Listen to your friends and family.




.:Let's press on, live simply, love God, and love others. Everything else will come. No worries, girl. Thanks for the update:.

I've been spending more time talking with my sister these days. That's always a good thing.

KSA culture show with PK and Ken Oak. Pat bing soo party at my place and watching Ken's band pore over one extra-large bowl of bing soo. Stefon Taylor is one of the nicest people I've ever met.

"If we would build on a sure foundation in friendship, we must love our friends for their sakes rather than for our own." -Charlotte Bronte.


Watching the sister gingerly step around the upper bunk bed in order to search for her book while trying her best to not wake Alice, who is contentedly sleeping in it. Alice looks happy even while she sleeps. =]

I don't like selfish people. I understand that we are all inherently selfish brats, but I'm sick of people who are flagrant selfish brats who continually make their lives take precedence over everyone else's.

Shopping with Janet, Jane and Nancy. Janet's good story. All guys are dicks. Crankiness over food deprivation being resolved by Panda Express and a root beer float. To be so emotionally and psychologically attached to food that it makes us cry or makes us extremely extremely happy. To not care about certain supposed friends any longer. Jane was French Club VP. A skirt that only I think is too short. Betsy Johnson dresses are fun and cute. Janet's teal panties. Dragging the girls to help me find tops. Nancy's favorite brown halter she kept advocating for. Genova Delicatessen. The Last Ficb. A resolution to no longer waste time.

Being sick of the same boys. No one cares about them anymore. The Porno Palace renovated with Korean movie posters. New secrets and oaths. Not having laughed so hard in such a long time. Laughing until the point of a throbbing headache, sore cheeks, and tears. Hannah's convenient recorder. Hannah's heartfelt prayer: "Thank you for this happy moment." A scary, weird, and confusing movie. Judy and Sewon being the only ones watching the scary parts.

A night for sure I'll never forget for as long as I live.

Elvin Jones Jazz Machine was AMAZING.
That's all. Words are paltry. It was music such as I have never heard before.

Elvin Jones: drums
Sherman Irby: alto saxophone
Mark Shim: tenor saxophone
Carlos McKinney: piano
Gerald Cannon: bass

"If you can't live without him, then you can't live with him."

I can't even begin to describe how much I'm going to miss nursery. Sigh. It's slowly starting to dawn on me that this is the beginning of the end.

One of the many highlights from dinner: Andy being nervous about being the only guy, finding temporary relief that Kook was there to balance out the estrogen, and then having that relief snatched away when Kook joined in the Andy-bashing and bluntly told us he thought Andy was "secretly gay."



J0hn: STUDY
J0hn: would it be funny if i had a sn named "Hanah-neem"
J0hn: and then i said, study jayne

I spoke of Calvin's lucky red rocketship underpants and Sam called me kinky.

I didn't know that tightie-whities were available in leopard or zebra-print, or that they could be made out of silk.


As Eugene Shin put so eloquently, today I got "nailed in the ass."

preppykc: i think you've matured a lot
jAhNdEe: me personally?
preppykc: weren't you kind of a superficial punk your first year?
preppykc: hahaha
jAhNdEe: ...
preppykc: at least that's the impression i got
jAhNdEe: hahaha
preppykc: when i first met you
jAhNdEe: that one day?
preppykc: yea
jAhNdEe: when i met you in teh dor,ms?
preppykc: and just all your stories

Finally doing something that I've wanted to do for the past four years.


"Andy Oppa." Listening with a different ear. A good talk with Ms. Scratchy. =]

Seabiscuit. =D Wanting to sleep once without hearing wretched little birds chirp. Delirious laughter and wheezing. Bagel bites and cookies 'n cream ice cream.

Calvin just walked me home right now. Well, after a weak and futile attempt to refuse to let him, he did. That was weird, but nice.

I've been spending my entire week in the computing center. Calvin and I joked about how we come into the center when it's light and leave when it's starting to get light again. What struck me tonight was the fact that I haven't been too lonely spending all this time by myself. My co-workers have been really great, asking me how I've been holding up, checking up on my progress every day, and Monica, my boss-lady, giving me extra munchies for sustenance. I haven't spoken with anyone who I normally speak with in a week and a half or so, but I've gotten to know my co-workers even better. I've had some great talks with them, and I realize just how much I'm going to miss them. For example, Calvin and John: relationships and going on "dates" vs. just hanging out; Kevin: about the difference between Iowa and California and how there is no racism in Iowa because everyone's only one race. I'm on one end of the spectrum in regards to culture schock while he's on the other; Calvin: music, music, music.

I listened to the same 2 songs for about 35 hours until Calvin was generous enough to let me borrow some of his songs. Thanks, Calvin. =]

My days have also become much simpler, spending 4-5 hours sleeping, 1 hour showering and getting ready, 1 hour for eating, and 16-17 hours for the center. I find that I enjoy simple days.


He always, always provides.

The Big C. One patch of sunshine hitting the water. Kevin's accurate weather predictions thus resulting in RAIN. =]

Pocket Rockets or Rocket Pockets? Befriending strangers while playing Hold Em. "I like your scales." Pills that make me act like I'm on "crack." Frozen apples, pears, and oranges. But especially icy orange slices. Realizing how much I'm going to miss these sessions next year.

"Fine Jayne, cuz you're my sugar momma."
"Did you just say sugar momma??"
"Yeah. You can be my sugar momma."
"Go away. I don't want to be your sugar momma."

Hold Em and Westcoast's chicken tomato pizza. Praise songs at 5 in the morning. Having 3 out of 4 requested songs played.

"Whenever I'm feelin' low
I call Your name (it lifts me up)
No other words feel the same
I call Your name
I call out Your name

I stopped runnin'
I stopped hidin'
'Cause now I know it was meant to be
Love so strong
Brings me to my knees"
-Clay Crosse, I Call Your Name.

And when it seems like you've hit rock bottom, all of a sudden, it doesn't seem so bad. Thanks, boys. =]

This is how rotten a person I am.

I've been stealing rolls of toilet paper from work for the past few days. Since my sister and I use about a roll every 1.5 days, I've already been forced to steal three rolls so far. Yet I perform this illegal activity with absolutely no qualms or misgivings.

jAhNdEe: gimme some inspiration
preppykc: UHm
preppykc: STUDY HARD!
jAhNdEe: ...
jAhNdEe: thanks buddy
jAhNdEe: hahhaa
preppykc: how about...
preppykc: if you STUDY hard
preppykc: you'll find a nice boy to date
preppykc: and his name will either be [blank]
preppykc: or [blank]
preppykc: hahah
preppykc: isn't that inspiring?

At work there are two bathrooms that we use. They are located in front of the elevators of Deustch Hall so that anyone who lives in the hall has access to the bathrooms.

For about a week now, one of the bathroom doors has been broken so there's only been one available. This means that all the revolting squalid hygienics of feshmen boys and girls are concentrated on only one toilet.

I had one of the most miserable urinating experiences yesterday. I went inside the bathroom, and saw that on the right side of the toilet, there was a little conglomerate pile of pubies gathered on the ground and a couple straggly ones on the seat. They were curly and light brown. I was so sad that I needed to pee. And while I was gingerly perched upon that toilet seat wrapped in three toilet seat covers, all I could do was stare at that pile and wonder what the hell the guy must have been doing to himself to accumulate that mass of pubic hair on the ground.

I realized today it was my turn to assuage any fears or doubts about small group leading. Even now I often feel like I'm at the beginning again.

Good Friday service: To taste the sweet water even amongst times of bitterness.

I like Stanford people a lot, especially the girls. I have absolutely no regrets in coming out tonight.

Speaking with various people today, I couldn't help but be jealous while listening to their struggles and dilemmas: deciding what prestigious law school to accept, debating between two Ivy League grad schools, etc. etc. And while people were sharing with me, I kept thinking to myself: "This is what you have to deal with right now? These are your worries and concerns??" Sigh. Then I would tell myself: "Shut the hell up. You know that if you were in their positions right now, you would realize how important and life-changing these struggles really are." I realized how spiteful and selfish a person I really am.

Theo from Stanford tells Jo, his younger sister, that he loves her before ending a conversation with her. When asked why he does that, he simply replied: "It's important."

"You can tell a lot about a guy or a girl if they have more friends of the opposite sex than they have of the same sex."

A wonderful heart-to-heart. It's comforting knowing that you aren't alone in seeing another side of someone that few people rarely ever see.

Fruit of the Spirit with little flock. I don't know how I ended up with so many orange slices.

Another blessing I'm thankful for: Little flock and for our transparency and honesty. =]

I was forced to buy printing pages at the library for the very first time in my college career today. And to my utter dismay, I used up every single cent within the hour.

"telling someone the truth is an act of love
forgiveness is an attribute of strength..."

What is it about popping a pimple and seeing all the pus gush out that makes it such a cathartic pastime?

Sometimes, there just aren't enough pimples.


Small group: n. One of the best things I've ever had in my life.

Senior Retreat came and went in a blur. I have much to say on it, but most likely it won't be an enjoyable read, so I decided to keep it to myself for now.




Actions always speak louder than empty words.

Rain, exactly how I need it.

Quitting work just to make it to my graduation. Knowing best what type of guy suits me. Extra condensed milk. Saving the last strawberries for me because I need the good-luck charm the most. Stupid guys and girls who act stupider because of them.

Today was one of the worser days of my life... it seemed like everything I did was completely wrong. Even though I was able to finish all the errands I needed to do, the way in which they were accomplished were in the most unsatisfactory manners possible.

I also ran into a glass door today. Luckily, I turned my head at the very last second when I realized it was glass, so I hit the door with the side of my face rather than center head-on. Unfortunately, I hit the door so hard the entire building shook, and the man inside the liquor store came out to glare at me. I walked away, stunned and disoriented, with the mocking sound of the glass rattling against the panes ringing in my head.

"Do you have any questions?"
"Yes, I am a Christian."

We celebrated my ���ҸӴ�'s 84th birthday today. In the midst of the conversation, we were talking about how my uncle has a friend in Ireland who he wanted to visit.

Uncle: "Where's Island?"
Susan: "What?"
Uncle: "Island. My friend wants me to visit him there."
Susan: "What?"
��: "Island. You know, Happy St. Patrick's Day."
Me and Susan: "Ireland?"
Uncle and ��: "Island."
Me: "I-r-e-land."
��: "I-r-e-land. Island. All Koreans call it Island."
Susan: "That's wrong."
�� (laughing hysterically): "Ireland. Island. It doesn't matter. As long as we can understand each other."

Koreans are hilarious. It was fun hearing humiliating stories from our childhoods. Apparently, my sister had difficulty controlling her bladder, and thus no one wanted to be next to her for fear that she'd pee on them. She also had yet to learn to speak properly, so she refused to speak to my ���ҸӴ� during the entire 2 months we were visiting Korea.

What is it about Korean parents and their rash decisions?

Andy Chon once told me how his dad randomly went out one day and returned home with a Kia. I remember laughing and thinking to myself how fortunate I was that my parents would never act so thoughtlessly and foolhardy.

My sister and I came home to find a new 2004 silver Camry chilling in our garage. Sigh. Such impulsive expenditures.

"You must increase, I must decrease Lord; I'll bow down and You will be adored." -Matt Redman, "You Must Increase."


To witness one completely imbued with passion and love for our Lord is very blessing and rebuking.


A voice filled with excitement and joy can make all the difference in the world.


It's slowly sinking in. The question now is, what am I going to do about it?


I wish I could make the ugly people in my life disappear.

"You have such an ugly head." =[

Popsicles. The SeaBreeze Restaurant and their soup in a bread bowl. A white heron crane, leading the way. THE most amazing view of the Pier. A black perch. Christopher's Nothing Fancy Cafe. Being treated out because that never happens anymore. Convoluted side streets. A very liberating conversation.

Ms. Nancy Kim. Spenger's and two complimentary chocolate bags filled with mango mousse and fresh berries. NRB with fun, fun people. Watching old Ficb videos, Billy's 12 days of Christmas, talking about our class, listening to Anica's two current favorite songs, and talking about politics and how we as Christians try to balance our culture and beliefs with the rest of the world's.

"I'd rather eat dog food or a dog biscuit than eat pho." -Roy Chung.

The next time Roy loses while playing poker, he willingly promised to eat dog food. Rather than pho. Imagine that.

"my whole take on friendships now is... f*ck it, watever comes watever goes."

2 hours turned into an 8-hour cooking party. Eating a whole half gallon of the lime sherbet needed for drinks, and then wanting more. Shrek, Big Momma's House, and Big Daddy. I don't think Wonnie and I are that similar. Kwansoo's under-the-breath comment about "��¥" and as always, being the only one to hear it. Dennis' ability to tie his hair into a ponytail. The funnest puppet ever. Fred's manly sweater. A huge scoop of yummy raspberry pineapple swirl sherbet. Starsky and Hutch's random appearance by Will Ferrell. "Do it." Playing Blackjack with an invisible dealer. Learning how to play Hold Em, and for once, Billy Ku being scared of me.

"If they don't see how much of a good friend I am to them, then it's just not worth it."

Yes.

A Safeway trip at 2am reveals the different lifestyles college guys and girls lead:

Guy's basket: Frozen pizzas, frozen Banquet meals, spaghetti sauce, pasta, and soda.

Girl's basket: Green leafy spinach, celery, yogurt, bananas, and grapes.

"A long time friend has come back to you." -Fortune cookie at Orchid's. =]

Bathing in the sun... just for you.

"it sounds so cheesy, but the main reason i feel we get apathetic is the whole forgetting our first love."

Today I vowed to no longer be friends with Kwansoo Jun, Carolina Park, Kristy Cho, and Roy Chung.

"The hardest part is letting go..."


One good thing about this ridiculously hot weather is the popsicles. =D

Being unable to fully appreciate a bowl of pho is a very sad experience for me.

It's hot when a guy can unabashedly cry and not feel the need to hide his emotions. I respect that tremendously.

Among Slum's top things to do with his future wife: Make ���� with her and talk all night, wash the dishes together, and slow dance together in their living room. Dang... lucky, lucky little wife.

And just because I want to tie my hubby's tie for him every morning, have the occasional pillowfight, and wash our cars together, does not mean that I am a crazy killer.

Four yellow Gerbera Daisies that brightened up my entire day.

"=) God smiles in the strangest ways."

Song #12.

"You're such a �ٺ� I bet you'd show off the umbrella you stole from me to me, huh?"


A very open and honest conversation.

b o y 52: its raining

Auto response from me: it's starting to rain. =T

b o y 52: =)
b o y 52: why the "=T" face????
b o y 52: are you betraying rain???
b o y 52: you shekki

To many these comments may seem absolutely ludicrous, but I actually felt a twinge of guilt.

It's raining. =]